what depression looks like

[The exploding boy]

No one gives a shit a this point but I feel a bit bad about what I said about reprise because it turns out she only responded like cool headed and rationally and even with compassion in some cases when I thought she was probably just batshit insane. That always throws me off you know. You go and be a dick to someone and they won't respond in kind? Then you're like" wow I guess i'm just a dick". Not that I didn't know already. Or maybe she's just so depressed she can't give a shit enough to get defensive.

Though I still think people shouldn't talk about their depression so much and wallow in it. Some people it's like "omg i'm so depressed. I suffer from depression you know and this defines my whole identity. Yeah i'm depressed. So don't give a shit about anything right now, thought i'd let everyone know." They're in love with their depression (didn't someone quote i'm in love with my sadness already?)

Thing is no one gives a fuck outside of you. You're always ever alone. Even the people who love you will only give a fuck for so long when you die. All I know is I used to wallow in my misery and write about it extensively. It only made me hate myself more. Most people expect there will be some magical even that will lift them out of their depression. Someone or something or some drug. None of that will. Or only for so long. At some point you do just need to get proactive no matter how down in the dumps you are. Even when you're so down you feel like you can't even put one foot in front of another. That's still al you can do. Cause no amount of therapy in the world is gonna fix you unless you do something for yourself. And if you can't or are not willing to or if you truly believe that nothing anywhere could ever make you happier, then yeah at some point maybe you are better off dead. there are cases when people just are. I believe that. Death sometimes is the answer. It's just not very PC to say it. But I don't believe in the sanctity of life that much. Starting with my own.