How are you feeling?

[run2pee]

i am subscribing to this thread for any tips on virtual counseling

unfortunately i have none to provide of my own as i am also shopping for this for the first time

finally realized that the various inner voices with which i tend to discuss my problems are not especially qualified to help me out, and it's not fair to dump it all on my partner or friendships or even family members, since let's face it they have their own problems and aren't getting paid to help me discover mine

so yeah, therapy tips in general, please

[run2pee]

self help books, st johns wort, microhits, and sporadic cardio can only take u so far, it appears

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Raskolnikov

Sorry to hear that, Reprise. I know that this may sound hollow, but hold on. Keep going. Life is just hard, period, lately.

Good thread of vulnerability and kindness/sympathy/empathy in here. Funny how I feel like I know most of you guys, even though I'm not super active on here, even though I visit most days and have done such for an insane period of time, like 20 years now.

Anyways: guess this thread is as good of a place as any. Was going to make a new one, but will start here since we're on the subjects of talk and feelings.

Does anybody have any experience with online virtual counseling? Seems cheaper and easier than finding a local in person therapist... and would be easier to work into a work schedule as well. I searched for it a while ago, and now am getting a million pop up ads. Registered for one called www.betterhelp.com and it seemed slick, but didn't pull the trigger and actually start paying for it yet.

I feel like I just need a professional to talk to in order to work through some big questions. Professional career path, marriage stagnation and some potential ADHD-spectrum deal that's never been diagnosed that is really slowing me down in all aspects of life.

So, yeah... thanks in advance for leads/thoughts there.

Hey, thanks for the good words (sorry I can't think of anything better to say)

I do online counseling, but it's with my therapist I've been seeing for like 10 years. However, I did start seeing a new psychiatrist virtually (he is local but COVID), and it's going pretty well. I find it is sometimes easier to say things virtually. I don't think there's any substitution for face to face therapy with some issues, but as long as you're not going into severe mental health issues I think it could work really well. Just my 2c

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Run To Me

finally realized that the various inner voices with which i tend to discuss my problems are not especially qualified to help me out, and it's not fair to dump it all on my partner or friendships or even family members, since let's face it they have their own problems and aren't getting paid to help me discover mine

I often feel like my shit is not fair to put on others so I get you here. It is nice to have a relationship where you know you're paying them to deal with your bullshit (sorry this is just how I think about it, might not be the nicest terms to use). You know, someone who signed up to deal with your inner voices with you. So yeah I think it's a good idea!

[reprise85]

I am trying to go down on medications which is probably contributing to feeling bad. But I also think this feeling bad is probably good overall. Like I'm on less meds and feeling more anxious which is making me bring up shit in therapy I've been suppressing. But then I also added a medication to try to stop skin picking which has gotten kind of bad. But going down on a really heavy medication (for lack of a better word) and adding one that usually has zero side effects seems ok to me. Whatever, I'm trying.

I also realized this week that although I've considered my depression mild for a while, it's probably more like moderate. I mean I had a whole session pretty much about why it's logical to kill myself, and how I understand how people seem normal and plan it out and no one ever knows, because they legit think it's the right thing to do and it's not impulsive. I never really "got" that before and I do now so that's sort of alarming I guess.

I'm trying to figure out how to make sure I tell someone if it gets to that point but that's part of the whole issue. To be clear I'm not suicidal and you guys don't need to worry but I think in the long term I might be in trouble if I don't radically change my life.

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by reprise85

I'm trying to figure out how to make sure I tell someone if it gets to that point but that's part of the whole issue. To be clear I'm not suicidal and you guys don't need to worry but I think in the long term I might be in trouble if I don't radically change my life.

Is the struggle knowing how/when to reach out to someone? Or is it not knowing who to reach out to?

Weirdly, I don't usually think of my therapist for something like that. When I was about to do it last I called a friend from college, who kind of talked to me and helped me ground myself. I think if i'd called my therapist the result would have been different and I would have fought (internally) with whatever she said to me.

[teh b0lly!!1]

Originally Posted by reprise85

I am trying to go down on medications which is probably contributing to feeling bad. But I also think this feeling bad is probably good overall. Like I'm on less meds and feeling more anxious which is making me bring up shit in therapy I've been suppressing. But then I also added a medication to try to stop skin picking which has gotten kind of bad. But going down on a really heavy medication (for lack of a better word) and adding one that usually has zero side effects seems ok to me. Whatever, I'm trying.

I also realized this week that although I've considered my depression mild for a while, it's probably more like moderate. I mean I had a whole session pretty much about why it's logical to kill myself, and how I understand how people seem normal and plan it out and no one ever knows, because they legit think it's the right thing to do and it's not impulsive. I never really "got" that before and I do now so that's sort of alarming I guess.

I'm trying to figure out how to make sure I tell someone if it gets to that point but that's part of the whole issue. To be clear I'm not suicidal and you guys don't need to worry but I think in the long term I might be in trouble if I don't radically change my life.

hang in there E. i'm sorry you're having to deal with this shit.
same also goes for everyone itt who's struggling.

things will get better. north star and all that. hope and patience.

i think it's important to remember that this type of situation is such an intense mental aggravator, that by design it's almost guaranteed to bring out the worst in anyone's anxiety and depression. by treating your emotions as predictably feral, and decidedly not getting so worked up by the constant noise that they manufacture in response to this obviously stressful situation, there is some relief to be extracted.

also, it feels good to allow yourself to to just feel fucked sometimes for a little while, without beating yourself up or being an asshole to yourself over it.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by MyOneAndOnly

Is the struggle knowing how/when to reach out to someone? Or is it not knowing who to reach out to?

Weirdly, I don't usually think of my therapist for something like that. When I was about to do it last I called a friend from college, who kind of talked to me and helped me ground myself. I think if i'd called my therapist the result would have been different and I would have fought (internally) with whatever she said to me.

The struggle is I know that if I talk to my therapist she will be forced to commit me (if I plan on carrying out something). But how realistic is it for me to ask her or anyone to be ok with me killing myself if I want to, anyway. It would just be nice to know I could tell someone and they could convince me not to (or fail to do so) and it wouldn't lead to hospitalization. I know if I went in the hospital it would be very bad for me. The one thing I have going for me is my work going very well and being the master of my own domain and if I lost the ability to work and people had to come into my house to feed my cat and I had to be treated like a suicidal kindergartner (which is what the hospital is like) it would be very bad for me. And also no pill is going to help this, this is an existential problem, life doesn't seem worth it to me in an objective way and I don't know how to change that despite wanting to. I am not super depressed, I can work, I am not anhedonic, I am sleeping fine, I can concentrate. It's just the suicide aspect

I am distressed by unrelenting derealization and I have real doubts it will ever get significantly better. The derealization feels like a physical problem in my brain, like I know it's psychological but it feels like it is not. It affects my vision as well. And while I can still function on most levels, it's very not fun.

I may try psychedelics, I feel like this it's possible they could help me feel more engaged in the world if taken therapeutically. This has been happening for way to long for me to think continuing (even in therapy 2x a week) is going to make it better. A lot of things have gotten better, don't get me wrong. Working, getting a degree, getting off disability, having my own place, not being super depressed, and other things have happened which are very good. But it's very hard to want to live in the world when it does not seem real and hasn't for the past 20 years

[reprise85]

can i kill a thread or what

[buzzard]

There's just too much exciting news about the band for general discussions, I'm afraid.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by reprise85

can i kill a thread or what

I have this new job where I see a lot of people with complex needs who will be processing trauma for the rest of their lives, and even though I know comparison is the thief of joy, I can’t help but compare your story to theirs and it just amazes me how well you are doing.

But I hear you on unreal worlds and the will to stay in the world. I wish I had something wise or insightful to say but all I can say is I get it, and I hope very much it gets better, because this ‘real’ world is a much better place with you in it, and you can’t say that about lots of people

[reprise85]

Thanks vixnix. I do think I am doing very well considering everything. This is very close to the best possible outcome I think. Congrats on your job, too.

I think coming up here I will be trying neurofeedback and also might be doing massage with some kind of specialist. I know I will freak out, I'm not used to people touching me and it will probably be very hard for me but my therapist is trying to find someone for me. I have done very limited biofeedback before to help with anxiety, but it was very limited. Neurofeedback doesn't really have a lot of data behind it and may not be helpful at all but it's worth a shot I think

[vixnix]

That actually sounds really promising, if uncomfortable and a bit unpredictable....good on you for giving it a try. Will be really interested to hear your thoughts about it, if you don’t mind sharing...

Thanks for the congrats for the new job...It came with a $20k/year pay increase so I’m pleased about that and I’m now earning what I set out to earn as a second income earner for the family, so I can coast a bit for a year or two, after two years of quite hard graft (which was often humbling and/or humiliating)

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by vixnix

That actually sounds really promising, if uncomfortable and a bit unpredictable....good on you for giving it a try. Will be really interested to hear your thoughts about it, if you don’t mind sharing...

Thanks for the congrats for the new job...It came with a $20k/year pay increase so I’m pleased about that and I’m now earning what I set out to earn as a second income earner for the family, so I can coast a bit for a year or two, after two years of quite hard graft (which was often humbling and/or humiliating)

That's awesome. Better pay and you get to help people I am going to try to find a place to volunteer as well. It's been hard to find something on the weekend and that's in person and not something like working a thrift store, but I am looking. I do want to help others but have interactions with people is another motive for sure.

[Shallowed]

wall of text #1 that I sent to someone a while ago asking me why I'm not on Facebook much any more:

It's like when I was living in the city and getting into the music scene there, I eventually started to feel like an outsider, because the groups of friends are already well-established and go back a long way, they have their own history, and I'm just kind of oblivious to it all, and found it difficult to get my foot in the door to these different circles. it was often a little cliquey.

It feels weird being facebook friends with a lot of these people but they don't feel like real friends at all, definitely not in the same way that they are with each other. Posting on facebook and only having interactions from either my mum and dad or people I've never met before makes me feel really disparate and is a reminder that I don't have any real friends.

and then theres the political groups that I got into towards the end which could be even worse because of very well established infighting, like if you're accociated with certain people then other people have an innate distrust of you. I wanted to be a part of something but at my own pace, I felt social pressure to throw my weight behind causes that I didn't fully understand or know my position on, I felt like I wasn't doing enough or wasn't "hardcore" enough for some people.

[Shallowed]

wall of text #2 that I sent to them just now

I haven't been very chatty with you (or anyone else) for a long time, and I think I had a little realisation as to why. I've been a big sad for so long, and it's hard to open up about it.

most conversations with anyone typically start along the lines of, "how are you going", and it catches me in a bind. even when it comes to people that I trust and am comfortable with, I don't want to put anyone through any emotional labour by being honest about how I'm feeling, especially when this massive rut I've been in has been so continual. but it also hurts myself a lot to put on a face and cordially pretend I'm doing okay. In person, it's totally obvious that I'm not. So I've avoided it all together, so that there isn't even a chance of it coming up.

It's led to me losing sight of how much emotional labour I could reasonably expect from other people, and I've way over-corrected. I know there's a cliche of "not wanting to be a burden on others", and that most people can handle a bit every now and then, but if I'm indefinitely miserable, then it really does seem like it would be a burden at some point.

[smashingjj]

come on bro, you should just pull yourself up by the bootstraps!

[smashingjj]

DIDJA KNOW???


Doctor Jordan Peterson has some excellent self-help strategies that may help you out a lot. Check it out.

Pure LOGOS

[Shallowed]

fuck the entire universe

[MyOneAndOnly]

Reprise, i hope you get some relief or benefit out of psychedelics. Thankfully this is coming back as an option. I don't know what to tell you about the ideation. I have been in a similar situation only once, back when i began therapy. I knew if i really opened up to my therapist she would have me locked up. I tip-toed around it, which was hard to do. I think i was in therapy 3 times per week back then. I knew that whatever I did, being locked in clinic where I had to go every week to get my meds would somehow be worse.

Not being able to really talk about that with someone was awful. I tried several ED forums and chatted with people. But it was almost worse, because all i did was find people deeper into it than I was.

I am hopeful tripping with your therapist offers some relief. I'm glad you're expressing this to us.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Shallowed

It's led to me losing sight of how much emotional labour I could reasonably expect from other people, and I've way over-corrected. I know there's a cliche of "not wanting to be a burden on others", and that most people can handle a bit every now and then, but if I'm indefinitely miserable, then it really does seem like it would be a burden at some point.

100% get this, hope you can figure out how to stop over-correcting

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by MyOneAndOnly

Reprise, i hope you get some relief or benefit out of psychedelics. Thankfully this is coming back as an option. I don't know what to tell you about the ideation. I have been in a similar situation only once, back when i began therapy. I knew if i really opened up to my therapist she would have me locked up. I tip-toed around it, which was hard to do. I think i was in therapy 3 times per week back then. I knew that whatever I did, being locked in clinic where I had to go every week to get my meds would somehow be worse.

Not being able to really talk about that with someone was awful. I tried several ED forums and chatted with people. But it was almost worse, because all i did was find people deeper into it than I was.

I am hopeful tripping with your therapist offers some relief. I'm glad you're expressing this to us.

I don't think my therapist will have me locked up. I basically told her if I ever decide to do it I am not going to tell her because I know she would have to lock me up. I mean I didn't say it like that but I said I know it's unrealistic that she would just let me do it and I think if I really thought it was the right thing to do I could hide it really easily. I didn't say it that directly but I did say I was trying to figure out a way to tell on myself and the only way I could do that is if I knew she wouldn't commit me but I know she would have to.

I have been in therapy with her 2x a week for almost 10 years and it does really help. With the tripping with therapist, I think she expects me to be trying other stuff first. It would be pretty risky since it wouldn't be legal obviously and she's not some trained psychedelic therapist but it doesn't seem out of the question at this point. I wouldn't want her to risk her license of course.

[run2pee]

That’s it. Had enough. Calling the doctor in the morning and gonna let them put me on whatever they think i need. Swore off antidepressants after cymbalta triggered a disastrous manic episode about 15 years ago in which i lost basically everything but my own life (job, relationships, partner, friends, all my $, u name it). But i can’t keep on like this, the depression is taking over again and i finally can admit that anything is better than this. So yay. Hope i don’t lose my marbles again!

[Ram27]

good luck!!!

i was too anxious to take my anxiolytics until just now

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Run To Me

That’s it. Had enough. Calling the doctor in the morning and gonna let them put me on whatever they think i need. Swore off antidepressants after cymbalta triggered a disastrous manic episode about 15 years ago in which i lost basically everything but my own life (job, relationships, partner, friends, all my $, u name it). But i can’t keep on like this, the depression is taking over again and i finally can admit that anything is better than this. So yay. Hope i don’t lose my marbles again!

there are other meds besides SSRIs and SNRIs that could help. i hope you make sure they know what Cymbalta did before so they try something completely different

sorry you are feeling like shit

[vixnix]

Ah no RTM, hope they give you something good and it works real quick. I’m sure it’s been a long shitty year for you, whatever you’ve been doing...

I did well on escitalopram and lamotrigine but I did gain weight. Not as much weight as I gained on Cymbalta though. That stuff was evil for me

[bright_doom]

[Apologies for incoming semi-inebriated vent]

I feel like I've completely stagnated in life in every way. I'm 28, I've been at the same part time retail job since 2016, pathetic pay that always seems to disappear before I know it, I haven't made any friends since high school, last time I went on a date was about 8 years ago, what started as a fun gap year after high school, drinking and listening to records every weekend, has quickly become a gap life..

No hobbies or interests. If I'm lucky I'll discover 1 new band I like per year, lately I've been exclusively listening to music I liked when I was 10-13 years old because nothing else better has come my way these days. I haven't been to a therapist in 5 years and this post is honestly the first time I've actually written/expressed anything personal in years. Having zero social connections isn't as fun as I thought it would be when I was 15..

Knowing that I'm going to be 30 in a year and a half has really hit me recently and I don't know where to begin to correct course...



TL;DR: I'm a man-child that needs to be hit with a bat.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by bright_doom

[Apologies for incoming semi-inebriated vent]

I feel like I've completely stagnated in life in every way. I'm 28, I've been at the same part time retail job since 2016, pathetic pay that always seems to disappear before I know it, I haven't made any friends since high school, last time I went on a date was about 8 years ago, what started as a fun gap year after high school, drinking and listening to records every weekend, has quickly become a gap life..

No hobbies or interests. If I'm lucky I'll discover 1 new band I like per year, lately I've been exclusively listening to music I liked when I was 10-13 years old because nothing else better has come my way these days. I haven't been to a therapist in 5 years and this post is honestly the first time I've actually written/expressed anything personal in years. Having zero social connections isn't as fun as I thought it would be when I was 15..

Knowing that I'm going to be 30 in a year and a half has really hit me recently and I don't know where to begin to correct course...



TL;DR: I'm a man-child that needs to be hit with a bat.

I also have few social connections so I get it. When I was 28 (about to be 36) I had just started working again after being completely disabled from mental health issues, had zero friends, had very little going for me. Since then I started a business that's going well and got a degree and... yeah the social stuff hasn't gone well but things have still changed a lot in a good way. I was also working at a shitty part time job until like two years ago.

Thirty is still a young person, believe it or not. I don't really have an advice because I also have no social life to speak of, also haven't been on a date since probably 2012 or 2013.

Therapy is probably a good idea. And this is a good first step, too.

[bright_doom]

Originally Posted by reprise85

I also have few social connections so I get it. When I was 28 (about to be 36) I had just started working again after being completely disabled from mental health issues, had zero friends, had very little going for me. Since then I started a business that's going well and got a degree and... yeah the social stuff hasn't gone well but things have still changed a lot in a good way. I was also working at a shitty part time job until like two years ago.

Thirty is still a young person, believe it or not. I don't really have an advice because I also have no social life to speak of, also haven't been on a date since probably 2012 or 2013.

Therapy is probably a good idea. And this is a good first step, too.

Thank you for the empathetic and sincere response, much appreciated. I've been an on again/off again lurker of this board since 2014 and have always enjoyed reading your posts reprise. You never fail in the imparting wisdom department.

It's not really the lack of social life that gets to me, it's just that I don't have anything substantial in place of it.

It's like within the last 6 months I've run into the perfect storm of realising all of my personal shortcomings all at once + lack of social/romantic life + the well drying up for my interests/enjoyable distractions + not having a great job/financial position + being nearly 30 and nothing to show for it + having no plan..

I can usually handle one or two of these problems at a time, but everything failing at the same time is kind of uncharted territory for me, especially with the unavoidable nearly 30 problem.

[reprise85]

I thought for a while I could get away with not having a social life if I was able to do work I really enjoyed that I could help people through. But that has not happened and I don't know if it would have worked anyway.
I legit asked my one friend recently how people make friends, lol. And he said the same thing my therapist did: You have to put in effort and do new things. Have to be willing to be uncomfortable and to look dumb. Which all seems true but I wish there was some other way.