what depression looks like

[Elphenor]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

Whenever somebody mentions this 21+ underage thing I feel like having grown up on another planet. I can't imagine what my life would have been like.
I'd like to think "better" but that's likely an illusion.

Legal fucking age: 14
Live music venues: 14
alcohol in pubs: 16 legally, actually 15

I might have been mostly sober even at 20 with different laws. But probably not.

I know right? The 21 thing is bullshit. Im old enough to work full time but not old enough to drink? The fuck is that shit? I wouldnt be surprised if people off themselves because of the law, Ive come way too close.

What happens to a lot of 19 year olds like me, is that they live a sheltered life, and then they meet a messed up girl who fucks them over hardcore and then they have to suffer in agony for 2 years before they can start drinking and meeting people.

This has happened to all my underage friends and myself.

[Elphenor]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

i mean my facebook is pretty much ignored except by netphorians, that's not good. nobody likes anything i do except for people from here

like what the fuck kind of life is that

I feel ya dude. I feel dumb even using my Facebook, because no one likes my stuff and I feel like a horrible lonely dumbass.

And my friends post will have like 25 fucking likes and Obama left a comment and the UN shared it.

like I kept wishing I lived in a city with a high concentration of netphorians for a long time but I realized I'd be just as alone and never see anyone
Like I mean I actually did and everyone was sick of me by the time I quit and went home
I am not somebody who can hold it together for more than a few hours at a time and generally even that's a stretch
In my case I think the government should have just went "nope" and had me snorted when my parents had the bright idea to have a kid in their 40s
Some of those Chinese ideas are not insane

[reprise85]

alcohol is nice and all, but don't kid yourself. it's not going to make your life any better on any kind of long term basis, and has the potential to make it terrible. you sound very naive.

Originally Posted by Elphenor

I know right? The 21 thing is bullshit. Im old enough to work full time but not old enough to drink? The fuck is that shit? I wouldnt be surprised if people off themselves because of the law, Ive come way too close.

What happens to a lot of 19 year olds like me, is that they live a sheltered life, and then they meet a messed up girl who fucks them over hardcore and then they have to suffer in agony for 2 years before they can start drinking and meeting people.

This has happened to all my underage friends and myself.

I can tell you already that you should not be drinking ever

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by Elphenor

And my friends post will have like 25 fucking likes and Obama left a comment and the UN shared it.

These people get 40 likes for the most inane shit but i practically don't exist

i mean i have like 100 friends on face book and i think about 50 of them are from netphoria

i might as well just die

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

not at all, because as far as offline...people fucking detest me. they pretend to like me and blow me off, i'm always alone. there's never any hope. any friends i do make get sick of me in like 3 years. i'm just a complete fuckup idiot what can i say

do most friendships last more than 3 years in general? i can only think of a few of mine that have.

what does your therapist say when you tell him/her this?

I mean on the other hand I am still glad I have my three boards and my occasional twice a year visits in actual life with people from them
I can't imagine how much deeper in despair is be on a daily basis if I didn't get that as well as rack up likes and favs on the social media

[Elphenor]

It's not about drinking itself, it's about getting into Rock clubs and shit so I can meet people who are like me.

"Spitting on the streets
Numb hands and feet
Nowhere to go
They wont let us into the shows"
-The Fall

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

These people get 40 likes for the most inane shit but i practically don't exist

i mean i have like 100 friends on face book and i think about 50 of them are from netphoria

i might as well just die

I have 95 and 93 of them are from netphoria, hipinion, or the official korn forum
1 of the remaining 2 I met on adult friend finder
There are worse ratios you could have

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

Can I hang out in your depression thread for a bit?
Our dog is asleep, kitty pissed on my lap (thunder and lightning outside, little scared pisser), depression on netphoria is absolutely my thing tonight.

Well of course.

First day of summer semester is tomorrow so I'll be heading off soon. Can't wait for the wondrous tapestry of terribleness my brain will cook up tonight while I'm unconscious.

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

Not to get all pseudo philosophical here... but I think that's exactly the sort of thing that people can spot/feel/hear/see. That you EXPECT them to turn away and are convinced they detest you eventually. How badly you judge yourself is nothing you can completely hide, and some people reflect that.

That is all my own little personal theory, of course. I had a good run at scaring people off. I tried to explain it to myself, and couldn't really put the finger on it. And I don't think anything major changed about me, other than that I was okay with being the fuck up I am. And suddenly not everybody ran off. Can't explain it any better, but I think you know all that.

if the reason is because i'm sad and awkward than fuck it i will kill myself eventually

i mean fuck life

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by reprise85

do most friendships last more than 3 years in general?

what's the fucking point

[Elphenor]

I just never meet people who like the things I like.

I feel like I should be from another generation.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

Not to get all pseudo philosophical here... but I think that's exactly the sort of thing that people can spot/feel/hear/see. That you EXPECT them to turn away and are convinced they detest you eventually. How badly you judge yourself is nothing you can completely hide, and some people reflect that.

That is all my own little personal theory, of course. I had a good run at scaring people off. I tried to explain it to myself, and couldn't really put the finger on it. And I don't think anything major changed about me, other than that I was okay with being the fuck up I am. And suddenly not everybody ran off. Can't explain it any better, but I think you know all that.

yep this

[Elphenor]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

These people get 40 likes for the most inane shit but i practically don't exist

i mean i have like 100 friends on face book and i think about 50 of them are from netphoria

i might as well just die

Yeah. Facebook is seriously depressing I dont use it anymore

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

what's the fucking point

most people are bored of each other after 3 years. the fact that you have trouble having longer term friends doesn't mean you're a loser or whatever.

i feel like you are not quite having a realistic look at yourself right now is all im saying.

[bignothing]

i'm just a lurker and i can attest that i have seen trots talking about having good friends irl

Yeah he's way better off than I am
Let me get so,em of that attention
You all know much I need it

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by reprise85

i feel like you are not quite having a realistic look at yourself right now is all im saying.

i don't feel like giving you a list right now but i think if i didn't feel like i was a huge piece of loser shit with no friends and no hope then it would be an unrealistic look at myself.

[Elphenor]

Lol. Im already damaging my bodies with the psychedelics I think.

And Id rather have a damaged body than a dead one which is how sober people who dont fit in end up.

[Elphenor]

How soon is now?

I gotta get a filter that removes people more than five years older or younger from my consciousness

[bignothing]

Originally Posted by Elphenor

It's not about drinking itself, it's about getting into Rock clubs and shit so I can meet people who are like me.

but you said you do need alcohol to talk to people right
i mean, i did that for a long time and yeah i was able to have a fairly active social life
but at the same time i remember nothing from those interactions so i don't think it was worth much
i mean i literally have no memory of the first time i slept with a guy
in a way i'm thankful for all that cause i was probably going to kill myself and didn't because of drugs

[Elphenor]

I was saying this same shit two years ago.

It's like some people just don't fit in and are doomed to be lonely.
That's what makes me want to off myself. I don't want to just live life as a fucking loser until my stupid loser body dies.

[Elphenor]

"See Ive already waited too long
And all my hope is gone"

[Elphenor]

Every time I see an attractive girl I get all anxious and I hate myself.
Why can't I just talk to her? I just want that anxiety to go away.
Its the worst feeling in the world.

[Elphenor]

Like. Ive slept with attractive girls. Why is it so hard for me to just talk to one?

[Elphenor]

The first girl I slept with didn't remember it and I barely remembered it.

[Trotskilicious]

what the fuck is this, shut the fuck up you goddamn kid fuck all you talk about is sex shut the fuck up already