Questions about South Africa

[barden]

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner when he got frustrated by the questions.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[Trotskilicious]

can you link me i have a big list of stupid questions i can send him

Is it true South Africa only has gravity for six hours a day?
If I go out hiking, am I in danger of a surprise attack by impis?
Can I get AIDS from sitting on a South African toilet?

[duovamp]

Q. Do we still run the werld? ( USA )
A. Yes. Sadly, but yes. Your geographical knowledge and English-familiarity are questionable, but nobody denies you run this shit.

[Trotskilicious]

stupid

[Eulogy]

yeah i'm surprised by the lack of AIDS questions.

ick

[duovamp]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

stupid

Yeah, yours all made me laugh but mine's just a statement of how 'Merica has lots of nukes...

[Trotskilicious]

Is it true that South Africans do not wear clothes?
I heard from a friend that there are man eating trees that wander around the desolate wastes of western South Africa, is that true?
What can I do to defend myself against man eating trees?

[duovamp]

Are black people still technically gorillas?

[Trotskilicious]

if america invaded your country would you greet us as liberators?

[Eulogy]

duovamp i don't think you're feeling it today, man.

[duovamp]

How's Africa's spear trade industry doing?

[duovamp]

Originally Posted by Eulogy

duovamp i don't think you're feeling it today, man.

Yeah, I have good days and bad days as a poster. I'm very very hit or miss. I'm swinging but only getting strike after strike...

[barden]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

can you link me i have a big list of stupid questions i can send him

Is it true South Africa only has gravity for six hours a day?
If I go out hiking, am I in danger of a surprise attack by impis?
Can I get AIDS from sitting on a South African toilet?

Dude, you have no idea.
Maybe not the gravity one, but the others, definitely.
(PS: an ‘Impi’ is the name of a Zulu regiment in the army. I guess it could make sense). Haha.

[HorseflyKing]

Do you know Dave Matthews?

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by barden

‘Impi’ is the name of a Zulu regiment in the army.

no shit

i thought they were just the little guys with short swords and shields. i learned that from civ3

[barden]

I suppose if I think about going to other parts of Africa that I haven’t been before, it’s also daunting, and I wonder what will be available.
Not to this extent, but yeah.
It makes sense.




Hey, I’m going to watch Evanessence and hoobastank and erm… 3 doors down and erm… Guns and Roses (if you can still call them that) cancelled, but I was going to watch them too, and all these local bands at some big festival thing, and really it sucks cause I’m not excited about any of them. But i get a free VIP ticket, so hey