The Official Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon/Tue drunk/drugs/sad sex thread

[Disco King]

I don't heckle or make any faces or gestures or anything. I'm just not laughing.

[ilikeplanets]

you're only an asshole if you know you hate them and you go anyway just to act like that. if you go in good faith and the comedian sucks, well, then THEY are the asshole

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by Disco King

] I purposely sit near the front so that the comic can see me not laughing

not if it's a cracker.

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by vixnix

This is pretty much my marriage

I was reminiscing with my husband today about a conversation that went like this

Me: “I just feel like I contribute more to our relationship than you do.”
Him: “I actually don’t understand what you are saying. How about you figure out what you want me to do, and then I’ll do it.”

so you say inflammatory things for attention (that maybe house a lot of truth for you, but aren't necessarily true) and he's learned to "deal" with it by not dealing with it?

y'all can grow out of that lazy toxicity with some individual therapy. i used to be like you in that way but you're just hurting yourself, honey.

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor

not if it's a cracker.

Well, there wasn't a molecule of melanin between them.

[Disco King]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

you're only an asshole if you know you hate them and you go anyway just to act like that. if you go in good faith and the comedian sucks, well, then THEY are the asshole

Yeah, I had no idea there would even be stand-up. I went to see some bands, but there were comedy sets before the music sets.

One of the comics' jokes sounded really familiar. I couldn't place where I had heard them from, and I figured she must had been borrowing jokes from somebody I'd seen on YouTube or something. Then I realized that I had seen her before when I had accidentally stumbled into an open-mic on a date. That was the only other time I had seen live comedy. There must be six comedians in this city.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor

so you say inflammatory things for attention (that maybe house a lot of truth for you, but aren't necessarily true) and he's learned to "deal" with it by not dealing with it?

y'all can grow out of that lazy toxicity with some individual therapy. i used to be like you in that way but you're just hurting yourself, honey.

We have different personalities. “Contributing more to a relationship” is a meaningful sentence to me, to him, it’s not.

That’s not toxic, that’s just....marriage. People have different ways of communicating and different ideas of what is meaningful. Sometimes it’s hard, but what are we gonna do, split up because it’s hard?

We’ve both had individual therapy and it has helped us a lot. But it doesn’t stop us being fundamentally different people, with different world views.

[vixnix]

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/wo...-a8740501.html

It’s this kind of shit. Women still tend to juggle the household mentally, when they’re working. When they say they’re overwhelmed, men genuinely tend to think that saying “what single job can you assign me right now, that will help you feel less overwhelmed?” Is a useful response. They genuinely can’t see that they are just adding to the mental/emotional labour that the woman is doing by asking her to now ALSO manage his involvement in the household labour. Just...different mindsets

[yo soy el mejor]

people don't need to be married to talk about contributions to relationships. it's not a peak you reach. and neither is marriage.

you pretty much have always talked about your relationship as if every other relationship is working its way to what you have, though.

[redbreegull]

romantic relationships are touchy things and people often seem very resistant to the idea that relationships outside the model they are accustomed to are desirable or even possible

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor

people don't need to be married to talk about contributions to relationships. it's not a peak you reach. and neither is marriage.

you pretty much have always talked about your relationship as if every other relationship is working its way to what you have, though.

Well not to everyone but let’s be honest

My relationship until very recently = your relationship + marriage + children

Now my relationship = your relationship + children

You are factually heading towards my relationship

Which is maybe why you talk about it so much

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

romantic relationships are touchy things and people often seem very resistant to the idea that relationships outside the model they are accustomed to are desirable or even possible

I find this to be very true

A notable example of this at netphoria is the resistance of people who are currently single or who are averse to commitment, to the idea that lifelong monogamous relationships that are hard and involve compromise and sacrifice are desirable or even possible

[D.]

Originally Posted by vixnix

When they say they’re overwhelmed, men genuinely tend to think that saying “what single job can you assign me right now, that will help you feel less overwhelmed?” Is a useful response. They genuinely can’t see that they are just adding to the mental/emotional labour that the woman is doing by asking her to now ALSO manage his involvement in the household labour.

I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED

[D.]

I really can appreciate that B. thinks about three thousand things past/present/future all while holding down a very demanding job; but there's also a part of me that wishes she would chill tf out and realize that not everything is her problem.
I find that, even if we didn't have a kid or she didn't have a demanding job, she would find something to worry about. I feel like she feeds off having something, on which to focus her overactive mind.

It does cause many issues between us because I am super laid-back about stuff. Although I am very routine oriented (planner, crave a day-in-day-out pattern of life,etc), I also don't take shit that seriously. And sometimes my devil-may-care demeanor makes her feel like I am not worried or invested in our life or her concerns.
But for the last 7 years of our daughter's life, I have been the primary parent - doing the day to day routine with her, purposely moving my schedule(s) around or not taken certain jobs to accommodate, field trips, etc. - so she could move up the corporate ladder.

I just focus on different things and, since I don't seem worried about the same stuff she is, she thinks I don't care. or something.

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Well not to everyone but let’s be honest

My relationship until very recently = your relationship + marriage + children

Now my relationship = your relationship + children

You are factually heading towards my relationship

Which is maybe why you talk about it so much

haha nah. yikes.

[ilikeplanets]

all marriages are definitely not the same

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor

haha nah. yikes.

I guess we’ll see

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by D.

I really can appreciate that B. thinks about three thousand things past/present/future all while holding down a very demanding job; but there's also a part of me that wishes she would chill tf out and realize that not everything is her problem.
I find that, even if we didn't have a kid or she didn't have a demanding job, she would find something to worry about. I feel like she feeds off having something, on which to focus her overactive mind.

It does cause many issues between us because I am super laid-back about stuff. Although I am very routine oriented (planner, crave a day-in-day-out pattern of life,etc), I also don't take shit that seriously. And sometimes my devil-may-care demeanor makes her feel like I am not worried or invested in our life or her concerns.
But for the last 7 years of our daughter's life, I have been the primary parent - doing the day to day routine with her, purposely moving my schedule(s) around or not taken certain jobs to accommodate, field trips, etc. - so she could move up the corporate ladder.

I just focus on different things and, since I don't seem worried about the same stuff she is, she thinks I don't care. or something.

This has been an ongoing issue for us, too.

When I met my husband, he was living alone. He hates cleaning toilets and washing dishes. His solution was eating nothing but grilled cheese sandwiches off paper towels and pretending the dishes weren't there. Some of them had mold growing on them. He ignored the toilet unless he was using it.

He's actually fastidiously tidy. But he only needs his work/living space to be that way. So he makes the bed every morning because he wants his sleeping space to be in order. Does not give a shit about the dishes or the bathroom.

I'm the opposite. I couldn't care less about whether the bed is made, or whether a pile of papers has been sitting unsorted on my desk for a month. But I can't stand a dirty kitchen or bathroom.

My husband is better now. He was 22 when we met. He's 38 now, and he adults better, we both do. But if I leave him to clean up after dinner, it does not bother him at all, to wash up only half the dishes, and just rinse the rest and leave them sitting on the bench. In his mind, something is better than nothing, and he's made a start.

In my mind WTF WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE IT UNFINISHED LIKE THIS OMG

So, I've had to let go, a bit

either finish the job or choose to ignore it and not care about it.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

all marriages are definitely not the same

this is very true, although it seems to me that marriages that last a lifetime do seem to share some common elements like commitment, self-sacrifice, compromise etc.

[pavementtune]

those are common elements of any long-term relationship. shocker!

[Cool As Ice Cream]

i am le shocked.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

/french

[pavementtune]

Le surprise!
/fuckfrench

[yo soy el mejor]

[Cool As Ice Cream]

le yo soy le el mejor

[Cool As Ice Cream]

Quelle horreur!

[teh b0lly!!1]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

all marriages are definitely not the same

it's about as true as saying "all rock music is the same", take that to mean what you want

[smashingjj]

marriage. puh

[smashingjj]

rock music. puh

[ilikeplanets]

People that are married to the music are the most committed