|
11-17-2021, 01:18 AM | #31 | |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
|
Quote:
There's just no possible way for me to make amends with all the people I've hurt, and it still upsets me. I don't even remember everyone I lied to or conned money out of, or sat by idly while my ex directly stole from them (or worse). I never directly stole from people, that was some sort of personal limit, but also didn't do much to stop him. I have to move on and do my best to be a decent human now, but deep down I hate so much all the horrible, manipulative things I did and said, and all the time I wasted. I've had to do many hard things simultaneously just to try to catch up to my responsibilities, and have built much needed self-esteem doing so. Without feeling like a person, you can't be a person. I wish I could be more helpful, or paint it more positively, but it is what it is, and there's still life to live now. |
|
|
11-17-2021, 10:43 AM | #32 | |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
|
Quote:
|
|
|
11-17-2021, 12:00 PM | #33 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,747
|
I stole from a little kid once while drunk and manic, it wasn’t anything valuable i just grabbed this bracelet off the floor of their bedroom (for some reason someone had put me in this bedroom after i blacked out and the kid herself was with their ex etc). Stole some weed too from friends on a differnt occasions.
but the kids bracelet is what i feel worst about i don’t even know who it was, i was at some large party at a house ive never been before Ruined a beautiful campfire by menacing a crowd of peaceful musicians with an axe During alcohol blackouts i did the worst most dangerous stuff. Alcohol triggers mania for me. So did a lot of drive around, a lot, probably is the worst? b/c could have killed hurt maimed or even just ptsd’ed so many innocents. But i was also a vandal and a shit. Pissing from a footbridge onto passing cars below. Honking horn at 4 am in nearby cul-de-sac until people came out their doors to scram at me, then peel away. Cut gf’s roomates contacts with a shaving razor, then piss in the contacts case (feel reeeeeeeal like omf about this one what a demon—i guess i maniacally justified this in the moment b/c gf hated him, he hit her dog and stole her booze so he was “bad” but like, shit). Plus the usual throwing bottles in the street, picking fights at bars with entire crowds of men, vomiting in cars and houses and carpets and couches and floors of bars and u name it, i probably hit it with foamy projectile beerchucks |
|
11-17-2021, 12:41 PM | #34 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,747
|
Quote:
Overyay |
|
|
11-17-2021, 12:42 PM | #35 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,747
|
Quote:
|
|
|
11-17-2021, 01:34 PM | #36 |
Ownz
Posts: 905
|
just kept trying and didn't give up despite the relapses and also found a therapist i like. took 3 years tho and even now i'm only at 8 months still feels pretty precarious. booze is a bitch
|
|
11-20-2021, 10:57 PM | #37 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,747
|
Quote:
And still. 1 month out, i can still feel it, in the veins. Sort of stinging with a sweetness insistent. Then the thoughts ride the sweetsting: “how about only 2” “what about just wine it’s good for u right” “how about only on Fridays” “how about only socially, and bars count as social, right?” “What will i do if i can never taste all these 1 million beers ever again!!!!!!???!?!?!? |
|
|
11-21-2021, 12:24 AM | #38 |
dumb
Location: $8.6 million embezzled funds
Posts: 11,368
|
the proliferation of alcohol in society is fucked up given how insanely cartoonishly bad it is for a human body, as well as for society in general
if i could reform this, i'd say they should at least not fucking ADVERTISE alcohol. ban it like smoking ads, it's just as bad if not worse - nicotine doesn't turn you into a drunken rube i have never done heroin but from what i read i sorta kinda glean that like -- if it were legal and clean and you could measure out the dose accurately and get it at the store, etc etc - that'd be better, or at least less bad, for everyone |
|
11-21-2021, 02:10 AM | #39 | |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
|
Quote:
|
|
|
11-21-2021, 02:57 AM | #40 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
|
I don't think it would be better for much else than that, though. Heroin is supremely addicting, and very quickly. If someone was bored one day and able to buy it at the pharmacy on a whim, like buying a beer, it would be disastrous. And with a new user like that, there isn't really a great way to determine a "harmless" dose. I guess it'd be better than having meth on the shelf, but drugs of that nature shouldn't be legal or easy to access.
Although it does make me wonder if the illegality of those class A drugs leads their users to "all or nothing" behavior more than alcohol does, because of the wide social acceptance of "casual" drinking culture. I definitely think excessive alcohol consumption is one of the most harmful drugs. |
|
11-21-2021, 10:48 AM | #41 | |
Ownz
Posts: 905
|
Quote:
idk about this last year because the numbers are all wack but typically there are twice as many alcohol deaths than ODs. and that is just acute alcohol deaths, not illnesses/cancers/whatever derived from the booze. can't speak to similarities in quality of addiction but alcohol is certainly a way more destructive problem by quantity. i have tried almost every category of drug and have been way more dangerously wasted on alcohol than any other. idk why they categorize it as a depressant. i get fucked and i am running around full speed with hallucinations. crazy that booze is the "good" drug. it straight ruins and kills so many people and society just loves it. always amazes me when i am not drinking at a social event and somehow me the abstainer is the "alcoholic" with a "drinking problem" whereas all these literal drunk people are not considered alcoholic or problemed. like what an ironic logical backflip that's totally normalized. |
|
|
11-21-2021, 11:15 AM | #42 | |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
|
Quote:
|
|
|
11-21-2021, 02:18 PM | #43 | |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
|
Quote:
|
|
|
11-21-2021, 04:57 PM | #44 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,747
|
Quote:
What—no cocktail? Why that’s unamerican—ooh wait unless you’re some kinda mental case or moral degenerate etc |
|
|
11-21-2021, 05:02 PM | #45 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,747
|
Quote:
|
|
|
11-21-2021, 05:23 PM | #46 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,902
|
I'm not drinking for three months but if I'm not too depressed I'm starting again on December 15th to drink in two days everything I didn't in the past 3 months. Good idea, yes?
|
|
12-21-2021, 05:29 PM | #47 |
Ownz
Posts: 700
|
this narcissist/empath paradigm is quite the fad, and i find it funny that most of the people who believe in it also never see themselves as narcissists, and always as empaths. and i've also notices when self-identified "empaths" have to interact with someone they have deemed a narcissist, they end up behaving like narcissists themselves. in my opinion it is pointlessly harmful to look at human behavior this way.
which brings me to my broader point that mental health diagnoses are mostly a crock of shit. the dsm is marginally useful as like, a taxonomy of "abnormal" human behavior, but that's it, really. its main function in "mental health treatment" to narrow the treatment options your clinician will consider. do you have a mood disorder? well i can't treat you until you stop smoking weed. "psychosis"? i can't treat you unless you take these drugs and only these drugs. personality disorder? i will not prescribe ANY drugs, AND i still might refuse to treat you. got anxiety? too bad. depression? too bad. you have a personality disorder, and drugs simply don't work for that. also you probably won't be surprised to learn that being a minority heightens your chance of a more restrictive diagnosis. anyway, Run To Me, i hope you're doing well with sobriety, and it can be a tough road. i just want to say that if you are told by someone that you can't change your behavior because of a personality disorder, they are full of shit and don't have any interest in seeing you working to improve your life. |
|
12-21-2021, 06:48 PM | #48 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,902
|
more like john's cunt
|
|
12-21-2021, 06:48 PM | #49 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,902
|
more like cunt's cunt
|
|
12-21-2021, 06:48 PM | #50 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,902
|
cunt cunt cunt's cunt
|
|
12-21-2021, 06:49 PM | #51 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,902
|
lol I always end up saying the most meaningful stuff
|
|
12-21-2021, 06:58 PM | #52 |
Janis Jopleybird
Location: Let me see you do the booty hop. And now make the booty stop. Now drop, and do the booty wop.
Posts: 6,571
|
How did your December 15 and 16 go
|
|
12-21-2021, 06:59 PM | #53 |
Janis Jopleybird
Location: Let me see you do the booty hop. And now make the booty stop. Now drop, and do the booty wop.
Posts: 6,571
|
Or are they like... still going
|
|
12-21-2021, 07:05 PM | #54 | |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
|
Quote:
The empath/narcissist thing I mostly agree with and the same thing with the DSM. The DSM is for reimbursement from insurance companies and a starting point for medications and shouldn't be looked at as having some inherent overriding wisdom over personal, subjective patient experiences. |
|
|
12-22-2021, 02:10 PM | #55 |
Minion of Satan
Location: andy dick NAKED
Posts: 8,227
|
|
|
12-22-2021, 02:18 PM | #56 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,902
|
language!
|
|
12-22-2021, 02:37 PM | #57 |
Minion of Satan
Location: andy dick NAKED
Posts: 8,227
|
|
|