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Old 06-03-2021, 02:53 PM   #31
Shadaloo
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Fucking hell, I'm sorry man.

 
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Old 06-04-2021, 02:03 AM   #32
teh b0lly!!1
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sorry for your loss, took.

 
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Old 06-04-2021, 04:46 AM   #33
DiscoJon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FoolofaTook View Post
thanks guys. i thought everybody hated me here.

https://www.khq.com/news/medical-exa...f999af25a.html
Holy shit. My girlfriend and I were talking about this when the story broke last week. We both live in Spokane. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 
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Old 06-05-2021, 09:22 AM   #34
topleybird
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Iím so sorry, Took. We love you, man.

 
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Old 06-06-2021, 11:28 PM   #35
duovamp
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What a horrifying thing to deal with.

 
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Old 06-07-2021, 12:16 AM   #36
Butt Pope
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Sorry for your loss. What a shitty thing to experience.

 
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Old 06-20-2021, 08:55 AM   #37
Shallowed
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so I happened to light up right on midnight, not even on purpose, that's just what the time was when I checked. and then I found out that today is the shortest day of the year, winter solstice.

i thought that was pretty senescent, and it made me think of you.

I hope you and your family are doing well.

 
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Old 06-25-2021, 01:44 AM   #38
Run To Me
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Location: Th Word o th Lord 2 His Church stablished n deez th latter days as spake by mouths o His Prophets even Mt Zion who shall b th city o New Jeruslem + shall b built again @ th temple lot appointed by Fingr o th Lord in western boundaries of the State of
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We miss u

Thanks for the updates. Please come back and hang with us when you’re ready. Always down to listen

 
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Old 06-25-2021, 01:51 AM   #39
Run To Me
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Location: Th Word o th Lord 2 His Church stablished n deez th latter days as spake by mouths o His Prophets even Mt Zion who shall b th city o New Jeruslem + shall b built again @ th temple lot appointed by Fingr o th Lord in western boundaries of the State of
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Also just wanted to let u know that my enthusiasm for hearing from u again is like the force, itís, gotta lotta power and i was wonderin if









u could keep on b/c




The force itís gotta lotta power and

And it make me feel like









Make me feel like.......






Make me
Feel like




Ooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!



 
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Old 07-05-2021, 05:01 PM   #40
FoolofaTook
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Thanks again guys. I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to most of you, if not all of you, on this board.


I spent about a week with my brother in Yakima two months before he died. He was totally disconnected from life. He was basically dressed in rags, his pants spattered with vomit from digesting DXM. I tried to talk to him, but he would just answer in single words or sentences. Then he took DXM and turned into a zombie, unable to talk at all. I got pretty upset. So I checked him into a rehab and just left him there to die. Last thing I said to him was "good luck." So much for that.

When I saw him again, his face was bloated and covered in red insect bites. For the autopsy they cut open his scalp (I think?) so they covered it with a beanie for the viewing. My parents paid the minimum so they hadn't even washing his hands. They were filthy, covered in black dirt.

My mom couldn't go in to see him. She just cried out in the hallway. My dad made a fucking scene, asking me "check his tattoos. is that really him?" looking at his corpse with curiosity and praying twice in an affected pious manner. he didn't look upset at all. maybe even satisfied? it was really weird to be weeping and wanting to break his face at the same time.

all i can think about is that while my brother was slowly rotting in the gutter i was flying around to turkey and colombia having a grand time in hotels. basically, i am the one who killed him by getting him started with stealing / taking DXM and then abandoning him after I got my life back together. and i knew this was going to happen (he started overdosing and going to the ER over a year ago, when he began to mix DXM with alcohol) and i let it happen. because i valued my comfort and ease more than his fucking life.

 
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Old 07-05-2021, 07:20 PM   #41
reprise85
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I know it's hard to believe, but it's not your fault. It is amazing that you've been able to get your life back together, and tragic that he wasn't able to.

I never know the right thing to say, I'm sorry.

 
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Old 07-05-2021, 08:16 PM   #42
FoolofaTook
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thanks erica. but unfortunately, what i said is true. i had work online, my parents support, and i had been in a similar situation, so i was in a perfect position to help him when he was on parole in socal. but i didn't. then he cut his tether and went on the run ... that was the end. fuck me forever.

 
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Old 07-05-2021, 09:45 PM   #43
reprise85
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It sounds like you tried to get him professional help.

I'm sorry the body wasn't taken care of better, too.

 
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Old 07-05-2021, 11:29 PM   #44
Shallowed
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That's a hell of a burden to carry. I know it probably doesn't help for everyone to parrot that it's not your fault, and that the guilt and the horrific circumstances and history makes you really feel like it is your fault, but I honestly don't believe it's your fault. If you're not already seeing a therapist about this, it would probably do you some good to see someone.

 
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Old 07-06-2021, 04:20 AM   #45
FoolofaTook
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Thanks, and that's a good idea, but the issue I have with therapists is that they are all humans.

Do you know any cat therapists?

 
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Old 07-06-2021, 05:10 AM   #46
Shallowed
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is it okay if they're the old timey jazz cat variety?

 
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Old 07-06-2021, 06:24 AM   #47
FoolofaTook
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Old 07-06-2021, 10:30 AM   #48
Joey Goldberg
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there is fool of a took!

 
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Old 07-06-2021, 10:56 PM   #49
FoolofaTook
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* their / they're

 
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Old 07-07-2021, 12:34 AM   #50
Run To Me
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Location: Th Word o th Lord 2 His Church stablished n deez th latter days as spake by mouths o His Prophets even Mt Zion who shall b th city o New Jeruslem + shall b built again @ th temple lot appointed by Fingr o th Lord in western boundaries of the State of
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FoolofaTook View Post
Thanks again guys. I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to most of you, if not all of you, on this board.


I spent about a week with my brother in Yakima two months before he died. He was totally disconnected from life. He was basically dressed in rags, his pants spattered with vomit from digesting DXM. I tried to talk to him, but he would just answer in single words or sentences. Then he took DXM and turned into a zombie, unable to talk at all. I got pretty upset. So I checked him into a rehab and just left him there to die. Last thing I said to him was "good luck." So much for that.

When I saw him again, his face was bloated and covered in red insect bites. For the autopsy they cut open his scalp (I think?) so they covered it with a beanie for the viewing. My parents paid the minimum so they hadn't even washing his hands. They were filthy, covered in black dirt.

My mom couldn't go in to see him. She just cried out in the hallway. My dad made a fucking scene, asking me "check his tattoos. is that really him?" looking at his corpse with curiosity and praying twice in an affected pious manner. he didn't look upset at all. maybe even satisfied? it was really weird to be weeping and wanting to break his face at the same time.

all i can think about is that while my brother was slowly rotting in the gutter i was flying around to turkey and colombia having a grand time in hotels. basically, i am the one who killed him by getting him started with stealing / taking DXM and then abandoning him after I got my life back together. and i knew this was going to happen (he started overdosing and going to the ER over a year ago, when he began to mix DXM with alcohol) and i let it happen. because i valued my comfort and ease more than his fucking life.
Damn, what a horrific story.

My first reaction is wow this is intense trauma for u, before u even get to the guilt part. Just the horror of what u described is beyond what i can imagine.

Really, really hope u have some supportive ppl to talk to right now, u will probably really want to do that at some point, when you're ready

Fwiw i also don't think u killed your brother. If anything your parents should have stepped in to help him. You took him (wallah?) to rehab. You did what any good sibling would do. Maybe it helps u to think "i did this" so that u can understand why your brother would lose his life in such a senseless and terrible way. But i really hope u don't decide to carry that burden, b/c i don't think it's yours, morally or factually.

Matter of fact, fuck your parents, man. Especially fuck your dad! Where were they? The look of satisfaction u describe makes me so fucken angry.

 
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Old 07-07-2021, 08:07 AM   #51
FoolofaTook
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Hold on just sec ... so the whole "I'm on your side Took, Cyr is actually a pretty decent album from b0lliam" thing was a lie? And I'm supposed to trust you?


Fuck this I'm leaving for another month.

 
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Old 07-07-2021, 11:20 AM   #52
Joey Goldberg
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FoolofaTook View Post
* their / they're

 
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Old 07-07-2021, 05:28 PM   #53
ilikeplanets
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I'm sorry you're going through this. Unbelievably terrible.

 
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Old 07-07-2021, 06:30 PM   #54
FoolofaTook
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it's ok. i just wish i could keep drinking now that i can. but after three nights i felt like shit and had to take a break. how do you guys do it? and weed just makes me crazy. ugh.

 
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Old 07-07-2021, 09:12 PM   #55
ilikeplanets
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Just try to remember that it will be helpful to put some days, weeks, and months behind you before making any big decisions or trying to rationally evaluate anybody or anything involved, even yourself. I'll be cheering for you.

 
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