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08-22-2021, 12:04 PM | #181 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
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08-22-2021, 12:04 PM | #182 |
Minion of Satan
Location: An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom
Posts: 7,742
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08-22-2021, 12:13 PM | #183 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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That's pretty intense, Erica. I'm sure constantly hearing people say they're sorry seems hollow, but I am.
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08-22-2021, 03:43 PM | #184 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Thanks guys. I saw him, it's probably like you imagine. Lots of beeping and loud af air pressure being pumped into him. His oxygen is in the 70s. I hope they are going to turn the BiPAP down because that has to be painful and what is the point. So much oxygen is being pumped in that it is hyperinflating his chest. The BiPAP I use for sleep apnea is near the max it can go and it certainly doesn't do that.
The doctor said if he survives he (the doctor) will start going to church because that would mean God must exist. Meaning, he's not going to get better. I am close to 100% sure he was able to hear me because he responded very strongly to one thing I said and it would be a big coincidence if it was random. I wouldn't be as sure if not for that (although it did seem like he was responding on some level even without that). I was able to video chat with my sister so she could see him. |
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08-22-2021, 05:57 PM | #185 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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i'm having trouble putting into words what reading all this makes me feel.
surreal and completely disorienting times. hope you are doing ok, reprise. fwiw, even though it's obv a very difficult and frayed relationship, it's commendable that you can be there for him. |
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08-22-2021, 06:11 PM | #186 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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thanks. I am doing ok. he is on hospice now. just nasal cannula for oxygen for comfort and pain/anxiety meds. if he makes it long enough for there to be a hospice bed open they will move him, otherwise he is staying in the hospital room.
my sister is coming into town tomorrow night. I'm going to wear a mask everywhere (even inside with all vaxxed people) until I know I'm not infected... bought an OTC Covid test kit, supposed to take @3 days and 5 days out. I was wearing a ton of PPE when I went in. That is the CDC suggestion, don't need to isolate unless positive or symptoms after possible exposure if you are vaccinated. Last edited by reprise85 : 08-22-2021 at 06:18 PM. |
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08-22-2021, 06:21 PM | #187 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
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that's fucked. so sorry Erica.
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08-23-2021, 10:47 AM | #188 |
Janis Jopleybird
Location: Let me see you do the booty hop. And now make the booty stop. Now drop, and do the booty wop.
Posts: 6,564
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You already know you have my condolences and concern, so I just want to use this post to say: I imagine that was like the eighth time the doctor had to give that prognosis to some poor patient's family member that day and it stopped being difficult for him in like May 2020 and he's just tired, just tired all the time, but come on, that is a really callous, needlessly clever way to deliver that information. I hope that didn't make a difficult moment even more painful.
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08-23-2021, 10:59 AM | #189 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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It honestly didn't bother me at all, although he probably has offended some religious people. But yeah you could definitely tell he is over everything. He went through all his comorbidities and then basically said the big problem is he wasn't vaccinated. I think he was ready to try to convince us to get vaccinated (my and my sister) but she told him everyone in the family is vaccinated except him.
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08-23-2021, 11:00 AM | #190 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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I found out they just took him off the BiPAP a few minutes ago which is fucking ridiculous. That shit was definitely painful, no reason to keep him on it so long.
My sister is coming in tonight. They are going to move him to a hospice facility if he is stable for a few hours. |
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08-23-2021, 01:05 PM | #191 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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He passed away
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08-23-2021, 02:41 PM | #192 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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I never know the right thing to say here, but I have been thinking of you every day during this. I'm so sorry.
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08-23-2021, 03:13 PM | #193 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Thanks. I'm OK. My sister will be here soon. She is much more upset than me...
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08-23-2021, 03:32 PM | #194 |
Dute of Seven Y's
Location: Mr. C's garage
Posts: 7,764
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I’m basically a nobody, and a complete stranger from the other side of the world, but I’m really sorry for your loss.
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08-23-2021, 07:24 PM | #195 |
real estate cowboy
Location: if Monsanto and Purdue Pharma had a baby
Posts: 36,880
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I spoke to a doctor who was a guest today in the restaurant that I work in, she told me that she regularly sees anti-vaxxers or corona-deniers in some other way, and they're sorry when they're finally taken into the hospital, screaming in pain. it gave me a sort of weird satisfaction actually to hear that, although I knew that was mean.
it's just wry. I'm so sorry, Erica. |
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08-23-2021, 09:20 PM | #196 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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thanks. it is his own fault and it is fine to get some schadenfreude from it, really. but he also really suffered and i feel like they kept him on that bipap for way longer than necessary... and then he basically suffocated to death with a nurse in the room. he barely saw anyone his last week of life because it required special ppe to even go in his room and there was no special ward or anything. i am sure he knew he was dying. his lungs were violently pushed open every few seconds for two days even though they knew it would do him no good.
i really really don't know why they let that go on so long. |
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08-23-2021, 11:07 PM | #197 |
Braindead
Posts: 18,608
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did he get put on any pain relief medication?
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08-23-2021, 11:27 PM | #198 | |
Demi-God
Location: weet woo
Posts: 322
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08-24-2021, 12:15 AM | #199 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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For sure, but I hope a hell lot more than he was on when I saw him. Anxiety meds, too.
Totally |
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08-24-2021, 03:09 AM | #200 |
Braindead
Location: PROWLING THE BADLANDS
Posts: 17,399
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Risking redundancy, sorry for your loss, Erica.
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08-24-2021, 07:00 PM | #201 |
Brazilian Blouselord
Location: heavy metal pool party
Posts: 35,781
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I'm so sorry it all happened like this. This was so hard to read... I can't imagine living it. I hope you're doing okay, reprise.
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08-24-2021, 07:12 PM | #202 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,847
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08-25-2021, 12:03 AM | #203 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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I'm doing pretty OK. Not wildly upset or anything.
The funeral is tomorrow morning. I just did a self-test for COVID and am negative, but it is sooner than they recommend from the time of exposure... but I wanted to be able to tell my mom if I could go and take her tomorrow. Obviously, no symptoms or anything or I wouldn't go. The funeral is all outside and masks are required. I am sure I'll be emotional tomorrow and the more I think about how I saw him before he died the more upset I am that he was kept that way. But I'm mostly doing fine, thanks. |
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08-25-2021, 09:54 AM | #204 | |
Socialphobic
Location: we are champions, bathed in the heat of a thousand flame wars in the grim future of the internet there is only netphoria
Posts: 12,467
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I’m sure seeing you in his last days was a ray of light to him. You are a good daughter for going…hope the funeral and family gathering allowed you all to remember better times… |
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08-25-2021, 11:23 PM | #205 |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Thanks guys... really was a very simple ceremony, no one said anything except the rabbi. I was pretty unmoved tbh. It's been nice seeing my sister and everything and I'm sad that he's gone, but I'm really doing pretty much fine. There were only about 15 people there; I didn't know anyone besides the people I went with and my dad's widow except for one person (my dad's former boss).
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08-26-2021, 01:40 PM | #206 |
Braindead
Location: Ignore List
Posts: 17,229
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How are you feeling in terms of health? When do you know for sure that you didn't catch it? I'm sure you didn't considering all the precautions plus your vaccine. But I've been holding my breath for ya until you tell us you're all clear.
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08-26-2021, 09:17 PM | #207 | |
Shut the fuck up!
Location: "Okay, white power feminist" - yo soy el mejor
Posts: 23,878
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He did the same thing with his first cancer. He did the same thing with both of his heart attacks and surgeries. He did the same thing when a small cut on his foot became infected... and a year later they amputated his leg... I don't know where that self destructive part of masculinity comes from. But it's awful. |
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08-26-2021, 11:07 PM | #208 |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,847
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It's less about us wanting to destroy ourselves and more about us being lazy as fuck.
Making doctors' appointments means picking up the phone, thinking about my schedule, leaving my house and going to a place. Sometimes, I literally hold in my piss because I'm too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom. I'd rather die than be arsed to follow up on health concerns, trivial or serious. I mean, I want to destroy myself, too, but it's the laziness doing most of the work here. |
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08-26-2021, 11:20 PM | #209 | |
Minion of Satan
Location: Banned
Posts: 8,847
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Quote:
Has anything like that occurred for you? Or is it mostly just, "I feel sympathy because nobody should go out that way and it's sad when anyone dies, but I'm also pretty calm about it"? Partly asking because I'm wondering what to expect when my old man passes one day, I guess. |
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08-27-2021, 12:03 AM | #210 | |
BOTTLEG ILLEGAL
Location: I'm faced with so many changes that I just might change my face
Posts: 32,800
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Quote:
I am sad that I know we'll never talk about some things, but it's more the finality. I didn't think it would ever happen, and now I know it won't. My dad lived an hour away and I hadn't seen him in three years. We talk on my birthday, his birthday, and father's day. So IDK if you are that distant from your father or not. I did cry a bit when he was dying and the day he died and I do feel sad about it but honestly I don't feel that bad. I feel a little guilty about not feeling that bad and for not being more traumatized by the state I saw him in (which was terrible). But I think maybe I will feel worse about that later. I was really focused on letting my sister say goodbye to him. |
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