just released from a mental hospital and went directly to smashing pumpkins show AMA

[ilikeplanets]

Stay away from online shopping tonight. Last time I got too upset, I sent 4 people gifts with really emotionally charged handwritten letters, and did NOT feel better about things after doing that. Only 3 of them thanked me, too.

[redbreegull]

my bank account won't even support me buying gifts for my family this year. Work has been very non-understanding of my absence and they stopped paying me. I'm in the middle of a debacle with HR. my administrator at one point sent me a physical letter in the mail telling me my job was in jeopardy and demanding a form which is about why I am out which is a physician's form. I have since been told this was illegal because my supervisor should never have direct access to doctor/patient confidentiality stuff, and I am not required to tell them anything. When I got the letter I freaked out though and sent her an email and CCed HR and my union rep. I attached the form and specified I felt this was wrong and I felt very uncomfortable that this was being asked of me by admin and not HR/payroll. She tried to cover her ass and lied and said she had previously told me the form could go right to HR. They suspended my pay anyway. I don't even know what to do because I work for county government. It would be very difficult and costly to start a legal war.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

My name is Kimani Roberts Shorter. I was born on August 20th in 1980 in D.C.I grew up in Washington, D.C. I first developed my theory in 2005. I attended college from 1998 to 2001. I was helped in developing the test by Irving kelly an office counselor working with Udc, Kevin Williams a child shrink and Matt Cora a group home supervisor

[Ram27]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

my bank account won't even support me buying gifts for my family this year. Work has been very non-understanding of my absence and they stopped paying me. I'm in the middle of a debacle with HR. my administrator at one point sent me a physical letter in the mail telling me my job was in jeopardy and demanding a form which is about why I am out which is a physician's form. I have since been told this was illegal because my supervisor should never have direct access to doctor/patient confidentiality stuff, and I am not required to tell them anything. When I got the letter I freaked out though and sent her an email and CCed HR and my union rep. I attached the form and specified I felt this was wrong and I felt very uncomfortable that this was being asked of me by admin and not HR/payroll. She tried to cover her ass and lied and said she had previously told me the form could go right to HR. They suspended my pay anyway. I don't even know what to do because I work for county government. It would be very difficult and costly to start a legal war.

sorry you're going thru that....jesus christ, it's insane how militant jobs get over people being sick or just calling off generally

[Ram27]

jobs should have zero access to anyone's medical data whatsoever, and that very much includes sick notes and drug tests

[Ram27]

oh and if this is the gen mental health thread:

fuck winter. i felt my body shut down in november and today i started fantasizing about death again. i have no idea what's coming in my life next year.

graduating in may, probably, then onto the open ocean [connotation: bad]

every time i do a college thing i get PTSD from my last time at college [sorry for being a fucking drunk back then...]. my hope is that i can steel myself from women forever. not in a right wing freak way, but in a fear way.

[ilikeplanets]

We're not "one size fits all" evil/terrifying, ya know

[ilikeplanets]

I mean, I'm a fucking monster but don't let that tarnish your opinion of the entirety of us

[Ram27]

haha, thank you -- i know this intellectually; what i think i was saying in my angry proto-suicidal state is i can't stand the vulnerability of relationships or the vulnerability required to be in one, and i'm already so goddamn shy irl it just feels over

[Ram27]

and i'm like almost a year sober [from alcohol] which is great but doesn't help the shyness. i'm feeling more confident in talking sober, but incredibly slowly. [like, i'm finally up to 'swooooon' versus others' 'pick your pocket full of sorrow']

[redbreegull]

sounds like we have an avoidant attachment style over here

[Ram27]

oh hell yeah

[ilikeplanets]

Originally Posted by Ram27

and i'm like almost a year sober [from alcohol] which is great but doesn't help the shyness. i'm feeling more confident in talking sober, but incredibly slowly. [like, i'm finally up to 'swooooon' versus others' 'pick your pocket full of sorrow']

This resonates with me. I'm at 5 years sober [from like, a lot of things] and though most of the time my tone is authoritative and my body language is composed, every once in a while the brain damage shows itself. Mostly in the form of awkward non-sequiturs.

I'm especially prone to this when around peers. I'm more comfortable when I'm supposed to be either the one in charge or the one taking orders, but if I'm on equal footing with someone I can spazz a little bit. I guess that also boils down to shyness/low self confidence, since I don't have a role to fill in those situations, but have to try to be authentically personable.

[FoolofaTook]

I'm into women farting, just not pooping or peeing. I like how a woman's butthole winks when she farts, and I like the idea of her being able to store farts in her butthole and then fart them out in my face. The feel her of her farts coming out, or just the sound of them is awe inspiring to me. Especially if her farts interact with stuff, like she is wearing a dress and her farts move part of the dress like in this video

So basically everything about a woman's butthole when she farts fascinates me. The opening and closing of the butthole, the sound, the smell, just knowing that her butthole is kind of open for a spit second.

If I ever get a woman to fart in my face, I'll just wear swimming goggles so I don't get pinkeye.

I don't think anyone in my circle of friends or family would be surprised to know I am into women's buttholes.

I'm also into women putting icing or cake batter into their cornhole and farting it out, like storing it inside them and then squeezing it out. Just seeing the batter go in and then being squeezed out is also something I'm into, along with women sitting on cakes and farting.

I think it all goes back to when I was a kid and I found a prono mag in the woods that had a picture of a guy using a long wooden popsicle stick to pull poop out of a woman's asshole. Also the first time I had sex the girl I was with asked me if I wanted to fuck her in the shitter and I declined. I later found out that I would have had the chance to take her anal virginity and I've always regretted it, my first time putting my cock in a woman could have been into her pristine unspoiled virgin turdcutter, and I've always regretted it.

[redbreegull]

so I lost my job. I'm currently appealing with the union, and I documented my administrator's HIPAA violation. They also told me they will not pay me any of the sick time they owe me even if I win my appeal, which would mainly function to restore my insurance at this point. right now I'm on medicaid.

the program I was in collapsed because of corporate mismanagement but at the last minute they decided to try and reboot it instead of letting it close, so now I'm one of just a few patients with several counselors. it's kind of cool. I've also been participating a lot with an NA group that functions out of the same office suite, as well as a mental health support group. NA is pretty weird and the ideology is as wonky and self-contradictory as everyone told me, but for the most part it's not too annoying to just ignore that part. They also have some beliefs about forever addiction and all drugs being the same that I do not ascribe to, but I've just been treating the whole thing as an a la carte deal. I'm pretty starved for human interaction. I would probably hang out with a chapter of flat earthers at this point

I also lapsed on my meds when I was going onto medicaid and found out that abilify is not to be fucked with. I almost went back to the hospital. There was a span of 2-4 days that I wanted to cut myself out of my own skin. I've been back on it now for 3 days but I still haven't been able to shake the psychosis, disossciation, etc.

I have no idea how long this current program is gonna keep me and I'm not even clear if they are actually charging my insurance or just keeping me on because the whole thing is in chaos right now. I know in the past they have provided free housing and services to folks for extended time.

I also have no idea when I'll be back to work. it's hard for me to ever imagine doing anything again and most days I still want to disappear into the void

AMA!

[redbreegull]

oh today is day 101 without alcohol though, and yesterday was the first time in 3 years I weighed myself and was inside my BMI recommended range

[redbreegull]

got what you need
when you hang up and say, "see you later,"
got what you need
write it down california paper
got what you need
forevermore my anti-hero
for loving and letting me go down, down

[redbreegull]

we really fucked it up in diamonds and drug stores
that's what we came for
and when you got it, you got what you need

[ilikeplanets]

That's a roller coaster worthy of congratulations, hugs, and concern. So for the AMA part:

Is there a question you are hoping someone asks you? If so, just share the details.

Do you plan on changing career directions? Any diagnosis you get from a mental health professional might aid in your ability to maintain state insurance while job hunting.

It's pretty hard not to socialize. I'm speaking to realtors about property in Owings Mills, so if that materializes I'll take you out for a drink. Of coffee.

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

That's a roller coaster worthy of congratulations, hugs, and concern. So for the AMA part:

Is there a question you are hoping someone asks you? If so, just share the details.

Do you plan on changing career directions? Any diagnosis you get from a mental health professional might aid in your ability to maintain state insurance while job hunting.

It's pretty hard not to socialize. I'm speaking to realtors about property in Owings Mills, so if that materializes I'll take you out for a drink. Of coffee.

thank you

no, nothing in particular just updating folks on current nonsense.

yes, I don't really want to work in education anymore. I feel burned out. I have no idea what else I'll do

thank you, it would be chill af to hang. what has you looking back out here?

[ilikeplanets]

I'm from MD, though I haven't lived there in 23 years now. The rural Pacific Northwest lifestyle is just not for me, I miss the type of education, recreation, and culture available in East Coast cities. And I have a few family ties to the area.

[ilikeplanets]

Doing a FaceTime house showing tomorrow, which ought to be pretty awkward. Not sure how the fuck I'm supposed to really understand a house that way, but I can't hop on a plane for all the first looks.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

so I lost my job. I'm currently appealing with the union, and I documented my administrator's HIPAA violation. They also told me they will not pay me any of the sick time they owe me even if I win my appeal, which would mainly function to restore my insurance at this point. right now I'm on medicaid.

the program I was in collapsed because of corporate mismanagement but at the last minute they decided to try and reboot it instead of letting it close, so now I'm one of just a few patients with several counselors. it's kind of cool. I've also been participating a lot with an NA group that functions out of the same office suite, as well as a mental health support group. NA is pretty weird and the ideology is as wonky and self-contradictory as everyone told me, but for the most part it's not too annoying to just ignore that part. They also have some beliefs about forever addiction and all drugs being the same that I do not ascribe to, but I've just been treating the whole thing as an a la carte deal. I'm pretty starved for human interaction. I would probably hang out with a chapter of flat earthers at this point

I also lapsed on my meds when I was going onto medicaid and found out that abilify is not to be fucked with. I almost went back to the hospital. There was a span of 2-4 days that I wanted to cut myself out of my own skin. I've been back on it now for 3 days but I still haven't been able to shake the psychosis, disossciation, etc.

I have no idea how long this current program is gonna keep me and I'm not even clear if they are actually charging my insurance or just keeping me on because the whole thing is in chaos right now. I know in the past they have provided free housing and services to folks for extended time.

I also have no idea when I'll be back to work. it's hard for me to ever imagine doing anything again and most days I still want to disappear into the void

AMA!

So from like 23-28 years old i went through multiple hospitalizations, going in and out of NA, not being able to work, etc. NA was the biggest waste of time I went through, but you might be okay going into it knowing it's fucked in some ways. i kind of did, but the way they talk about addicts and character flaws is very demoralizing to someone who already has anxiety, trauma, and self-esteem issues. i question if it's helpful for really anyone but those who are criminals outside of being addicts, as opposed to non-criminals and criminals who stole etc because of addiction and otherwise never would have. i'd say most addicts fall in the latter two categories and gain very little benefit from being told that they are pieces of shit all the time.

getting on meds was definitely helpful for me and i'd absolutely be dead without that. but even with the right meds i was in a holding pattern at best. i got comfortable, for a little while, with the idea that life was chaos, going in and out of programs was all i was capable of doing, and that i'd probably die in some way soon anyway. i'd bet the vast majority of others i also saw going through the same thing are not living stable lives even now, if they're alive.

there are also a lot of predators both in NA/AA groups and mental hospitals and you're likely to be traumatized by someone, ime. i was by one person and had some others try to manipulate me. luckily no staff ever really abused me, although some were dicks

i think you're older than i was when i first started being really unstable and that's hopefully a good thing. i had basically no coping mechanisms at all that were healthy.

i hope this is very temporary for you. looking back at it, if i would have had better therapy earlier i don't think i would have become as disabled for as long as i was. i definitely needed a couple years regardless, but it's very hard to get out of the mental health inpatient "lifestyle" once you start going multiple times. i wasn't aware there even was such a thing. and i knew many people who had been going through it for 20+ years

not sure where i was going with that but i hope you feel better soon.

[ilikeplanets]

Me too

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by reprise85

So from like 23-28 years old i went through multiple hospitalizations, going in and out of NA, not being able to work, etc. NA was the biggest waste of time I went through, but you might be okay going into it knowing it's fucked in some ways. i kind of did, but the way they talk about addicts and character flaws is very demoralizing to someone who already has anxiety, trauma, and self-esteem issues. i question if it's helpful for really anyone but those who are criminals outside of being addicts, as opposed to non-criminals and criminals who stole etc because of addiction and otherwise never would have. i'd say most addicts fall in the latter two categories and gain very little benefit from being told that they are pieces of shit all the time.

getting on meds was definitely helpful for me and i'd absolutely be dead without that. but even with the right meds i was in a holding pattern at best. i got comfortable, for a little while, with the idea that life was chaos, going in and out of programs was all i was capable of doing, and that i'd probably die in some way soon anyway. i'd bet the vast majority of others i also saw going through the same thing are not living stable lives even now, if they're alive.

there are also a lot of predators both in NA/AA groups and mental hospitals and you're likely to be traumatized by someone, ime. i was by one person and had some others try to manipulate me. luckily no staff ever really abused me, although some were dicks

i think you're older than i was when i first started being really unstable and that's hopefully a good thing. i had basically no coping mechanisms at all that were healthy.

i hope this is very temporary for you. looking back at it, if i would have had better therapy earlier i don't think i would have become as disabled for as long as i was. i definitely needed a couple years regardless, but it's very hard to get out of the mental health inpatient "lifestyle" once you start going multiple times. i wasn't aware there even was such a thing. and i knew many people who had been going through it for 20+ years

not sure where i was going with that but i hope you feel better soon.

I've heard horror stories about NA and AA and I was pretty resistant, but at least in this group, the people who run it seem to not be very into the ideology and more into facilitating a space. I have no idea what it would be like elsewhere, only a few people usually show up here

I agree with the language being incredibly derogatory, and ultimately I just don't believe that someone is always an addict just because they had a substance dependence once. And I don't believe all drugs are the same either (except for cigs, those are fine with NA lmfao). I'm more there to see faces and meet people. Everyone has been nice so far. I don't know if I'll stay with it long term or not.

I want to drink so badly right now, I'm like crawling out of my skin. Abilify withdrawal is fucking HORRIBLE. I've been back on it for several days and I'm still going nuts

[redbreegull]

life is like getting hit in the face with a diaper full of yellow diarrhea every morning and then having to walk around all day like that until the next morning when you get hit with a new diaper, except for the brief respite of sleep in which you probably dream of diarrhea

[redbreegull]

does anyone have any experience breaking up a wedding

[buzzard]

Sadly, no – though weddings are a proven method of breaking up relationships.

[TheAlter]

When it comes to psychological well-being the most important thing is to realize the answer is inside of you and that answer is wrong.

Stop asking yourself questions, basically.

[topleybird]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

does anyone have any experience breaking up a wedding

In the same way that people on tv can wave a badge for a few seconds and trick people into thinking they're really cops, I figure you could do the same with a marriage license template you found on the internet. Like what potential spouse is gonna calmly call city hall to verify you're already legally wedded to the other person on the altar?