You Know I'm Chat Thread

[MyOneAndOnly]

It's been chilly here so far this spring... but no snow today. I think it hit 55 F

We started building a chicken coop. We have half a dozen heritage breed hens ordered. They'll be her at the end of the month.

[run2pee]

Originally Posted by MyOneAndOnly

It's been chilly here so far this spring... but no snow today. I think it hit 55 F

We started building a chicken coop. We have half a dozen heritage breed hens ordered. They'll be her at the end of the month.

This is going to sound like an asshole question

But how does one get to a place in life where one is doing stuff like having gardens dogs and chicken coops

Is it because i spent 20 years using substances and untreated mentally ill that i can barely brush my teeth let alone have a hobby or cook or any of that shit? But other people have their own particular never-before-seen cocktails of staggering strugglies too, and they don’t hit the middle of their life with probably almost nothing to show for it, other than i am 1/2 responsible for the fact that there’s two more people in the world, who no doubt will have numerous stupefying strugglems having been in a house with my piece of shit unstable self for their entire years of life?

This post turned into some kind of shame talk so, sorry about that but serious — how does one do things in life

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by run2pee

This is going to sound like an asshole question

But how does one get to a place in life where one is doing stuff like having gardens dogs and chicken coops

Is it because i spent 20 years using substances and untreated mentally ill that i can barely brush my teeth let alone have a hobby or cook or any of that shit? But other people have their own particular never-before-seen cocktails of staggering strugglies too, and they don’t hit the middle of their life with probably almost nothing to show for it, other than i am 1/2 responsible for the fact that there’s two more people in the world, who no doubt will have numerous stupefying strugglems having been in a house with my piece of shit unstable self for their entire years of life?

This post turned into some kind of shame talk so, sorry about that but serious — how does one do things in life

i don't know if I can properly answer your question. I am lucky I guess that my own mental health struggles involved anorexia, dysmorphia, and dysphoria. I attempted suicide and nearly starved myself to death over and over. But i was lucky enough to not have severe bipolar disorder like half of my extended family. And I didn't have the kind of substance abuse issues one of my bio parents had.

On the internet people only show their shiny bits, and rarely show you how they cried for 10 hours straight yesterday... or worry so much about being fired from their job that they can't sleep at night.

Some of it is just dumb luck. I should be dead. I wanted to be dead. I tried to be dead. But a few years ago i found a way through it. And now i can try to have backyard chickens. Hopefully i don't accidentally kill them

[ilikeplanets]

Asking those questions instead of numbing myself and "worrying about it later" was a big first step for me. Not that I'm in a place where I can have gardens and chickens or whatever (not my thing anyway) but home ownership before age 40 is actually a real possibility instead of probably being dead or in jail. The longer I stayed sober willingly, the more I was capable and excited to build a life. Especially since people depend on me. I'm not yet a person with passionate hobbies, which is maybe because drugs were my only interest for over a decade until I had to make a sudden shift of every aspect of my life upon finding out I was pregnant, so I do understand what it feels like to see people who paint, play guitar, and have a huge circle of friends and dismiss myself as worthless. It's not true, people love me (even if it's only a few) and building a life a little at a time is doable and will restore your self esteem. With better self esteem, and potentially therapy/meds depending on your situation, change isn't as intimidating. I think you're very funny, thoughtful, and I'm sure you have a ton of interesting things to offer.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

i think it's mainly a question of good/bad luck, run2pee.
it's not your fault.

[ilikeplanets]

I think your basic mental health and personality blueprint is dumb luck, but you can still add or subtract things from your life that yield changes that you want.

[ilikeplanets]

I'm not trying to come off preachy, there's just something toxic about thinking you can't ever change your circumstances or even components of your own personality.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

hey, agreed.
but you shouldn't be too hard on yourself, because not everything you end up with is your own fault or merit. (there's the blueprint you mention, and loads of other things you have no control over.)

[ilikeplanets]

Super stressed out over the infant formula shortage. I'm due in 6 weeks. I guess I'm gonna drive around the entire region tomorrow and see what I can find. I have a big can to get started, but the shortage has gotten worse and not better like I thought. Cannot catch a damn break with the state of the world.

[topleybird]

Whole thing is such a clusterfuck of evil on every level; I'm sorry it's affecting you

Friend of mine is a WIC administrator whose job it is to help her clients, among other things, find formula, and she's taken up the "breastmilk is free and readily available" line and I want to fucking scream

[ilikeplanets]

The worst memory of my hospital stay after delivering my first child was the constant overwhelming pressure the staff gave me to breastfeed. It's not a thing that is possible for me, and I was feeling very confident about that for my second child's delivery until knowing that I'm likely going to have to give her whatever formula is available, constantly switching them which is bad for their newborn digestive systems. And that's assuming there aren't any allergies. I'm failing to understand why it's taking so long to get a solid stock back on the shelves, despite reading every article about the matter. It seems like there's a lot more that could be done.

[ovary]

why isn't breastfeeding possible for you?

[ilikeplanets]

So that's your question, huh?

[ovary]

i have no further questions at this time

[slunken]

i was breastfed. obviously that's why i'm so amazing!

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by ovary

why isn't breastfeeding possible for you?

not cool

[ilikeplanets]

Unfortunately, that's the response of many people and I believe that kind of attitude is harmful to getting this problem fixed. I had led with "breastfeeding isn't possible for me", so that answer is already complete without additional details. It's helpful or considerate to be sympathetic to the shortage, or suggest a better way to find formula, but useless to try to change/question someone's (in)ability to breastfeed.

[ovary]

y'all are reading stuff into my question that isn't there. i don't care whether anyone breastfeeds or not i am just curious. i assumed you were down to talk about it since you started talking about it.

[ilikeplanets]

I'm not mad, I'm just irritable at the situation and wish people in general would focus on solving this problem. Instead, there's been a huge debate in many parenting communities on breastfeeding vs formula when that isn't the issue right now. I'm not sensitive about my choice. It's all good, ovary.