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Old 02-25-2015, 04:18 AM   #1
dreams of glass
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Default Henry Rollins:Fuck Suicide

http://www.laweekly.com/music/henry-...uicide-5016770




Days after Robin Williams died, I kept seeing his face on the Internet. His death seemed to have a momentum of its own. It went from a sad death of a famous person to “a nation mourns” pitch, which I didn’t quite understand. Sites such as Huffington Post swim in their own brand of hyperbole. They call it news and culture, but often, it’s just content.

I understand why people feel Williams’ loss so intensely. His talent as an actor is not in dispute. His performance in Good Will Hunting is unimpeachable. I wonder if he was tapping into his own deep trench of personal pain to deliver some of those scenes. It was brave and excellent work.

The more you think about it, the more you remember one great performance after another. Good Morning Vietnam is a favorite of mine.

When someone with this level of exposure dies in this way, it is confusing. An Oscar-winning actor, well-paid, with a career that most performers could only dream of — how could anyone so well regarded and seemingly fortunate have as much as even a single bad day, much less a life so unendurable that it has to be voluntarily voided?

On more than one of my USO tours, Robin Williams had been on the same stage a few days before me. That’s all I needed to know about him. As far as I was concerned, he was a good man.

But it’s here where I step off the train. I am sure some will strongly disagree with what I’m about to say. And I also understand that his personal struggles were quite real. I can’t argue with that.

But I simply cannot understand how any parent could kill themselves.

How in the hell could you possibly do that to your children? I don’t care how well adjusted your kid might be — choosing to kill yourself, rather than to be there for that child, is every shade of awful, traumatic and confusing. I think as soon as you have children, you waive your right to take your own life. No matter what mistakes you make in life, it should be your utmost goal not to traumatize your kids. So, you don’t kill yourself.

I know some people will disagree. And I get that you can’t understand anyone else’s torment. All that “I feel your pain” stuff is bullshit and disrespectful. You can appreciate it, listen and support someone as best you can, but you can’t understand it. Depression is so personal and so unique to each of us that when you’re in its teeth, you think you invented it. You can understand your own, but that’s it. When you are severely depressed, it can be more isolating than anything else you have ever experienced. In trying to make someone understand, you can only speak in approximation. You are truly on your own.

Everyone handles their emotional vicissitudes in their own ways. I am no doctor, but I think the brain is always looking for a sense of balance and normal function so the body can operate efficiently. Some people medicate accordingly, in an attempt to stay somewhat even. That pursuit can lead one down some dark paths. Someone who is an addict might not be an “addict” in the pejorative sense but merely trying to medicate and balance themselves.

Many years ago, I lived in Silver Lake with a housemate who suffered from severe bouts of depression. When she wasn’t in her small bedroom with the lights off, crying for hours, she was bright and hilarious. Anywhere we went, we laughed our asses off. She fought her depression with everything from bike rides to drugs, prescribed and otherwise. Years after the last time I saw her, I guess she could no longer keep up the battle and killed herself. No one who knew her was surprised. When she was in her deepest misery, she was unrecognizable.

The hardest part about being around her was you knew there was nothing you could do to help.

I get it, but then again, maybe I don’t.

When someone negates their existence, they cancel themselves out in my mind. I have many records, books and films featuring people who have taken their own lives, and I regard them all with a bit of disdain. When someone commits this act, he or she is out of my analog world. I know they existed, yet they have nullified their existence because they willfully removed themselves from life. They were real but now they are not.

I no longer take this person seriously. I may be able to appreciate what he or she did artistically but it’s impossible to feel bad for them. Their life wasn’t cut short — it was purposely abandoned. It’s hard to feel bad when the person did what they wanted to. It sucks they are gone, of course, but it’s the decision they made. I have to respect it and move on.

A few years ago, a guy I’d known for many years hanged himself in a basement. Weeks later, I went to the spot and picked up bits of plastic coating from the cord he used, which were on the floor after he was cut down. I liked the guy, but all I could think of then is all I can think of now — the drawings his kids had made that were pasted up on the walls of his kitchen.

Almost 40,000 people a year kill themselves in America, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In my opinion, that is 40,000 people who blew it.

Fuck suicide. Life isn’t anything but what you make it. For all the people who walked from the grocery store back to their house, only to be met by a robber who shot them in the head for nothing — you gotta hang in there.

I have life by the neck and drag it along. Rarely does it move fast enough. Raw Power forever.

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 04:20 AM   #2
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HENRY ROLLINS: MORE THOUGHTS ON SUICIDE

http://www.laweekly.com/music/henry-...uicide-5027287

As you might imagine, I got a few letters about my recent column about suicide. Actually, it was a lot of letters. For days. I read them. No matter how angry or instructive, I appreciate them all because they were written with complete sincerity, even if some had only two words, the second being “you.”

After reading carefully and responding as best I could, it was obvious that I had some work to do in order to educate myself further on this very complex and painful issue. I am quite thick-headed, but not so much that things don’t occasionally permeate.

In the piece, I said there are some things I obviously don’t get. So I would like to thank you for taking the time to let me know where you’re coming from. None of it was lost upon me.

I cannot defend the views I expressed. I think that would be taking an easy out. I put them out there plainly and must suffer the slings and arrows — fair enough. I won’t attempt to dodge them. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t be taught a thing or two. I have no love for a fixed position on most things. I am always eager to learn something. I promise that I will dig in and educate myself on this and do my best to evolve. Again, thank you.

In the short amount of space afforded here, hear me out. Like a lot of people, I have battled depression all my life. It’s nothing special, in that it’s too common to be considered unique. This state has made me have to do things in a certain way to remain operational. There have been some truly awful stretches, as I am sure there have been for anyone who deals with depression, that have at times rendered me almost paralytic. Hours pass and I slow-cook on a cold spit. I have likened it to being a peach in a can of syrup yet fully conscious. In an attempt to keep moving along, I must stay in the immediate present tense, acutely aware of everything happening, like driving a car on a highway. If I conclude that I am not citizen grade, I do my best to avoid people so I do not act unpleasantly. No one deserves it. This has kept me in hotel rooms, my kitchen and the corners of gyms. When I have a show that night, it’s minute-to-minute.

One of the only things that gives me a breather is music. I medicate with it.

What has perhaps kept me from seeing things differently about severe depression is that I am sure I don’t have it.

But the power of severe depression was brought up quite a bit in the letters I received. Your anger toward me on this, believe me, I got it.

I serve. That is what I do. It is, to me, the most fortunate position to be in. I have an audience. It is because of them that I get to eat, move — everything. Each member of this audience is better than I am. Braver and more real than I see myself. The only thing I fear besides being misunderstood, which would be my fault anyway, is failing these people.

For decades I have talked to and gotten letters from people who tell me that something I did helped them, or saved them from killing themselves, helped them get clean, stay clean or come out. Never once do I really think that I had anything to do with anyone staying alive, but I get where they’re coming from. All of them are better than I am and it is them I serve.

In my mind, all of this is mine to screw up. While I don’t take myself seriously, I take them with a frightening degree of seriousness. They can take or leave me at any time; they have options. They are all I have and, beyond that, I feel I have a duty to serve them because they have made me better.

I guess this is what makes me wrestle with the issue of suicide, when it pertains to those who have an audience, or kids, or both. I feel nothing but debt to my audience. I will try my hardest, but I will never be able to even the books. If I checked out, I would be running out on the bill.

Like I said, I am trying to evolve on this. I have a picture in my mind. There is a person — one with a family and a huge audience — who is on one side of a seesaw. The family and the audience are on the other side. This person’s condition makes him heavy enough to tilt all of them up in the air and send him to the ground. He didn’t want to go, but the condition outweighed all of them and even he couldn’t stop it. Is that, albeit crudely drawn, basically it?

I understand it is my task to learn about this. It might take a while, but I will get on it. It is my belief about an ingrained sense of duty that will make this challenging, but I am always up for improvement.

I got several letters thanking me for what I said. However, it was the ones that took me to task that made me think the most.

To those I offended, I believe you and I apologize. If what I wrote causes you to toss me out of your boat, it is to my great regret, but I understand and thank you for your thoughts.

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 04:39 AM   #3
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http://www.nndb.com/people/527/000022461/HenryR1.jpg

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 04:39 AM   #4
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Hate him so much

I feel like he still doesn't understand you own your body and life and have the right to whatever you want with it. You don't owe anyone anything

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 04:59 AM   #5
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you do own your body, and you have a birth right and don't owe allegiance to anyone

but when you have kids, that kind of changes

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:01 AM   #6
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or even if you have pets, something that relies on you

or co-workers, people you help, people you serve

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:01 AM   #7
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i think it's sad how he's like "i can't possibly understand their thinking" and still not be able to understand that they aren't thinking properly and are severely ill

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:01 AM   #8
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i think rollins is a mixed bag thoughts wise but he is as ever punk rock as fuck

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:04 AM   #9
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but he does talk about depression, and if you've been in it, I think he's pretty sincere about it

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:09 AM   #10
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I'm feeling pretty depressed right now. The kind of depressed where you realise nothing you normally like to do gives you any pleasure. I hope it doesn't last. Its bad enough that i've started eating crap again (like cookies for brealfast and dinner) or have for two days anyway. which probably doesn't help how i feel.

If only i had money, i could consume and maybe feel momentarily better.

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:11 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreams of glass View Post
or even if you have pets, something that relies on you

or co-workers, people you help, people you serve
The idea that you expect people to stay alive in agony for other people is pretty gross imo

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:13 AM   #12
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yeah it's also not relevant

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:13 AM   #13
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stop telling people how they should feel, dreams of glass

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:13 AM   #14
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you fuckin dick

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:15 AM   #15
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now that i see the follow up letter it's why i tend to give rollins some benefit of the doubt

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:21 AM   #16
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He gets respect for that for sure

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:22 AM   #17
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It's incredibly not Punk to call suicide selfish

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:24 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trotskilicious View Post
stop telling people how they should feel, dreams of glass
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trotskilicious View Post
you fuckin dick

explain how I'm dictating how people should feel

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:25 AM   #19
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also, you're the teapot calling the kettle black

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:26 AM   #20
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you self righteous prick

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:26 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elphenor View Post
It's incredibly not Punk to call suicide selfish
what do you know morty, what do you know

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:27 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreams of glass View Post
also, teapot calling kettle black
oh man is this like reversed racism

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:32 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trotskilicious View Post
oh man is this like reversed racism
I sincerely hope you are just trying to make a bad joke, but in case you are that dumb:


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_pot...e_kettle_black

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:32 AM   #24
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oh gosh never heard that dried up old turd of a cliche before thanks for the wiki link

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:34 AM   #25
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i just want people to stop trying to rationalize suicide

it's not rational, it's a result of illness like many other deaths. he's dead now what are you gonna tell him? You think someone's ready to off themselves is sitting there, after getting to the point of finding and creating a way to do it suddenly they'll sit down and remember a dog needs them and be like oh jeez suicide man i'm not gonna do that now

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:35 AM   #26
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"Oho!" said the pot to the kettle;
"You are dirty and ugly and black!
Sure no one would think you were metal,
Except when you're given a crack."

"Not so! not so!" kettle said to the pot;
"'Tis your own dirty image you see;
For I am so clean – without blemish or blot –
That your blackness is mirrored in me."





That shit's racist man

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:35 AM   #27
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so if you can tell me how that's explaining to you how you're supposed to feel i'm all ears because i'm pretty sure it's advocating you how to think

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:36 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trotskilicious View Post
i just want people to stop trying to rationalize suicide

it's not rational, it's a result of illness like many other deaths. he's dead now what are you gonna tell him? You think someone's ready to off themselves is sitting there, after getting to the point of finding and creating a way to do it suddenly they'll sit down and remember a dog needs them and be like oh jeez suicide man i'm not gonna do that now
you're reaching.

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:37 AM   #29
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There is an interesting divide between hardcore and late 70's Punk when it comes to politics and life philosophy.

Hardcore is more directly Liberal do-good no drugs vegetarian healthy living save the world

OG Punk is more Nihilism with a hefty dose of Fuck whatever the establishment is

 
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Old 02-25-2015, 05:38 AM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreams of glass View Post
you're reaching.
you are either very very intellectually incurious or it's actually a limitation

or, and this is more likely, you're super defensive

 
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