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Old 12-24-2021, 08:03 PM   #5641
Disco King
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I'll look into that. Thanks! I'm not quite sure if it'll help me, because I feel like a large component of my skin-picking habit is wanting to remove the flakes and blemishes from my skin (even though I know rationally that picking at them only makes them worse), so having something else to occupy my hands may not address that part. But it's worth a try.

Anyway, the crisis was averted because she had to cancel, since her family decided to leave for their trip a day earlier than expected. Hopefully I look and feel better by the time she's available again.

 
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Old 02-02-2022, 10:11 PM   #5642
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doc is putting me on antabuse. it's making me really depressed - the idea of it. interfering with my body and making it so drinking sucks immediately. seems invasive and cruel?

i've read it helps some people a lot. but so does a lot of stuff.

 
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Old 02-02-2022, 10:36 PM   #5643
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Had a cool New Year's date where we went to a college party she was invited to, the first cool New Year's of my entire life

they let me control the music by the end of the night and I was pretty coked out

 
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Old 02-03-2022, 12:34 AM   #5644
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doc is putting me on antabuse. it's making me really depressed - the idea of it. interfering with my body and making it so drinking sucks immediately. seems invasive and cruel?

i've read it helps some people a lot. but so does a lot of stuff.
I take naltrexone, not for the purpose of blocking being drunk but it obviously does block it. But it doesn't make me sick like antabuse would... I'm surprised they haven't offered you naltrexone first.

 
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Old 02-03-2022, 12:43 AM   #5645
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oh they did. i would much prefer to stay on that.

i had an appointment today and the dude basically got annoyed - i was honest and said i would be on naltrexone, then stop taking it to go on a bender if i felt the urge. i'm not happy with my behaviour but addiction is a bitch, you know

wish i could get the injection but i've heard it hurts a ton. and i suppose i've lost my 'chance' or whatever. i have problems self-advocating with a doctor - always feel like i have no agency and they're the ones with the degree so

i know antabuse doesn't help cravings, it's just meant to scare you. i suppose it might help, but i generally don't respond to 'tough love' sort of shit

 
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Old 02-03-2022, 12:46 AM   #5646
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he did up my dose of gabapentin which is nice cause that helps me a ton

doesn't totally kill the alcohol urge tho. nothing does. it's a hellworld and we have to live in it

 
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Old 02-03-2022, 04:50 AM   #5647
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My alcoholic roommate went on some of those alcoholic meds. One to make drinking feel terrible, and another to get rid of cravings.

I don't think he takes the drugs consistently. He went back to drinking fairly quickly, but he doesn't get as hammered as he did before. But I feel like it's only a matter of time before he does. I mean, opinions differ on whether alcoholism is such a chronic lifelong thing that a recovering alcoholic must practice lifelong abstinence, or whether one can "stop being an alcoholic" and eventually develop a normal relationship with it, but at the very least, I don't think that it's a winning strategy to re-introduce liquor not but three weeks in. He'll probably just gradually slip from here.

 
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Old 02-03-2022, 09:38 AM   #5648
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oh they did. i would much prefer to stay on that.

i had an appointment today and the dude basically got annoyed - i was honest and said i would be on naltrexone, then stop taking it to go on a bender if i felt the urge. i'm not happy with my behaviour but addiction is a bitch, you know

wish i could get the injection but i've heard it hurts a ton. and i suppose i've lost my 'chance' or whatever. i have problems self-advocating with a doctor - always feel like i have no agency and they're the ones with the degree so

i know antabuse doesn't help cravings, it's just meant to scare you. i suppose it might help, but i generally don't respond to 'tough love' sort of shit
I mean, I know if I go off the naltrexone I could go on a bender after a day or two. But that's the point of the medication, right? To make a delay that will hopefully give you time to think over the behavior. If I wanted to use opiates I'd have to not only go get the drugs somehow, but wait a few days. It would have to be very intentional and a series of decisions instead of just a couple. For me, I can call my therapist when I get the urge to stop taking it to do opiates or whatever, and she can talk me down (which happened once). So it gives time for your support system to help. I guess it might kill cravings too in some people (for booze/opiates), but I never used it when I was having strong cravings (only recently, after being clean for some time).

I don't get the lost your 'chance' thing. Does the doctor think because it didn't help you in the past that's the last you get of the good drug and now you need the one for naughty people? What a shithead.

 
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Old 02-03-2022, 12:18 PM   #5649
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Alcohol addiction seems like a special kind of torture because of accessibility and social acceptance. Like, it's right there on the shelf, and it isn't seen as terrible to drink every night. Especially compared to say, smoking crack. It's easy enough to avoid circles of illegal drug users upon getting clean, but you can always see people drinking even at the tamest gathering. The only thing more constantly in your face is food, and those with binge eating disorders also have it insanely hard.

 
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Old 02-03-2022, 12:31 PM   #5650
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I mean, opinions differ on whether alcoholism is such a chronic lifelong thing that a recovering alcoholic must practice lifelong abstinence, or whether one can "stop being an alcoholic" and eventually develop a normal relationship with it
I think that's highly individual, and even makes distinction between specific drinks. I was never an alcoholic, but if I compare it to drugs, there are safe and unsafe situations for me. Despite using everything over many years, my relationship was casual/controllable with everything but weed and opiates. So now, I can use opiates (just pills) in prescribed medical ways, and have had to several times since being clean. When the prescription is out, I'm mentally done and haven't had a craving once the injury is healed. Some people 100% can't use them, even after surgery. I'm that way with pot. Even though it seems the milder and less addictive of the two, the fact that there's no medical purpose (for me) means I would be smoking for pure recreation, and that's a line I can't cross....too slippery of a slope. So I don't see myself ever being able to casually smoke a joint at a party. With alcohol, I can have a glass of wine and not another sip for months and never think about it. But I feel like getting stoned would just be the start of a spiral so I avoid it altogether since I'm not willing to test this theory. So I don't think it's easy for there to be any general consensus on how to heal.

 
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Old 02-05-2022, 04:33 AM   #5651
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I mean, I know if I go off the naltrexone I could go on a bender after a day or two. But that's the point of the medication, right? To make a delay that will hopefully give you time to think over the behavior. If I wanted to use opiates I'd have to not only go get the drugs somehow, but wait a few days. It would have to be very intentional and a series of decisions instead of just a couple. For me, I can call my therapist when I get the urge to stop taking it to do opiates or whatever, and she can talk me down (which happened once). So it gives time for your support system to help. I guess it might kill cravings too in some people (for booze/opiates), but I never used it when I was having strong cravings (only recently, after being clean for some time).

I don't get the lost your 'chance' thing. Does the doctor think because it didn't help you in the past that's the last you get of the good drug and now you need the one for naughty people? What a shithead.
that sort of seems to be the situation. it felt a lot like he forced it on me. i suppose i could message like 'hey i'm uncomfortable with antabuse and would prefer to keep trying naltrexone' [worded in formal] but then i'm worried he'll get pissed and cut me off everything, or something

Quote:
Originally Posted by ilikeplanets View Post
Alcohol addiction seems like a special kind of torture because of accessibility and social acceptance. Like, it's right there on the shelf, and it isn't seen as terrible to drink every night. Especially compared to say, smoking crack. It's easy enough to avoid circles of illegal drug users upon getting clean, but you can always see people drinking even at the tamest gathering. The only thing more constantly in your face is food, and those with binge eating disorders also have it insanely hard.
YES it's really terrible. and that they're allowed to advertise it! should be banned like cigarette ads; alcohol is way more toxic and societally bad. and it's just so ingrained in everything -- oh here's a cold one buddy. it's 5 o clock somewhere. etc etc. what a world

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I think that's highly individual, and even makes distinction between specific drinks. I was never an alcoholic, but if I compare it to drugs, there are safe and unsafe situations for me. Despite using everything over many years, my relationship was casual/controllable with everything but weed and opiates. So now, I can use opiates (just pills) in prescribed medical ways, and have had to several times since being clean. When the prescription is out, I'm mentally done and haven't had a craving once the injury is healed. Some people 100% can't use them, even after surgery. I'm that way with pot. Even though it seems the milder and less addictive of the two, the fact that there's no medical purpose (for me) means I would be smoking for pure recreation, and that's a line I can't cross....too slippery of a slope. So I don't see myself ever being able to casually smoke a joint at a party. With alcohol, I can have a glass of wine and not another sip for months and never think about it. But I feel like getting stoned would just be the start of a spiral so I avoid it altogether since I'm not willing to test this theory. So I don't think it's easy for there to be any general consensus on how to heal.
definitely individual, and i think probably depends on how crazy you've been in the past.

it's weird cause i'm totally fine with every other addictive thing -- weed, gambling, other drugs i've tried, food, gaming, etc. can just give or take them no problem. but alcohol just fucks me up

 
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Old 02-05-2022, 07:27 AM   #5652
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i suppose i could message like 'hey i'm uncomfortable with antabuse and would prefer to keep trying naltrexone' [worded in formal]
why word it in formal?

 
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Old 02-05-2022, 04:09 PM   #5653
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I have a habit of writing emails and letters in a formal way. Like, they way they teach you to write business letters in school.

And then the replies I get back from my professor or boss or psychiatrist or whomever will be casual as fuck.

 
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Old 02-05-2022, 08:54 PM   #5654
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This is a power move in many cases, I’ve found. I spend half an hour crafting a formal, polite email to someone a few steps up the ladder at my company, requesting some information I need to do my job. I rewrite whole sections several times to make them as absolutely clear, concise, and polite as possible. I note, politely but plainly, at the beginning and end that I need a response rather urgently. And I get a tossed-off, six-word reply, hours later, that partially answers one of my four questions. Everyone at the company is required to have a formal, standardized email signature. This person does not have one.

I’ve run into this so, so many times. The more power you have in a relationship, the less you bother crafting your words and treating the other person like a fellow human. The tone you’re exuding in each message is, “You are wasting my time, but I’m going to humor you for ten seconds, so be grateful for my wisdom.” It’s the same sense of entitlement that leads to people screaming at waiters. Everyone is a temporarily embarrassed millionaire, and everyone jumps to be even a tiny tyrant when the least opportunity presents itself.

I’m not saying your psych is throwing alpha moves at you, but your boss? Absolutely.

 
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Old 02-05-2022, 10:37 PM   #5655
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i'm unemployable because the slightest inconvenience to me would make me tell any potential management to suck my dicks

 
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Old 02-06-2022, 04:03 PM   #5656
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Originally Posted by Ram27 View Post
that sort of seems to be the situation. it felt a lot like he forced it on me. i suppose i could message like 'hey i'm uncomfortable with antabuse and would prefer to keep trying naltrexone' [worded in formal] but then i'm worried he'll get pissed and cut me off everything, or something
Can you find a new doctor? Fuck this guy. Psychiatrists are not supposed to be punitive dickheads, and things often don't change overnight. Even if you have gone on benders, do you think the naltrexone at least stopped you from continual abuse of alcohol? Then that's a win. When I was on suboxone for opiates back in the day, I would go off and get high plenty of times. Or get off because I felt like I could handle it and then fuck up. You know what my psychiatrist did? Put me back on it and made a plan with me for how to handle if I stopped taking it again in order to minimize the harm. And one day I was ready to really stop and I did. In the meantime, I wasn't constantly buying black market opiates and lessened my chance of OD and arrest. There's no miracle pill, it's a tool.

I am angry on your behaf

Last edited by reprise85 : 02-06-2022 at 04:08 PM.

 
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Old 02-06-2022, 07:40 PM   #5657
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thanksss <3. I think it has helped, yeah. certainly this time around i'm gonna be much more vigilant with myself. [as i understand the drugs work the same in the sense that i take it in the morning and thus can't drink later - it's just one nullifies the drink and one punishes for it] i still have a month's supply and am going to start taking it again [after he told me to stop whenever my last appt was]. i sent him a note which was basically what i said up there, hope he doesn't get annoyed monday. talked to my parents about the whole thing, we'll find a new guy if all goes wrong

 
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Old 02-10-2022, 06:30 PM   #5658
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I have a habit of writing emails and letters in a formal way. Like, they way they teach you to write business letters in school.

And then the replies I get back from my professor or boss or psychiatrist or whomever will be casual as fuck.
ya i gotta put a little effort into not being so formal and using words like subsequently and thus. it's like when you're encouraged as a kid and teenager to raise your hand and ask for permission to use the bathroom until one day people think you're a freak for asking.

v blessed to work at a place that doesn't expect tons of formality and no one is an asshole except for one white guy--not according to me, though. i was "warned" that he isn't friendly but to not take it personally; he's actually super helpful tho whenever i've had any questions. maybe he recognizes my inner-grump and identifies with that.

 
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Old 02-10-2022, 06:32 PM   #5659
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i was prescribed some junk in my early 20s meant to mitigate the urge to drink and i was all like ''oh yeah, i am going to show you who is boss, pill" and i drank on it. shaking my damn head.

 
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Old 04-18-2022, 01:09 AM   #5660
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yooo look at this shit i found


 
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Old 04-18-2022, 06:45 AM   #5661
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how you doing, Ram?

 
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Old 04-18-2022, 10:31 AM   #5662
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Hey Ram and anyone else who’s got an addictive sorta behavior they wanna change

Might be worth checking out a smart meeting: https://www.smartrecovery.org/community/calendar.php

It is the opposite of 12 steps: you are not powerless, you don’t need to wait on some higher power to do its business to save/forgive/heal you, you are not at the mercy of a sponsor riding your ass about how to do the steps, there are no steps, just tools you can use or choose not to use. It’s based in cognitive behavior therapy and rational emotive behavior therapy. Seriously has changed my life although i still am having some slips and lapses

 
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Old 04-18-2022, 03:59 PM   #5663
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but what if i am powerless

 
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Old 04-18-2022, 04:27 PM   #5664
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but what if i am powerless
You choose your beliefs and behaviors every day, minute, second, moment, thus you have at least this power

You're responsible for how you use that power, whether you choose to be aware of that responsibility or not

Sorry to dump these hard facts up your face. But it's time to grow up, ovary

 
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Old 04-18-2022, 07:32 PM   #5665
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choice is an illusion. read a book you fucking rube

 
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Old 04-18-2022, 07:57 PM   #5666
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choice is an illusion. read a book you fucking rube
This is a cute attitudinal “hat” for a teenager to try donning upon their idiot teenage noggin, for like a semester or two, max, but after that it’s kinda embarrassing

 
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Old 04-19-2022, 02:43 AM   #5667
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12 step programs are horribly ineffective for most people. But our society pretends it's the only way to deal with addiction.

 
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Old 04-19-2022, 02:45 AM   #5668
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So you're told over and over that only you can control your addiction. So when that doesn't work it's YOU, not the 'program' that's at fault. It sets up the majority of people to fail, and then feel guilty for it

 
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Old 04-19-2022, 02:46 AM   #5669
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I wish alternatives were more widely available to people.

 
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Old 04-19-2022, 09:02 AM   #5670
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So you're told over and over that only you can control your addiction. So when that doesn't work it's YOU, not the 'program' that's at fault. It sets up the majority of people to fail, and then feel guilty for it
Is your theory that someone with substance use disorder is not in control over whether they use?

Of course we will grant that it may be immeasurably difficult

But just who was it that put that shit in my body in the first place? And then kept doing it until i trained my brain to create an autopilot “need” for it to reach some kind of homeostasis? And yea, maybe i can’t quit without medically assisted detox, am i not in control over whether i go seek that assistance?

Just not sure on your theory of control/choice here….

 
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