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Old 06-28-2015, 02:51 PM   #1
run2pee
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Default would you expect a weeklong houseguest to do your chores?

I have a close friend of around 10 years I've visited in New Orleans once or twice a year for up to a couple weeks at a time. Nowadays he's got a GF living in the same space but still always asks me when I'm coming next. So I agreed to come down for a week. Feeling trepidatious about invading their couple space for so long, I called beforehand to ask whether it'd be a good idea to get a room somewhere else for a few of the days. The buddy said, "No way, come on down."

When I arrived, the tour of the new space included a list of the chores I would be expected to accomplish while on vacation there: clearing their neglected 1 acre garden of weeds and debris, harvesting from the garden, mowing the lawn, putting rolling wheels on a huge bookcase (filled with books), to name a few. I was surprised at this but tried to be the best houseguest I could (I brought a gift, treated them to meals, cleared the table and washed all dishes, even swept the floors) and mowed and cleared in the garden quite a lot. I also made sure to give them all the couple time possible and only really was in the room with them when they specifically requested it.

The last straw was being asked to empty the kitty litter after I'd told them I have a thing about cat poop (lived with a cat that shat all over) and then moments later my buddy says: "We're gonna need some alone time this weekend" (this after not really hanging with the buddy at all other than sitting around watching fucken netflix with him and GF). Even though it cost $$$, I decided to book an emergency hotel and moved out the next day.

My GF is appalled and wonders why I'd want to continue the friendship after this. Is this beyond the pale? What do you think?

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 02:53 PM   #2
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he sounds like a sociopath

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 02:55 PM   #3
Elphenor
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Yeah that's fucked

Fuck them

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 02:55 PM   #4
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honestly you're a bit of a sucker for doing anything for this guy

i would have started laughing when he told me about the garden. when I saw that he was serious i'm not sure what i'd do.

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 02:59 PM   #5
run2pee
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Thanks for the feedback, yeah I have a problem probably with setting boundaries for friends. I've stayed with this guy a bunch of times without any issues like this. Probably because he has the GF there now I felt from the get-go I was "putting them out" by being there for more than a couple days, so my attitude I'm sure invited them to take advantage of me

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 03:07 PM   #6
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Really if these people had any decency they'd be treating you to meals as a guest in their home

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 03:10 PM   #7
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That's f'd up. Bringing a gift, helping with and cleaning up after meal- that's about all that's in bounds for a considerate house guest. All the other stuff is nuts

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 03:22 PM   #8
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I think this is really weird. Idk about ending the friendship completely but uhh, yeah...

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 03:50 PM   #9
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giving you a list is weird. if he asked while you were there if you could give him a hand with the garden or the book case or whatever i would be fine with that. but a list telling you you have to do these things is bullpoop.

give him a list of the things you need done. like a blowbang from his girlfriend.

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 03:59 PM   #10
The exploding boy
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holy shit...i thought maybe you meant like you know. cleanign the dishes after a meal. maybe the bathroom once every few days. like sink and shower. shit you use...thats reasonable. but this? fuck them.

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:01 PM   #11
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yeah this was beyond inappropriate of your friend & his gf.

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:17 PM   #12
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any passive aggression from either of them? this could have been a tactic to try and get out of their offer and make it seem like it was your fault

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:37 PM   #13
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when i visit my BF in Oakland he and his wife treat me like a guest. I'll insist to help out a bit if i'm there for more than a couple of days. Stuff like doing the dishes after we share a meal. Or offering to cook them dinner.

but wtf if he asked me to do home improvements I'd leave and go to a hotel. also, my BF just wouldn't act like a douche like that. if he did i'd tell him

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:51 PM   #14
The exploding boy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trotskilicious View Post
any passive aggression from either of them? this could have been a tactic to try and get out of their offer and make it seem like it was your fault
this. i have a feeling at least ONE of them really didn't want you there and made that list passive aggressively.


in fact it's more than a feeling, its exactly what it is.

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 04:57 PM   #15
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especially considering how the end of it was WE NEED TIME ALONE

she mad

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 05:03 PM   #16
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yeah, that's fucked. it would be reasonable for him to choose that week to tackle a few things around the house and hope/expect for you to pitch in and give him a hand, but to just make a list for you...
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Old 06-28-2015, 05:04 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Run To Me View Post
I also made sure to give them all the couple time possible and only really was in the room with them when they specifically requested it.
any chance you overdid it on this, and appeared not wanting to spend time with them (or one of them)? or that they could read your behaviour like that?

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 05:05 PM   #18
The exploding boy
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i would end any such friendship. Or at least bring it up and if they didn't think it was wrong or wouldn't apologize i'd be done with them. And maybe call them crazy before hanging up. Which they clearly are.


BUT..maybe they find you a shit friend and have been trying to find a way to break this friendship for years. And if you dont break it off now maybe theyll think jesus christ what the fuck is it gonna take for this fucking guy to take a hint. I mean, if nothinh else that's what it was, a hint they don't like you.

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 07:34 PM   #19
run2pee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooney View Post
yeah, that's fucked. it would be reasonable for him to choose that week to tackle a few things around the house and hope/expect for you to pitch in and give him a hand, but to just make a list for you...
Yeah in fairness to the guy, it wasn't a written list but more like "here's what I'm up to and how you could help out while here." I tried to dive in early on, with the idea that, ok, I'm going above and beyond as a guest so hopefully it'll mean they do the same as hosts and this'll be a great trip. Instead it was sorta like "ok you're done with that, here's this." For example, after a day of mowing I was in the library and overhead buddy telling GF not to worry about the shelves in her closet that had broken, cause I could handle that the next day while they were at work. I suddenly realized there was to be no "payoff" from my effort, except watching n'flix with them

Thanks again for all the feedback it's much appreciated

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 07:47 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by The exploding boy View Post
i would end any such friendship.
this is why you have no friends

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:02 PM   #21
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what?? this is strange for them to ask all this, considering they invited you. Also, you were only there for a week. Who pushes someone out saying they need "alone time" with their s/o within a week like that? very rude

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:14 PM   #22
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I dunno. I guess if you're just kicking there for a week and they're going on about their business and asked you to help that it isn't too outta line. You'd figure they'd at least give you a 6 pack and have some beers with you or something once you were done helping em for the day...

Definitely sounds a little excessive though. His girlfriend was probably just pissed that you were there.

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:16 PM   #23
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people say "YEAH CRASH AT MY PLACE ANY TIME" and don't think anyone will take them up on it

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:20 PM   #24
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This would be okay if it was your sick grandma who has a bad back or something, but they're not so fuck them

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:27 PM   #25
run2pee
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trotskilicious View Post
especially considering how the end of it was WE NEED TIME ALONE

she mad
I did get the feeling there was some brewing resentment from her but figured it was nothing more than that typical annoyance sig others sometimes get when you're hanging with your buddy you've known much longer than they have, talking things she doesn't know about...but damn I tried so hard to be friends with her. Talking went with her to grocery (threw down on half of course), asked her abot herself, complimented her on how buddy seems more even keeled with her around, even brought a carton of her fave high dollar natural cigs.

But toward the end it'd be like "hey! Welcome home how was work?" Cold stare. I'm really dumbfounded what more I coulda done to win her over. Also mindblown she didn't discern any apparent need/desire to win me over

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:30 PM   #26
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it really dosn't sound very smooth

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:31 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Run To Me View Post
I did get the feeling there was some brewing resentment from her but figured it was nothing more than that typical annoyance sig others sometimes get when you're hanging with your buddy you've known much longer than they have, talking things she doesn't know about...but damn I tried so hard to be friends with her. Talking went with her to grocery (threw down on half of course), asked her abot herself, complimented her on how buddy seems more even keeled with her around, even brought a carton of her fave high dollar natural cigs.

But toward the end it'd be like "hey! Welcome home how was work?" Cold stare. I'm really dumbfounded what more I coulda done to win her over. Also mindblown she didn't discern any apparent need/desire to win me over
that's because she didn't want you there

also everyone involved needs to be able to be honest with each other but you all sound young

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:50 PM   #28
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yeah, a weeks a little long to be staying in the same house with a couple... Is their home even that big?

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:51 PM   #29
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it doesn't have to be a big deal just because it's a couple. why not be polite for a week if you invite someone over?

 
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:58 PM   #30
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why does a couple think they cant possibly share their living space? people are so uppity

 
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