just released from a mental hospital and went directly to smashing pumpkins show AMA

[ilikeplanets]

Del TMI and probably not helpful

[ilikeplanets]

The more important part of that post I was that I'm always here to talk at if you need to

[redbreegull]

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I actually did read your post before you edited it.

No, there won't be any legal issues. The police were responding to a whatever they call it, not criminal activity. Therefore I guess the bar for getting in trouble for resisting them is raised. Oh man I really made their day hard. And I don't feel bad about it either. The police have no place in the mental health system, and they came into my (former) apartment with the obvious intent to take me out in cuffs no matter what. Fuck the police. I told them they were all racist bastards motherfuckers and a state sanctioned gang, I screamed and got neighbors who didn't know what was happening to call the cops on the cops. I told the older dude who seemed to be in charge that he was bootlicking scum and he would burn in hell. He was like oh well plenty of people love the police. I said yeah people who never encounter them. One guy did try to pull some "don't kick me" bullshit when I did absolutely no such thing when they were trying to take me out of the apartment. I asked who was wearing a body cam and then began narrating their behavior directly to the cam on the guy's chest. When they took me into the ER there were all these cute nurses at intake and I loudly announced, "These guys are so good at their job they had to put the handcuffs on twice," and the nurses all laughed. Honestly, as terrible as my behavior was, it was pretty fulfilling to embarrass them.

It was both my finest, and lowest moment. Seriously, fuck the goddamn police.

[redbreegull]

The girlfirend situation is a whole other thing. The real central reason she broke up with me was the drinking, and I can't really blame her for that, but she kind of used the mental crisis with the police as a wedge against me. When I got out of the hospital I only did better for a few days and then there was another incident with her involving drinking. She had already kicked me out, was allowing me to come over "one or two nights a week," and then kicked me out again and forced me to sign myself off the lease.

If I was in her shoes I probably would have broken up with me too, but she did me really dirty with the apartment, and she gave me serious emotional whiplash with the back and forth of whether she was going to stand by me and help me or push me away. Actually she still is After all this, she was calling me at the hospital I was just at and using trivial stuff as a pretense to contact me, like mail that came for me. I do not appreciate it and I don't know what she wants or expects from me. I would say the relationship seems salvageable, but the more I think about it, making me sign myself off the lease is kind of a deal breaker for me. It's shitty, and I think her parents were behind it. Anyway there is a lot more I could explain but I think I have written enough blocks of text tonight, and I have intake for a rehab php in the morning. Peace out y'all. Deuces.

[redbreegull]

blinded by the light
wrapped up like a douche
anotharunnainaaight

[TheAlter]

[redbreegull]

my dude. I am trying.

[TheAlter]

Start running. Not now, but i'm not kidding. You'll feel terrible the first time, then pretty good and the second time you are going to "know".

[redbreegull]

I used to run 3-5 miles about twice a week. I loved running at night especially.

Then covid happened, everyone's lifestyle changed, I started drinking like a hideous deep sea creature, and there was no more running

[teh b0lly!!1]

bro I'm sorry

[teh b0lly!!1]

I just want to say, with the way the last two or three years have been going, I honestly believe having some kind of life-altering breakdown is a very sane and dare I say, healthy reaction.

I hope you are being patient and compassionate with yourself at this time (which it sounds like you are).

Peace be with you

[teh b0lly!!1]

Also, firmly resisting the urge to do the me and make it all about me, let me just say I fully get where you're at and on a not dissimilar boat. You're not alone. Stay strong

Sorry I'm always so fucking sappy

[teh b0lly!!1]

[teh b0lly!!1]

While we descend into insanity let's pretend it's all all right

[topleybird]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

I don't believe poodles will ever roam the earth, but given an infinite universe, there is with 100% certainty another earth somewhere on which poodles already roam.

I used to subscribe to this, this idea that there are currently an infinite amount of Topleybirds typing into a box on Netphoria right now, and a second infinite amount of them where their earth varied by an immeasurably small and brief change in one atom's energy level in the entirety of the planet's existence, and so on, but I grew bored with it. I've found my new favorite model of the universe, in which the earth is flat (not thrilled about this part, but it's sort of necessary for the rest), the rim of our disc is surrounded by an impassable ice wall, and the rest of the universe is an infinite flat plain of ice. A lot of flat-earthers believe the first two suppositions, and a very small subset believe the third. I'm happy to join their ranks because the universe being infinite (how grand) but full only of a field of ice and our shitty little dinner plate of a hellworld (impossibly bleak) is metal as hell.

Originally Posted by redbreegull

it was actually really nice, and several people there told me it was the nicest psych ward they had ever been to

I'm glad you had, I guess, a decent experience during what was unquestionably a terrible experience, if you see what I mean. If you get it. I hope things get better for you.

[Cool As Ice Cream]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

Actually I have never encountered more professional healthcare workers in my life.

they did say I had a chicken in my heart

ok

[ilikeplanets]

Yeah is that supposed to be a metaphor or...?

[Cool As Ice Cream]

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets

Yeah is that supposed to be a metaphor or...?

(misheard) pumpkins lyrics off zeitgeist

https://youtu.be/ghlzEnGyeI4?t=75

[yo soy el mejor]

damn certainly don't miss that type of drama. add in probation and mandated NA and you got yourself a stew!

have you tried volunteering, btw?

[Disco King]

At any point, when asked if you needed anything, did you respond to the orderlies, "just give me a Pepsi, please; all I want is a Pepsi"?

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by Disco King

At any point, when asked if you needed anything, did you respond to the orderlies, "just give me a Pepsi, please; all I want is a Pepsi"?

no, I did request more doritos on the snack cart though, again, secret menu

[redbreegull]

I find the artifacts, cried over a hat
cursed the space that I needed
I trace the evidence, make it make some sense
why the wound is still bleeding
you were the one that I loved
don't need another metaphor it's simple enough
a wrinkle in time, like the crease by your eyes
this is why you shouldn't kill off the main guys

dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief
in the good in the world you once believed in me
and I felt you and I held you for awhile
but I could still melt your world
argumentative antithetical dreamgirl

I heard your key turn in the door down the hallway
is that your key in the door...?
is it ok? is it you...?
...or have they come to take me away?

-ts

[redbreegull]

my new php won't let us smoke weed so now I am vaping

what the fuck has happened to my life

[Ram27]

i only vape [and take edibles] and i hope to god no doctor or job jeopardizes that

[redbreegull]

This is unfortunately a nicotine vape. I don't know what to do with my hands sometimes when I'm trying to chill out without weed, and this seems like some sort of replacement at least. I've actually only been vaping D8, D10, and HHC from hemp for about the last year and a half now. Weed is about to be fully legalized in MD though.

The program I'm in randomly drug tests participants, even though I'm actually in the mental health track, not the addiction track. Doesn't make any sense to me. I'm there for alcoholism, not abuse of marijuana, and now I'm doing nicotine. Other than that though, this place seems to be good. Today one of the counselors brought in her siberian husky and it spent the day roaming the suite and licking people. Also, they bought us pizza.

[FoolofaTook]

[ilikeplanets]

I guess the thought process is to be okay with no substances at all?

[ilikeplanets]

Don't start binge eating or gambling instead

[ilikeplanets]

I fully believe it's impossible to be free of some sort of habit or addiction, even if it's a "good" one like exercise or gardening

[redbreegull]

I don't think it's in my personality to go the route of eating or gambling as a replacement. My other addiction is probably sex/love