I am trying to go down on medications which is probably contributing to feeling bad. But I also think this feeling bad is probably good overall. Like I'm on less meds and feeling more anxious which is making me bring up shit in therapy I've been suppressing. But then I also added a medication to try to stop skin picking which has gotten kind of bad. But going down on a really heavy medication (for lack of a better word) and adding one that usually has zero side effects seems ok to me. Whatever, I'm trying.
I also realized this week that although I've considered my depression mild for a while, it's probably more like moderate. I mean I had a whole session pretty much about why it's logical to kill myself, and how I understand how people seem normal and plan it out and no one ever knows, because they legit think it's the right thing to do and it's not impulsive. I never really "got" that before and I do now so that's sort of alarming I guess.
I'm trying to figure out how to make sure I tell someone if it gets to that point but that's part of the whole issue. To be clear I'm not suicidal and you guys don't need to worry but I think in the long term I might be in trouble if I don't radically change my life.
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