there was that time i woke up with my bed all burned up, where i was not on drugs but have no memory of apparently setting my bed on fire. things like that are pretty scary. and my mom did tell me that she knew i was going to kill myself and that she was preparing for it. she gave up on me, basically. not that i blame her. it was basically a forgone conclusion that i'd end up dead or in a long term state hospital eventually.
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