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Old 07-05-2021, 05:01 PM   #40
FoolofaTook
Just Hook it to My Veins!
 
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Location: Donald Trump of Netphoria
Posts: 37,215
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Thanks again guys. I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to most of you, if not all of you, on this board.


I spent about a week with my brother in Yakima two months before he died. He was totally disconnected from life. He was basically dressed in rags, his pants spattered with vomit from digesting DXM. I tried to talk to him, but he would just answer in single words or sentences. Then he took DXM and turned into a zombie, unable to talk at all. I got pretty upset. So I checked him into a rehab and just left him there to die. Last thing I said to him was "good luck." So much for that.

When I saw him again, his face was bloated and covered in red insect bites. For the autopsy they cut open his scalp (I think?) so they covered it with a beanie for the viewing. My parents paid the minimum so they hadn't even washing his hands. They were filthy, covered in black dirt.

My mom couldn't go in to see him. She just cried out in the hallway. My dad made a fucking scene, asking me "check his tattoos. is that really him?" looking at his corpse with curiosity and praying twice in an affected pious manner. he didn't look upset at all. maybe even satisfied? it was really weird to be weeping and wanting to break his face at the same time.

all i can think about is that while my brother was slowly rotting in the gutter i was flying around to turkey and colombia having a grand time in hotels. basically, i am the one who killed him by getting him started with stealing / taking DXM and then abandoning him after I got my life back together. and i knew this was going to happen (he started overdosing and going to the ER over a year ago, when he began to mix DXM with alcohol) and i let it happen. because i valued my comfort and ease more than his fucking life.

 
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