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Old 11-02-2016, 12:28 AM   #79
Disco King
Minion of Satan
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
this is definitely a big issue man :/ i know no one can just make you check them but there's gotta be something you can do
Quote:
Originally Posted by vixnix View Post
DK man. This email thing is a recurring thing for you huh. Just check 'em. Even if they have emailed, there's only so much shitty emotion/remorse/regret/shame/humiliation that can come from it.

And speaking from experience, all feelings pass, eventually. Good luck man.
Yeah, I dunno. I had a paper due Friday that I'm still not done, and I feel like I just cannot do it. This same class also has weekly short papers based on the book we were supposed to read for the week. I have another short paper due tomorrow, and I just started the book today.

It's funny, because I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with this honours class, but I enrolled in it anyway. I have both low self-confidence in that I know I'm not capable of a lot of stuff, but also perfectionism in that I expect myself to do that stuff anyway and always try to make it perfect. I have the worst habits when it comes to writing papers, because instead of just writing and getting my ideas out and then fixing it up later, I have to make everything perfect the first time, and I can spend hours wording a single paragraph. Profs usually say I write well. But obviously I'm inefficient, and a student who maybe has less precise diction but can finish their shit and meet deadlines without tearing their hair out from stress is the better student, all things considered. Their skills are probably more valuable in any workplace or academic setting.

As far as I know, I'm the only person in my class of eleven people struggling like this. I haven't asked the other folks personally, but they all seem pretty prepared for each seminar. I skate by by reading maybe a fifth of the book that was assigned because I just cannot finish a 300-page book in a week, especially when I have material to read for other courses, because I'm a shitty reader. I didn't even hand in last week's short paper. I just said, "fuck it, it's only three per cent of my final grade, I'd rather skip it and at least get some sleep tonight." Because I can't start these short papers until I've read the book (or at least, enough of it), I can't start them until the last minute, often forcing me to pull an all-nighter and making me late for my seminar.

Up until this semester, I've managed to maintain grades that have kept me on the Dean's List, but I've handed everything in late this semester and the quality of my work has fallen because of how much energy is going toward trying to keep afloat in this seminar, and I expect to get my first 'C's this semester. I'll probably even get a C in that poetry course I took because I thought it would be the "easy" course (I straight up bombed one pop quiz, and I don't feel I did well on the midterm).

I don't know what to tell my prof for the seminar tomorrow. I've been having lots of anxiety these past couple weeks and I'm not sure, but I think I may had been having a panic attack today. But I don't want to tell my prof any of that because it sounds like looking for pity. "Oh, woe is me, I can't do the work that I'm assigned because I'm just so sad and anxious." I went back to my school wellness center to look into going back into counselling, and this time I also booked an appointment with an actual physician because I want to be formally assessed for disorders I've long wondered if I had instead of just being given "helpful tips and strategies," but though the advisor I talked to said that there was the possibility that I could get accommodations if diagnosed, I don't feel like I'd want to use them because, again, it feels like trying to use these things as a crutch. I mean, it's not like other people who are succeeding in their studies don't have any hardship in their lives. On some level, the basic explanation for my failures has to be that I'm just being shit. Like, I should be trying to do that essay right now, but instead I took time out to complain on Netphoria.

Quote:
Originally Posted by reprise85 View Post
i've never had someone continually do that in a small class. in a big class they only do it in the back so i sit up front.
Yeah, I can't imagine a prof tolerating that bullshit in such a small class. I once made the mistake in first year of sitting near the back in a large auditorium lecture, and I never did it again. I don't understand people who pay for a course just to talk through it. It's not like grade school, where the law forces you to go to class. These people don't have to be there if they don't want to listen, they can go hang out somewhere and talk if that's what they want to do.

 
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