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Old 11-11-2010, 12:22 AM   #17
sickbadthing
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In Light of the Four Loko Ban, We Have No Other Choice
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Comment by Reg on November 10, 2010 at 2:01 PM 1
1
At least this product tastes good.
Posted by Reg on November 10, 2010 at 2:01 PM
Comment by STJA on November 10, 2010 at 2:02 PM 2
STJA 2
But so much less of that sweet sweet caffeine!
Posted by STJA on November 10, 2010 at 2:02 PM
Comment by ddecounter on November 10, 2010 at 2:02 PM 3
3
@ 60$ a handle.

Way to stick it to the liquor board man.
Posted by ddecounter on November 10, 2010 at 2:02 PM
Comment by gloomy gus on November 10, 2010 at 2:03 PM 4
gloomy gus 4
Yeah, if you don't mix in enough caffeine to match Loko the booze-drowsiness might kick in. Good luck! And that is a nice color for a shirt.
Posted by gloomy gus on November 10, 2010 at 2:03 PM
Comment by sall on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM 5
sall 5
You were going to buy it anyway.
Posted by sall on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM
Comment by Proteus on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM 6
6
Crush up some No-Doz in that and you're golden.
Posted by Proteus on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM
Comment by Urgutha Forka on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM 7
Urgutha Forka 7
Skip the bourbon, drink Scotch instead.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on November 10, 2010 at 2:04 PM
Comment by Will in Seattle on November 10, 2010 at 2:07 PM 8
Will in Seattle 8
Just stop whining and go buy some Kahlua.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on November 10, 2010 at 2:07 PM
Comment by care bear on November 10, 2010 at 2:08 PM 9
care bear 9
Way better choice than Four Loko.
Posted by care bear on November 10, 2010 at 2:08 PM
Comment by Mary P. Traverse on November 10, 2010 at 2:13 PM 10
Mary P. Traverse 10
I'll be right down.
Posted by Mary P. Traverse http://www.marytraverse.com/ on November 10, 2010 at 2:13 PM
Comment by Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:16 PM 11
Fnarf 11
Please don't turn this into a conversation about alcohol. By doing so you are merely playing into the hands of the neo-Prohibitionists who, even when they reluctantly permit the consumption of a legal product -- even when they consume it themselves -- do so in full shameful awareness of the great moral laxity that is being undertaken here. Don't go along with them.

Consuming Maker's Mark (or Four Loko) is not a moral issue. It is a class issue, and a cultural issue. In the case of Maker's Mark it is also a connection to American history and agriculture; in the case of Four Loko it is a connection to modern corporate business practices and modern youth-management practices.

In short, the alcohol is the least interesting thing in that bottle.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:16 PM
Comment by doceb on November 10, 2010 at 2:16 PM 12
12
I agree that the ban is silly, but at least with this you have a good idea of how much alcohol you are drinking.
Posted by doceb on November 10, 2010 at 2:16 PM
Comment by ddecounter on November 10, 2010 at 2:19 PM 13
13
fnarf, I kinda want to lick you right now.
Posted by ddecounter on November 10, 2010 at 2:19 PM
Comment by Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:27 PM 14
Fnarf 14
@13, is that because you really like me, or because I'm covered in agave nectar?
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:27 PM
Comment by STJA on November 10, 2010 at 2:27 PM 15
STJA 15
Youth-management??? What the fuck is "youth-management"?

There's no cattle-prod in Four Loko.
Posted by STJA on November 10, 2010 at 2:27 PM
Comment by Will in Seattle on November 10, 2010 at 2:31 PM 16
Will in Seattle 16
@13 and @14 clearly show the horrific consequences of consuming alcohol and stimulants.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on November 10, 2010 at 2:31 PM
Comment by Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:39 PM 17
Fnarf 17
@15, youth management is what society does (poorly) when it produces large numbers of nimrods who think that getting wasted on popcorn-flavored Four Loco is a good idea, and what society does (poorly) when it produces large numbers of nimrods who think that discussing the possible ban on Four Loko is a good way for government to occupy its time.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 2:39 PM
Comment by also on November 10, 2010 at 3:14 PM 18
18
It's a sad commentary on literacy rates at The Stranger when even *******, by far the most coherent and articular writer on staff, confuses "in lieu of" with "in light of". "In lieu of" means *instead of*.
Posted by also on November 10, 2010 at 3:14 PM
Comment by Fifty-Two-Eighty on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM 19
Fifty-Two-Eighty 19
Sorry, Mr. Grammar Critic, but "in light of" is perfectly acceptable.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM
Comment by doceb on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM 20
20
@18: Maybe he's actually saying that instead of the Four Loko ban, the State is forcing everyone to drink a bottle of liquor.
Posted by doceb on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM
Comment by sall on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM 21
sall 21
@ 13 wants to lick Frnarf because Fnarf looks like he sweats butter or Crisco. Popcorn flavored four loko might actually come from Fnarf.
Posted by sall on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM
Comment by devilsmoke on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM 22
devilsmoke 22
three parts coffee, one part Maker's Mark. That'll get you through the day. and no conspicuous can to give you away.
Posted by devilsmoke on November 10, 2010 at 3:17 PM
Comment by CharlesYFarley on November 10, 2010 at 3:35 PM 23
CharlesYFarley 23
Personally, I like Medaglia d' Oro® mixed with Gatorade®. One quart of the latter and one 6-ounce bottle of the former is about right.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooommmmmmmmmmmm!
Posted by CharlesYFarley http://mcaf.ee/7ab9d on November 10, 2010 at 3:35 PM
Comment by ******* Holden on November 10, 2010 at 3:37 PM 24
******* Holden 24
@ 18) Thank you. Fixed. Our literacy is currently compromised by an excess of Four Loko and bourbon.
Posted by ******* Holden on November 10, 2010 at 3:37 PM
Comment by Fairhaven on November 10, 2010 at 3:41 PM 25
25
Fnarf Wrote:
"In short, the alcohol is the least interesting thing in that bottle."

I agree. Especially on a cold night when snuggled up to one's honey after both of us have consumed a tumbler or two. How I do love winter.

Posted by Fairhaven on November 10, 2010 at 3:41 PM
Comment by Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:07 PM 26
Fnarf 26
By the way, I just celebrated the ban by buying a can of Four Loko, which I would not otherwise have done in a million years. Blue Raspberry flavor; they didn't have Popcorn.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:07 PM
Comment by sall on November 10, 2010 at 4:15 PM 27
sall 27
Brace yourself for a headache. All Four Loko consumers are more daring and have less regard for their physical wellbeing than I.
Posted by sall on November 10, 2010 at 4:15 PM
Comment by Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:17 PM 28
Fnarf 28
@27, oh, I didn't say I was going to drink it. I think I'm just going to carry it around with me.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:17 PM
Comment by Cienna Madrid on November 10, 2010 at 4:23 PM 29
29
@28, it doubles as mace.
Posted by Cienna Madrid on November 10, 2010 at 4:23 PM
Comment by Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:55 PM 30
Fnarf 30
@29, that might come in handy. I find myself in need of mace CONSTANTLY.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 4:55 PM
Unregistered Comment on November 10, 2010 at 5:30 PM 31
31
""that might come in handy. I find myself in need of mace CONSTANTLY."

of course you do, because of all the black dudes 'n all.
Posted by rascist conservidiot from the suburbs on November 10, 2010 at 5:30 PM
Comment by Fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 5:42 PM 32
Fnarf 32
@31, what? I'm referring to the comely young ladies, all trying to rip my clothing off. Or angry Slog readers wanting to do the same to my internal organs.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on November 10, 2010 at 5:42 PM
Comment by Canuck on November 10, 2010 at 5:54 PM 33
Canuck 33
"I'm referring to the comely young ladies, all trying to rip my clothing off."

Aha, the gold cat suit finally makes sense...it was protective gear.

And, our postal code is T0L0K0, which perhaps makes us an optimal testing ground. Do they make Caribou Flavour?
Posted by Canuck on November 10, 2010 at 5:54 PM
Comment by Free Lunch on November 10, 2010 at 6:11 PM 34
Free Lunch 34
Glad to see you guys have a new product-placement sponsor. Next on your list: an AA sponsor.
Posted by Free Lunch on November 10, 2010 at 6:11 PM
Unregistered Comment on November 10, 2010 at 6:41 PM 35
35
@32: oh, ok, it is just that I need to needlessly inject race into every comment thread because of my obsessive troll nature.

IT's ALL THE FAULT of The BLACK MAN!!!

see?
Posted by rascist conservidiot from the suburbs on November 10, 2010 at 6:41 PM
Comment by MR. Language Person on November 10, 2010 at 8:15 PM 36
MR. Language Person 36
@7. No man, bourbon is the way to go. Quality stuff for the money. Try any of the Van Winkle line. I know Wisconsin is cheaper than---well, anywhere, but at $60 for the 12 yr or $95 for the 15 yr, I'll put either up against any scotch at the price. It may not have the peat notes, but I don't like that stuff anyway. I like the extra oak (barrels must be unused for bourbon. Then they're shipped off to make scotch, for which they must be used first).

Oh, and it's 'Merrican.

 
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