i deleted my facebook a couple of years ago and my family hasn't stopped hounding me to register again. and i just don't want to. on the heels of that i purged as much of my "online presence" as i could think to do--pictures, accounts, etc and now the internet is just really boring.
but i also do not have any friends and don't feel any strong compulsion to make some, save for a few fleeting moments here and there. i think that since i moved to chicago and it's the first time i've lived centrally in a large city, i've completely turned inward and don't really have patience to deal with anyone. i just started wearing earplugs while i commute on the train and it's extremely satisfying to not have to pay attention to anyone or hear people talking. |
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I've got a gf, we've been together 6 years. She's about as social as I am. We are stranded together in a life of disappointment and apathy. Clearly we've got issues but what are you gonna do? |
I mean, I feel you on the people are uninteresting thing. I think the majority are this way, but even if 1/1000 people is interesting/smart, there are a lot of people out there. Like I made friends with this one guy, we hand out maybe every other month but I just... don't like him. There's nothing wrong with him. He's just not in the same mental space I am in, and I think we both realized that at the same time. There are people I connect with, but none of them are available for a closer friendships - one lives in Amhurst most of the year (known him since I was 13, and the other has two small children (one is autistic). We met at work; we got hired a week apart about 18 months ago.
It seems like everyone has something and I just don't have anything. I see myself filling that hole with school and even my cat (who I got a year ago) and I don't think that's bad (seriously, I didn't have anything before), and I do make connections in school, but it never gets very personal and I think that is mostly on me and not on the other people. Since you're new, you probably don't know that when I was super depressed and very PTSD-ed out I couldn't work and basically didn't leave my house for about four years except for therapy and random hospitalizations. It was really this way up until I got my job in Sept 2012. So I've made good strides. I just can't trust people I think is the bottom line. It's pretty sad really. |
Maybe it's simply that you've only recently found your way and it takes a while before you get to the point where you no longer feel like you "don't have anyting"
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I mean I don't get the appeal if you don't want to interact with people.
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Here's some depression
I seriously have no purpose to continue living. Every single experience in my life is a painful one. Work fucking sucks but what's the point in looking for another job. I probably won't make more, not that I make much now. My home life sucks and it's my fault for not even trying to care about my partner for the last year and a half or just getting up and leaving. Probably because the only option is living with my parents and I guess I'm too proud for that and feel that would actually be worse. My parents are always hounding me to go back to school but I don't fucking want to because it's awful. My mouth hurts and I need dental work done but it's expensive and I don't want to ask anyone for money. My back always hurts because I sleep on a futon and I just don't want to spend the money on a good bed. I seriously don't want to do anything to make my life better so don't think I'm complaining about anything, I'm just talking. In the past I'd complain, vent, whatever to anyone willing to listen but now I just don't say anything to anyone. I've been thinking about going to a psychiatrist but I've been down that road and I never stick to anything. I mean seriously I have no redeeming qualities and I do nothing. I left work early because my boss can clearly see I'm not ok and I've just been laying here. What a fucking loser I am. It makes no sense that I haven't just ended it and the only reason I haven't I guess is that it requires effort. |
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maybe small cities would be another thing but you can be anonymous and anti social in cities of a million plus, it's easy |
i would love to live in chicago. the wife may end up going to grad school there.
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i don't want to live anywhere, i wish i was dead
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I've been listening to power metal for the last 2 hours
I think I'm depressed Help me |
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my mother and stepfather live in a small rural town. I would go crazy if I had to live there. They basically sit in their house every day and they only leave when my mother drives to work or they go to church. there's not a damn thing to do in that place. I think there's one shitty restaurant and nothing else.
in terms of personal interaction with other people there isn't any. it seems like a great place to be if you don't want to interact with other human beings |
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in a thread where actual suicide has been discussed, you come up with this |
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we should hang out again. |
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I'm very very familiar with the backwoods libtards |
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After living in the SF bay area for years, I had to escape. It got to a point where I couldn't handle the crowds, train, noise, traffic, etc. I'm in a very small town now, and I still want to be further north in the woods away from everything. |
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totally
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My great grandparents on my moms side lived on top of a mountain in West Virginia and grand dad had a wooden leg he carved himself get out of here with your michigan bull shit city boy
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my ancestors ate a lot of potatoes
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my dad recently recounted for me the story his grandfather told him about the first time he saw ice, at age 12.
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i will never be able to grow a full beard
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I don't really like giving straight up advice, but I will for this: get some money and get your teeth fixed. You will have to eventually, why not do it now and get out of pain as opposed to waiting until the pain is so unbearable that you straight up have to ask for help because you NEED IT RIGHT NOW? Your peace of mind is worth it. Hit me up on facebook, or call me if you want I'm going to send you my phone # |
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