Netphoria Message Board

Netphoria Message Board (http://forums.netphoria.org/index.php)
-   General Chat Archive (http://forums.netphoria.org/forumdisplay.php?f=19)
-   -   what depression looks like (http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=180864)

MyOneAndOnly 04-30-2014 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4055652)
Your family sounds like creeps possibly libertarian tin foil hat wearers

I'm 4th generation white trash. My people on my dad's side were what we refer to here as Michigan Hillbillies. the kind of people that today would be part of the Michigan Militia.

I'm very very familiar with the backwoods libtards

Starla 04-30-2014 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mxzombie (Post 4055089)
i deleted my facebook a couple of years ago and my family hasn't stopped hounding me to register again. and i just don't want to. on the heels of that i purged as much of my "online presence" as i could think to do--pictures, accounts, etc and now the internet is just really boring.

but i also do not have any friends and don't feel any strong compulsion to make some, save for a few fleeting moments here and there. i think that since i moved to chicago and it's the first time i've lived centrally in a large city, i've completely turned inward and don't really have patience to deal with anyone. i just started wearing earplugs while i commute on the train and it's extremely satisfying to not have to pay attention to anyone or hear people talking.

My main reason for hating facebook is family.

After living in the SF bay area for years, I had to escape. It got to a point where I couldn't handle the crowds, train, noise, traffic, etc. I'm in a very small town now, and I still want to be further north in the woods away from everything.

slunken 04-30-2014 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand (Post 4055669)
I'm 4th generation white trash. My people on my dad's side were what we refer to here as Michigan Hillbillies. the kind of people that today would be part of the Michigan Militia.

I'm very very familiar with the backwoods libtards

Fucking poser

Trotskilicious 04-30-2014 07:43 PM

totally

slunken 04-30-2014 07:43 PM

My great grandparents on my moms side lived on top of a mountain in West Virginia and grand dad had a wooden leg he carved himself get out of here with your michigan bull shit city boy

Trotskilicious 04-30-2014 07:44 PM

my ancestors ate a lot of potatoes

mxzombie 04-30-2014 07:49 PM

my dad recently recounted for me the story his grandfather told him about the first time he saw ice, at age 12.

slunken 04-30-2014 07:51 PM

i will never be able to grow a full beard

slunken 04-30-2014 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mxzombie (Post 4055720)
my dad recently recounted for me the story his grandfather told him about the first time he saw ice, at age 12.

is this hip hop related?

reprise85 05-02-2014 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand (Post 4055520)
Maybe it's simply that you've only recently found your way and it takes a while before you get to the point where you no longer feel like you "don't have anyting"

yeah i'm sure this is it

Quote:

Originally Posted by hnibos (Post 4055554)
Here's some depression

I seriously have no purpose to continue living. Every single experience in my life is a painful one. Work fucking sucks but what's the point in looking for another job. I probably won't make more, not that I make much now. My home life sucks and it's my fault for not even trying to care about my partner for the last year and a half or just getting up and leaving. Probably because the only option is living with my parents and I guess I'm too proud for that and feel that would actually be worse. My parents are always hounding me to go back to school but I don't fucking want to because it's awful. My mouth hurts and I need dental work done but it's expensive and I don't want to ask anyone for money. My back always hurts because I sleep on a futon and I just don't want to spend the money on a good bed. I seriously don't want to do anything to make my life better so don't think I'm complaining about anything, I'm just talking. In the past I'd complain, vent, whatever to anyone willing to listen but now I just don't say anything to anyone. I've been thinking about going to a psychiatrist but I've been down that road and I never stick to anything. I mean seriously I have no redeeming qualities and I do nothing. I left work early because my boss can clearly see I'm not ok and I've just been laying here. What a fucking loser I am. It makes no sense that I haven't just ended it and the only reason I haven't I guess is that it requires effort.

You're not a loser. Remember years ago when we talked and you were afraid of your dad being a jerk to you w/r/t your sexuality and religion, etc? Things have changed, and they will change again. I think going to a therapist and/or a psychiatrist would be good ideas, like you say... you have a lot going on and do you have other friends besides your b/f? Therapists are not your 'friends' but there is a big difference between talking to no one and talking to someone, you know?

I don't really like giving straight up advice, but I will for this: get some money and get your teeth fixed. You will have to eventually, why not do it now and get out of pain as opposed to waiting until the pain is so unbearable that you straight up have to ask for help because you NEED IT RIGHT NOW? Your peace of mind is worth it.

Hit me up on facebook, or call me if you want I'm going to send you my phone #

Trotskilicious 05-02-2014 12:29 AM

hnibos what you wrote is depression, any one of us who suffers from it has been in that exact place and knows those exact thoughts and those words...you're not alone and what you are thinking is not rational

i put up with cavities for possibly 7-8 years because i was too depressed to go anywhere or do anything and i was ashamed of myself and i assumed i'd get fucked over

reprise85 05-02-2014 12:38 AM

i got lucky my job came with dental benefits after 3 months. its nice knowing there's not a disaster waiting to happen in my mouth. you deserve to have that as well, hnibos.

slunken 05-02-2014 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4056032)
i got lucky my job came with dental benefits after 3 months. its nice knowing there's not a disaster waiting to happen in my mouth. you deserve to have that as well, hnibos.

That three month waiting period is something I don't quite understand. Dealing with that now. 2 to go.

Trotskilicious 05-02-2014 02:00 PM

Ive come to look at usefulness in a new light

We figure people who are successful are more useful and etc

In the grand scope of space and time we are all completely useless

I dunno if that helps. I embrace the void, SWANS etc.

Lots of people think i should be more successful than i am. 'U r soooooo smrat' and etc. I like to bum around and smoke drugs. I am fine with this, i dont need a car building or a tennis bracelet to feel whole.

MyOneAndOnly 05-02-2014 03:18 PM

every living thing is useless and pointless

It's likely humans won't survive the current century, let alone the next 1000 years. good luck feeding 10 billion people when CO2 levels cause a runaway green house effect.

sooner or later a massive asteroid will obliterate life on Earh. Probably in the next 100k years or so.

in a billion years the moon will have moved so far away from earth in it's orbit that it no longer counter balances the Earth's tilt, leaving the planet to wobble irregularly on its axis. Regular seasons will cease and that will probably kill most complex life.

in a few billion more years the sun will go supernova and vaporize the Earth. every single living thing including life simple forms like bacteria will cease to exist

yo soy el mejor 05-02-2014 04:06 PM

i went from not busy at all to pretty dang busy. i was volunteering as a reading coach before starting a new job and now i'm doing both. i've also signed up to volunteer for the rape crisis hotline with the ywca which is 40+ hours and begins in june, which i will go to every tuesday, thursday, and saturday. and then will need to commit for at least a year, but i'm not sure for how many shifts per month.

may 5th my asl class begins. luckily the program for which i am a reading coach will end may 13th. i almost don't have time to be depressed the way i was before. i'm still hyper critical of myself in every regard, but that's a work in progress and i'm getting better at shooing those thoughts away or not letting them dictate my actions.

i'm still seeing my therapist twice a month and currently taking lamotrigine.

Bread Regal 05-02-2014 07:17 PM

Signed up for a java class this semester so soon I'll be able to get rich making iOS apps andd maybe even buy the clippers.

Bread Regal 05-02-2014 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand (Post 4056104)
in a few billion more years the sun will go supernova

Jesus Christ, no it won't unless it gains 40% of its current mass. shut the fuck up Scotty.

Bread Regal 05-02-2014 07:37 PM

Here's the abstract from a paper written by someone smarter than you entitled "Our Large Moon Does Not Stabilize Earth's Axis"

http://meetingorganizer.copernicus.o...PSC2013-37.pdf

slunken 05-02-2014 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bread Regal (Post 4056136)
Signed up for a java class this semester so soon I'll be able to get rich making iOS apps andd maybe even buy the clippers.

perhaps you could make an app for banana's fruity loops rap career.

Trotskilicious 05-02-2014 07:42 PM

i mean you should still try and do good just do stuff you like is what i'm trying to say i like games and weed, i dunno how "useful" or "productive" that is for FREE TIME* i think is what i was trying to get at really

if you work well at a job then be satisfied that you are productive

slunken 05-02-2014 07:46 PM

ever since i started this new job i havne't touched my guitar much at all. nothing serious, recording-wise. just free jams. at least it gave me the opportunity to go back and edit older recordings that were sitting around on hard drives from the past few months.

idk its kind of bumming me out i'm just not very inspired and am soo tired by the end of the day i go to bed at like 930 now which i haven't done since i was probably 12.

slunken 05-02-2014 07:48 PM


Trotskilicious 05-02-2014 07:48 PM

also bear in mind that i'm going to take the GRE tomorrow

i will absolutely fall apart if i don't have at least 3 hours to be completely unproductive and basically stoned, even if i'm not stoned, i still act kind of like it. you know. go and stand under a tree and look at the sky. get a notepad and kind of write something on it. watch tv, play games. you might as well enjoy the BLAK PARAED

Bread Regal 05-02-2014 07:51 PM

Hell yeah. I hope you slay that shit, man. I think you will do fine, although the math problems I've seen on the practice tests that students bring into me are ridiculous.

slunken 05-02-2014 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4056153)
i will absolutely fall apart if i don't have at least 3 hours to be completely unproductive

this. i value personal time like nothing else.

Trotskilicious 05-02-2014 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bread Regal (Post 4056154)
Hell yeah. I hope you slay that shit, man. I think you will do fine, although the math problems I've seen on the practice tests that students bring into me are ridiculous.

i pretty much expect to bomb that part pretty hard

while i was studying i had this question, i could try really hard to not completely suck at math or make sure my other shit, what i'm applying for, is in order

Bread Regal 05-02-2014 08:41 PM

True. Math grad applicants have to take the math GRE, which is a relief for me. But I might have to also take a bio one.

Starla 05-03-2014 08:34 AM

Tooth pain makes everything worse (i know from my own hell), and I agree with everything Erica said.

Starla 05-03-2014 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand (Post 4056104)

in a few billion more years the sun will go supernova and vaporize the Earth. every single living thing including life simple forms like bacteria will cease to exist

I had a terrible nightmare about that once.

Trotskilicious 05-03-2014 04:32 PM

btw this is what depression looks like


Elphenor 05-04-2014 03:52 AM

Damn, this place is full of sad sacks.

Yeah, life just kinda blows. I think some people get really lonely because they just realize how terrible everything actually is but are surrounded by grinning idiots.
The world is not a good place and human existence is sad, meaningless and utterly disgusting.
Generally happy people are just perpetually riding the drug of "Love" going from one relationship to another or finding someone for life. The brain rewards them with blasts of endorphins for accomplishing its only goal of reproduction.

For everyone else, theres drugs and music and other endorphin fixes. But I think it's best just to realize that the only sane reaction to this world is sadness.

And to just have fun and appreciate the beauty of this dark place.

vixnix 05-04-2014 07:37 AM

God get over it. Help some people out who are less fortunate than you are and you'll soon be counting your blessings.

slunken 05-04-2014 10:26 AM

Intoxicated with the madness

mxzombie 05-04-2014 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vixnix (Post 4056636)
God get over it. Help some people out who are less fortunate than you are and you'll soon be counting your blessings.

this will certainly help.

:rolleyes:

Bread Regal 05-04-2014 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vixnix (Post 4056636)
God get over it. Help some people out who are less fortunate than you are and you'll soon be counting your blessings.

Fuck you.

Trotskilicious 05-04-2014 12:20 PM

vixnix is trolling herself, guys. it's weird isn't it?

the self loathing goes so deep, it's fascinating

hnibos 05-04-2014 01:20 PM

All vixnix does is help her children and her rapey husband, right?

hnibos 05-04-2014 01:21 PM

2nd dentist appointment is Wednesday after the first was clearly a scam.

vixnix 05-04-2014 04:52 PM

It's basically occupational therapy with the added bonus that it will induce gratitude and a feeling of usefulness.

Wallowing in your misery and thinking about how useless you are doesn't do much to change your current status of being useless is all I'm saying. To change that you actually do have to get up and do some stuff beyond just looking after yourself.

Step one I guess... Is looking after yourself. Most people figure this out pretty quickly but those of us with significant unresolved childhood trauma take a bit longer. Because you know, hurt feelings etc.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:21 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Smashing Pumpkins, Alternative Music
& General Discussion Message Board and Forums
www.netphoria.org - Copyright 1998-2022