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-   -   what depression looks like (http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=180864)

Elphenor 05-14-2014 12:10 AM

Can you get an online job?

Because you're pretty likeable online in a strange way.

Elphenor 05-14-2014 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pavementtune (Post 4060452)
Honestly, MS is damn scary to me.

The big adult sister of a friend in kindergarten had the cruel form, so I got glimpse quite early.
wheel chair. A year later - her brain turned literally to mush.
On top of it, she gave birth to two kids when she was already in the wheel chair. Eventually they had to legally force her and took her kids away. She died before she was 30.

Lovely thread.

Yeah, there is no God

What greatet evidence would someone need?

MusicMan4 05-14-2014 12:36 AM

Not that I ever want another attack but it is kind of awkward now that when you just have one it is called a "CIS"

Elphenor 05-14-2014 12:44 AM

Does depression cause weight loss.

I can't stop losing weight. I'm 6'4 and I only way 165 right now. That can't be healthy.
I'm like a walking corpse.

MusicMan4 05-14-2014 12:49 AM

Depends
I binge eat to self medicate my depression so obviously it is way in the other direction
But in other people there is decreased appetite

depression isn't a monolith diagnosis

Elphenor 05-14-2014 12:51 AM

I usually dont eat when Im sad. I'll go days without.

I almost passed out today. But idk, I've been eating at least one meal a day.
I think it's that I eat absolute shit.

The exploding boy 05-14-2014 01:03 AM

Don't worry man, its probably just cancer.


Did i mention i was hypochondriac?


But i mean come on unexplained weight loss? Obviously cancer. I'd like to have your problem. I cant lose weight even if i try pretty hard. Fucking mid 30's.


Also the worst i feel the more i eat personally. And the less i get up to do anything at all. Bad combination.

MusicMan4 05-14-2014 01:07 AM

Man I'm reading a ton of MS stuff again and I don't know
I think as much as I was reading at the time I must have selectively blocked out some of the shit because of fear
Like most all ppl w/ it wind up unable to walk
I sort of did not remember the stats being so high and had mostly remembered benign ms and relapse remitting and also completely flubbed that relapse remitting almost always eventually turns into the progressive kind
I should probably be better informed just because of the statistic likelihood that I will still get it since I had CIS but yolo

MusicMan4 05-14-2014 01:19 AM

My one attack really sucked
Like i woke up and my left arm was totally numb
Just laying there all "well this is it, 22 years old and dying of a stroke"
Eventually getting up (not to get help or anything, but to go google stroke symptoms) and falling back on to the bed because I couldn't balance myself
and it was at this unmanageable level for a week

Like what the hell was I even talking about before
This would be a completely dogshit thing to have happen with the regularity of even the more benign forms of the disease

ok I really have to Adblock to reply button

Elphenor 05-14-2014 01:27 AM

"To google stroke symptoms"
That' awful and funny at the same time.

So I can't move this limb? Well that's an interesting development.

null123 05-14-2014 04:39 AM

my dad has MS
he walks with a cane now
a bunch of terrible shit i don't want to go into
but he doesn't have to give himself shots anymore cause they just got these new pills he can take now

Cool As Ice Cream 05-14-2014 05:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4060467)
Does depression cause weight loss.

I can't stop losing weight. I'm 6'4 and I only way 165 right now. That can't be healthy.
I'm like a walking corpse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4060469)
I usually dont eat when Im sad. I'll go days without.

I almost passed out today. But idk, I've been eating at least one meal a day.
I think it's that I eat absolute shit.

tss!

Starla 05-14-2014 08:10 AM

Aeris, I had no idea you were diagnosed. Did they do anything to treat it, or at this point, doesn't need treating?

My first symptom...in 2004, I was changing A's diaper and suddenly my vision blurred, never cleared up, and just continued going until I could barely see. My only symptoms I've ever had are optic neuritis and leg pains, sometimes my arms. I've been on copaxone for years... but now on gilenya, working miraculously, $4k a month. Thanks be to God for insurance. My out of pocket costs are $250.00 a month. If I even have one hint of blurred vision, I get an IV of steroids and it's gone pretty quickly. So, things are pretty well under control.

Pave, I know that depression can cause some weight loss, but pay attention to that. Whatever you do, don't google, or you'll be freaked out thinking it's something serious off the bat. I have done this, and many times, by the end of the night I'm sure I'm going to die from something.

Starla 05-14-2014 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charmbag (Post 4060502)
my dad has MS
he walks with a cane now
a bunch of terrible shit i don't want to go into
but he doesn't have to give himself shots anymore cause they just got these new pills he can take now

Sorry to hear that.. yes, good thing they have pills now.

Starla 05-14-2014 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aeris Hilton (Post 4060474)
Man I'm reading a ton of MS stuff again and I don't know
I think as much as I was reading at the time I must have selectively blocked out some of the shit because of fear
Like most all ppl w/ it wind up unable to walk

You know, that's what I do. Sounds crazy but I just refuse to read too much about it. I don't want to join support groups, talk about it, or go to forums where people talk about it. I feel like, if I just keep my mind on other things and keep going.... keep working, and not put all my focus on it, I do so much better. The fear only creates this anxiety that takes away my happiness... and I refuse to let it do that.

Maybe it's a form of denial... avoidance, whatever you call it.. but not focusing on it so much actually helps me feel better.

MusicMan4 05-14-2014 01:48 PM

Well no to be totally clear I don't actually have MS
I had a single demyelination attack in 2006
I've never had another, none of my subsequent MRIs have turned up anything
So it just doesn't fit the criteria, like the "multiple" part :|
At the time I told everyone I had it, I posted in the private club section of the board and told a bunch of close associates because I'm miserable and everything is doomsday but it was literally what happens to people with ms but after a couple years I stopped seeing my neurologist, but I am a devoted hypochondriac and it it is fairly likely that anyone who had an attack develops the full blown disease eventually but I mean 8 years feels safe to me
I did get checked out when I was diagnosed with my cataract in 2012 because even though that isn't specifically an MS symptom at all it freaked me out that I would have one at 28 but nothing, although I'm still bummed out by having part of my eye being fake now

The exploding boy 05-14-2014 03:39 PM

It sucks when people are hypochondriac and actually have reasons to be. It makes me feel more pathetic because I don't really have reasons aside from a weak immune system.

once I had blood tests done and I shown positive for Hepatitis C and freaked the fuck out for the like 3 months (yeah no hurry or anything...) it took them to do more tests and tell me oh no you don't really oops false alarm. the thing is, that happened again some years later, exact same thing.

They believe I may (MAY) have had hepatitis C at some point. Little known fact is that a high % of people who ever get hepatitis C actually clear it within like weeks after which you might occasionally be showing antibodies for it in the blood or something which is what the basic test for Hepatitis C checks for (its when you don't clear it that it becomes chronic and then if you take medication for it and if they don't work, you're likely fucked and will get liver failure down the line some time).

On the other hand, while you can get it through unprotected sex, its extremely unlikely as it basically has to be blood to blood (and not just bodily fluids) contact, so not being exactly promiscuous and having never shot up, chances are unlikely I got it. (though one ex I had was promiscuous...even when we were together I found out eventually and the first time the blood shown wrong was right around this time. They didn't even tell me what was wrong with it at first too and I knew they were also checking for hiv so I freaked out about that too).

But you know...that's about the closest I got to having something bad... and then I didn't.

Though part of me right now is half convinced I have slow progressing intestinal cancer.

Can this become the hypochondriac thread?

Elphenor 05-14-2014 04:02 PM

Doesn't everyone have slow progressing cancer?

The exploding boy 05-14-2014 06:06 PM

good point.

I'm Hardcore 05-14-2014 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4060467)
Does depression cause weight loss.

yes, i'm down to 147 (67 kg) for the first time since age 16-17

The exploding boy 05-14-2014 06:14 PM

So i'm the only sad sack who gets fatter when depressed?

I hate you all (well ok I did already regardless). Last time I was 147 was pretty much precisely at the 2000 Chicago "last SP show"netphoria gathering. I'm about 197 now. And those pounds aren't going anywhere apparently.

MusicMan4 05-14-2014 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The exploding boy (Post 4060587)
So i'm the only sad sack who gets fatter when depressed?

I hate you all (well ok I did already regardless). Last time I was 147 was pretty much precisely at the 2000 Chicago "last SP show"netphoria gathering. I'm about 197 now. And those pounds aren't going anywhere apparently.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Aeris Hilton (Post 4060468)
I binge eat to self medicate my depression so obviously it is way in the other direction


kelsome 05-14-2014 06:50 PM

depends on the situation for me. For my more general, "im worthless and nothing good will ever happen to me" stuff, I tend to eat to feel better. I think im doing myself a favor by eating stuff i like and lots of it. If an event happens and i feel out of control/full of anxiety, I stop eating, or what I do eat makes me sick. This is prime time to start loosing weight. Just chase that feeling by its heels since Im used to hunger pains. Eventually my stomach gets more tolerant, and I begin to eat a bit more. Add workouts and youre done.

The exploding boy 05-14-2014 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aeris Hilton (Post 4060588)

don't you realise i'm just listening to myself talk without listening to any of you guys?


Nah i'd read it but used a special skill I have called selective memory.

Elphenor 05-14-2014 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cool As Ice Cream (Post 4060503)
tss!

Lol. IceCream has become a father figure to me.

Cool As Ice Cream 05-15-2014 02:51 AM

EAT YOUR HEALTHY MEALS THREE TIMES A DAY! SON!

reprise85 05-15-2014 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The exploding boy (Post 4060587)
So i'm the only sad sack who gets fatter when depressed?

I hate you all (well ok I did already regardless). Last time I was 147 was pretty much precisely at the 2000 Chicago "last SP show"netphoria gathering. I'm about 197 now. And those pounds aren't going anywhere apparently.

I've done both ways. Either is a symptom of depression. I seem to eat more when I'm really anxious as well.

vixnix 05-15-2014 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pavementtune (Post 4060589)
2014 seems to be the year I'm getting an idea how it is when people start passing away left and right. I don't want to imagine how it is when you're 70, and most people you knew have died. Maybe it's getting easier, less surprising, less shocking.

Death number 7 this year. Offed himself, only 36, one of the extremely "lucky" people, then depression hit him.
And I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I have to blame someone. His family says they've always been with him since he was struggling with depression, especially "towards the end." Then why the fucking fuck did nobody force him into hospital. And I know I'm a piece of shit for thinking that. But how do you do it without blaming anyone?

I should consider becoming a theist, at least you got to blame god for shit like this.

suicide is the worst kind of death, I'm sorry. worse than cancer for me. not that it's a quantifiable thing but in my experience it has been worse. we get a lot of it in new zealand for some reason. could be the weather and the farms. sorry pavement. :(

vixnix 05-15-2014 10:09 AM

I reckon it might be the isolation and the weather that gets to people in NZ. It gets so cold and quiet, apart from the wind.

The exploding boy 05-15-2014 10:54 AM

Margin

The exploding boy 05-15-2014 10:56 AM

For years Quebec had the highest rate of suicide in north america. I havent checked the numbers for years though so that's possibly not true anymore. In the 90's anyway definitely... I'm not sure why either, it's not like it a terribly poor place, it is cold but not more so than most of canada. Maybe just bad genes for mental health from not sharing them much with the rest of north america? (we might be millions but we really mainly just fucked each other for a long time and we started from jsut a few thousands, im talking abotu french canadians)....

i know i inherited all my mental problems from my mom's family. There's a suicide (an uncle who looked just the fuck like me) and my grandma was a bit cuckoo, my aunt was an alcoholic for a long time.


P.S: this was my first margin, i feel like less a noob already.

The exploding boy 05-15-2014 02:34 PM

You're right actually. I shouldn't have said all. But, predisposition surely.

reprise85 05-15-2014 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pavementtune (Post 4060589)
2014 seems to be the year I'm getting an idea how it is when people start passing away left and right. I don't want to imagine how it is when you're 70, and most people you knew have died. Maybe it's getting easier, less surprising, less shocking.

Death number 7 this year. Offed himself, only 36, one of the extremely "lucky" people, then depression hit him.
And I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I have to blame someone. His family says they've always been with him since he was struggling with depression, especially "towards the end." Then why the fucking fuck did nobody force him into hospital. And I know I'm a piece of shit for thinking that. But how do you do it without blaming anyone?

I should consider becoming a theist, at least you got to blame god for shit like this.

im sorry pave.

i asked my therapist today how her view towards death with regards to how she reacts to it has changed. she said gardening helps her re: death and reformation into something new etc. no consolation but i think death will get easier, just hopefully not because every we know has died.

in related news, i found out my therapist is also atheist/agnostic which i suspected but didnt know for sure.

reprise85 05-15-2014 06:51 PM

that or maybe she's mirroring me as a therapeutic technique but i dont think so.

Trotskilicious 05-15-2014 07:18 PM

oh my god new zealand sounds like paradise

Trotskilicious 05-15-2014 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The exploding boy (Post 4060928)
it's not like it a terribly poor place

i heard them say
the white man invented existential angst
when he ran out of other problems
because the thing about those problems was
typically more money would solve them

I'm Hardcore 05-15-2014 07:31 PM

NZ is okay but it's full of fuckwits

Trotskilicious 05-15-2014 07:33 PM

you and luke seem pretty on the ball

Trotskilicious 05-15-2014 07:34 PM

is the new zealand television tape from Conchords real NZ tv

Trotskilicious 05-15-2014 07:34 PM

i want to go there to grow weed and work on my novel

i will live on the side of a mountain


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