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-   -   what depression looks like (http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=180864)

Elphenor 05-11-2014 04:31 PM

R cups are bomb.

kelsome 05-11-2014 05:14 PM

For bread: I am on lexapro. Tried 40 for a few days but didn't talk to my dr so I have to go back to 20 or my rx will run out before refill time. That would be a disaster.

My toe is pretty bad.

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 05:17 PM

i just bought cigarettes
i'm on add meds again so smoking is real good on those
i figure since i literally can't binge eat anymore on these pills that i should find another method of inducing death as soon as possible without everyone knowing that's what i'm up to

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 05:29 PM

damn I'm buzzed as hell but that was a bad idea already
I let myself get so fat over the course of 2010-2014 with insane depressive binging that I basically can't breathe or move and that's without smoking and having lost weight slowly during the course of these four months
Not that you can make up for four years in four months but I'm huffing like tony soprano and that's not a good look for me now
I shoulda got cigars since you don't inhale them but I dunno then I wouldn't have the vyvanse buzz I got going
Like if I'm gonna die I don't want to just immediately asphyxiate off one smoke at age 30

Elphenor 05-11-2014 06:02 PM

Cigarettes are awesome but I'm too poor to smoke.

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 06:06 PM

Just smoke like three or four a day
If you can anyway
I could never get addicted to nicotine it is just something I occasionally enjoy doing
Although in like Alcoholics Anonymous they say if you ever like getting drunk you're an alcoholic so maybe I'm in denial about my average two pack a year habit

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 06:10 PM

I almost didn't smoke at all in 2013 but I had to during my two stints in the mental hospital
Like they'd let you out in some courtyard area four times a day to smoke
You didn't have to smoke but what the hell was I gonna just go outside and enjoy fresh air like some kind of a weirdo
So I had to smoke a lot those two different weeks
I would blow through two p funks minimum every break, it's the only way to make the loony bin tolerable except faking a panic attack so they give you some awesome sedatives

Elphenor 05-11-2014 06:11 PM

Idk. They're such a great high if you only smoke like once a month or something.
But people tell me once yoir addicted the head high goes away, which would suck tremendously

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 06:18 PM

The buzz never totally goes away I dunno
The longest I ever consecutively smoked was the five months I lived on my own in Philadelphia because I was allowed to smoke in my apartment and I felt like such a little deviant just chain smoking and pounding back cans of sparks in a place where nobody could fuckin tell me what I could or couldn't do
But my brain chemistry allows me to just stop whenever I want to I don't know
It's probably the only good thing about my brain chemistry

The exploding boy 05-11-2014 07:18 PM

What were you doing living in Philly? Terrible place. I'd try to commit slow suicide through chain smoking if i lived there too

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 07:30 PM

Thankfully the rest of my life I have lived in the happening epicenter of culture that is Piscataway, New Jersey

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 07:35 PM

I moved there to live in the same city as a girl which was a great idea except I wasn't making enough money at my job so I broke my lease to move home and go back to school
Another great idea except I am not capable of functioning in school and have dropped out twice and tried to off myself twice and been in the mental hospital four times since then

So I really should have just stayed in the non-horrible city of Philadelphia and enjoyed myself since I was making enough money to pay my rent and still go out every weekend but no you're not allowed to be happy just making ends meet you gotta get a real degree and a real job

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 07:40 PM

I mean I also could barely function doing basic every day tasks and I still completely hated myself for all the usual reasons and would have ended up crashing just as hard if I stayed but for a while it would have been a better time

The exploding boy 05-11-2014 08:13 PM

Eh. I go to philly about two times a year for about two weeks at a time. I know people who live there. Not a place i'd live. That being said, compared to New Jersey, it's a paradise, sure. I see where you're coming from.

Elphenor 05-11-2014 08:17 PM

My car is broken so I'm stuck at home and Iit's my day off It's depressing.

The exploding boy 05-11-2014 08:20 PM

Walk/ride bus places. Or is San diego not a pedestrian friendly place. I haven't had a car in 12 years, do you see me complaining?!?!

Or maybe you live in the suburbs....::shudders::

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 08:22 PM

I don't really see why any major us/Canadian city would be particularly awful to live in except maybe Detroit but it's not like I've ever been there

I mean I also like New Jersey a lot but it's pretty lifeless unless you live right outside NYC
Or close to Philly but Camden is like the biggest blight on this state
It was the only time in my existence I had a social life and I desperately miss it
Like a real life that took place outside of my head
So I will always view the city fondly even though I got fucking robbed there

Elphenor 05-11-2014 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The exploding boy (Post 4059752)
Walk/ride bus places. Or is San diego not a pedestrian friendly place. I haven't had a car in 12 years, do you see me complaining?!?!

Or maybe you live in the suburbs....::shudders::

Im underage I cant just ride the trolley downtown and hit a bar or whatever.
When I have my car I usually drive like 30 minutes to where I used to live and hang out.
But instead Ill work on finishing my cover of Ian Dury's "Sex and Drugs and RocknRoll"
Because that's the life I want. If Im going to be a miserable dude, I want to be a high and well fucked miserable dude.
My life is so horribly boring I want to shoot myself.

reprise85 05-11-2014 09:11 PM

being bored is not a good reason to kill yourself

look around you. there's a billion fucking things you can do. do some planning.

Elphenor 05-11-2014 09:26 PM

Im starting college soon so I'll be too busy to be bored.

But there's really not too much for a 20 year old male to do otherwise.
I need a fake ID.

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 09:27 PM

Yeah dude being a 20 year old white male is just the WORST

slunken 05-11-2014 09:27 PM

you live in san diego you are obviously doing it all wrong no wonder you can't get laid

slunken 05-11-2014 09:29 PM

i've heard of and seen pasty doughy midwesterners pretending they were from the west coast but haven't really seen it the other way around so this is new

hnibos 05-11-2014 09:30 PM

If you got a girlfriend you wouldn't be so bored.

Elphenor 05-11-2014 09:31 PM

What should I be doing?

And I'm not trying to be like "Oh it's so hard to live off my parents and be white and male" it's super easy.
But thar's the problem. I've had an easy life and now Im a super wimp.

And I feel trapped. I want to LIVE. But I don't know where to start.

slunken 05-11-2014 09:32 PM

start living off the streets like your musical idols you feel so empowered by

hnibos 05-11-2014 09:34 PM

Getting out of living with my parents was a real hard thing to do and it took getting a job that pays enough and finding someone to split bills with. I imagine someone here has done it under more dire circumstances though.

slunken 05-11-2014 09:34 PM

http://forums.netphoria.org/customav...tar32294_1.gif

you think she did this in her mom's basement?

Elphenor 05-11-2014 09:35 PM

I can't even talk to people if Im not drunk. So trying to go on dates doesn't work.

The only way I know how to communicate is through music. Like, I can talk all day about music, and I can write songs, but the normal conversations where you just kinda talk to talk Im useless in.

slunken 05-11-2014 09:36 PM

try busking


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