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-   -   what depression looks like (http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=180864)

Elphenor 05-12-2014 09:54 PM

There has to be more to life than community college and crashing on my parents house.

Fuck. Id rather be dead

bignothing 05-12-2014 09:59 PM

Well, can't you could pretend your parents won't support you anymore? Then the government might give you school loans and possibly housing? Idk, I'm not American, but one of my roommates (in the US) didn't pay for housing at our school. Are you a good student?

Elphenor 05-12-2014 10:03 PM

Haha. I'm about to start school.

But my parents are probably about to just up and ditch me anyway unless I agree to move wherever they're going.
This has happened to me like 10 times. I hardly know anyone who has moved more than me and I'm only 20.
I really think it's time I take control of my life

Elphenor 05-12-2014 10:05 PM

My depression comes from the fact that I have no control over my own life.
Go to work get told what to do, come home get told what to do, get moved around, get pushed around by everyone.

noyen 05-12-2014 10:06 PM

self pity will never sustain you or give you what you need or want. you might have to be in some very uncomfortable situations to gain perspective that you're looking for. like getting doused with gas and set on fire while you sleep in your car. if you have no perspective you really have nothing. that's why old people who have had fucked up lives are very interesting people to listen to (well, sometimes). if you're in some kind of prison try breaking out. if that doesn't work well, if you've lost control of your will to live at least let someone who can change that know before you off yourself because sometimes opportunities pop up when you are at your very lowest of low. you should expect to experience lows. you can survive them. you might think you can't or won't or don't want to. give yourself some credit for something. whatever hell your living through. it can always, always be worse. try helping out someone who is in a worse situation than yourself just to see how it makes you feel. for selfish reasons. see if that does anything.

this is a pretty dangerous place for a youngin like yourself with all these ideas of death and destruction. be careful. i am creeped out just being in this thread.

PS: Trots and Party Queen, I Love You. I like you too, a lot. i am in the darkest place i've ever been and i sympathize with all of you going through depression or suicidal thoughts and just hopelessness. i really do. it's rough baby, to live. it's hard to survive. we demand those that we love to stay alive even though they want to die. even though i want to die i want you to live. not miserably. there's got to be some way. i am searching for one myself. it's hard to get around that when you've already had the "i'm done" feeling.

fuck these stats and telling anybody what to do. feel what you must feel and express it how you must and fight and kick the people away who want to shame you for it.

/serious.

who wants to fuck a horse?

Elphenor 05-12-2014 10:12 PM

I know I it sounds stupid to whine about being sheltered and male and white.
But I'd rather have a shitty life in the wild than a great one in a cage.

All the depressed people Ive met are not the ones in bad economic situations they're the sheltered white kids like me.

noyen 05-12-2014 10:18 PM

depression doesn't have a price tag on it, but it can be and is a very large factor and burden for people with depression, not having money. life isn't fair. maybe going out and fending for yourself will give you some self worth. showing yourself you did something. i wasn't even referring to being white sheltered male... perspective just comes from living. a rich person does not have the perspective of the poor if they have not experienced it. a poor person does not have the perspective of a rich person being depressed because they can't get their heads around it, but it happens and does constantly. why are all our celebrities hooked on heroin and sad? they have legit reasons to feel whatever they feel. you can't force it on someone else and it really is a cyclical conversation of what depression is and who is allowed to have it and justifiably have it. everyone is allowed to have it, even your parents and your white privileged friends.

reprise85 05-12-2014 10:20 PM

Elphenor, the next 10 years of your life will be fucking great and fucking terrible and sometimes it might be hard to tell which is which while you're going through it.

Try to get through it without having babies, getting arrested, or getting addicted to anything. You should basically be fine as long as you follow this advice. At the least don't get convicted of a felony or shoot drugs into your veins.

Elphenor 05-12-2014 10:24 PM

Lol.
Wait, if you're not getting arrested and you're not getting addicted to anything and you're not trying to have kids.
What ARE you doing?

reprise85 05-12-2014 10:24 PM

i love all you guys

im going to be at the saddest funeral tomorrow. 29 year old dies for no reason. overcomes years of drug abuse to be sober 3 years and get an RN and dies before passing the nursing test of some bullshit anomaly. fucking hell you better all get check ups with your doctors when you get obamacare and if you already have insurance go schedule that shit right the fuck now.

Elphenor 05-12-2014 10:26 PM

I want to get on stage and yell at people and create art and make a modest living off of it.

I don't care if I have to sleep in a van.

reprise85 05-12-2014 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4060068)
Lol.
Wait, if you're not getting arrested and you're not getting addicted to anything and you're not trying to have kids.
What ARE you doing?

being careful as fuck, practicing moderation and fucking with condoms.

i only did the last one and the first one is all an illusion and the second one, well. lol. good luck!

noyen 05-12-2014 10:29 PM

play with fire and live in your car, have babies or watch the secret life of walter mitty.

sorry to hear about your loss... i also had a friend just die. she had attempted two suicides in the past year. days before she was to head off on a huge tour after coachella she died from a very aggressive cancer. i was basically packing my bags to drive and see her when i was told over twitter she had died. it sucks. this was someone i looked at and always thought "how could you be depressed?" but she was. very much so. and had every reason in the world to be. the only thing i am happy for is that she did not take her own life as she wanted and instead was on the brink of bouncing back from it and actually got there. then the cancer took her without even asking.

reprise85 05-12-2014 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pavementtune (Post 4059953)
Reprise is studying, I read the very beginning of this thread.
I just felt like sharing a different experience.
She's currently working her ass off to make it all work somehow, so are others here.

I'm in a different boat maybe, but cruising on exactly the same lake, down the line.
Guess that's all I wanted to add to this thread.

And good luck with starting the semester, reprise.

Thanks pave. You do sound depressed though, hope things come around to feeling better for you

noyen 05-12-2014 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4060070)
I want to get on stage and yell at people and create art and make a modest living off of it.

I don't care if I have to sleep in a van.

then get the fuck off my lawn and go do it, hardass. you're all talk and no walk right now. that's why you feel guilty about whining about your life.

reprise85 05-12-2014 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noyen (Post 4060075)
play with fire and live in your car, have babies or watch the secret life of walter mitty.

sorry to hear about your loss... i also had a friend just die. she had attempted two suicides in the past year. days before she was to head off on a huge tour after coachella she died from a very aggressive cancer. i was basically packing my bags to drive and see her when i was told over twitter she had died. it sucks.

damn that sucks, im sorry b

Cool As Ice Cream 05-13-2014 04:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4060070)
I want to get on stage and yell at people and create art and make a modest living off of it.

I don't care if I have to sleep in a van.

don't be silly, elphy. most people who try that don't succeed in making a modest living off of it. even if they're very good. sure, give it a go if this is what you'd want, but don't put all your eggs in that one basket.

how about you deal with the lack of control for a tiny bit longer? it's only temporary. if you think you can deal with being homeless, surely you can find a way to stand your parents just enough to get some more support from them. no?
or don't you care about going to school? is that not what you want to do?

most people your age don't like living at home and being dependent on their parents, but unless you see some way that is a bit better than living in your car, i wouldn't leave there just yet. i think you'll need something a bit more substantial than being a parttime bagboy to support yourself. not having any money or your own place to live doesn't really equal freedom. you end up with very little options, and will be forced to take up jobs you don't want, because you really need the money, etc.
at least you have the choice.

also keep in mind that you'll probably get along with your parents better once you've moved out. i mean, i don't know them or the situation, but if you don't have to live with them anymore, you'll probably end up hating them a lot less than you do now. it might be good to keep that in mind while you sit through the rest of the time at their place. you're through puberty now (i think), you can leave that baby attitude out of it. you're not fourteen anymore.

it's not ideal, but just hang in there, and it'll be all right in the end. just don't set yourself any unrealistic goals like "i need to win the lottery" or "i have to move out immediately even though i could never pay for that yet".

Starla 05-13-2014 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4059833)
that's ok. shock is just kind of wearing off and i'm starting to feel that sort of anger/helplessness/sadness thing.

I'm sorry to hear this :(

Starla 05-13-2014 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4059888)
here's something, we got a new kitten and she loves me and she's got a heart murmur and is going to die soon

Sorry :[

Starla 05-13-2014 05:13 AM

I was going to discuss something but... now I think my problems are miniscule in comparison. All I can say is... the past three times, I've gone out on a date, or get into a discussion about my having ms, they either cancel before we go out, or, go out, then not call again. It's like, they're all excited to go out with me, but once they find out I lose my vision on occasion or, deal with pain, they disappear. I guess they don't want to deal with that. I had a guy ask me repeatedly at work if I would go for a drink....then I finally agree to it. He overheard me talking to one of my coworkers about my ms, he sort of walked in and said "I didn't know you had that"... then the next day he says he has to cancel the date and hasn't spoken to me since. It feels really strange to do whatever you can to not allow something to define you or stop you from living, but then a few people remind you that you have something they don't want to deal with. Or at least it seems that way. Either way, I'm not complaining, I feel pretty lucky... and things are alright.

reprise85 05-13-2014 08:13 AM

That's shitty, I'm sorry. We don't need to compare problems, and if we did that would not be a minor problem.

reprise85 05-13-2014 08:16 AM

Besides, my problem is pretty small. It's my dead friend who has a big problem.

Starla 05-13-2014 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4060144)
That's shitty, I'm sorry. We don't need to compare problems, and if we did that would not be a minor problem.

You're right but, there's so many other things that puts it all into perspective. I talked to a CHILD last week who has been telling their parents that they want to die. So... my problems are really not that huge.

MusicMan4 05-13-2014 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starla (Post 4060129)
I was going to discuss something but... now I think my problems are miniscule in comparison. All I can say is... the past three times, I've gone out on a date, or get into a discussion about my having ms, they either cancel before we go out, or, go out, then not call again. It's like, they're all excited to go out with me, but once they find out I lose my vision on occasion or, deal with pain, they disappear. I guess they don't want to deal with that. I had a guy ask me repeatedly at work if I would go for a drink....then I finally agree to it. He overheard me talking to one of my coworkers about my ms, he sort of walked in and said "I didn't know you had that"... then the next day he says he has to cancel the date and hasn't spoken to me since. It feels really strange to do whatever you can to not allow something to define you or stop you from living, but then a few people remind you that you have something they don't want to deal with. Or at least it seems that way. Either way, I'm not complaining, I feel pretty lucky... and things are alright.

that's weird they would be bothered by ms and not the kid
just knowing how dudes react to stuff
it's not that extreme a disease
i mean in the grand scheme of things, not to diminish anyone's problems
at least it generally advances slowly and sometimes not at all

like i deal with a bunch of ms problems and i had to get a ton of tests when it started and i did have a similar lesion on my brain
i get vertigo when i walk around and numbness in my left arm
it's not fun stuff but i figured if it kept progressing there were probably more terrible things

but anyway now that i successfully worked myself in there to satiate my narcissm do people just not have any idea what ms is
do they think it's some sort of contagious immediate death sentence

Elphenor 05-13-2014 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cool As Ice Cream (Post 4060124)
don't be silly, elphy. most people who try that don't succeed in making a modest living off of it. even if they're very good. sure, give it a go if this is what you'd want, but don't put all your eggs in that one basket.

how about you deal with the lack of control for a tiny bit longer? it's only temporary. if you think you can deal with being homeless, surely you can find a way to stand your parents just enough to get some more support from them. no?
or don't you care about going to school? is that not what you want to do?

most people your age don't like living at home and being dependent on their parents, but unless you see some way that is a bit better than living in your car, i wouldn't leave there just yet. i think you'll need something a bit more substantial than being a parttime bagboy to support yourself. not having any money or your own place to live doesn't really equal freedom. you end up with very little options, and will be forced to take up jobs you don't want, because you really need the money, etc.
at least you have the choice.

also keep in mind that you'll probably get along with your parents better once you've moved out. i mean, i don't know them or the situation, but if you don't have to live with them anymore, you'll probably end up hating them a lot less than you do now. it might be good to keep that in mind while you sit through the rest of the time at their place. you're through puberty now (i think), you can leave that baby attitude out of it. you're not fourteen anymore.

it's not ideal, but just hang in there, and it'll be all right in the end. just don't set yourself any unrealistic goals like "i need to win the lottery" or "i have to move out immediately even though i could never pay for that yet".

IceCream got all serious on me. Whoa.

Cool As Ice Cream 05-13-2014 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4060158)
IceCream got all serious on me. Whoa.

aw, shit. i was actually fishing for a different reaction. now i'm sad.

Cool As Ice Cream 05-13-2014 10:20 AM

but yeah, i was mainly serious. that's true.

MusicMan4 05-13-2014 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cool As Ice Cream (Post 4060159)
aw, shit. i was actually fishing for a different reaction. now i'm sad.

no you see how i feel when you take my posts my all serious

Cool As Ice Cream 05-13-2014 10:54 AM

i never do.

The exploding boy 05-13-2014 12:12 PM

It seems to me MS is a pretty serious problem. I mean, I feel worse complaining about my life when i DON'T have MS. Sure it's not fatal...it still lowers your life expectancy and if it gets bad, it affects your quality of life considerably.


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