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just found out my friend hung herself on friday night
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No words, other than I'm sorry.
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i keep a stash of citalopram for a reason
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One hopes that times like these aren't frequent
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Ditto on the mom stuff. Not exact situations but... my mom and I were just never close. There's a lot that I struggle to forgive her for, and she knows she fucked up but will never admit to it. She's not the first person I call when I need someone...but I have many times wished that I could call her. When I'm in pain, I just want my mom... but then I remember how we're not on the same page and how she annoys me with her "I told you so..blah blah blah". Not much compassion or understanding. |
I'mHardcore, if there is anything a stranger on the internet could say to you right now, I don't know what it is.
It's much too soon to deal with it in any way, but... but for later. Later in my case I ended up calling an aid group for people who lost someone through suicide. It did help, eventually. |
Sorry to hear, hard core.
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i'm already seeing a counselor at the moment, so she will help.
thanks for your words, guys. |
god damn it man, that sucks.
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I'm so sorry, I'm Hardcore.
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That film is horrifying
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one of the things i've noticed is that in general, other people just get to the point where they ostracize you if you "don't choose to be happy" or whatever chicken soup for the soul bullshit they think
for depressed people, when their friends just relentlessly abandon them just because they are sad or downers or whatever it gets really lonely and while they may have thought or talked about committing suicide over the years as people abandon them it starts to pile up and eventually they just do it because they feel nobody cares about them, and that is true |
It's weird when you are functionally depressed. Like you can go out and do your job competently and on the whole take care of yourself without letting it get too bad.
When I got the bipolar diagnosis, I told a few of my closer coworkers about it and they all pretty much said "wow I must have only seen you when you're manic!", which always reminds me of two things, the first being that nobody actually knows anything about these diseases and are going by the misinformation that they've been fed by whoever. but the other thing i'm reminded of is that if you are functionally depressed, it's because you've developed ways of hiding it from people, and that's motivated by the stigma associated with mental illness. Quote:
i heard about a study of facebook that analyzed friend connections. if you've ever felt that a majority of people on your friends list have more friends than you, you're in the majority. in other words, most of your friends are more popular than you, and this is the case for most other people. now i'm not saying that depression doesn't lead to asocial behavior. but it does make it harder knowing that fact. doesn't help when you're broke, either. |
Less talking about suicide, more committing.
Talk the talk, walk the walk. Personally my life is shit but I've been of the opinion for years that i'd rather all the suffering with the tiny possibility things might get better someday (even if I don't really believe that) than the finality of ending it all and then well...having absolutely no chance things will get any better. Anyway I suspect a cancer will likely kill me by the time i'm like 45 (which is within ten years). I'm too bitter negative and stressed all the time for it to end any other way. |
aside from the 6-7 people that i'm actually really "friends" with the only people who seem to respond to anything that i post on FB is netphorians
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I stopped FB like 4 years ago (well it's out there but inactive). I'd barely been using it for about 2 years by then. As a result I do not have friends because if you're not keeping in contact online, you might as well not exist. People are overrated anyway. They have needs, wants, feelings and diverging opinions. All of which are pretty annoying.
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i deleted my facebook a couple of years ago and my family hasn't stopped hounding me to register again. and i just don't want to. on the heels of that i purged as much of my "online presence" as i could think to do--pictures, accounts, etc and now the internet is just really boring.
but i also do not have any friends and don't feel any strong compulsion to make some, save for a few fleeting moments here and there. i think that since i moved to chicago and it's the first time i've lived centrally in a large city, i've completely turned inward and don't really have patience to deal with anyone. i just started wearing earplugs while i commute on the train and it's extremely satisfying to not have to pay attention to anyone or hear people talking. |
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I've got a gf, we've been together 6 years. She's about as social as I am. We are stranded together in a life of disappointment and apathy. Clearly we've got issues but what are you gonna do? |
I mean, I feel you on the people are uninteresting thing. I think the majority are this way, but even if 1/1000 people is interesting/smart, there are a lot of people out there. Like I made friends with this one guy, we hand out maybe every other month but I just... don't like him. There's nothing wrong with him. He's just not in the same mental space I am in, and I think we both realized that at the same time. There are people I connect with, but none of them are available for a closer friendships - one lives in Amhurst most of the year (known him since I was 13, and the other has two small children (one is autistic). We met at work; we got hired a week apart about 18 months ago.
It seems like everyone has something and I just don't have anything. I see myself filling that hole with school and even my cat (who I got a year ago) and I don't think that's bad (seriously, I didn't have anything before), and I do make connections in school, but it never gets very personal and I think that is mostly on me and not on the other people. Since you're new, you probably don't know that when I was super depressed and very PTSD-ed out I couldn't work and basically didn't leave my house for about four years except for therapy and random hospitalizations. It was really this way up until I got my job in Sept 2012. So I've made good strides. I just can't trust people I think is the bottom line. It's pretty sad really. |
Maybe it's simply that you've only recently found your way and it takes a while before you get to the point where you no longer feel like you "don't have anyting"
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I mean I don't get the appeal if you don't want to interact with people.
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Here's some depression
I seriously have no purpose to continue living. Every single experience in my life is a painful one. Work fucking sucks but what's the point in looking for another job. I probably won't make more, not that I make much now. My home life sucks and it's my fault for not even trying to care about my partner for the last year and a half or just getting up and leaving. Probably because the only option is living with my parents and I guess I'm too proud for that and feel that would actually be worse. My parents are always hounding me to go back to school but I don't fucking want to because it's awful. My mouth hurts and I need dental work done but it's expensive and I don't want to ask anyone for money. My back always hurts because I sleep on a futon and I just don't want to spend the money on a good bed. I seriously don't want to do anything to make my life better so don't think I'm complaining about anything, I'm just talking. In the past I'd complain, vent, whatever to anyone willing to listen but now I just don't say anything to anyone. I've been thinking about going to a psychiatrist but I've been down that road and I never stick to anything. I mean seriously I have no redeeming qualities and I do nothing. I left work early because my boss can clearly see I'm not ok and I've just been laying here. What a fucking loser I am. It makes no sense that I haven't just ended it and the only reason I haven't I guess is that it requires effort. |
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maybe small cities would be another thing but you can be anonymous and anti social in cities of a million plus, it's easy |
i would love to live in chicago. the wife may end up going to grad school there.
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i don't want to live anywhere, i wish i was dead
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I've been listening to power metal for the last 2 hours
I think I'm depressed Help me |
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my mother and stepfather live in a small rural town. I would go crazy if I had to live there. They basically sit in their house every day and they only leave when my mother drives to work or they go to church. there's not a damn thing to do in that place. I think there's one shitty restaurant and nothing else.
in terms of personal interaction with other people there isn't any. it seems like a great place to be if you don't want to interact with other human beings |
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in a thread where actual suicide has been discussed, you come up with this |
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we should hang out again. |
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