It's been chilly here so far this spring... but no snow today. I think it hit 55 F

We started building a chicken coop. We have half a dozen heritage breed hens ordered. They'll be her at the end of the month.

This is going to sound like an asshole question

But how does one get to a place in life where one is doing stuff like having gardens dogs and chicken coops

Is it because i spent 20 years using substances and untreated mentally ill that i can barely brush my teeth let alone have a hobby or cook or any of that shit? But other people have their own particular never-before-seen cocktails of staggering strugglies too, and they don’t hit the middle of their life with probably almost nothing to show for it, other than i am 1/2 responsible for the fact that there’s two more people in the world, who no doubt will have numerous stupefying strugglems having been in a house with my piece of shit unstable self for their entire years of life?

This post turned into some kind of shame talk so, sorry about that but serious — how does one do things in life

i don't know if I can properly answer your question. I am lucky I guess that my own mental health struggles involved anorexia, dysmorphia, and dysphoria. I attempted suicide and nearly starved myself to death over and over. But i was lucky enough to not have severe bipolar disorder like half of my extended family. And I didn't have the kind of substance abuse issues one of my bio parents had.

On the internet people only show their shiny bits, and rarely show you how they cried for 10 hours straight yesterday... or worry so much about being fired from their job that they can't sleep at night.

Some of it is just dumb luck. I should be dead. I wanted to be dead. I tried to be dead. But a few years ago i found a way through it. And now i can try to have backyard chickens. Hopefully i don't accidentally kill them

Asking those questions instead of numbing myself and "worrying about it later" was a big first step for me. Not that I'm in a place where I can have gardens and chickens or whatever (not my thing anyway) but home ownership before age 40 is actually a real possibility instead of probably being dead or in jail. The longer I stayed sober willingly, the more I was capable and excited to build a life. Especially since people depend on me. I'm not yet a person with passionate hobbies, which is maybe because drugs were my only interest for over a decade until I had to make a sudden shift of every aspect of my life upon finding out I was pregnant, so I do understand what it feels like to see people who paint, play guitar, and have a huge circle of friends and dismiss myself as worthless. It's not true, people love me (even if it's only a few) and building a life a little at a time is doable and will restore your self esteem. With better self esteem, and potentially therapy/meds depending on your situation, change isn't as intimidating. I think you're very funny, thoughtful, and I'm sure you have a ton of interesting things to offer.

i think it's mainly a question of good/bad luck, run2pee.
it's not your fault.

I think your basic mental health and personality blueprint is dumb luck, but you can still add or subtract things from your life that yield changes that you want.

I'm not trying to come off preachy, there's just something toxic about thinking you can't ever change your circumstances or even components of your own personality.

hey, agreed.
but you shouldn't be too hard on yourself, because not everything you end up with is your own fault or merit. (there's the blueprint you mention, and loads of other things you have no control over.)

Super stressed out over the infant formula shortage. I'm due in 6 weeks. I guess I'm gonna drive around the entire region tomorrow and see what I can find. I have a big can to get started, but the shortage has gotten worse and not better like I thought. Cannot catch a damn break with the state of the world.

Whole thing is such a clusterfuck of evil on every level; I'm sorry it's affecting you

Friend of mine is a WIC administrator whose job it is to help her clients, among other things, find formula, and she's taken up the "breastmilk is free and readily available" line and I want to fucking scream

The worst memory of my hospital stay after delivering my first child was the constant overwhelming pressure the staff gave me to breastfeed. It's not a thing that is possible for me, and I was feeling very confident about that for my second child's delivery until knowing that I'm likely going to have to give her whatever formula is available, constantly switching them which is bad for their newborn digestive systems. And that's assuming there aren't any allergies. I'm failing to understand why it's taking so long to get a solid stock back on the shelves, despite reading every article about the matter. It seems like there's a lot more that could be done.

why isn't breastfeeding possible for you?

So that's your question, huh?

i have no further questions at this time

i was breastfed. obviously that's why i'm so amazing!

not cool

Unfortunately, that's the response of many people and I believe that kind of attitude is harmful to getting this problem fixed. I had led with "breastfeeding isn't possible for me", so that answer is already complete without additional details. It's helpful or considerate to be sympathetic to the shortage, or suggest a better way to find formula, but useless to try to change/question someone's (in)ability to breastfeed.

y'all are reading stuff into my question that isn't there. i don't care whether anyone breastfeeds or not i am just curious. i assumed you were down to talk about it since you started talking about it.

I'm not mad, I'm just irritable at the situation and wish people in general would focus on solving this problem. Instead, there's been a huge debate in many parenting communities on breastfeeding vs formula when that isn't the issue right now. I'm not sensitive about my choice. It's all good, ovary.

I want to punch a fucking wall and break my fucking hands so I don't have to type this fucking essay


fucking jesus fucking christ this fucking shit is so, SO fucking infuriating

i've been reading the fucking prompt for an hour and barely understand the fucking drivel we're supposed to fucking write:

how the FUCK do i write a whole FUCKING ESSAY about that shit??? that's a fucking example!!! fuck!!@!

i've never been this MAD about school before. anxious, sure. scared, sure. but i'm just fucking livid the more i try to do this shit. David Brooks wrote some shite about diversity and now I have to write 6 pages AHJJH

i don't even know where to post i don't know what to do. the only way out is through. i wanna fucking scream

My friend from high school, a nerdy pyromaniac who in retrospect I believe may just not have had the guts to become a school shooter, went to Brown and did well. I toured the very lovely campus but did not apply. Or maybe I did and just didn't get in? I forget. HTH!

Why the fuck do you think you can even ask that question?

I'm a sovereign citizen, I can ask any question I want

just gonna take a second to appreciate the irony of a dude named "ovary" getting roasted for a breastfeeding question

because ilp mentioned it was not a possibility for her, so of course she was "down" to be insensitively interrogated about it. WHY! :bananamac

When it comes to people's bodies, "I won't/can't " is a complete sentence. Ovary is far from the only person who seems to find breastfeeding an exception to that rule. Saddening.

When it comes to a woman's body, some people don't see it that way. I told someone once I did not (also a full sentence) have any kids, and they asked if I couldn't. I mean...

Anyway, not speaking of bodies, after work today I attended an online chess instruction session with a nonprofit that teaches the games to kids (6+). I've been thinking about getting coaching certification for years (!!!) but then I would just have it...I wasn't sure how to make it useful once I finished. I am not comfortable starting my own thing...at least not yet.

But anyway, I am going back tomorrow to see an online tournament and I will likely get asked to play which makes me p anxious because playing strangers does that to me. It's nice I won't have to pay for certification or to get training in coaching, though. Plus, I miss teaching kids.

I would be the 2nd female coach and only Latina. There are 2 female players and one Latino among the students. Sad! BuT HEy!

That's really cool! I hope you win, if you wind up going.

i lost in just a few moves to a kid in a variation called 3 check (never heard of it)! apparently it's not about check-mating the king, but the aim is to simply get the king in check three times and you win. actually, one goal is to check-mate the king, but you can also win by checking the opponent's king three times.

i got in check, could've capture their queen, but the game was over! not fair, dude. felt like 2 check to me

LOL @ some girl yelling on camera YES, FATHER?! I HAVE MY SWEATSHIRT ON! Some other boy keeps singing I AM A LITTLE LAD!

"Alexa, I never asked you to turn on", she said in the middle of a story about driving in the rain with her father. these kids r hilarious (but today was tinged with some sadness for me because many are the same age of the kids killed in Uvalde) and i really identify with little girls who talk a lot even though i turned into a reserved adult.

apparently there are more variations of chess than pool. wild!