Im really book smart but I have zero real life skills.

if you're cool enough all the cool clubs will let you in even though you're underage - especially if you have talent

Yeah, that might be just from not being comfortable around people and it might take a while, even if it means being inebriated most of the time.

although something is telling me you aren't SD proper - how many miles away from San Diego do your parents live

Just get drunk and stay drunk. Works for me.

how many miles away is club sabbat

Yeah this actually did work for me to the point where I didn't have to be drunk.

Im having trouble finding people who share my artistic vision. Post-Punk is not a popular genre amongst most people. It's a really British genre.
And my band mates don't seem to get music as a literary art rather than just rocking.

OKCupid!

I don't want to play the blues really fast you know?
That shit has been done to death

I literally cant even get drunk because I dont have any alcohol.

Id never evet be sober if it was easy for me to get drunk

People are always like: "Go live life!" and you wont be so miserable.

But, like, what do I go do?

my guess is that you actually live in the suburbs 40-50 miles outside of san diego

I live like 5 minutes away from "The City"
But Im not native to San Diego. I spent most of my life in the middle of nowhere

go geocaching

i cant believe my friend died. 29 years old, no obvious cause and they don't think it's drug related. he just up and died in his sleep. stroke or a heart attack, results won't be back for a few weeks.

i've known him since i was 2 years old.

That is awful. You can have your thread back.

that's ok. shock is just kind of wearing off and i'm starting to feel that sort of anger/helplessness/sadness thing.

is there anyone at work you click with?

i've gotten to the point where i realize my personality is horrible and i might as well not even bother trying to make friends anymore because apparently "just being myself" drives people away and i'm never comfortable ever because i'm constantly thinking about how terrible i am and awkward and how i make everyone uncomfortable and i have nothing to talk about and i hate myself and i want to die

Probably undiagnosed heart problems. That's often what it is when people die suddenly at such a young age.




Elphenor. A lof of what you said about your life, background and interests was me at 20 (though unlike you i wasnt getting laid yet...). If i could start again I woudn't waste my time like i did (even if some of the "time wasting" was due to my social problems). But yeah. Don't be me in 15 years from now. Keep....trying to do what you're trying to do...basically. And if you cant find the people, then take charge. Learn to play bass, drums, keyboards, whatever.

After years of being unsatisfied and unfulfilled joining bands that's what i did (well id been playing guitar and bass for years but not the rest). I wish i hadn't waited so long. I should have done this at 20, not in my 30's. Sure it might take some years to become a "self sufficient" musician but its worth it. Besides here's the thing....like you i like post punk (and new wave). Well i might not be telling you anything you didn't know but most of this type of stuff is really simple to play and write (doesn't mean its easy to write good songs in the genre but you know).

One handed keyboard lines. Often generally simple repetitive guitar parts (basic minor or power chords or simple one string lines).Upfront but easy basslines... and steady not very dynamic drumming (and your set will likely not need more than a hithat, a cymbal, a snare a bass drum and maybe one tom...that's the thing too, post punk is even economical to play, even the instruments they used were often shit so its not hard to replicate the sound). Two or three years of effort and you could write the stuff you want to write. Relying on people to make the music you wanna make sucks. Especially if you're not in an area where the genres you like are popular. I never played a blues scale in my life and don't intend to ever.

:hanging:

why do you think people like you online if all of this is true?

Yes, I'm thinking that's probably it. He had several chronic health problems (RA, Chron's Disease) and could barely pay for his meds and didn't get the check ups like he should have. He was excited about the ACA and getting himself checked out soon.


Elphenor:

Life is really all about friendships, IMO. Music is important, and focusing on music is good, but most likely you will have a career outside of it. You will also do things like go to birthday parties and buy cars and clean up dog/cat/baby poop and spend years working for shitty wages and just all of those things we all do. And it will feel much better doing those things if your life is full of people you love and feel connected with.

online is not the same as real life, i mean it doesn't even count

you didn't answer my question

online relationships are not substitutions for "real life" ones, but the fact that people don't run away from you online must mean there some disconnect between how you feel and what reality is, don't you think?

it's the way i talk and stand or something i dunno, i suck. pretty much every one knows it

not at all, because as far as offline...people fucking detest me. they pretend to like me and blow me off, i'm always alone. there's never any hope. any friends i do make get sick of me in like 3 years. i'm just a complete fuckup idiot what can i say

i mean my facebook is pretty much ignored except by netphorians, that's not good. nobody likes anything i do except for people from here

like what the fuck kind of life is that