one wipe to confirm clean butt.

i'm also not on board with bidets. what do you do once you wet your buttcrack up? air dry? use toilet paper to mop it up? sounds like more work to me. maybe i'm missing something.

had a holy one today

I think I can't have milk coffee anymore

10/10

tramadol is making me hella constipated


also my farts are very powerful and gusty and smell like burnt popcorn, which kinda makes me ... hungry?


:think:

i've heard farts are just your body's way of saying, "hey, there's room for more"

Just a quick update:

I've started defecating again, first with pain and now with ease, so that's something.

But now my farts smell like wet straw / rotten eggplants.



:( I just can't win.

if the tramadol is making you feel ill, I'm sure I could get rid of it somehow for you

Having a nice poo rn....then a hot shower.

let me tell all y'all wee lil' kissers the story of how i learned to clean my ass.

it all began two summers past in my thirty-first year, you see. a lilthe and moon-skinned young lass from edinburgh was staying the fortnight at our little farm. and one afternoon i'll never forget it she stepped out of the shower wearing naught but a towel, her short crop of hair dripping slightly with the dewy shower water. as she stepped soft through the house i was sitting there in the kitchen conversing with my wife about the red and rashy state of my sorry arse, a problem which was now plodding through its fifth straight day of trouble. and this scottish lass she leaned over toward me her towel slipping slightly as she near-whispered well, she whispered, when was the last time you washed your ass?

and i answered that i had never in my life truly washed my back hole. not a real deep wash with a cloth and soap and it all. for all these years the only washing i'd done is to spread the cheeks in the shower and let the hot water drip do. both women were aghast at this admission. i felt real shame.

i knew then that clearly my whole ass-cheek-shower-spread-strategy was no longer sufficient. that night i soaped and rubbed and, good god, (for He was good to me then) the rash cleared up like the tall desert sky after a roaring dust storm.

now today again my ass burns like hell and so i'll go ahead and wash it before bed. and as i do, as always now, i'll be considerin' that fine toweled bird, her lithe long legs and her dappled dewy skin and her welcome, wise words.

I read about this on Reddit, how people don't wash their ass. Welcome to the clean side my friend.

Failing to understand any explanation as to why someone wouldn't wash their behind ever....?

If any place NEEDS soap and scrubbing, that's the one!

Just took (oye!) a very strange dump.

The turds were plump, round, and quite large, yet they slid twixt the cool lavatorial waves with nary a plop, plimp, or pliss, like silken smooth otters ...




beautiful little turds! oh how I cherish your rectal birth! thank you! thank you!

Unwashed ass has a really particular smell, not strictly 100% shit, but a knowing smell. It's absolutely grim.

Also people who apparantly don't wash their legs in the shower. What the fuck?

I can excuse people smelling ripe after a days work or whatever else, but man. Get and wash ASAP, you should fucking WANT to do it, not be forced or whatever.

I've also never heard of not washing your legs. Maybe I just know clean people? Why would you skip a body part?

ngl it was a doozy

i think i may need to wash my ass again. toilet paper has been bloody for days now. and last night the burning began again

i always wash my legs! i love a good exfoliation

but i pay extra attention to joint areas because a couple of white jerks in my childhood mentioned my knees were dark and gross. i was not afraid of getting dirty at recess and was naturally darker. i remember scrubbing the shit out of my knees as a kid in the shower

i would not scrub my butt-hole, though...even now. just let soapy water run down it and use your hands a bit without sticking fingers all the way in.

ovary, you might be on your period or have a busted hemorrhoid

I think I'm quite lucky because most of my close relatives have gastrointestinal issues, IBS and so on, and plus the medication I take is notorious for causing constipation/blockages, yet I'm normally as regular as clockwork with no real complications, and it's also very rare I get an upset stomach of any kind.

what does that say about ur poop and anus?

It says everything about them!

my wife and i were walking down the road and she had to shit so bad we turned around but we didn't make it home. she shit in the trees

I loved that show.

better the trees than her pants

great show, I hated the ending

how else should it end?

I can't say, I support the writer's strike :)

as a partaker of dysfunctional co dependent relationships, i thought it ended better than most of my own have.

I kind of like that they agree that they're both fucked up and it'll prolly end badly

you know when you're taking a shit and your dick flops down and slaps the inside of the bowl? how have we not developed toilet technology to combat this???