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Ol' Couch Ass 01-08-2007 04:50 PM

Week in Vegas: The World Series of Pong and Broken Dreams
So, I'm just back from a week in Vegas. Here is the good, bad and the ugly.

We flew out on the 31st and the flight was a nightmare. Storms in Atlanta fucked us all to hell and we finally landed in Vegas about 5pm local time. I got my checked bag from the belt to find out it had been thoroughly soaked during the plane exchange in Atlanta and this pissed me off to no end. Luckily, I was traveling in clothes suitable for a party so we said fuck it and headed on to the strip.

Once on the strip, my friend and I began to drink massive quantities of booze. We staggered from casino to casino and I somehow managed to win a couple of hundred dollars playing poker as everyone else was as hammered as us. They closed down the strip to traffic around 10 and we went out to party.

Once we got on the street, my buddy and I met this dude Clint from Australia. Clint was walking down the strip alone with two drinks in his hands looking totally bewildered. We could tell he was a kindred soul. We started talking and he had flown in for shits and giggles not knowing a soul in Vegas. After some talk, we recruited him into our booze consortium. We cruised down to the Bellagio as we wanted to see the fountain as well as the fireworks at midnight. Somewhere along the line, my friend Chris acquired an oversized purple full brimmed pimp hat. Once at the Bellagio, we met a girl named Rebecca from New Zealand. Becca wasn't much of a booze hound, but she was a cool girl and we found out she was with her family. She was adopted into the group. So, midnight brought fireworks and more booze blah blah blah.

We kept on rolling and this blond haired dude nearly vomited on my shoe. We came to find out his name was Jon and he was from Germany. We so liked his vomit on the strip style that we took him in and were representing 3 continents now. Boozing continued and we all found ourselves way too sauced. At one point, a couple of Austrians named Patrick and Andria joined the fray but they couldn't we were back down to a fouresome.

At one point, Chris proposed to Becca and I think she would have given it some consideration if not for the pimp hat. 5am found us incredibly hungry and Becca (or rather her dad via charge card hehe) treated us to breakfast at the Bellagio. At this point, Chris and I still had 6 hours until we could check into our hotel. We went to our new friend Clint's room at the MGM to drink some tequila and at some point I passed out on the floor. I awoke at around 11 o'clock (as did my buddy) on some random Australian dude's floor. Luckily, there were no signs of bodily harm. As my friend put so astutely "see you in hell dignity."

So, we cruise an hour into the desert to Mesquite for the World Series of Beer Pong. Once there, I had to deal with my bag which was still soaked. I got the pleasure of going to a laundry mat in a meth addled town and had the opportunity to deal with the locals. Once chick (who was obviously high on speed or meth) struck up a conversation with me and invited me over for drinks. Needless to say, I didn't accept the invitation. We went back to the casino and casually played cards and drank vodka tonics until it was time to pass out.

The next two days were a nightmare. My partner and I sucked mightily. It seemed like every shot would hit a rim and bounce wildly. We had a few runs were we were able to muster 1/10th of our normal skill but it was to no avail. We were out of it as quickly as we were in it. We were outclassed, outskilled and just fucking sucked. By the end of day two, we were 4-8 and done. FUCK. Like true gentlemen of the beer pong sport, we said fuck it and got hammered. I am pleased to say that for the second straight year I was warned by the security of the Oasis Casino and Resort that any further yelling or causing of ruckus would result in my expulsion from the property.

By Saturday, my partner and I were both drained. We went back to Vegas and bet on some football proposition bets on the playoff games. I took Harrison and Wayne at 8-1 and 9-1 to score the first TD of the game for 20 bucks each (fuck you Mr. Joseph Adai) and lost on both. The 2nd game was no better. Finally, at 11 we boarded a plane and came back home.

I'm home now. Like any filthy whore, Vegas left me bruised, poor and a bit sick. And like any other whore, I can't fucking wait to do it again. It turns out that as a dude I never take any pictures. My buddy took some pictures on his cell phone and if he sends them to me I'll post them. I'm pretty sure there is a good picture of playing a team of strippers in beer pong. They took off their shirts and I took off my pants.

If you read through this whole thing you are a trooper.

phaedrus 01-08-2007 05:02 PM

i am a trooper. no really.

wHATcOLOR 01-08-2007 05:03 PM

that's too bad, i was hoping you dudes would clean house!

Ol' Couch Ass 01-08-2007 05:06 PM

If we had played up to our potential, we easily could have made the top 10. That's just the way it goes I guess..... Oh well, training begins for next year.

phaedrus 01-08-2007 05:07 PM

way to persevere. sounds like you had fun anyway.

bardy 01-08-2007 05:08 PM

sounds like you had an awesome time! I'll be in vegas in march possibly, do you want to go back for a visit around then?

Nimrod's Son 01-08-2007 05:10 PM

bardy do you play poker

Rarely 01-08-2007 05:21 PM

you guys just choked

anyone can play good with enough practice but its when you get out under that lights that counts

bardy 01-08-2007 05:28 PM

nope and I don't gamble either. Well I know HOW to play poker but I wouldn't play in vegas. I might just hit the slot machines for some fun but mainly I would go to vegas to see the shows and drinkand eat nice food :(

Ol' Couch Ass 01-08-2007 05:46 PM

Funny you say that Bardy. One of my friends who didn't go this time is talking about a return trip in March/April. If we go we'll probably just blow in for two or three days, rip it a new one and get out. Rooms at the Grand aren't bad so that's probably where we'll go. I'll let you know as plans develop.

mpp 01-08-2007 05:55 PM

boy i'd love to go to vegas soon

bardy 01-08-2007 06:46 PM


Originally Posted by The Juerto
Funny you say that Bardy. One of my friends who didn't go this time is talking about a return trip in March/April. If we go we'll probably just blow in for two or three days, rip it a new one and get out. Rooms at the Grand aren't bad so that's probably where we'll go. I'll let you know as plans develop.

awesome! I havent ever been and everyone I talk to here seems to think that is some kind of travesty. Keep me updated

Esty 01-08-2007 06:49 PM

Brady, I'm going to the delahoya/mayweather fight in may. :( Wanna meet me then?

bardy 01-08-2007 06:57 PM

wheres that?

Esty 01-08-2007 07:00 PM

Um, in vegas.

bardy 01-08-2007 07:03 PM

oh I thought that was a place and it said "flight" instead of "fight"

my bad.

Esty 01-08-2007 07:12 PM


Ok, so i'll see you there?

bardy 01-08-2007 07:45 PM

maybe. can I bring some friends?

Travis Meeks 01-08-2007 07:47 PM

Bardy, if I change my plans in march from going to denver/jackson hole and fly to Vegas instead can we fuck all week?

FutureBoy 01-08-2007 07:49 PM

Can she bring some friends?

Travis Meeks 01-08-2007 07:50 PM

Sure! I'll even give it to Esty that week.

bardy 01-08-2007 07:55 PM

if I get dumped before then, sure

Travis Meeks 01-08-2007 07:57 PM

Note to self: Kill Bardy and Kimmy's problems.

Travis Meeks 01-08-2007 07:57 PM

Esty, so i'll see you there?

TuralyonW3 01-08-2007 07:59 PM

you're pretty cool The Juerto

Travis Meeks 01-08-2007 08:01 PM

yeah, I think I really dig that cat!

FutureBoy 01-08-2007 08:02 PM

Hes awesome.

Esty 01-08-2007 08:35 PM


Originally Posted by Travis Meeks
Esty, so i'll see you there?

Are we going to dp brady?

Nate the Grate 01-08-2007 08:39 PM

When I turn 21 I'm heading to Foxwoods with some friends and losing all my money and belongings. It is going to be SWEET.

Ol' Couch Ass 01-08-2007 08:48 PM


It is a travesty you've never been to Vegas. Some words of advice:

1. Schedule your trip to not coincide with any sort of Expos or trade conferences. Last year we went the same week as the Adult Film Expo and it was an arm and a leg for lodging. Granted, it was funny to watch porn stars stumble around but still not worth the 300% markups we faced.

2. Stay on the strip. It may be cheaper if you stay downtown or someplace else but you won't get the true Vegas experience and you will pay crazy cap fares to get back to the blvrd.

3. Don't go crazy with the stay duration. My friend and I both agreed that Vegas is best served up in 3-4 day slices. Get in, freak out, rip it a new one and get out. After about a week, it starts to lose some of the luster (unless of course you are a millionaire high roller staying in the penthouse, I don't think that would ever get tiresome).

4. If you are poor, amble up to any bar and put $10 into the video poker machine. They will provide you free drinks while you are playing the machines. It is amazing how many vodka tonics a properly motivated man can drink in the 30 minutes it takes to slowly widdle down a $10 investment. But, make sure you have enough to tip at least a buck a drink.

Hope these helpful travel tips will come in handy. God I can't wait to go back.

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