some of my best friends are white women

i had a dream last night that my wife divorced me and married don jr in a posh downtown chicago street wedding, to which i showed up, got drunk, and shot my mother in the head. :erm:

Inspiring

my mom is my white woman boss

last night i dreamed i got 68 percent on my midterm. also my hair was short.

i woke up shuddering with horror.

you seem like the type who would rank Mercury as the best planet

It's really the best judge of character we have

You really made me look at Neptune, because I was like Neptune wtf, it’s a nothing planet but actually, it’s pretty good.

It's my ruler

I got the shower doors that caved in on me fixed and I can use my shower again tomorrow. Yay.

Lined up behind Bush in airport security.

Hopefully not a bad omen.

quick, shark them!

Turns out that Stone Temple Pilots are with them.

Coldest move ever came when the security guy mentions Weiland to them. No lie.

:eek:

Just prepped a turkey meatloaf, roasted potatoes, and cabbage in under 15 minutes, already cooking. Getting fast with that knife!

last week took a plane from Lisbon and Mari Ferrari was sitting just behind me in the plane, alone.
then she waited for the same train I was.
didn't know who she was actually, just noticed she looked trendy and russian and possibly an artist.
then i found out this weekend she was DJing at the Carnaval de Québec, when I saw her picture on a news feed and finally the mystery was solved.

last week you did what with a plane??

who, me, the tookling?

so, anyway, i have a major crush on my human resources director. she's like 50 but very well preserved.

i want to eat her asshole. i think she knows this and does not approve.

you're going to be a creep towards and harass a woman you work with again and spin the story on netphoria for sympathy.

that's f'ed up.

were you ballin' in the 1st class line or were they (bush and who's left of stp) in coach with the working class?

what the heck u put in a turkey meatloaf besides turkey?

i only ask cause i can't stand meatloaf and none of the standard ingredients seem like they would complement turkey. i wish i liked meatloaf, though. :[

maybe don't say those exact words to her in your first talk.

i was told the security mentioned Weiland Fan to them

so which was it really? Scotty boy (rest his soul) or Big Dawg Buttcannon?

who told you those lies?

hmmm... Fucked by a Father i believe his name was

no no no... Fell for a Teacher

shit!

Hard-on of a Halfling? i'm drawing a blank

I hope for their sake they had better seats on the plane, but they were slumming it in the foreigners line with the rest of us.

When Rossdale was done being processed, the Customs guy explained to his colleague, "Es el esposo de No Doubt."

:rofl: