I am so fucking tired

Emma tell me again to hang in there

study your microwave manual until you fall asleep?

Being able to sleep is not the problem. It's having time to sleep!

Ah gosh those days. Nobody can describe what that kind of sleep deprivation feels like

You’re doing amazing. It will never been harder than this. And one day soon this stage will all be behind you…truly, just keep hanging’ in there <3 you’re an awesome mom

Yes, I like this forced validation I've pressured you into. It makes me less tired!

Energised once again by the power of netphoria

One of my dearest friends bought me a new guitar and had it shipped to me. She also wired me $2000 and told me not to freak out, so I promptly freaked out and returned it. I kept the guitar at her insistence, though, and now I'm obligated to get better. So I guess I have a hobby now.

First thing I did was try to play Soma. Can't change me.

sad dinner alone of couscous leftover from the dinner i made last night and zucchini i cooked last night to protect it from going bad.

at least it's tasty and i am eating an entire zucchini. that's the thing about me, i'm an optometrist and i always look on the bright side.

*lone sarcastic applause*

it's just zucchini and couscous

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wish i was closer to you, ILP. I'd come over and babysit and give you a break. Are your parents helping?

babysitting is fun tbh. i've not really babysat true babies so much except my little brother who was born when i was ten. but kids who can talk are pretty boss. i used to have to watch my nephews and second cousins and would entertain my upstairs neighbor's kid sometimes during the pandemic to give her a break

did you ever get your hands on some formula? i been hearing shortages are still occurring

I would find it hard to part with $2000 but it would be slightly easier than accepting it from a friend. What an amazing friend though

And a guitar. Wow. I’ve had some nice gifts before but not a guitar

I’m pretty certain I don’t have any friends who would do that for me. Talk about life goals?

I posted that in a hurry and didn’t notice the question mark. I don’t think I meant for that to be a question

My older son just turned 17 and we surprised him a moped/scooter after basically forcing him to get his learner licence the week before. I thought he would like it, but the joy of this 17 year old being able to get himself everywhere without needing a lift from his parents, is more than I expected.

13 year old said mournfully “I’ve never been more jealous of anything in my life”

And I was like lol no, not jealous - envious. You are envious.

jeal·ous
/ˈjeləs/
adjective: jealous

feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.

he was right. you should apologize to him.

This.. might be the nicest impossible offer ever. It's frustrating because if I ever vent to my mom about any of the challenges of having a high needs kindergartener and a 2 month old as a single parent, she is quick to remind me that "I wanted this." Yes, I do want this, but that doesn't disallow me hard days or any compassion on those hard days. Rude. They don't watch my kids, if that's what you mean by help. They do let us live in their house, though, so that's a massive help! I making enough to pay for everything for the 3 of us aside from rent, so that's the next goal to get us OUT. I appreciate their generosity, but I need privacy and the space to make sure the things I disagree with them about are not repeated right in front of my children.

I am stocked up, luckily. There are certain types that are still hard to find, but my baby thankfully doesn't require special formula so we're able to make it work with any of them.

I've known her since elementary school, we have a long history and she was probably having a lonely night. Her father passed from Covid and left her a LOT of money, so I understand the impulse to send it to close friends (I would hook it up if I won the lottery), but he left that to her to try to last her. Plus, it feels wrong. I'd rather her use that money to come visit, not give it to me. I couldn't return the guitar anyway, so I'll admit I'm happy to have it. I bought and then sold at least 5 of them over the years, so it's nice knowing that I'm 100% going to keep this one.

As far as life goals, don't be jealous OR envious! I have literally 4 people that I'd call actual irl friends (really GOOD friends, though), and zero of them live anywhere near me, and I met all of them before graduating college.That's what happens when you move 5 times in adulthood by age 30, and then uproot your social circle by quitting drugs. So please accept my oversharing on this chat thread! <3

And one more post makes five

ugh, your mom sounds like my mom. i got pregnant at 23 and i called her the night before i intended to get an abortion to emotionally let her know i was pregnant (she didn't know; i was in denial) and going to get an abortion at 12 weeks. she's v pro-choice but told me that if my choice was due to not having help then to reconsider and i could move home, but goddamn. she would have reveled in having that control over me.

I don't want to sound like an ungrateful shit by saying that my mom can be extremely toxic and emotionally manipulative. She has intense anger and depression issues that probably influence her terrible way of talking to people, and her general "perpetual gloom" vibe.

I'm glad you were able to make a good decision for yourself, it's not always peachy living with family. You've always struck me as a person who knows her boundaries, at least for the last 12 years that I've been reading your posts.

ugh, i try. you just reminded me about seeing my biological father at my maternal aunt's memorial service last week or so. they knew each other before he even knew my mom.

i knew he was going and i was not happy about seeing him in an uncontrolled environment for the first time in 15 years while trying to grieve someone i love with my family, but i wasn't NOT going to go.

he accosted me and talked way too excitedly; i checked out emotionally, anxiously chuckled some and didn't say much and kept excusing myself to go stand by the food and just eat. i feel bad tim had to meet him and hold up a conversation whenever i walked away.

it wasn't bad. parents love me. even aging, estranged marxist-stalinists

Jealousy can consist of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust. In its original meaning, jealousy is distinct from envy, though the two terms have popularly become synonymous in the English language, with jealousy now also taking on the definition originally used for envy alone. These two emotions are often confused with each other, since they tend to appear in the same situation.

Just trying to uphold nuance in the only language he can speak

Though he ended up with excellent grades in French this year. He’s very committed to learning another language. I ordered two French copies of Tintin and one French copy of Asterix for his birthday. They’ll take 6 weeks to get here from Europe, at the moment. NZ is still so cut off

He loves wordplay and language so I don’t think an apology is necessary. He appreciated the information, it wasn’t a fight, it was just a conversation

I didn’t really say “lol no you are envious”

I don’t speak to my kids like that very often in real life