hnibos what you wrote is depression, any one of us who suffers from it has been in that exact place and knows those exact thoughts and those words...you're not alone and what you are thinking is not rational

i put up with cavities for possibly 7-8 years because i was too depressed to go anywhere or do anything and i was ashamed of myself and i assumed i'd get fucked over

i got lucky my job came with dental benefits after 3 months. its nice knowing there's not a disaster waiting to happen in my mouth. you deserve to have that as well, hnibos.

That three month waiting period is something I don't quite understand. Dealing with that now. 2 to go.

Ive come to look at usefulness in a new light

We figure people who are successful are more useful and etc

In the grand scope of space and time we are all completely useless

I dunno if that helps. I embrace the void, SWANS etc.

Lots of people think i should be more successful than i am. 'U r soooooo smrat' and etc. I like to bum around and smoke drugs. I am fine with this, i dont need a car building or a tennis bracelet to feel whole.

every living thing is useless and pointless

It's likely humans won't survive the current century, let alone the next 1000 years. good luck feeding 10 billion people when CO2 levels cause a runaway green house effect.

sooner or later a massive asteroid will obliterate life on Earh. Probably in the next 100k years or so.

in a billion years the moon will have moved so far away from earth in it's orbit that it no longer counter balances the Earth's tilt, leaving the planet to wobble irregularly on its axis. Regular seasons will cease and that will probably kill most complex life.

in a few billion more years the sun will go supernova and vaporize the Earth. every single living thing including life simple forms like bacteria will cease to exist

i went from not busy at all to pretty dang busy. i was volunteering as a reading coach before starting a new job and now i'm doing both. i've also signed up to volunteer for the rape crisis hotline with the ywca which is 40+ hours and begins in june, which i will go to every tuesday, thursday, and saturday. and then will need to commit for at least a year, but i'm not sure for how many shifts per month.

may 5th my asl class begins. luckily the program for which i am a reading coach will end may 13th. i almost don't have time to be depressed the way i was before. i'm still hyper critical of myself in every regard, but that's a work in progress and i'm getting better at shooing those thoughts away or not letting them dictate my actions.

i'm still seeing my therapist twice a month and currently taking lamotrigine.

Signed up for a java class this semester so soon I'll be able to get rich making iOS apps andd maybe even buy the clippers.

Jesus Christ, no it won't unless it gains 40% of its current mass. shut the fuck up Scotty.

Here's the abstract from a paper written by someone smarter than you entitled "Our Large Moon Does Not Stabilize Earth's Axis"

http://meetingorganizer.copernicus.o...PSC2013-37.pdf

perhaps you could make an app for banana's fruity loops rap career.

i mean you should still try and do good just do stuff you like is what i'm trying to say i like games and weed, i dunno how "useful" or "productive" that is for FREE TIME* i think is what i was trying to get at really

if you work well at a job then be satisfied that you are productive

ever since i started this new job i havne't touched my guitar much at all. nothing serious, recording-wise. just free jams. at least it gave me the opportunity to go back and edit older recordings that were sitting around on hard drives from the past few months.

idk its kind of bumming me out i'm just not very inspired and am soo tired by the end of the day i go to bed at like 930 now which i haven't done since i was probably 12.

also bear in mind that i'm going to take the GRE tomorrow

i will absolutely fall apart if i don't have at least 3 hours to be completely unproductive and basically stoned, even if i'm not stoned, i still act kind of like it. you know. go and stand under a tree and look at the sky. get a notepad and kind of write something on it. watch tv, play games. you might as well enjoy the BLAK PARAED

Hell yeah. I hope you slay that shit, man. I think you will do fine, although the math problems I've seen on the practice tests that students bring into me are ridiculous.

this. i value personal time like nothing else.

i pretty much expect to bomb that part pretty hard

while i was studying i had this question, i could try really hard to not completely suck at math or make sure my other shit, what i'm applying for, is in order

True. Math grad applicants have to take the math GRE, which is a relief for me. But I might have to also take a bio one.

Tooth pain makes everything worse (i know from my own hell), and I agree with everything Erica said.

I had a terrible nightmare about that once.

btw this is what depression looks like

Damn, this place is full of sad sacks.

Yeah, life just kinda blows. I think some people get really lonely because they just realize how terrible everything actually is but are surrounded by grinning idiots.
The world is not a good place and human existence is sad, meaningless and utterly disgusting.
Generally happy people are just perpetually riding the drug of "Love" going from one relationship to another or finding someone for life. The brain rewards them with blasts of endorphins for accomplishing its only goal of reproduction.

For everyone else, theres drugs and music and other endorphin fixes. But I think it's best just to realize that the only sane reaction to this world is sadness.

And to just have fun and appreciate the beauty of this dark place.

God get over it. Help some people out who are less fortunate than you are and you'll soon be counting your blessings.

Intoxicated with the madness

this will certainly help.

:rolleyes:

Fuck you.

vixnix is trolling herself, guys. it's weird isn't it?

the self loathing goes so deep, it's fascinating

All vixnix does is help her children and her rapey husband, right?

2nd dentist appointment is Wednesday after the first was clearly a scam.

It's basically occupational therapy with the added bonus that it will induce gratitude and a feeling of usefulness.

Wallowing in your misery and thinking about how useless you are doesn't do much to change your current status of being useless is all I'm saying. To change that you actually do have to get up and do some stuff beyond just looking after yourself.

Step one I guess... Is looking after yourself. Most people figure this out pretty quickly but those of us with significant unresolved childhood trauma take a bit longer. Because you know, hurt feelings etc.