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reprise85 04-14-2023 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ovary (Post 4621861)
my therapist ghosted me. stood me up at our latest appointment and haven't heard from her since

she can't ethically just ignore you, except MAYBE if you threatened her or something, but even then I'd think she'd be obligated to try to give you continuity of care with someone else before stopping talking to you

i mean it's not illegal but it might get her in trouble with the state licensing board if you reported it

are you sure she's okay?

MyOneAndOnly 04-14-2023 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ovary (Post 4621861)
my therapist ghosted me. stood me up at our latest appointment and haven't heard from her since

how long since the missed appointment? Does she have an emergency line?

Reprise is correct, if she doesn't want to see you she has to at least suggest someone you can go to instead.

My therapist was a no show once. It turned out to be her fault. She went on vacation and didn't clear all of her calendar. She felt terrible and comped be my next appointment. But i didn't hear back from her for 2 days. It was weird.

ovary 04-14-2023 08:25 PM

unfortunately i think she is probably not okay. she's very professional and cares about me and i've certainly not done anything to displease her. so i guess there is probably some emergency but it must be a hella emergency if she can't take ten minutes to email clients for days. missed appt was wednesday. shrug. i figure if i don't hear in a week maybe i'll call the practice manager person? not like i can be of any help if she is in trouble anyway.

ovary 04-14-2023 08:28 PM

it's not like i'm in crisis or anything i just see her once a month to have an excuse to talk about myself or whatever so it's not a big deal but still weird

i hadnt realized how worked up emotionally i get before an appointment tho until she missed this one. no outlet for all that shit and it was an unpleasant afternoon

ilikeplanets 04-14-2023 09:41 PM

I wish I liked the concept of therapy more. My daughters' pediatrician suggested it for me, since she knows I am going through some challenging stuff with one of my kids right now and obviously it is affecting me.

On top of that, I am trying to sell our house in a sluggish local market, while trying to house hunt across the country in an area not 100% suited to my budget but suited to our needs. Add these things on top of daily work, chores, and family stuff and I am STRESSED.

Disco King 04-14-2023 10:50 PM

I go to therapy because I feel like there's really nothing else I can do. If I sit there and complain about my life and somebody asks me if I'm in therapy and I say "no," then it's, like, on me for not taking steps to help myself. Like, there's a judgement associated with it. "Clearly, you don't want to get better, you just want to be a victim."

But literally, therapy barely does anything for me no matter what therapist I go to. I say some negative thoughts I have about myself, the therapist tells me "but you're so great, you're just being hyper-critical and focusing on negatives, think about the positives instead." And I go "wow, thanks, I'm cured." Whether it's true or not, has being told this ever helped anyone?

I think another problem with therapy is that sometimes people's problems aren't really just mental. Somebody is poor, so they have all the stressors related to economic insecurity. The therapist gives them some fucking breathing and mindfulness exercises when what the person really needs is money. If the government gave that person money, their heart rate would fall into the normal range pretty quickly.

yo soy el mejor 04-15-2023 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elijah Moon (Post 4621880)
Are you still doing your tap classes, yo soy?

yeah every saturday for 8 weeks so i have one tomorrow starting at 1:45 p.m...it's too much. i don't know how to practice. i can get a step but suck at combining steps (a combination). tomorrow might be the 5th of 6th class?

i just will continue going and being awful. i don't want to be a person who doesn't give stuff they're not good at chance, plus i don't want to waste my money. i wish i had taken a guitar or drum class

yo soy el mejor 04-15-2023 02:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ovary (Post 4621879)
go anywhere in the rural america and you'll find plenty of poor people growing their own food on their own land. not to mention the literally billions of poor people subsistence farming worldwide.

yeah people of color who live in cities aren't even allowed to do that in their back or front yard. love that for rural america, though, or whoever is allowed or able to afford to do that.

yo soy el mejor 04-15-2023 02:37 AM

"not to mention the literally billions of poor people subsistence farming worldwide."

You sound like elon mush

ovary 04-16-2023 11:16 AM

i think the pendulum has definitely swung too far in the pro-therapy direction. i don't think it is the cure-all it is presented to be in online mental health spaces, and i think often it can do more harm than good. as DK points out too often people's problems are material and not well-addressed by therapy... whether that be poverty or exploitation or due to unhealthy living habits, tech addiction, etc. if therapy is directed toward helping change unhealthy habits it can be good, but i fear it's often just lazy cheerleading of the sort DK describes that is unhelpful at best and counterproductive at worst. the online therapy trend i think is probably more prone to that kind of laziness... as with everything else if you want a quality product you have to pay.

also i think repression can be a healthy mental habit. i know plenty of people that are productive and content precisely ebcause they're good at compartmentalizing and repressing trauma and anxiety. i think there's an attitude in therapy of "we must rip off all bandaids and uncover wounds" that can just lead to more pain.

ovary 04-16-2023 02:17 PM

you sound like someone well practiced at doubling down on confidently expressed ignorant statements

ilikeplanets 04-17-2023 01:16 AM

I tried "pasta" made from hearts of palm, and somehow it was crunchy and soggy at the same time. So, so terrible.

vixnix 04-17-2023 09:18 AM

I’ve had therapists where every session was groundbreaking and I’ve had therapists where each session was at best a waste of time. Clinical psychologists have always been good, for me.

smashingjj 04-17-2023 01:05 PM

No therapist has opened my eyes moreso than Kimani Shorter has.

Joey Goldberg 04-17-2023 01:24 PM

is that why you banned him? afraid of being too healthy? too powerful?

some days i really miss kimono

i sure as hell have no idea what White Lies are up to!

vixnix 04-18-2023 02:43 AM

Kimani said “try doxymethorphan” and that was the breakthrough for me, every session

yo soy el mejor 04-21-2023 02:55 PM

"listen to rap music"

yo soy el mejor 04-21-2023 03:40 PM

lol @ the clothes on the wall but the song goes hard


Elijah Moon 04-21-2023 03:53 PM

I haven't been in therapy since I was in hospital years back. It was totally pointless and repetitive when I was extremely low, but once I got on meds that helped things I kind of liked seeing the psychologist once a week. I didn't make any profound breakthroughs but I sort of enjoyed being able to vent a bit. I could also pretty much approach any nurse or support worker there for a chat in a side room or whatever, and unless they were busy with something they had no choice but to sit there and listen to me 'cause it was part of their job...

Disco King 04-26-2023 04:14 PM

Imma gonna go on a rant real quick.

Welp, I've officially decided I will never again live with a specific roommate I have after this lease is up.

He's unemployed for long stretches of time and keeps on quitting his jobs after a few weeks because he decides he doesn't like them. Despite the fact that he knows he owes me thousands of dollars because he just stopped paying rent and utilities months ago. I'm the one who gives the landlord cheques and who handles the utilities/insurance accounts, so I'm forced to cover his share.

Paying two people's bills every month has depleted my savings and now I can't even buy food. Yesterday I had a protein shake and the slices of ready-to-bake pizza he didn't want and generously offered me. Literally all I have stocked is protein powder and frozen fruit.

Even after getting a few bucks in my account, no transactions will go through anymore. I don't know if having my card/autopay declined so many times just puts a hold on my accounts or something. Cards don't work, PayPal doesn't work. I'll have to call the bank when I'm done with this essay.

There's no point making a big deal of it to him because he just profusely apologizes and acts contrite, but does the exact same shit again. He's incapable of learning from his mistakes or making any changes to better his life. I'm just taking it in stride for the time being and will simply never have anything to do with him again the moment our lease is up unless it's to collect any money he still owes me by then.

The other two roommates are fine, and they are also getting a bit annoyed by the shitty one for different reasons, so I'm already gauging their receptivity to getting a place without the leech when the lease is up.

vixnix 04-27-2023 12:53 AM

That sucks. That is a lot of money :(

When is the lease up? Definitely get rid of this guy

ilikeplanets 04-27-2023 01:43 AM

Ugh, roommates

ilikeplanets 04-27-2023 12:35 PM

Were you guys all friends going in?

topleybird 04-27-2023 03:16 PM

Wait, why are you forced to cover his share when you have two other roommates? Why aren't they pitching in? Have you discussed this with your landlord? Why can't you kick his ass to the curb and replace him? I don't know what the laws are in Canada (or here for that matter), but even if his name's on the lease, if he's not holding up his end of that legal document by paying, why are you forced to put up with him?

This is sounding a bit combative and I just want to be clear I'm pissed on your behalf, and also incredulous that this is a situation one could be stuck in

ovary 04-27-2023 09:25 PM

yes why are you paying for him

reprise85 04-27-2023 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disco King (Post 4621891)
I go to therapy because I feel like there's really nothing else I can do. If I sit there and complain about my life and somebody asks me if I'm in therapy and I say "no," then it's, like, on me for not taking steps to help myself. Like, there's a judgement associated with it. "Clearly, you don't want to get better, you just want to be a victim."

But literally, therapy barely does anything for me no matter what therapist I go to. I say some negative thoughts I have about myself, the therapist tells me "but you're so great, you're just being hyper-critical and focusing on negatives, think about the positives instead." And I go "wow, thanks, I'm cured." Whether it's true or not, has being told this ever helped anyone?

I think another problem with therapy is that sometimes people's problems aren't really just mental. Somebody is poor, so they have all the stressors related to economic insecurity. The therapist gives them some fucking breathing and mindfulness exercises when what the person really needs is money. If the government gave that person money, their heart rate would fall into the normal range pretty quickly.

You have a very going point with the circumstance problems not being something therapy can really help.

I have pretty intense trauma issues as most people on here know, so my focus in therapy has probably been somewhat different than most, but my experience in therapy has been very good since I found the right therapist, which luckily was like 12 years ago. But even when I had a pretty shitty therapist, they never would have said something like that. They should know it won't help. In fact, in essentially saying "you shouldn't feel that way" or "that's just anxiety bro" they're not even acknowledging your feelings, which is not helpful at all. You feel what you feel. And if those are distortions, what is leading you to having them? If they're true, what can you do to change them? etc, sorry I know this probably isn't helpful but and is overly simplified, but I've only ever heard like a mental health tech in a hospital say something that dumb to me in a therapeutic context.

TheAlter 04-28-2023 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disco King (Post 4622735)
I'm the one who gives the landlord cheques and who handles the utilities/insurance accounts, so I'm forced to cover his share.

This doesn't make sense unless the contract's on him which also doesn't make sense. And why the others two are ok with it? Looks like a toxic situation (no joke).

I'd kick em all out, honestly.

MyOneAndOnly 04-28-2023 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheAlter (Post 4622894)
This doesn't make sense unless the contract's on him which also doesn't make sense. And why the others two are ok with it? Looks like a toxic situation (no joke).

I'd kick em all out, honestly.

I don't understand this either. Is his name on the lease? If his name is on the lease, don't pay his share! Tell the landlord you want him out.

If his name isn't on the lease, then kick his ass out! If you're paying his portion and he's not a Leasee then allow him to squat in your place?

MyOneAndOnly 04-28-2023 01:35 PM

I've dealt with freeloading roommates before. One was so bad my housemates and I even put all her shit on the curb while she was gone from the house... and we asked the landlord to change the lock so she couldn't get back in.

Disco King 04-28-2023 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vixnix (Post 4622784)
That sucks. That is a lot of money :(

When is the lease up? Definitely get rid of this guy

Lease is up in August. It would be hard to replace the guy, because then we'd have to find a person to replace him for just a view months. It would be easier near the beginning of a lease.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilikeplanets (Post 4622838)
Were you guys all friends going in?

I was friends with one of them and mild acquaintances with the other two while moving in. The one that I knew better moved out, and was replaced with another acquaintance.

The one that sucks is good at presenting himself differently from how he actually is. He seems like he has his life together, is charismatic and funny, talks himself up, etc. Going in, he was talking about how clean he is and shit. He turns out to be the messiest person and I'm always picking up after him. He tells me this thing about how he used to be an alcoholic and overcame it. He's still an alcoholic. He needs to get drunk every night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by topleybird (Post 4622842)
Wait, why are you forced to cover his share when you have two other roommates? Why aren't they pitching in? Have you discussed this with your landlord? Why can't you kick his ass to the curb and replace him? I don't know what the laws are in Canada (or here for that matter), but even if his name's on the lease, if he's not holding up his end of that legal document by paying, why are you forced to put up with him?

This is sounding a bit combative and I just want to be clear I'm pissed on your behalf, and also incredulous that this is a situation one could be stuck in

Pretty much, paying rent is our collective responsibility, so even if one guy fucks up, can't really just go to the landlord and say "well it's his fault," because we're all collectively on the hook for it, anyway. It's not like the landlord will just say "that's all right; I'll accept 3/4 of the rent and only pester the freeloader for his share."

Replacing him would take a lot of effort for the few months we've got left. And that's a few months where we all have to pay more rent. I mean, yeah, I'm already paying more rent, but in previous times where he went months without paying rent, he's eventually paid it back. If he's not a tenant, then there's no one to eventually pay back the extra rent I'm paying for those months.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MyOneAndOnly (Post 4622910)
I don't understand this either. Is his name on the lease? If his name is on the lease, don't pay his share! Tell the landlord you want him out.

If his name isn't on the lease, then kick his ass out! If you're paying his portion and he's not a Leasee then allow him to squat in your place?

His name is on the lease as an occupant rather than a tenant. He used to be one of the tenants, but when we renewed the lease, I thought it better to pick a roommate who can stably hold a job as the co-tenant for the credit check (maybe that was stupid of me).


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