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-   -   what depression looks like (http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=180864)

The exploding boy 05-04-2014 05:25 PM

No one gives a shit a this point but I feel a bit bad about what I said about reprise because it turns out she only responded like cool headed and rationally and even with compassion in some cases when I thought she was probably just batshit insane. That always throws me off you know. You go and be a dick to someone and they won't respond in kind? Then you're like" wow I guess i'm just a dick". Not that I didn't know already. Or maybe she's just so depressed she can't give a shit enough to get defensive.

Though I still think people shouldn't talk about their depression so much and wallow in it. Some people it's like "omg i'm so depressed. I suffer from depression you know and this defines my whole identity. Yeah i'm depressed. So don't give a shit about anything right now, thought i'd let everyone know." They're in love with their depression (didn't someone quote i'm in love with my sadness already?)

Thing is no one gives a fuck outside of you. You're always ever alone. Even the people who love you will only give a fuck for so long when you die. All I know is I used to wallow in my misery and write about it extensively. It only made me hate myself more. Most people expect there will be some magical even that will lift them out of their depression. Someone or something or some drug. None of that will. Or only for so long. At some point you do just need to get proactive no matter how down in the dumps you are. Even when you're so down you feel like you can't even put one foot in front of another. That's still al you can do. Cause no amount of therapy in the world is gonna fix you unless you do something for yourself. And if you can't or are not willing to or if you truly believe that nothing anywhere could ever make you happier, then yeah at some point maybe you are better off dead. there are cases when people just are. I believe that. Death sometimes is the answer. It's just not very PC to say it. But I don't believe in the sanctity of life that much. Starting with my own.

The exploding boy 05-04-2014 05:26 PM

am I the only one that sometimes sees the posts all fucked up in the corner? Maybe its my browser

Trotskilicious 05-04-2014 05:38 PM

margin

Trotskilicious 05-04-2014 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vixnix (Post 4056708)
Wallowing in your misery and thinking about how useless you are doesn't do much to change your current status of being useless is all I'm saying. To change that you actually do have to get up and do some stuff beyond just looking after yourself.

Step one I guess... Is looking after yourself. Most people figure this out pretty quickly but those of us with significant unresolved childhood trauma take a bit longer. Because you know, hurt feelings etc.

this is stupid advice, shut up

reprise85 05-04-2014 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vixnix (Post 4056708)
It's basically occupational therapy with the added bonus that it will induce gratitude and a feeling of usefulness.

Wallowing in your misery and thinking about how useless you are doesn't do much to change your current status of being useless is all I'm saying. To change that you actually do have to get up and do some stuff beyond just looking after yourself.

Step one I guess... Is looking after yourself. Most people figure this out pretty quickly but those of us with significant unresolved childhood trauma take a bit longer. Because you know, hurt feelings etc.

http://sadanxious.com/wp-content/upl...ful-Advice.png

The exploding boy 05-04-2014 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4056718)
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so that's what this shit is about then.



Also it just occurred to me that you live in Austin and Trotski sounds like something someone who did political sciences might call themselves. Am I right or am I right? It would explain a lot though I suspected as much already.

reprise85 05-04-2014 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The exploding boy (Post 4056714)
No one gives a shit a this point but I feel a bit bad about what I said about reprise because it turns out she only responded like cool headed and rationally and even with compassion in some cases when I thought she was probably just batshit insane. That always throws me off you know. You go and be a dick to someone and they won't respond in kind? Then you're like" wow I guess i'm just a dick". Not that I didn't know already. Or maybe she's just so depressed she can't give a shit enough to get defensive.

Though I still think people shouldn't talk about their depression so much and wallow in it. Some people it's like "omg i'm so depressed. I suffer from depression you know and this defines my whole identity. Yeah i'm depressed. So don't give a shit about anything right now, thought i'd let everyone know." They're in love with their depression (didn't someone quote i'm in love with my sadness already?)

I didn't get defensive because there wasn't any reason to. I'm not very depressed anymore, and I'm pretty comfortable with how I view the illness and how it manifested/manifests with me, but I'm willing to consider that perhaps I'm too close to it to see if I'm wallowing in it or whatever. But this thread was supposed to be about depression, not really about my depression, if that makes any sense.

Quote:

Thing is no one gives a fuck outside of you. You're always ever alone. Even the people who love you will only give a fuck for so long when you die. All I know is I used to wallow in my misery and write about it extensively. It only made me hate myself more. Most people except there will be some magical even that will lift them out of their depression. Someone or something or some drug. None of that will. Or only for so long. At some point you do just need to get proactive no matter how down in the dumps you are. Even when you're so down you feel like you can't even put one foot in front of another. That's still al you can do. Cause no amount of therapy in the world is gonna fix you unless you do something for yourself. And if you can't or are not willing to or if you truly believe that nothing anywhere could ever make you happier, then yeah at some point maybe you are better off dead. there are cases when people just are. I believe that. Death sometimes is the answer. It's just not very PC to say it. But I don't believe in the sanctity of life that much. Starting with my own.
I am pro-assisted suicide for those with intractable depression, just like any other terminal illness. However, I don't know where you'd define a point where it's okay to do it, and most of the world disagrees. I feel as if I was past the point where I'd consider it ok (meaning, suicide would have been justified in my past situation) - and would understand anyone who is in it as badly as I was who decided to take their own life. However, I disagree that therapy and medication isn't going to do anything unless you "do something for yourself". Going to therapy is "do[ing] something" for yourself. It took me years of therapy and different medications to become functional again. The problem is really then (for many people) that therapy takes time, is expensive, and is emotionally draining. For someone with severe symptoms (who might also have some PTSD and/or personality pathology in with their depression), it involves a lot of tolerance for pain. And some people have that in them, some people don't, and some people do but would rather suicide. And that is all understandable.

All IMO.

The exploding boy 05-04-2014 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4056724)

I was once sent to see a occupational therapist (i also once dated an occupational therapist but let's not get into that, jesus no) when I insisted I needed a proper shrink (even those are fairly useless) because pretty much their shrinks couldn't take any more patients. so I went once and she was so full of shit, it's pretty much like the above strip, cognitive behavorial therapy (which I do realize the point of is that depression is an illness). That being said though... this opened up my eyes in a way that the reason this is the kind of therapy they try to give you...is because there's no real therapy that can help anyone. I really don't believe it.

The fact is...when it comes to depression, I mean I GET that it's a vicious cycle you know, you need to do something about your life but you can't because you're so depressed about it, but regardless, there is nothing else you CAN truly do. It might just be my personal experience but no one, no drug or no therapy nothing is gonna save me. At some point you need to just shut the fuck up and kill yourself or actually do something. Or just..shut the fuck up and accept your depression anyway and the fact that you will never do anything worthwhile with your life (i'm kinda between that and doing something...I alternate...I do something to help my life then think why the fuck do I care it's never gonna amount to anything).

I'm curious here has anyone ever had therapy that worked and what was the approach? The shrink I saw a few years ago basically realized that I knew all that was wrong with me and that she couldn't help me because she could only suggest for me to do things that I had no intention of doing. All therapy only works if you do something to help yourself. So yeah, you need to in fact shut the fuck up and do something. And like I said if you can't because your life situation won't allow you, then probably death is the option for you. It's not a big deal. Not everyone is cut out for this thing, or some have been dealt such a shit hand that's all they can logically do.

The exploding boy 05-04-2014 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4056728)
I didn't get defensive because there wasn't any reason to. I'm not very depressed anymore, and I'm pretty comfortable with how I view the illness and how it manifested/manifests with me, but I'm willing to consider that perhaps I'm too close to it to see if I'm wallowing in it or whatever. But this thread was supposed to be about depression, not really about my depression, if that makes any sense.



I am pro-assisted suicide for those with intractable depression, just like any other terminal illness. However, I don't know where you'd define a point where it's okay to do it, and most of the world disagrees. I feel as if I was past the point where I'd consider it ok (meaning, suicide would have been justified in my past situation) - and would understand anyone who is in it as badly as I was who decided to take their own life. However, I disagree that therapy and medication isn't going to do anything unless you "do something for yourself". Going to therapy is "do[ing] something" for yourself. It took me years of therapy and different medications to become functional again. The problem is really then (for many people) that therapy takes time, is expensive, and is emotionally draining. For someone with severe symptoms (who might also have some PTSD and/or personality pathology in with their depression), it involves a lot of tolerance for pain. And some people have that in them, some people don't, and some people do but would rather suicide. And that is all understandable.

All IMO.

Oh just posted my last before reading this. Well so I guess therapy did sorta work for you then.

What was their approach?

Bread Regal 05-04-2014 06:38 PM

.

Bread Regal 05-04-2014 06:43 PM

ariel you need to learn so self edit or at least break your shit up into more paragraphs.

Bread Regal 05-04-2014 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4056719)
this is stupid advice, shut up

vixnix is really terrible at giving advice in general.

hnibos: my boyfriend hit me because i cheated on him
vixnix: well this is all your fault because you cheated on him

really, vixnix should just stay out of threads like this because if she can't learn to avoid projecting her self-hatred onto others, her contributions will make things worse.

reprise85 05-04-2014 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The exploding boy (Post 4056731)
Oh just posted my last before reading this. Well so I guess therapy did sorta work for you then.

What was their approach?

Mixed approach. I did a lot of group therapy CBT and art therapy in an inpatient PTSD program, probably spent about 6 weeks there over the course of 2 1/2 years. This is where I first learned what happened to me and why my symptoms were what they were. But this did nothing, or very little, to address my depression. Over these two years, I saw a therapist who was not very good. She kind of had your attitude. Thought I was lazy, though she never straight up said it. I finally dumped her about three years ago. She didn't really help me much. But I did start seeing a psychiatrist who also did therapy while I was seeing her; he is mostly psychodynamic and EMDR (trauma processing), but mostly he tried different drugs because nothing was working on it's own and my dissociative symptoms have no approved drugs. After a while, my depression started getting better. It still sucked and I still got hospitalized sometimes, but it was slowly getting beteter.

After I dumped my old therapist, I found one online who specializes in PTSD and dissociative disorders. She is psychodynamic as well, but really our therapy hinges a lot on unconditional positive regard. I like her as a person, and we are alike enough that we speak the same metaphorical language. She isn't "strictly" anything, but incorporates psychodynamic, CBT, DBT, and EMDR, plus other dissociative disorder therapy which I'm not sure has a formal name. I've been seeing her for three years, and I am only just now ready to actually do some serious trauma processing - the first priority (besides getting me to not be suicidal and stop self harming (burning myself) was to be well enough to be able to work and take care of my own money and stuff. It was only about two years ago that I started having control of my own money; I was approved for disability in 2009 (on my first try, which is almost unheard of, esp for a 23 year old), but was not allowed to handle my own finances. So in early 2012 I petitioned to get that right back, and did get it back. In Sept 2012 I got a job, in Oct 2013 I went back to school and took one class, this semester I took 3 classes and worked 25-30 hrs/wk.

Even though I was still suicidal and self harming for years after I started therapy, my cognitive processes were becoming more clear to me and my thought processes got healthier before my behavior did. Oh, I'm also a drug addict, and though I've used drugs maybe 5 times in the past 3 years, I'm not addicted anymore and don't really have cravings. Also stopped smoking cigs about 2 1/2 years ago.

TL;DR first was group CBT/art therapy (which is basically psychodynamic), then heavy medication management and some more CBT and psychodynamic, then an awesome mix of things that doesn't have a name really but hinges greatly on the client/therapist relationship (and unconditional positive regard) while staying on meds and slowly getting off of them. the closest thing I could call it that's a sort-of legitimate type of therapy is 'eclectic'

I basically think I first learned what was happening to me, then I got on meds which eventually helped my depression, then I was well enough (though still very sick) to learn how to help my PTSD and be able to function in the world without having flashbacks and even while having bad dissociative symptoms that are very intrusive (that I still have and my always have). Like, I couldn't be around children ever because they made me have flashbacks. etc. It was bad.

Therapy has definitely helped me. But you need a good doctor. I've been sing my therapist for right at 3 years and my psychiatrist for about 6

hnibos 05-04-2014 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bread Regal (Post 4056738)
vixnix is really terrible at giving advice in general.

hnibos: my boyfriend hit me because i cheated on him
vixnix: well this is all your fault because you cheated on him

really, vixnix should just stay out of threads like this because if she can't learn to avoid projecting her self-hatred onto others, her contributions will make things worse.

I just want to say that's not what happened.

Bread Regal 05-04-2014 10:48 PM

i realize that is a gross oversimplification of the content of the thread, but she more or less engaged in victim blaming which is her M.O. whenever she solicits "advice" on this board.

Starla 05-04-2014 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vixnix (Post 4056636)
God get over it. Help some people out who are less fortunate than you are and you'll soon be counting your blessings.

Said no one who understands depression.

Trotskilicious 05-04-2014 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bread Regal (Post 4056738)
vixnix is really terrible at giving advice in general.

hnibos: my boyfriend hit me because i cheated on him
vixnix: well this is all your fault because you cheated on him

really, vixnix should just stay out of threads like this because if she can't learn to avoid projecting her self-hatred onto others, her contributions will make things worse.

she's just trolling, that's it. she has no personality beyond being a troll.

MusicMan4 05-04-2014 11:41 PM

depression looks like reading kreatorkind's posts on the spotify thread on the sp forum
it just leads to nothing but despair

Trotskilicious 05-05-2014 12:39 AM

i like how he expects me to argue with him

vixnix 05-05-2014 01:29 AM

The truth hurts so people hate it.

I don't mind being a troll. Somebody has to do it, might as well be me.

vixnix 05-05-2014 01:37 AM

My depression is managed by

Medication (lamotrigine & duloxetine)
Monthly Sessions with:
Psychiatrist
Psychologist
General practitioner

Occupational therapy:
Choir
Softball
Fulfilling part time job
Being a mum

So I know it isn't easy. I find it really hard.

But that doesn't make it any less true that if you go out and help people, you'll feel better than you do now. It's worth a try. For a lot of reasons.

Trotskilicious 05-05-2014 02:33 AM

this is sad, vixnix.

did you break up with your husband, is that why you're here trolling

before i deleted you on facebook i seem to remember some paragraph long rant about how you couldn't do it anymore

are you lonely

is this how people with personality disorders reach out

Trotskilicious 05-05-2014 02:36 AM

do we need to bump the thread where you confessed your real life to us so everyone can be reminded that you have issues and "being a mum" is not the cure all that you act like it is when you put on the trollface

vixnix 05-05-2014 02:39 AM

Erm no I don't think so...I'm pretty good at the moment. I don't do the I can't do this anymore posts at Facebook, I tend to do them here if anywhere.

I don't know why I'm here! I just am. I guess I am bored and spoiling for a fight. They're so easy to have around here.

When was the last time you had a girlfriend?

Trotskilicious 05-05-2014 02:40 AM

you need to grow up

i can't believe you raise children

and yes, they look and sound like sheltered maladjusted dipshits and the real stories you've already told us that we haven't forgotten haven't convinced anyone they're not

you're loser trash coming here to make fun of loser trash and make yourself feel better

get the fuck out of here already

vixnix 05-05-2014 02:42 AM

^this is entering projection territory for you right hurrrr

vixnix 05-05-2014 02:50 AM

Isn't everybody here loser trash coming here to make fun of loser trash, that's par for the course

Being a mum is rill complex man. It isn't just one thing, like a problem or a solution.

I can't believe I raise kids either. If they met you they'd most probably be kind to you and keep an open mind about you regardless of what your job is or how you look or speak. I'm actually pretty proud of that, and proud of them. They can be dipshits or whatever but if they 're not total assholes and they respect other people and try to be kind and considerate I'll still be proud that I had a big part in raising them.

Trotskilicious 05-05-2014 02:52 AM

go away! nobody wants you here!

MusicMan4 05-05-2014 02:55 AM

I'm still mad that she called me a neck beard milady but I don't know if I feel like opening that up

Trotskilicious 05-05-2014 02:56 AM

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