I literally cant even get drunk because I dont have any alcohol.

Id never evet be sober if it was easy for me to get drunk

People are always like: "Go live life!" and you wont be so miserable.

But, like, what do I go do?

my guess is that you actually live in the suburbs 40-50 miles outside of san diego

I live like 5 minutes away from "The City"
But Im not native to San Diego. I spent most of my life in the middle of nowhere

go geocaching

i cant believe my friend died. 29 years old, no obvious cause and they don't think it's drug related. he just up and died in his sleep. stroke or a heart attack, results won't be back for a few weeks.

i've known him since i was 2 years old.

That is awful. You can have your thread back.

that's ok. shock is just kind of wearing off and i'm starting to feel that sort of anger/helplessness/sadness thing.

is there anyone at work you click with?

i've gotten to the point where i realize my personality is horrible and i might as well not even bother trying to make friends anymore because apparently "just being myself" drives people away and i'm never comfortable ever because i'm constantly thinking about how terrible i am and awkward and how i make everyone uncomfortable and i have nothing to talk about and i hate myself and i want to die

Probably undiagnosed heart problems. That's often what it is when people die suddenly at such a young age.




Elphenor. A lof of what you said about your life, background and interests was me at 20 (though unlike you i wasnt getting laid yet...). If i could start again I woudn't waste my time like i did (even if some of the "time wasting" was due to my social problems). But yeah. Don't be me in 15 years from now. Keep....trying to do what you're trying to do...basically. And if you cant find the people, then take charge. Learn to play bass, drums, keyboards, whatever.

After years of being unsatisfied and unfulfilled joining bands that's what i did (well id been playing guitar and bass for years but not the rest). I wish i hadn't waited so long. I should have done this at 20, not in my 30's. Sure it might take some years to become a "self sufficient" musician but its worth it. Besides here's the thing....like you i like post punk (and new wave). Well i might not be telling you anything you didn't know but most of this type of stuff is really simple to play and write (doesn't mean its easy to write good songs in the genre but you know).

One handed keyboard lines. Often generally simple repetitive guitar parts (basic minor or power chords or simple one string lines).Upfront but easy basslines... and steady not very dynamic drumming (and your set will likely not need more than a hithat, a cymbal, a snare a bass drum and maybe one tom...that's the thing too, post punk is even economical to play, even the instruments they used were often shit so its not hard to replicate the sound). Two or three years of effort and you could write the stuff you want to write. Relying on people to make the music you wanna make sucks. Especially if you're not in an area where the genres you like are popular. I never played a blues scale in my life and don't intend to ever.

:hanging:

why do you think people like you online if all of this is true?

Yes, I'm thinking that's probably it. He had several chronic health problems (RA, Chron's Disease) and could barely pay for his meds and didn't get the check ups like he should have. He was excited about the ACA and getting himself checked out soon.


Elphenor:

Life is really all about friendships, IMO. Music is important, and focusing on music is good, but most likely you will have a career outside of it. You will also do things like go to birthday parties and buy cars and clean up dog/cat/baby poop and spend years working for shitty wages and just all of those things we all do. And it will feel much better doing those things if your life is full of people you love and feel connected with.

online is not the same as real life, i mean it doesn't even count

you didn't answer my question

online relationships are not substitutions for "real life" ones, but the fact that people don't run away from you online must mean there some disconnect between how you feel and what reality is, don't you think?

it's the way i talk and stand or something i dunno, i suck. pretty much every one knows it

not at all, because as far as offline...people fucking detest me. they pretend to like me and blow me off, i'm always alone. there's never any hope. any friends i do make get sick of me in like 3 years. i'm just a complete fuckup idiot what can i say

i mean my facebook is pretty much ignored except by netphorians, that's not good. nobody likes anything i do except for people from here

like what the fuck kind of life is that

I know right? The 21 thing is bullshit. Im old enough to work full time but not old enough to drink? The fuck is that shit? I wouldnt be surprised if people off themselves because of the law, Ive come way too close.

What happens to a lot of 19 year olds like me, is that they live a sheltered life, and then they meet a messed up girl who fucks them over hardcore and then they have to suffer in agony for 2 years before they can start drinking and meeting people.

This has happened to all my underage friends and myself.

I feel ya dude. I feel dumb even using my Facebook, because no one likes my stuff and I feel like a horrible lonely dumbass.

And my friends post will have like 25 fucking likes and Obama left a comment and the UN shared it.

like I kept wishing I lived in a city with a high concentration of netphorians for a long time but I realized I'd be just as alone and never see anyone
Like I mean I actually did and everyone was sick of me by the time I quit and went home
I am not somebody who can hold it together for more than a few hours at a time and generally even that's a stretch
In my case I think the government should have just went "nope" and had me snorted when my parents had the bright idea to have a kid in their 40s
Some of those Chinese ideas are not insane

alcohol is nice and all, but don't kid yourself. it's not going to make your life any better on any kind of long term basis, and has the potential to make it terrible. you sound very naive.

I can tell you already that you should not be drinking ever

These people get 40 likes for the most inane shit but i practically don't exist

i mean i have like 100 friends on face book and i think about 50 of them are from netphoria

i might as well just die

do most friendships last more than 3 years in general? i can only think of a few of mine that have.

what does your therapist say when you tell him/her this?

I mean on the other hand I am still glad I have my three boards and my occasional twice a year visits in actual life with people from them
I can't imagine how much deeper in despair is be on a daily basis if I didn't get that as well as rack up likes and favs on the social media

It's not about drinking itself, it's about getting into Rock clubs and shit so I can meet people who are like me.

"Spitting on the streets
Numb hands and feet
Nowhere to go
They wont let us into the shows"
-The Fall

I have 95 and 93 of them are from netphoria, hipinion, or the official korn forum
1 of the remaining 2 I met on adult friend finder
There are worse ratios you could have

Well of course.

First day of summer semester is tomorrow so I'll be heading off soon. Can't wait for the wondrous tapestry of terribleness my brain will cook up tonight while I'm unconscious.

if the reason is because i'm sad and awkward than fuck it i will kill myself eventually

i mean fuck life

what's the fucking point

I just never meet people who like the things I like.

I feel like I should be from another generation.

yep this

Yeah. Facebook is seriously depressing I dont use it anymore

most people are bored of each other after 3 years. the fact that you have trouble having longer term friends doesn't mean you're a loser or whatever.

i feel like you are not quite having a realistic look at yourself right now is all im saying.

i'm just a lurker and i can attest that i have seen trots talking about having good friends irl

Yeah he's way better off than I am
Let me get so,em of that attention
You all know much I need it

i don't feel like giving you a list right now but i think if i didn't feel like i was a huge piece of loser shit with no friends and no hope then it would be an unrealistic look at myself.