Thinking about starting a YouTube channel/podcast for parents who return to full time work after an extended period as full time home makers

It will be called welcome to the bungle

I guess I'm getting to the age where everyone looks young to me. I had a meeting with my kid's teacher and her boss today, and I couldn't believe how young they are. Same with medical professionals, management, etc. How are they so young and so in charge?!

i feel the same when i see a good-looking young man and think what a handsome kid! without being attracted to them in any meaningful way

I think that's one thing that it's definitely more acceptable for women to do than men: comment on the attractiveness of kids in a totally non-sexual way without people thinking that you want to fuck that kid. I feel weird about publicly acknowledging that a seven-year-old is handsome or pretty or cute or something, because people would probably assume I mean "cute" in a "I'm sexually/romantically attracted to that" sort of way, like some creepy old uncle.

I mean, I understand why we have the double-standard. Most predators are men, so it's pretty natural to be less suspicious of women. I'm not really complaining about the double-standard, because it's not like I have a burning desire to comment on kids appearances, anyway (other sorts of compliments are probably better for their self-esteem). With most double-standards favouring my gender, I'm sure I can cope with the few that don't. I guess I'm just pointing out it exists for the sake of conversation because I'm procrastinating on my homework.

the double-standard also hides the fact that plenty of predators ARE women. i also must say it chaps my hide that it's with regularity people talk about there needing to be more women CEOs and junk but not about the fact there are hardly any men who teach kindergarten or work in a daycare (or any sector historically and predominantly made-up of women). many want to be 'progressive' only when it serves capitalistic and/or patriarchal standards

i would never just tell a kid 'hey, you're a good-looking kid' but i might tell my neighbor i like the colors she picked out for her outfit or that i like the way her hair matches her backpack...i guess that is different, though, but i did see a boy who looked so much like my little brother i was inclined to tell him he was "very handsome" while adding he reminded me of my little bro.

procrastination in moderation

I am never actually attracted in a serious way to anyone more than 5 years my junior, and that's pushing it. I can definitely acknowledge when people have attractive features, but have no sexual desire towards anyone that has an immature manner of speaking/has college freshman vibes. I have no idea how people that are 50 can have sex with a barely 18 year old. Obviously many, MANY do, but I definitely get uncomfortable thinking about it.

if i were old and single (plus rich), i'd just pay a young man to let me pinch his cheeks

not those cheeks

Maybe I'm just needlessly complicating it, but anyone that young can just garner aesthetic appreciation from me, and not actual sexual desire. There's a line there that I don't/can't cross.

Currently chatting with a lady 7 years older than me. Is this a fetish?

for her or you? a 7-year gap at your age (higher or lower) is nbd at this point! go on with your bad self

She’s got a real Yelena Yemchuk vibe

When I first started working at a grocery store when I was like 26ish there was a good looking bagger who I thought was around 21-22, and I found out he was 16 and it's just an automatic turn to non-attraction. Now anyone under about 25 seems really young to me generally. I'm sure there are exceptions, but yeah, under 25 just looks like a kid to me at this point (I'm 36).

i am eternally sad and always will be

i went to this recovery group at my university - which i thought would be cool cause it's people my age going thru the same thing [addiction + uni]

it made me feel 100000x worse. there were 3 other people, really chatty extroverted girls who were all friends [and hell even if they weren't they'd get along in 10 seconds]. i must've said 2% of the words in the hour. it wasn't even really about coping or recovery or anything for most of it, they were just talking about nothing! just going on and on about whatever the fuck.

i feel like a fucking alien. a broken one, too, not even a cool one that gets to go on the spaceship. they were polite or whatever but i felt this pervasive sense of not belonging, which is why i drink anyway. i feel so so so much more depressed than i did this morning

end me

like i have not felt this depressed or wanted to cry this much in a good while

gonna listen to midwife and hopefully cry cause at least that's cathartic. but it's been 1.5 hrs and i'm feeling more and more numb and dead inside than emotional.

fuck

i am so clearly not good enough for the world since the world is all chatty people showing off that they're chatty

i feel you man. that just wasn't your group. nothing wrong with you. why are they getting together for a recovery meeting if they are just going to talk like they're at a coffee shop?

are there any in person SMART meetings near you? SMART is the shit

Try a smart mtg. https://www.smartrecovery.org/

They have them all day. Everyone is serious and there’s a lot of honesty and brutal shares. It feels good. And the program itself is excellent imo

Also im sorry Ram that fucken sucks

My own life has bottomed out severely but u know whats weird is my depression and mood swings aren’t as bad (they’re bad but im not getting cops called for suicide threats or spending $1000s while manic etc) there are some vague lights in the cloudcover etc not sure what it is. But for the addiction shit smart has helped, there is some camaraderie there that is also probably good for the brian

Do you desire to chat more, but can't find it in yourself?

often I feel like I just don't know what to say

everyone tells you I guess, but drinking is sure one lousy way to deal with any of this, expensive and can make u fat too

hey hey, thanks so much for the support guys!

deadass one woman was talking about how she was an exhibitionist and showed everyone [but me] "tasteful" [her words] nudes. what. the. fuck.

~~~

i really want to do SMART but my issue is that they're way more sparse than AA. plus the whole in person/online stuff is fucked and perhaps inaccurate cause of covid shite. like you can't trust what it says online anymore cause everything is so transient

like, i went to one 10 minutes away a few years back, it was pretty good. now i'm looking at the page for it and it says fuckin



w h a t. this would be perfect if it was in person cause i feel like i need to be in a room with others for this stuff -- and i feel awkward talking over zoom -- but i have no idea....what the status is

might just force myself to try it online i guess.

@elph

i definitely do; i hate being introverted and quiet -- it seems like everyone else can think of something to say to keep the conversation flowing really easy and i just....stall when i'm with others

when i am chatting about SP stuff i am golden. 68% sure i am autistic and it is my special interest.

[and tbh no matter what the topic was irl i'd stall no matter what]

SP is in my diagnostic report several times, lol

What is this? lol

nerd-ass personal bullshit:

i'm in a band now but since i'm at school i'm away from my drums and have been completely bullshitting my way through every practice, losing my grip, not feeling the groove or joy anymore since i can't play every day

but the last few days i've been consciously practicing, like rudimental boring shit on a practice pad, and then this evening i played along to cherub rock and actually played the outro roll [fairly] in time. i wept a bit.

happy birthday taylor i can't stop thinking of you i'll never ever stop thinking of you happy birthday blondie

Facebook memories reminded me that I graduated college with my BA exactly 10 years ago today. Yikes, I'm really feeling old.

happy belated steve

and ram. you need a journal and i mean that in a supportive way.

Yesterday I woke up with a swollen eye and a rampant face rash, and it's worse today. Been to the ER both days,.they have no idea what it is but it doesn't appear viral or bacterial. I'm not otherwise ill, so it might be a new fun autoimmune problem. Really fucking shitty.

I was given IV benadryl which I hated, and was crying over the mention of IV steroids but they decided to go topical with them. Steroids completely shred my stomach when I take them orally, so the thought of injection is too scary. Hope these creams help, I'm like a swollen itchy tomato. :(

yikes.

that's weird though, hope they find out what it is. be well!

Thank you. ER doctors are useless at diagnostics. She admitted to me that they are "only good at throwing drugs at things." Relatable, but not helpful. They think it is some sort of allergic/histamine reaction based on my lack of other symptoms, but they don't know. I don't have any allergies, or haven't for almost 32 years so I'm just as clueless. Hope it goes away soon, really draining.

this is why i can't get no good healthcare--i generally reject any medication that simply tackles a symptom and not the underlying problem. the mirena iud and its side effects fucked me the fuck up and doctors want to give me shitty pills and topical bullshit for superficial symptoms instead of helping me understand how i can treat it long-term and without relying on a stupid prescription.

Yeah, I can't stand the approach in a primary care or ER setting. And even after documentation of going to the ER twice over the weekend, my PCP's office couldn't get me in today, and the damn secretary admitted it was because they are having an office Christmas party taking up their whole afternoon. I'm pissed. I'll see them tomorrow, cuz it ain't gone. I look pretty wrecked and puffy.

I announced this on Facebook, so in case those of you who saw it there cared if I was being private here or not, I'm not. I'm 12 weeks pregnant with my second daughter, I did IVF by myself this summer and so far so good. Thank you Emma and Erica for keeping it quiet until my 3rd month and letting me send you guys cute ultrasound pictures.

:) congrats

welcome to the bunghole

congrats!! we are in round 1 of ivf after 5 years of trying other things that failed. ivf is a thing.

Yeah, it's certainly a lot. Best of luck! I had to do all the injections to myself, so now I know how to do that. I got lucky and was able to transfer this little girl successfully on my first try, and have 3 more healthy embryos on ice, although I don't think I want to be pregnant again after this second child. I'm almost 5 years older than I was when carrying my first, and it's been way harder. I'm 13 weeks on Saturday and also a lot more anxious about nonexistent problems. I hope you have some insurance coverage cuz I sure didn't. Hello, 3 year loan. I've always wanted 2-3 kids so it's all been worth it. Seriously, I hope the process goes smoothly for you guys because it can be extremely challenging. TMI I'm sure but now I can just blame hormones for compelling me to overshare.

Congrats again!! So excited for you

https://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=165103 ?