I don't have one although I use one frequently!

I'm sorry to hear you're so small

do not be sorry for i am well-acquainted with the motion of the ocean. and it may be tiny but it's no " . " (you know who you are)

man

i had the most intense dump ive had in a while last night

so i was driving to my friend's place last night to meet a bunch of people that are heading back to their respective schools. right before heading over, though, i had like 3 or 4 pieces of pizza because i hadn't eaten all day. so i got off the freeway, and im just a few miles away from the place, and my butt attacks. it practically arrests the rest of my body and i just have that sensation where you know you fucking need to go and some fucking huge abyss drops to your butt. so instead of going to my friend's place and saying hi and then chilling in the bathroom while taking a monster dump, i stopped by a close coffee place that was open late and i had been to a few times before.

that was the background information, here is the dumping.

i got into the bathroom, which was (thankfully) a single that i could lock up and not feel too conscious about taking a huge dump in. i sit down...

...

this huge ball of dump just plops from my ass. have you guys had that? when you've held a dump in for a few minutes, you enter the bathroom, and it just feels like a tennis ball drops out of your ass in the form of dump in a matter of seconds? possibly a hybrid of type 1 and type 2. so this giant ball comes out of my butt and im just like WOW because of how solid and round this thing was(and felt). i chill there for a bit, because i know that can't be it. type 6 then gracefully flows out, and thats actually when i feel like i was being relieved of whatever foul dump was polluting my butt. the first giant clump was practically like the calm before the storm, as if there was a giant 5 second rumble in your house preceding a steady earthquake that wasnt as acute as the rumble but long enough to make you brace yourself. after the type 6 i was still a little cautious because such a combination of dumps requires caution before leaving a bathroom.

i left sort of herky jerky and didnt really feel at ease until a couple minutes of sitting back down in my car.

A+

just let loose with a solid type 3, ideal dump in the houston int'l airport. take that!

I might have been exaggerating just a little

Shapan, I for one appreciate the care and detail that go into your descriptions. I felt like I was both there and had been there.

Type 4 earlier today.

Ever have one of those shits where it feels like something huge was just violently torn out of your gut and you feel completely empty inside afterwards? Yeah...it was one of those shits for me. :p

mine haven't been good lately. need to change the diet.

yeah mine have been a little loose lately as well, despite an improved diet. i think maybe too much fiber.

yeah too much fiber does it for me

but they say it's good

i heard the japanese think you should do it after every meal
sort of like brushing your teeth

past 2 days there's been pain and blood.

Last night I had some crabs and this morning I woke up with terrible stomach/intestinal cramps. During my shower I suddenly had to shit so bad I had to leap out of the tub and onto the toilet. I just made it. I could describe it as explosive diarrhea but that really does not convey the magnitude of what occurred.

i've been having to force mine, lately -- it's been a while since i've had an urgent situation. if i do, i usually have to hold it cause i'm at a customer's house or on a job site w/o a toilet. probably not the best practice, but such is life.

i know to be healthy you have to go at least once a day.

My shits have been fairly large as of lately.

I usually only go once a day in the morning. If I have a big lunch maybe once in the late afternoon but that's about it. I know a guy who goes like a half an hour to an hour after he eats like clockwork. That seems a bit odd to me but at least he knows to expect it.

two type 4's and a type 6

Just executed the gnarliest shit I've had for a long time.

It was #5 briefly to begin with, then accellerated into #6 territory before veering suddenly to a #7. It felt like my balls were in a vice during the #6 phase, and in the #7 phase my asshole was shooting like a fucking Super Soaker.

I've been having the stinkiest shits and farts lately. This happens every time I change the place I live in.

The worst was the last time I lived in Korea. I love kimchi and delved deep as soon as I got back.

For the first two months or so I was farting constantly. I shit you not (no pun intended), I was farting every 15 minutes or so, and these were massive, prolonged farts that sounded like the trumpet blasts that will emanate at the second coming of the Christ LORD.

It was fun to do when I was going on my evening strolls, but it was rather troublesome to keep them contained while teaching. A repressed fart is a very strange thing (feels like you're farting up your rectum).

I find that the crappier (no pun intended) the quality of food I eat, the worse / bigger the poo is. In other words: A salad and some Baked Lays? Dainty. Mozzarella sticks and french fries? By the time I am done my legs hurt and I might be sweating.

Hott.

ASL?

i'm glad this got bumped.

fartyness happens when you change diets, it's your body getting accustomed to the new diet.

when i switched to hummus/vegetable lunches HOLY GOD DUDE. the morning after gas is UNBELIEVABLE and then I would crap like fucking crazy because all the veggies and hummus were cleaning my system out.

back in college i'd eat richly until i ran out of money, then i'd eat just basically crap. when i'd get another month of money to spend i'd go right back to eating out and man i was gassy as fuck those first few days of that.

just dropped a type 5 or 6, couldn't really tell. it all happened so fast. i had to flush pretty quickly to prevent the release of a pervasive stink into the rest of the cafe

oh fuck I remember this. I didn't eat crab again until recently because of this experience.

Just now I took a shit, pretty firm and malleable, you know, the standard, except there was a lot of blood:erm:

what do

please classify your recent shit by selecting a type on the bristol stool scale

i had a turdrope in the morning first thing it made me feel lighter, then i started getting gassy and i made a huge pile of fluffy little shit dollops and boy those smell REAL BAD

the past two months have been a roller coaster for me. a recent change in diet without paying attention to the fiber intake took me down to type 5 town for a couple weeks. then i caught that virus, my appetite suffered and they put me on some serious antibiotics and then i was livin' on the 7th layer so to speak for about two weeks.

finally recovered and now i've been sittin pretty around 2's and 3's for the past two weeks. however, i think the pure liquid bowel movements left me with a shitty souvenir: a hemerrhoid!

by the way, how satisfying is it to wipe your ass, look at the toilet paper and see no shit on it.

just showed this thread to my gf and she said "all this talka bout shit makes me wanna shit."

now she's in the shitter playing Pokemon.

ruby edition.

I would say it was a 3 but with enough blood to make it look like a shit floating in a big shirley temple

keeper

.

don't judge me!

no worries. i still think you're pretty cool.

everyone poops, you know.

type 6. too much raisin bran. not pleasant at all.

nothing memorable just now, but i did finish the sunday crossword

two stunning, lifechanging turdropes today. Eating vegetables means sitting on the can is a joy.

Just finished off a two-wiper. Fucking godly.

type four, probably brought on by chugging a cup of coffee this morning. i'm glad to have that out.