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-   -   what depression looks like (http://forums.netphoria.org/showthread.php?t=180864)

Elphenor 05-11-2014 09:46 PM

I literally cant even get drunk because I dont have any alcohol.

Id never evet be sober if it was easy for me to get drunk

Elphenor 05-11-2014 09:48 PM

People are always like: "Go live life!" and you wont be so miserable.

But, like, what do I go do?

slunken 05-11-2014 10:03 PM

my guess is that you actually live in the suburbs 40-50 miles outside of san diego

Elphenor 05-11-2014 10:04 PM

I live like 5 minutes away from "The City"
But Im not native to San Diego. I spent most of my life in the middle of nowhere

reprise85 05-11-2014 10:06 PM

go geocaching

reprise85 05-11-2014 10:08 PM

i cant believe my friend died. 29 years old, no obvious cause and they don't think it's drug related. he just up and died in his sleep. stroke or a heart attack, results won't be back for a few weeks.

i've known him since i was 2 years old.

Elphenor 05-11-2014 10:10 PM

That is awful. You can have your thread back.

reprise85 05-11-2014 10:40 PM

that's ok. shock is just kind of wearing off and i'm starting to feel that sort of anger/helplessness/sadness thing.

reprise85 05-11-2014 10:40 PM

is there anyone at work you click with?

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 10:43 PM

i've gotten to the point where i realize my personality is horrible and i might as well not even bother trying to make friends anymore because apparently "just being myself" drives people away and i'm never comfortable ever because i'm constantly thinking about how terrible i am and awkward and how i make everyone uncomfortable and i have nothing to talk about and i hate myself and i want to die

The exploding boy 05-11-2014 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4059830)
i cant believe my friend died. 29 years old, no obvious cause and they don't think it's drug related. he just up and died in his sleep. stroke or a heart attack, results won't be back for a few weeks.

i've known him since i was 2 years old.

Probably undiagnosed heart problems. That's often what it is when people die suddenly at such a young age.




Elphenor. A lof of what you said about your life, background and interests was me at 20 (though unlike you i wasnt getting laid yet...). If i could start again I woudn't waste my time like i did (even if some of the "time wasting" was due to my social problems). But yeah. Don't be me in 15 years from now. Keep....trying to do what you're trying to do...basically. And if you cant find the people, then take charge. Learn to play bass, drums, keyboards, whatever.

After years of being unsatisfied and unfulfilled joining bands that's what i did (well id been playing guitar and bass for years but not the rest). I wish i hadn't waited so long. I should have done this at 20, not in my 30's. Sure it might take some years to become a "self sufficient" musician but its worth it. Besides here's the thing....like you i like post punk (and new wave). Well i might not be telling you anything you didn't know but most of this type of stuff is really simple to play and write (doesn't mean its easy to write good songs in the genre but you know).

One handed keyboard lines. Often generally simple repetitive guitar parts (basic minor or power chords or simple one string lines).Upfront but easy basslines... and steady not very dynamic drumming (and your set will likely not need more than a hithat, a cymbal, a snare a bass drum and maybe one tom...that's the thing too, post punk is even economical to play, even the instruments they used were often shit so its not hard to replicate the sound). Two or three years of effort and you could write the stuff you want to write. Relying on people to make the music you wanna make sucks. Especially if you're not in an area where the genres you like are popular. I never played a blues scale in my life and don't intend to ever.

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 10:44 PM

:hanging:

reprise85 05-11-2014 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4059836)
i've gotten to the point where i realize my personality is horrible and i might as well not even bother trying to make friends anymore because apparently "just being myself" drives people away and i'm never comfortable ever because i'm constantly thinking about how terrible i am and awkward and how i make everyone uncomfortable and i have nothing to talk about and i hate myself and i want to die

why do you think people like you online if all of this is true?

reprise85 05-11-2014 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The exploding boy (Post 4059837)
Probably undiagnosed heart problems. That's often what it is when people die suddenly at such a young age.

Yes, I'm thinking that's probably it. He had several chronic health problems (RA, Chron's Disease) and could barely pay for his meds and didn't get the check ups like he should have. He was excited about the ACA and getting himself checked out soon.


Elphenor:

Life is really all about friendships, IMO. Music is important, and focusing on music is good, but most likely you will have a career outside of it. You will also do things like go to birthday parties and buy cars and clean up dog/cat/baby poop and spend years working for shitty wages and just all of those things we all do. And it will feel much better doing those things if your life is full of people you love and feel connected with.

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4059839)
why do you think people like you online if all of this is true?

online is not the same as real life, i mean it doesn't even count

reprise85 05-11-2014 10:59 PM

you didn't answer my question

reprise85 05-11-2014 11:01 PM

online relationships are not substitutions for "real life" ones, but the fact that people don't run away from you online must mean there some disconnect between how you feel and what reality is, don't you think?

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 11:05 PM

it's the way i talk and stand or something i dunno, i suck. pretty much every one knows it

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4059844)
online relationships are not substitutions for "real life" ones, but the fact that people don't run away from you online must mean there some disconnect between how you feel and what reality is, don't you think?

not at all, because as far as offline...people fucking detest me. they pretend to like me and blow me off, i'm always alone. there's never any hope. any friends i do make get sick of me in like 3 years. i'm just a complete fuckup idiot what can i say

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 11:06 PM

i mean my facebook is pretty much ignored except by netphorians, that's not good. nobody likes anything i do except for people from here

like what the fuck kind of life is that

Elphenor 05-11-2014 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pavementtune (Post 4059841)
Whenever somebody mentions this 21+ underage thing I feel like having grown up on another planet. I can't imagine what my life would have been like.
I'd like to think "better" but that's likely an illusion.

Legal fucking age: 14
Live music venues: 14
alcohol in pubs: 16 legally, actually 15

I might have been mostly sober even at 20 with different laws. But probably not.

I know right? The 21 thing is bullshit. Im old enough to work full time but not old enough to drink? The fuck is that shit? I wouldnt be surprised if people off themselves because of the law, Ive come way too close.

What happens to a lot of 19 year olds like me, is that they live a sheltered life, and then they meet a messed up girl who fucks them over hardcore and then they have to suffer in agony for 2 years before they can start drinking and meeting people.

This has happened to all my underage friends and myself.

Elphenor 05-11-2014 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4059848)
i mean my facebook is pretty much ignored except by netphorians, that's not good. nobody likes anything i do except for people from here

like what the fuck kind of life is that

I feel ya dude. I feel dumb even using my Facebook, because no one likes my stuff and I feel like a horrible lonely dumbass.

And my friends post will have like 25 fucking likes and Obama left a comment and the UN shared it.

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 11:12 PM

like I kept wishing I lived in a city with a high concentration of netphorians for a long time but I realized I'd be just as alone and never see anyone
Like I mean I actually did and everyone was sick of me by the time I quit and went home
I am not somebody who can hold it together for more than a few hours at a time and generally even that's a stretch
In my case I think the government should have just went "nope" and had me snorted when my parents had the bright idea to have a kid in their 40s
Some of those Chinese ideas are not insane

reprise85 05-11-2014 11:12 PM

alcohol is nice and all, but don't kid yourself. it's not going to make your life any better on any kind of long term basis, and has the potential to make it terrible. you sound very naive.

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4059849)
I know right? The 21 thing is bullshit. Im old enough to work full time but not old enough to drink? The fuck is that shit? I wouldnt be surprised if people off themselves because of the law, Ive come way too close.

What happens to a lot of 19 year olds like me, is that they live a sheltered life, and then they meet a messed up girl who fucks them over hardcore and then they have to suffer in agony for 2 years before they can start drinking and meeting people.

This has happened to all my underage friends and myself.

I can tell you already that you should not be drinking ever

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphenor (Post 4059850)

And my friends post will have like 25 fucking likes and Obama left a comment and the UN shared it.

These people get 40 likes for the most inane shit but i practically don't exist

i mean i have like 100 friends on face book and i think about 50 of them are from netphoria

i might as well just die

reprise85 05-11-2014 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4059847)
not at all, because as far as offline...people fucking detest me. they pretend to like me and blow me off, i'm always alone. there's never any hope. any friends i do make get sick of me in like 3 years. i'm just a complete fuckup idiot what can i say

do most friendships last more than 3 years in general? i can only think of a few of mine that have.

what does your therapist say when you tell him/her this?

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 11:15 PM

I mean on the other hand I am still glad I have my three boards and my occasional twice a year visits in actual life with people from them
I can't imagine how much deeper in despair is be on a daily basis if I didn't get that as well as rack up likes and favs on the social media

Elphenor 05-11-2014 11:16 PM

It's not about drinking itself, it's about getting into Rock clubs and shit so I can meet people who are like me.

"Spitting on the streets
Numb hands and feet
Nowhere to go
They wont let us into the shows"
-The Fall

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4059854)
These people get 40 likes for the most inane shit but i practically don't exist

i mean i have like 100 friends on face book and i think about 50 of them are from netphoria

i might as well just die

I have 95 and 93 of them are from netphoria, hipinion, or the official korn forum
1 of the remaining 2 I met on adult friend finder
There are worse ratios you could have

reprise85 05-11-2014 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pavementtune (Post 4059845)
Can I hang out in your depression thread for a bit?
Our dog is asleep, kitty pissed on my lap (thunder and lightning outside, little scared pisser), depression on netphoria is absolutely my thing tonight.

Well of course.

First day of summer semester is tomorrow so I'll be heading off soon. Can't wait for the wondrous tapestry of terribleness my brain will cook up tonight while I'm unconscious.

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pavementtune (Post 4059858)
Not to get all pseudo philosophical here... but I think that's exactly the sort of thing that people can spot/feel/hear/see. That you EXPECT them to turn away and are convinced they detest you eventually. How badly you judge yourself is nothing you can completely hide, and some people reflect that.

That is all my own little personal theory, of course. I had a good run at scaring people off. I tried to explain it to myself, and couldn't really put the finger on it. And I don't think anything major changed about me, other than that I was okay with being the fuck up I am. And suddenly not everybody ran off. Can't explain it any better, but I think you know all that.

if the reason is because i'm sad and awkward than fuck it i will kill myself eventually

i mean fuck life

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4059855)
do most friendships last more than 3 years in general?

what's the fucking point

Elphenor 05-11-2014 11:19 PM

I just never meet people who like the things I like.

I feel like I should be from another generation.

reprise85 05-11-2014 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pavementtune (Post 4059858)
Not to get all pseudo philosophical here... but I think that's exactly the sort of thing that people can spot/feel/hear/see. That you EXPECT them to turn away and are convinced they detest you eventually. How badly you judge yourself is nothing you can completely hide, and some people reflect that.

That is all my own little personal theory, of course. I had a good run at scaring people off. I tried to explain it to myself, and couldn't really put the finger on it. And I don't think anything major changed about me, other than that I was okay with being the fuck up I am. And suddenly not everybody ran off. Can't explain it any better, but I think you know all that.

yep this

Elphenor 05-11-2014 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4059854)
These people get 40 likes for the most inane shit but i practically don't exist

i mean i have like 100 friends on face book and i think about 50 of them are from netphoria

i might as well just die

Yeah. Facebook is seriously depressing I dont use it anymore

reprise85 05-11-2014 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious (Post 4059862)
what's the fucking point

most people are bored of each other after 3 years. the fact that you have trouble having longer term friends doesn't mean you're a loser or whatever.

i feel like you are not quite having a realistic look at yourself right now is all im saying.

bignothing 05-11-2014 11:24 PM

i'm just a lurker and i can attest that i have seen trots talking about having good friends irl

MusicMan4 05-11-2014 11:27 PM

Yeah he's way better off than I am
Let me get so,em of that attention
You all know much I need it

Trotskilicious 05-11-2014 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reprise85 (Post 4059866)

i feel like you are not quite having a realistic look at yourself right now is all im saying.

i don't feel like giving you a list right now but i think if i didn't feel like i was a huge piece of loser shit with no friends and no hope then it would be an unrealistic look at myself.


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