Resignation letter:

barden · 12-13-2004, 09:36 AM

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr. Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Cecelia

Isle · 12-13-2004, 09:51 AM

OWNED.

severin · 12-13-2004, 09:55 AM

apart fromt he fact that this letter obviously is blackmail the first part is absolutely awesome!

Isle · 12-13-2004, 09:59 AM

i can relate to that employee. wtf is cut and paste

Trotskilicious · 12-13-2004, 10:00 AM

Yeah that's so real.

My Ice Dwelling · 12-13-2004, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by barden
is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems

I'd say knowing how to network computer systems is a waste of time...and I love it how she thinks she's top shit by saying to never fuck with your systems administrator.

Her boss should just hire some goons to break her legs. Find a network solution to ultraviolence if you think you're so kewliez.

Ihaman · 12-13-2004, 10:37 AM

This is retarded and angsty.

alexthestampede · 12-13-2004, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ihaman
This is retarded and angsty.

murgle · 12-13-2004, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by severin
apart fromt he fact that this letter obviously is blackmail the first part is absolutely awesome!

Yeah, I thought it was funny until she started talking of blackmail.

alexthestampede · 12-13-2004, 06:45 PM

i thought it was real until she said there was child porn on his favorites list

alexthestampede · 12-13-2004, 06:46 PM

a couple years back, though, some guy accidently showed his child porn in some presentation at a big meeting at work or something. lol @ what the looks on peoples faces must have been like

tootsie · 12-13-2004, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Trotskilicious
Yeah that's so real.

im goign to agree.

while it makes for entertaining reading, i bet its nothing more than a bored employees pipe dream.

12-13-2004, 09:36 AM	#1
barden Braindead Location: The Ghetto Posts: 19,611	Resignation letter: Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! Dear Mr. Baker, As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration. 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time! Wishing you a grand and glorious day, Cecelia

12-13-2004, 09:55 AM	#3
severin no more than sympathy Location: lying on the floor Posts: 14,826	apart fromt he fact that this letter obviously is blackmail the first part is absolutely awesome! __________________ i once told a To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. that nothing really ends

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12-13-2004, 09:51 AM	#2
Isle Braindead Location: Unison Posts: 19,375	OWNED.

12-13-2004, 09:59 AM	#4
Isle Braindead Location: Unison Posts: 19,375	i can relate to that employee. wtf is cut and paste

12-13-2004, 10:00 AM	#5
Trotskilicious Banned Location: I believe in the transcendental qualities of friendship. Posts: 39,602	Yeah that's so real.

12-13-2004, 10:37 AM	#7
Ihaman Sometimes, though. Location: Hazard, California Posts: 21,274	This is retarded and angsty.

12-13-2004, 06:45 PM	#10
alexthestampede Banned Location: I am from the sea! Posts: 4,947	i thought it was real until she said there was child porn on his favorites list

12-13-2004, 06:46 PM	#11
alexthestampede Banned Location: I am from the sea! Posts: 4,947	a couple years back, though, some guy accidently showed his child porn in some presentation at a big meeting at work or something. lol @ what the looks on peoples faces must have been like