i think of you, and let it go...

[phaedrus]

so, back to the single life for me...

...good old me.

thank god for music. and food. and porn.

[ambienlife]

there is nothing wrong with being single

atleast you are your own man.

[phaedrus]

hell yeah.

no jealousy, no bickering, no sacrifice.
just me in absolute freedom.



the biggest thing i'll miss is cuddling.

[Liquid-J]

yeah man. there's upsides, plenty of them, and its wise to bring them to the forefront and enjoy them. the severity of the downsides really depends on what you ended up walking away from.

I imagine there's horrid bitches out there where the downsides of letting go simply don't exist. Being with them was such hell that being away from them is just pure relief. But you'd have to question your judgement for voluntarily getting involved with someone like that in the first place.

more likely is that there's plenty you miss, and things that can't be replaced. but its not going to do anyone much good to sit around and think of those, so whip out your book of cliches and remember that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, builds character, and sorry doesn't butter the biscut, and a bird in hand is worth two in the bush, and don't judge a book by its cover, and good things come to those who wait, and birds of a feather flock together, and in wine, truth, and two wrongs don't make a right, and i have an enormous D, and look both ways before crossing, etc. etc. etc.

oh god, now i'm sad. i was just trying to cheer a brutha up!

[Mr.T]

editing your post is NOT hardcore

[phaedrus]

hell yeah. you got it right. you have to focus on the positives in order to get through the rough times.

(this is coming from me, the pessimist).

although maybe this is a change for me. i think this whole weekend was a change for me.

the girl i just let go was my ex of a year. we've been on and off since then and most recently, just whenever she's in town. but we had a lot of closure this weekend (i've posted another thread about it - i know i'm being repetitive about this shit). anyways, i think this is really healthy for me. i'm ready to make that transition from a lover to a friend. i think i will still be able to enjoy the good things about her even as a friend (except that she's damn sexy. i'll get over that though. i can just masturbate before i see her.)

it's just too bad that she wants to continue in something other than simple friendship. it's really hard to say no to her. and when i don't say no it hurts. she's really flirtatious, (especially now that she's technically "single". she also often doesn't recognize my needs. so all of this is why this closure's good for me.

now i just need to do what she says: be more of an optimist. it's funny how when we were together she'd get frustrated with me for being such a pessimist, and now that she's gone, i think i'm changing out of that bad habit.

[Liquid-J]

true.

[phaedrus]

Originally posted by Liquid-J
oh god, now i'm sad. i was just trying to cheer a brutha up!

thanks dude. seriously.

[Lizzy Lover]

Originally posted by ambienlife
there is nothing wrong with being single

atleast you are your own man.

you are not even single silly!

[morphinebitch]

i want to be alone, but not lonely.

i like the comfort of my relationship
yet it itches.

no matter which side, it still kinda sucks

[phaedrus]

Originally posted by morphinebitch
i want to be alone, but not lonely.

i like the comfort of my relationship
yet it itches.

no matter which side, it still kinda sucks

be alone. it's better than being in a relationship that's gone sour.

even when you're lonely, there's something beautiful and romantic about it. i find i get really reflective and appreciative of the world around me when i start feeling lonely. and as long as i stay that way, i don't end up feeling sad or depressive.

just call me Mr. Pensive.

[morphinebitch]

yeah...

my relationships fine - i'm with a really great guy. i just have issues with closeness...i'll freak out about 2 months into a relationship. luckily kaylub's put up with it, and tried to help out. also helps he's been my best friend forevers.

he gives me space, too...which is great. i can't be with someone all the time without wanting to kill them.

[phaedrus]

space is key if you're having issues with your guy. obviously your relationship hasn't gone sour anyways!

congrats. enjoy it.

[Liquid-J]

Originally posted by phaedrus

it's funny how when we were together she'd get frustrated with me for being such a pessimist, and now that she's gone, i think i'm changing out of that bad habit.

its funny how it works that way. i think part of it is that when you're with them, you're existing day to day in established patterns of behavior. there's a tone and a rhythm that naturally emerges from you two being together. and its tough to make changes to that.

yet when you break up, its highly disruptive. the patterns are broken, changes are happening on several fronts. and quite often the changes you make eventually lead you back to a balance. ie, if you were too pessimistic, taking a vastly more optimistic perspective is bringing things back into balance.

in that way, breakups can be extremely healthy, i think they enable, nay, force you to get out of your habbits. so you can use them to make changes that you need to make, taht you couldn't otherwise make.

one thing i am up in the air about is this: a couple breaks up for reasons along these lines.. changes need to be made for the lives of each to progress and advance. it wasn't possible when you're together, now that you're apart, you can and do progress. you become what you know you needed to become. say this happens for both, and you flash forward several years, so the changes are profound, not merely superficial. at this point, there again exists the possiblity that you are right for eachother again. ie, the problems that existed and forced you apart no longer exist. i think in most cases, this is irrelevant, since you've moved on anyways. additionally, there's probably baggage that would still exist. but if that wasn't the case, and if the people had a much stronger than usual attraction and compatibility, then its a rare recipie. the majority of times, its not worth it, but say you had stumbled upon a rare breed of love that you never ended up matching, and you've both developed into much more than you were. i'd say bucking conventional wisdom in this case and goign for it could be one of your best moves ever.

its too bad that most will find the best part of this post to be when i said nay.

[Liquid-J]

but like they say in prison, hope can kill. very treacherous, these paths.

can you point me to your other post on the topic?

[2Marlon2Brando]

Originally posted by Liquid-J


its funny how it works that way. i think part of it is that when you're with them, you're existing day to day in established patterns of behavior. there's a tone and a rhythm that naturally emerges from you two being together. and its tough to make changes to that.

yet when you break up, its highly disruptive. the patterns are broken, changes are happening on several fronts. and quite often the changes you make eventually lead you back to a balance. ie, if you were too pessimistic, taking a vastly more optimistic perspective is bringing things back into balance.

in that way, breakups can be extremely healthy, i think they enable, nay, force you to get out of your habbits. so you can use them to make changes that you need to make, taht you couldn't otherwise make.

one thing i am up in the air about is this: a couple breaks up for reasons along these lines.. changes need to be made for the lives of each to progress and advance. it wasn't possible when you're together, now that you're apart, you can and do progress. you become what you know you needed to become. say this happens for both, and you flash forward several years, so the changes are profound, not merely superficial. at this point, there again exists the possiblity that you are right for eachother again. ie, the problems that existed and forced you apart no longer exist. i think in most cases, this is irrelevant, since you've moved on anyways. additionally, there's probably baggage that would still exist. but if that wasn't the case, and if the people had a much stronger than usual attraction and compatibility, then its a rare recipie. the majority of times, its not worth it, but say you had stumbled upon a rare breed of love that you never ended up matching, and you've both developed into much more than you were. i'd say bucking conventional wisdom in this case and goign for it could be one of your best moves ever.

its too bad that most will find the best part of this post to be when i said nay.

HEY PAL, WHY DON'T YOU WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT?

[Liquid-J]

Originally posted by phaedrus


be alone. it's better than being in a relationship that's gone sour.

even when you're lonely, there's something beautiful and romantic about it. i find i get really reflective and appreciative of the world around me when i start feeling lonely. and as long as i stay that way, i don't end up feeling sad or depressive.

just call me Mr. Pensive.

.

yeah man. and i believe that in order to be happy in a relationship LONG term, you have to have proven to yourself that you can be entirely happy on your own. if you can get to a point where you love your own company, and fully function and get the most out of life when you're by yourself, then you're in a much healthier state of being to achieve long term happiness through a relationship. part of what makes being lonely hard is what you said, you have this appreciation for the things around you, yet you don't have someone to share that appreciation with. taht's where lonliness gets me i think. if everything around me permanently sucked, lonelyness would be easier to take!

[Liquid-J]

Originally posted by 2Marlon2Brando


HEY PAL, WHY DON'T YOU WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT?

.

Why I love 2Marlon2Brando, by Liquid-J

Chapter 1:
Once upon a time there was a guy named Marlon. You suck donkey balls, the ENDkthxbye!

i should have written under a pseudonym

[2Marlon2Brando]

Originally posted by Liquid-J

i should have written under a pseudonym

you should have posted this under Liquid-J's Ghost and remained anonymous.

[Liquid-J]

Originally posted by 2Marlon2Brando


you should have posted this under Liquid-J's Ghost and remained anonymous.

DAMMIT WHY IS HINDSIGHT ALWAYS 2020?? i could have saved myself the shame!

[phaedrus]

Originally posted by Liquid-J

...but if that wasn't the case, and if the people had a much stronger than usual attraction and compatibility, then its a rare recipie. the majority of times, its not worth it, but say you had stumbled upon a rare breed of love that you never ended up matching, and you've both developed into much more than you were. i'd say bucking conventional wisdom in this case and goign for it could be one of your best moves ever.

its too bad that most will find the best part of this post to be when i said nay.

it really is too bad, because i think you're right.

somehow i think that may be what happens between my ex and i too. we were shovelling her walk today and she looks over to me and says "if we ever get married, you're shovelling the driveway" and i said "and you can do the laundry". we always say that kind of stuff to each other. and she still says she really loves me and that she's going to marry me some day. it's just that things started to go a little sour and with the distance between us, things just weren't meant to be. but every time i see her again things seem to click better.

who knows, maybe she's right. but i'm not banking on it. i'm trying to move on. i can't let her hold me back. i can't have her let me down.

[Liquid-J]

yeah man, you got the right idea. space and moving on sounds like the best route, cause if things don't work, at least you got on with your life.

[phaedrus]

Originally posted by Liquid-J
can you point me to your other post on the topic?

it's not worth the time or effort. it was just me being appreciative of closure.

the poll i put up about whether or not i should have sex with my ex was about this same girl though.

[Liquid-J]

cool. in that case, lets dedicate this thread to goatse.