I'm giving up on finding true love.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by sppunk
Maybe you're not really gay.

Take my word for it. I am.

[mirrar]

i haven't read this whole thread, so it's probably been said before, but I personally think the best way to go about "finding love" is to try not to think any certain way about it, whether its an overly-romanticised view or a cynical, i'm gonna be alone forever view, because both of those could possibly change whether you find a relationship and even the outcome... just go about your life knowing that you're self sufficient and can do just fine on your own, creating your own happiness, but if someone desireable comes along open your arms and heart to them and give them a chance... but yeah, don't settle for someone just because they're there or "good enough", because if you look hard enough you'll eventually find someone you're totally perfect for.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by The Moon


***warning***: move along folks, nothing to see here. just a girl feeling sorry for herself.

no. because i found out i must have been wrong. and it felt so right. now i'm feeling sorry for myself. i don't know how to trust my instincts because i'd never felt so right about anything. i guess even when i'm right, i'm wrong. woe is me. blah.

Interesting. Thanks for being totally honest and sharing that with me.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by Mirror_Untrue
i haven't read this whole thread, so it's probably been said before, but I personally think the best way to go about "finding love" is to try not to think any certain way about it, whether its an overly-romanticised view or a cynical, i'm gonna be alone forever view, because both of those could possibly change whether you find a relationship and even the outcome... just go about your life knowing that you're self sufficient and can do just fine on your own, creating your own happiness, but if someone desireable comes along open your arms and heart to them and give them a chance... but yeah, don't settle for someone just because they're there or "good enough", because if you look hard enough you'll eventually find someone you're totally perfect for.

Wow. That was pretty good.

[Axis of Action]

Originally posted by Mirror_Untrue
i haven't read this whole thread, so it's probably been said before, but I personally think the best way to go about "finding love" is to try not to think any certain way about it, whether its an overly-romanticised view or a cynical, i'm gonna be alone forever view, because both of those could possibly change whether you find a relationship and even the outcome... just go about your life knowing that you're self sufficient and can do just fine on your own, creating your own happiness, but if someone desireable comes along open your arms and heart to them and give them a chance... but yeah, don't settle for someone just because they're there or "good enough", because if you look hard enough you'll eventually find someone you're totally perfect for.

Can I copy and paste this to people when I tell them I need to find love and they're like "run out and ask the next hot girl you see for her phone number" (advice that has actually been given to me :erm). The point is I want to meet that one, not just some casual thing. I mean, I wouldn't mind dating a girl for a while, but I doubt I'll be perfect for her and her for me... so you enter it knowing it won't last, which is kind of depressing (this happened to me a couple months ago). I don't know. Things.

efhwe8ofhweiufhwe. It sounds stupid when I talk about it. Because the person you feel perfect for (read: Moon's story) may not in the end be right for you, you have to try the people that feel perfect at the time, is what I'm saying. You have no way of knowing if they'll pan out that way, but you have to assume they might. But don't date for the sex or just to date someone, do wait to meet someone who you really work with. That's the problem I think most of our society has - they date to date, not to... cultivate a relationship. I think we're obviously looking for something more mature than a lot of other people our age, and as a result, we have to be on the lookout for people who aren't looking for a full, deep relationship.

[The Moon]

Originally posted by Sehki


I'm not entirely clear on what you're saying. Are you saying you should leave the content and comfortable for later, or try and find it now because love only ends up hurting?

p.s: my goal is to live the last years of my life like he lived his - he was the happiest man I've ever known.

i guess i'm trying to say that there are different types of relationships that can last a long time. and, due to the pain that the passionately-in-love kind has caused me, i think i will just choose the content-and-comfortable kind.

my ex and i still realized the flaw in our relationship, because we found that we craved the passionate sort of love. we had it at first, but it was mostly just a friendship for the last 2 years. and for some reason we hung on to it.

i'm just saying that if i had the choice, having experienced both, the content and comfortable type of relationship will preserve my sanity. and my heart.

[Axis of Action]

Originally posted by The Moon


i guess i'm trying to say that there are different types of relationships that can last a long time. and, due to the pain that the passionately-in-love kind has caused me, i think i will just choose the content-and-comfortable kind.

my ex and i still realized the flaw in our relationship, because we found that we craved the passionate sort of love. we had it at first, but it was mostly just a friendship for the last 2 years. and for some reason we hung on to it.

i'm just saying that if i had the choice, having experienced both, the content and comfortable type of relationship will preserve my sanity. and my heart.

Oh yes, the content etc. kind is the one that you want to age with, that's the marriage relationship. But we're all twenty-something or almost there (19 in my case). As much as we sensibly know the content relationships are the better for our heart and soul, a part of us still wants the 'crazy in love' relationships. It's trying to figure out what is better for you and your sanity, and then shutting the other side up, that is hard.

[Ugly]

Originally posted by Sehki


Better analogy.

No, the T3 one was better, dammit.

Anyway, Significant Others are pointless because you can get the exact same feeling from love that you can from jacking off and eating a piece of chocolate. anyway, they get in the way of free time. Imagine how much more time you have to be lazy instead of calling the girlfriend or the boyfriend or whatever. Fuck that shit, who cares? The just get in the way.

[mirrar]

Originally posted by Sehki


Can I copy and paste this to people when I tell them I need to find love and they're like "run out and ask the next hot girl you see for her phone number" (advice that has actually been given to me :erm). The point is I want to meet that one, not just some casual thing. I mean, I wouldn't mind dating a girl for a while, but I doubt I'll be perfect for her and her for me... so you enter it knowing it won't last, which is kind of depressing (this happened to me a couple months ago). I don't know. Things.

efhwe8ofhweiufhwe. It sounds stupid when I talk about it. Because the person you feel perfect for (read: Moon's story) may not in the end be right for you, you have to try the people that feel perfect at the time, is what I'm saying. You have no way of knowing if they'll pan out that way, but you have to assume they might. But don't date for the sex or just to date someone, do wait to meet someone who you really work with. That's the problem I think most of our society has - they date to date, not to... cultivate a relationship. I think we're obviously looking for something more mature than a lot of other people our age, and as a result, we have to be on the lookout for people who aren't looking for a full, deep relationship.

you sure can if you like. i'm not saying that you shouldn't meet and date people even if you have that gut feeling that they're not the one for you, because that interaction with people is only going to build character and teach you more about the ways in which people interact with one another and if they don't have the traits you really desire in order for you to grow and learn from and be really happy with, it'll help you to better identify just what these traits are in the next person... i'm just saying don't cross the line into a long-term commited relationship with those kind of people just because it's convienent and easy, because thats for casual dating, and not grounds for a meaningful relationship.. but hey on the other hand, you may meet someone and think to yourself right off the bat "oh they're totally not perfect for me" but after dating them and getting to know them better and keeping an open mind you may just discover that they in fact are, because some people are just more multifaceted then they appear to be, or they can even bring out traits in you you weren't fully aware of, leading to you interacting with them better and even maybe potentially leading to that ideal relationship you were after.. love is a really fucking mysterious thing.

[The Moon]

Originally posted by Sehki


Oh yes, the content etc. kind is the one that you want to age with, that's the marriage relationship. But we're all twenty-something or almost there (19 in my case). As much as we sensibly know the content relationships are the better for our heart and soul, a part of us still wants the 'crazy in love' relationships. It's trying to figure out what is better for you and your sanity, and then shutting the other side up, that is hard.

exactly.

i'm actually 31. i was married to a man i was crazy in love with in my twenties. then i had a long-term comfy relationship with another guy. then i fell in love like never before in another kinda-long-term relationship. and that's when i got dumped. maybe i just need a content relationship next time i hook up to sort of balance out or erase the pain of this one.

[mirrar]

Originally posted by spa ced


Wow. That was pretty good.

i'm honestly not half as much of an idiot as you think.

[Axis of Action]

Originally posted by Mirror_Untrue

you sure can if you like. i'm not saying that you shouldn't meet and date people even if you have that gut feeling that they're not the one for you, because that interaction with people is only going to build character and teach you more about the ways in which people interact with one another and if they don't have the traits you really desire in order for you to grow and learn from and be really happy with, it'll help you to better identify just what these traits are in the next person... i'm just saying don't cross the line into a long-term commited relationship with those kind of people just because it's convienent and easy, because thats for casual dating, and not grounds for a meaningful relationship.. but hey on the other hand, you may meet someone and think to yourself right off the bat "oh they're totally not perfect for me" but after dating them and getting to know them better and keeping an open mind you may just discover that they in fact are, because some people are just more multifaceted then they appear to be, or they can even bring out traits in you you weren't fully aware of, leading to you interacting with them better and even maybe potentially leading to that ideal relationship you were after.. love is a really fucking mysterious thing.

That's what my last few relationships have been like... short (all have been 4 months or less) and not really meaningful. It's guiding, in a way, because now I know what to avoid (and let's just hope I can avoid it next time, augh), and what to look for. But after about 2 years of crappy relationships, I'm really looking for something meaningful and such. I'd like the passion, but I also want the comfort. I want it all. I want someone I'm really attracted to, but also who I feel comfortable having real discussions with. My last girlfriend was a huge cutie and very sweet, but we rarely had anything of interest to talk about. It got to be pretty lame, pretty fast.

*shrug* I made a comment to Tony on IM that these kind of threads are great for people like me (and hopefully him) because it helps me think about what I really want and need when I look for a girlfriend. I'm still not sure... but it helps me resolve to not enter fleeting relationships.

I'm gonna go eat now. Will continue ranting about love when I return.

[twice]

Originally posted by spa ced


Another factor of why this attitude is taking place is because it means I'm in control. I made the decision that I don't want love.

this is where you're approach is wrong, tony.

there are an astounding number of conditions involved in love- but from what i gather, that statment is the main reason you haven't found what you're seeking. not the decision itself: rather the indication that you're not embracing the prospect of it entering your world. people make choices based on their own perspectives- regardless of how they came about- and ultimately the perspective alone affects where your life will lead. i don't have to tell you that ignoring your heart's desires will result in negativity- you know this. instead of listening to others proclaim what they believe to be true, listen to yourself. when you close one door, another opens. you have the choice to decide which you feel you want to go through.

[Fattening Ass]

i don't want to read this thread. it'll probably remind me that i am alone >_<.

[Axis of Action]

Originally posted by twice

this is where you're approach is wrong, tony.

there are an astounding number of conditions involved in love- but from what i gather, that statment is the main reason you haven't found what you're seeking. not the decision itself: rather the indication that you're not embracing the prospect of it entering your world. people make choices based on their own perspectives- regardless of how they came about- and ultimately the perspective alone affects where your life will lead. i don't have to tell you that ignoring your heart's desires will result in negativity- you know this. instead of listening to others proclaim what they believe to be true, listen to yourself. when you close one door, another opens. you have the choice to decide which you feel you want to go through.

Just to beat Tony to the punch... that was really quite beautiful.

Though I think some amount of discussion is warranted... he has to know the doors before he can go through them.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by twice


this is where you're approach is wrong, tony.

there are an astounding number of conditions involved in love- but from what i gather, that statment is the main reason you haven't found what you're seeking. not the decision itself: rather the indication that you're not embracing the prospect of it entering your world. people make choices based on their own perspectives- regardless of how they came about- and ultimately the perspective alone affects where your life will lead. i don't have to tell you that ignoring your heart's desires will result in negativity- you know this. instead of listening to others proclaim what they believe to be true, listen to yourself. when you close one door, another opens. you have the choice to decide which you feel you want to go through.

But I've embraced the prospect of it entering my world for years now. That's why it's been so painful that I'm still without it and that's why I have started to get really upset that I haven't encountered it. At a get together this New Years Eve the toast I made was "to 2004, the year I am purposely single" because I haven't been purposely single for the past however many years. I've been looking and searching and nothing ever pans out. I'm just really frustrated and as a last ditch effort, I'm saying that maybe if I change my attitude about love, something may come of it. That of course only works if my theory of love usually occuring to those who are bitter and jaded about it is right.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by Mirror_Untrue
i'm honestly not half as much of an idiot as you think.

Just for the record I never thought you were an idiot.

[twice]

Originally posted by spa ced


But I've embraced the prospect of it entering my world for years now. That's why it's been so painful that I'm still without it and that's why I have started to get really upset that I haven't encountered it.


I'm saying that maybe if I change my attitude about love, something may come of it. That of course only works if my theory of love usually occuring to those who are bitter and jaded about it is right.

i hope this doesn't sound malicious in any way, but it seems you may be forcing it. wanting it too much.

[DeadSwan]

i think everyone has about 11,000 "someones"


then again, i'm chronically single and delusional

[professional wannabe]

Originally posted by spa ced
Lately it just seems that only the bitter, jaded people find love and maybe I shouldn't hold myself back from that? I also hear that "you find love when you least expect". Well if I'm bitter and jaded about it then I wouldn't be expecting it.
Some people live their entire lives alone and never experience love. I have to just accept that I could be one of those people.
I've believed for the longest time that a huge part of me is very romantic but since I haven't been able to share those feelings I've never really grown in that aspect. It kind of reminds me of Hum's If You Are To Bloom song. The chorus states "you need watering if you are to bloom" which is a metaphor for "you need love if you are to grow." There are plenty of people in my life that I love and that love me but it's not that kind of significant other love. One thing I've read that has stuck with me is "the odds of finding your soulmate are astronomical." I love how dreary that figure is. It makes me wonder how many people find true love and how many people just "settle". I could possibly see myself settling for someone even if they don't have most of the characteristics of my ideal partner.

i'd have to disagree with that(i'm not flaming you for what you're saying, keep that in mind, only stating my opinion). right now, i have a serious crush on someone at work, and the more and more i talk to her, i'm just thinking to myself, the more and more i actually realize that i may just have a serious chance at a relationship with her(and yes, everything i just said in that sentence is TRUE). now i know you might be wanting to just hate me now after saying that, but please, resist that temptation. i honestly think that everyone not in a relationship right now(including myself) probably has a specical someone that's waiting somewhere in the world for them to come, whether a person's heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual(I SERIOUSLY MEAN THAT).

hang in there, spa ced. i bet your special someone will probably seriously come someday(and also, don't worry about what one or two song lyrics say about love, for all we know, that could just be total bull).

[spa ced]

Originally posted by professional wannabe


i'd have to disagree with that(i'm not flaming you for what you're saying, keep that in mind, only stating my opinion). right now, i have a serious crush on someone at work, and the more and more i talk to her, i'm just thinking to myself, the more and more i actually realize that i may just have a serious chance at a relationship with her(and yes, everything i just said in that sentence is TRUE). now i know you might be wanting to just hate me now after saying that, but please, resist that temptation. i honestly think that everyone not in a relationship right now(including myself) probably has a specical someone that's waiting somewhere in the world for them to come, whether a person's heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual(I SERIOUSLY MEAN THAT).

hang in there, spa ced. i bet your special someone will probably seriously come someday(and also, don't worry about what one or two song lyrics say about love, for all we know, that could just be total bull).

Good luck with the girl you have a crush on. Let us know how that turns out.

The second paragraph was comforting. Thanks.

[Nimrod]

Originally posted by spa ced


Now flame me or tell me why I'm wrong or whatever.

Nah, you're already flaming.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by twice



i hope this doesn't sound malicious in any way, but it seems you may be forcing it. wanting it too much.

This is true. Like I told YeehaJamesIha it almost seems like I can't turn this immense wanting off and it's just getting to be so unbearable I need to do something about it so that's why this change in attitude towards love is taking place.

[Nimrod]

Ok my honest opinion:

People who go out looking for love rarely find it because they're constantly either trying to make every relationship become "the one" or they give up too early on a relationship because they think it can't be "the one." Trying to form a relationship into the perfect lovey dovey one too early will doom it.

[The Moon]

Originally posted by spa ced


This is true. Like I told YeehaJamesIha it almost seems like I can't turn this immense wanting off and it's just getting to be so unbearable I need to do something about it so that's why this change in attitude towards love is taking place.

this lyric might be bull, like professional wannabe said, but sarah maclachlan sings "you will find the answer if you let it go." i think it means that we all tend to attach ourselves to the answer we want. we have to let go of that attachment in order to open ourselves up to the real answer. kind of like letting go of your 'control' on the universe (which can't be controlled), so the universe can take care of you.

maybe you're trying too hard, spa ced. sit with yourself and really go deep to find what is making you hang on so tightly to whatever is making you hurt about not having yet found love. and make yourself let it go. i promise you'll get what you're looking for. i promise.

[Salena Child]

Originally posted by Ammy
there are ones!

correction!

[spa ced]

Originally posted by Nimrod
Ok my honest opinion:

People who go out looking for love rarely find it because they're constantly either trying to make every relationship become "the one" or they give up too early on a relationship because they think it can't be "the one." Trying to form a relationship into the perfect lovey dovey one too early will doom it.

Good points.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by The Moon


this lyric might be bull, like professional wannabe said, but sarah maclachlan sings "you will find the answer if you let it go." i think it means that we all tend to attach ourselves to the answer we want. we have to let go of that attachment in order to open ourselves up to the real answer. kind of like letting go of your 'control' on the universe (which can't be controlled), so the universe can take care of you.

maybe you're trying too hard, spa ced. sit with yourself and really go deep to find what is making you hang on so tightly to whatever is making you hurt about not having yet found love. and make yourself let it go. i promise you'll get what you're looking for. i promise.

You're right. I need to focus and find the root of this problem.

[ravenguy2000]

You've all been deluded by crappy Hollywood romantic comedies.

[Nimrod]

Originally posted by ravenguy2000
You've all been deluded by crappy Hollywood romantic comedies.

Gay Hollywood Romantic comedies?

Ok 1 - The Birdcage.

2- ......