I'm giving up on finding true love.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by The Moon


first you have to stop believing that there is such thing as a soul mate. think of it more as kindred spirits - notice the plural. there is not just one person for everyone, and if you meet someone that you love, you have to take care of the love. you can't just say "i love you" and feel it and then sit around waiting for the revelation that the person is "the one", or whatever. if you open yourself to the fact that there may be thousands of kindred spirits out there, then your odds are better.

I've heard different theories on soulmates. Some say soulmates aren't always necessarily romantic partners in lives. Some believe a soulmate could be a family member such as a niece, aunt, etc. If I accept that then it just furthers my belief that there isn't a ONE for me, or that if there is, there is a possibility that it's not a romantic soulmate.

[alisonmonster]

Originally posted by The Moon


there is not just one person for everyone, and if you meet someone that you love, you have to take care of the love. you can't just say "i love you" and feel it and then sit around waiting for the revelation that the person is "the one", or whatever.

this is true.

i've found love with people i would never imagine being in a relationship with , ever. it sort of happens. and i don't believe in one soulmate- as corgan says , "love is who you know"

[The Moon]

Originally posted by Ammy
uhm. my point is.. it's worth the pain in the end. it just doesn't feel like it will be along the way.

it's not worth the pain, though. it really isn't. just find someone you're 'content' with. there's a lot to be said for content and comfortable.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by alisonmonster


this is true.

i've found love with people i would never imagine being in a relationship with , ever. it sort of happens. and i don't believe in one soulmate- as corgan says , "love is who you know"

and corgan also says "love is suicide" which is true, sometimes you get so wrapped up in love that the world around you fades away and dies, you stop talking to your friends, you become trapped in some dream world where only you and your partner exist

thats my perception of it anyway. of course you could be more literal and say that a negative relationship can do so much harm it can almost kill you...

[silent1]

Originally posted by spa ced

you become trapped in some dream world where only you and your partner exist

wait, how is this bad again?

[spa ced]

Originally posted by The Moon


it's not worth the pain, though. it really isn't. just find someone you're 'content' with. there's a lot to be said for content and comfortable.

You're talking about settling. I don't want to do that.
I could see myself doing that...but damnit I don't want to.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by silent1


wait, how is this bad again?

It's not. I think other people are experiencing it right now. However, I am not. I'm pissed that I am not and so it's furthering my whole bitter, jaded attitude towards love.
Comprende?

[silent1]

Originally posted by spa ced


It's not. I think other people are experiencing it right now. However, I am not. I'm pissed that I am not and so it's furthering my whole bitter, jaded attitude towards love.
Comprende?

lol. sure. i think you're obsessed with love. you should focus on other things...like video games.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by silent1


lol. sure. i think you're obsessed with love. you should focus on other things...like video games.

Those things are fleeting.
Love is 4evah. lol.

[alisonmonster]

Originally posted by spa ced


You're talking about settling. I don't want to do that.
I could see myself doing that...but damnit I don't want to.

never settle.i almost did-its hard to change , to get out of a rut but the payoff is so much greater. never ever settle for just anyone-your self esteem gets killed , your life feels like one long stretch of boredom.

i used to be depressed-quite a lot- about love and the like. there's lots we don't know-things always change , they will for you.

[YeehaJamesIha]

You know what I say? Who gives a fuck!

You already said you're young, that means that the chances of you finding "the one" any time soon are very very small. I can acknowledge this, I'm only 19. When I very first met my boyfriend I had one of those "omg he's the one" moments, but at the same time I acknowledge that I'm still very young and the chances of this lasting forever are very slim. How many people do you know that found their soulmate at my age? Now, this all sounds very pessimistic but my point is, if you look at things objectively and realistically you'll see that it's probably going to be a while before you find them, so why sweat it now? Just try to live for new experiences. Date someone, fall in love, get hurt, even if they're probably not the one there's still the chance that they are.
For me life is not about achieving specific goals, it's more about experiencing as much as possible. I can tell how my relationship is probably going to end even though it's going pretty well now, and I decided to keep it because I'm not going to cheat myself out of the experience. It's almost always worth it in the end.

[ammy]

Originally posted by The Moon


it's not worth the pain, though. it really isn't. just find someone you're 'content' with. there's a lot to be said for content and comfortable.

if that's how you feel.. whatever..

[spa ced]

Originally posted by alisonmonster


never settle.i almost did-its hard to change , to get out of a rut but the payoff is so much greater. never ever settle for just anyone-your self esteem gets killed , your life feels like one long stretch of boredom.

i used to be depressed-quite a lot- about love and the like. there's lots we don't know-things always change , they will for you.

good advice.

i like your "things always change, they will for you" statement.
it makes me think of the cyclical part of life. nature is cyclical so why can't love be?

[spa ced]

Originally posted by Ammy


if that's how you feel.. whatever..

He just got dumped so of course he's bitter right now.

no offense the moon, just stating the facts...

[YeehaJamesIha]

Originally posted by I_was_aborted
If you are under 30 or 40 years old I don't think you have anything to worry about as far as going through life alone and unloved goes.

Even past then, it's still possible. My mom put up with my dad's bullshit for 25 years and didn't find someone that truly made her happy until age 54. I never want to wait that long.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by YeehaJamesIha
You know what I say? Who gives a fuck!

You already said you're young, that means that the chances of you finding "the one" any time soon are very very small. I can acknowledge this, I'm only 19. When I very first met my boyfriend I had one of those "omg he's the one" moments, but at the same time I acknowledge that I'm still very young and the chances of this lasting forever are very slim. How many people do you know that found their soulmate at my age? Now, this all sounds very pessimistic but my point is, if you look at things objectively and realistically you'll see that it's probably going to be a while before you find them, so why sweat it now? Just try to live for new experiences. Date someone, fall in love, get hurt, even if they're probably not the one there's still the chance that they are.
For me life is not about achieving specific goals, it's more about experiencing as much as possible. I can tell how my relationship is probably going to end even though it's going pretty well now, and I decided to keep it because I'm not going to cheat myself out of the experience. It's almost always worth it in the end.

I wish I could take that kind of attitude. I just can't. I'm love-centric or something. lol. My main drive in life is to find love...but lately it's been too overwhelming and I just need to push it aside...but I can't...but I can change my positive thoughts about love into negative thoughts about love...which is what this thread is about.

[alisonmonster]

love -does change-people (rare as it is )stay together for long periods of time through lots and lots of change. when love dies-when 2 people don't know why-its a cycle coming to an end. frankly i can't tell if someone will be with me for the super long haul-actually-better to find that person later in life-then you have a better idea of who you are and the changes you will face.

its rarer for people to be together longer these days because our society is obsessed with the "quick fix" or toss it approach. amongst other things of course

[The Moon]

Originally posted by spa ced


You're talking about settling. I don't want to do that.
I could see myself doing that...but damnit I don't want to.

yeah. but it's because i just got dumped by the one i was planning to spend the rest of my life with. i've never felt more connected to a person and to the world as i did with him. in short, it felt right. if i'm wrong, and there is such thing as "the one", it was the closest i've ever been. it felt like i was there. like i'd finally found him.

then, he turned on a dime (did i use that expression the right way?) he left. he said he was confused. i think it just scared him. i'm 31, by the way - so now i'm scared of starting over. i feel too old.

so, i got to thinking of my relationship before him. we were best friends, and so very compatible. we had a great deal of respect for each other. we never fought, because we rarely hurt each other. we were never passionately in love with each other, but we couldn't imagine our lives without being each other's significant other. we were just so content and comfortable.

after what i've been through, that seems to be the way to go. i can still have a fulfilled and happy life, without having to ever hurt this deeply again.

[spa ced]

Originally posted by The Moon


yeah. but it's because i just got dumped by the one i was planning to spend the rest of my life with. i've never felt more connected to a person and to the world as i did with him. in short, it felt right. if i'm wrong, and there is such thing as "the one", it was the closest i've ever been. it felt like i was there. like i'd finally found him.

then, he turned on a dime (did i use that expression the right way?) he left. he said he was confused. i think it just scared him. i'm 31, by the way - so now i'm scared of starting over. i feel too old.

so, i got to thinking of my relationship before him. we were best friends, and so very compatible. we had a great deal of respect for each other. we never fought, because we rarely hurt each other. we were never passionately in love with each other, but we couldn't imagine our lives without being each other's significant other. we were just so content and comfortable.

after what i've been through, that seems to be the way to go. i can still have a fulfilled and happy life, without having to ever hurt this deeply again.

One question:
Was it worth it?

[The Moon]

Originally posted by spa ced


He just got dumped so of course he's bitter right now.

no offense the moon, just stating the facts...

`s ok. oh, and i'm a girl. yes, a bitter one at the moment. i think everyone assumed i was a boy because they thought my first name was -adamson.

but i did explain the 'passion vs. content and comfortable.' i loved different things about each boy. in my current state, if i had to choose, i would choose some peace, which seems to go along with content and comfortable.

[Ensoul]

eh. my looks stop me from finding tr00 l0ve.

[The Moon]

Originally posted by spa ced


One question:
Was it worth it?

***warning***: move along folks, nothing to see here. just a girl feeling sorry for herself.

no. because i found out i must have been wrong. and it felt so right. now i'm feeling sorry for myself. i don't know how to trust my instincts because i'd never felt so right about anything. i guess even when i'm right, i'm wrong. woe is me. blah.

[Orchestra]

In my opinion, theres nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. The best things come when you arn't searching for them.

Originally posted by The Moon


it's not worth the pain, though. it really isn't. just find someone you're 'content' with. there's a lot to be said for content and comfortable.

You obviously have no idea.

[Crono]

Originally posted by Ensoul
eh. my looks stop me from finding tr00 l0ve.

Sing it, brotha'! HALELUJA!!!!


Also, Ammy and YeehaJamesIha are right. Listen to them.



edit: POST 666!!!!

[sppunk]

Maybe you're not really gay.

[Liquid-J]

Neo is The One.

[Axis of Action]

Originally posted by The Moon


it's not worth the pain, though. it really isn't. just find someone you're 'content' with. there's a lot to be said for content and comfortable.

However, being content and comfortable with someone could be an aspect of love - my grandparents I think were a great example of this; they fell in love, but cooled it down so they could actually lead real lives, raise children, etc., and after all that... my grandfather was still madly in love with her before he died. It was really quite funny, how he would proclaim his love very loudly in restaurants. He was a great man.

[The Moon]

Originally posted by Sehki


However, being content and comfortable with someone could be an aspect of love - my grandparents I think were a great example of this; they fell in love, but cooled it down so they could actually lead real lives, raise children, etc., and after all that... my grandfather was still madly in love with her before he died. It was really quite funny, how he would proclaim his love very loudly in restaurants. He was a great man.

it is an aspect of love. i stayed with him for so long because i loved the relationship and him and everything. we had what the long-term stuff is made of. i think we just realized that we shouldn't be an old married couple before we actually became an old married couple. but to avoid pain again, i thought i had to choose between those aspects of a love relationship. and not necessarily settle, so much as just realize that every relationship is different.

p.s. your late grandpa sounds cute.

[Axis of Action]

Originally posted by The Moon


it is an aspect of love. i stayed with him for so long because i loved the relationship and him and everything. we had what the long-term stuff is made of. i think we just realized that we shouldn't be an old married couple before we actually became an old married couple. but to avoid pain again, i thought i had to choose between those aspects of a love relationship. and not necessarily settle, so much as just realize that every relationship is different.

p.s. your late grandpa sounds cute.

I'm not entirely clear on what you're saying. Are you saying you should leave the content and comfortable for later, or try and find it now because love only ends up hurting?

p.s: my goal is to live the last years of my life like he lived his - he was the happiest man I've ever known.

[Isle]

i've found a girl who seems like a potential soulmate...it's weird. she's very smart and friendly and like me she's very romantic and idealistic...we're both published poets and love literature, both very artistically inclined and there just seems to be a connection. a part of me says we should "significant others", but i can't bring myself to that at all. we're very boring together and i don't really find her attractive, plus i'm in love with someone else.

when love finds you, kick it in the ass. meh