how doyou break up with someone who still loves you? - Page 2

Transformer · 01-14-2004, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ugly
Dear BABY, welcome to DUMPSVIlLE! Population: you!

PS - I am gay.

My thoughts exactly

bonsor · 01-14-2004, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by june33
And I know that I'm the one causing the pain...I have a weakness for him (first everything).

Break it off and if he gets hurt, it's honestly his own fault and he will have to deal with it.

You're doing nothing wrong by simply breaking up with him. If he wants you to stay let him know that he's being an unreasonably selfish bastard. If it really comes down to it, cut him off cold turkey and don't talk to him.

It's like a Band-Aid baby. There's no easy way.

sppunk · 01-14-2004, 01:24 AM

Honestly, if you still feel this passionate about him, perhaps you still are in love with him but are denying it yourself. I say this out of personal experience.

If you convince yourself you want to push someone away, even if you know deep down inside you don't want it to happen.

barden · 01-14-2004, 01:47 AM

Hey Nat.

Um… From experience, after Kerri, also my first in many big things, the only thing that works is cold turkey. Seriously.

After a long comfortable relationship, it’s too easy to get caught in the familiarity and security that you shared so long. If it’s not working, and you truly believe it can’t (which I can also understand, we were in the same position) then you have to cut him off. Holding on like this will tear you both apart, teasing yourselves and each other…

Just work past it and try come back later as friends.

And finding a distraction helps.

Seriously, a ‘semi’ relationship, but nothing serious, will get you past this easier; open you up to options again.

Although in this case I think he would benefit more. Maybe try hook him up with someone?

Ha.

But hope this helped?

barden · 01-14-2004, 02:23 AM

I’ve been thinking about this more, and the best way I can describe it is probably along the lines of an emotional trap.
Seriously.

It happened with me, we dragged it out for so long when we both knew it wasn’t going to work, just kept dreaming and hoping and talking about an idealistic façade.
And it hurts. You think it’s going good, you think ‘well maybe this isn’t so bad’ and then it’s the same feeling, the one that’s been trying to remind you to move away from this… destruction? And it keeps coming back, doesn’t it?
Cause when something affects you on such a deep emotional level – when it goes bad it hurts deep. And I bet he has lots of promises and plans on making everything right. But nothing just changes; you can’t wake up one day and decide to be something else. It takes time, and a conscious effort, and by staying in the same situation that is breeding whatever this conflict is wont change a thing. It’ll just convince him that he doesn’t need to change. The only way to make a difference in his life, and yours, is to end this. To make him realise that he has to do something, or he will loose out. Make having his problems hard for him so that he does something about it.
Obviously I don’t know the specifics of what’s going on with you, and I’m assuming, but I think things like this happen in reasonably the same way to everyone.

When you’re close to giving in, or once you have and something comes up again… just use that familiar feeling as a reminder that you’re not making a difference; that you’re not changing a thing. And I think it’s times like that when you have to be selfish, and anyone who says you shouldn’t doesn’t know what they’re talking about cause they’ve never been in that situation or something. But you have to make a change happen. It can’t keep on going the same way, the same things, the same words and actions and problems. It has to change. Just remind yourself, you’ll know the feeling when it comes. That’s how I got out. I also figured if that feeling didn’t come back, then I didn’t need to end it. But it did. It always does. And if it’s the same for you, that’s why you have to get out.

It’s better for both of you, if you really care about him.

I got into this cause I could relate, and as you can tell, it’ll always be an emotional thing, even long after.

But now, not for a second do I want to be with her anymore. It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t good for me or her, wasn’t happy enough of the time.

Now I’m in a much, much, much better place.
Yay.

And that’s all, I guess.

melombar · 01-14-2004, 02:29 AM

I couldn't do it. So I sabotaged it. Very slowly. Then we were both miserable and it had to happen. TERIIBLE idea. Don't do that. Just be true to yourself. Feel bad about it later.

june33 · 01-14-2004, 09:35 PM

Thanks Baden. I understand perfectly everything all you guys are saying to me. I know this has to end, I even know that I will be so much happier when it does. I'm even over it enough to start thinking about being with other people and I actually think I have a slight crush on a friend. Baden, you said, "After a long comfortable relationship, it’s too easy to get caught in the familiarity and security that you shared so long," and this is exactly what has happened for him.
An Update: He called and begged to see me again yesterday and I refused. He then begged me to give him another chance because he gave me one in the past. He said he would change everything and that he had a feeling that things were going to be great between us in the future if I just let that happen. I told him that I had a different feeling; that things were over for good this time and I'm just so TIRED of everything...I want it to be over. I told him I had to go to sleep and he begged me not to hang up. I hung up. He wont let go. He refuses to LET G O.

crescentfresh · 01-14-2004, 09:38 PM

Of course he will think you are a heartless bitch. They all do. Have you ever heard anything good about any of your ex's exes? Nope. We're all cum guzzling sluts. Sucking our pray dry of the cum until they are little sacks of nothingness.

Fucking give me a break.

2Marlon2Brando · 01-14-2004, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by crescentfresh
We're all cum guzzling sluts. Sucking our pray dry of the cum until they are little sacks of nothingness.

Fucking give me a break.

I dunno. You sound different then the rest.

It must be your cheerful disposition.

crescentfresh · 01-14-2004, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 2Marlon2Brando

I dunno. You sound different then the rest.

It must be your cheerful disposition.

You know it!

2Marlon2Brando · 01-14-2004, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by crescentfresh

You know it!

There you go! Keep that up!

jaxx · 01-14-2004, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by june33
you are so right nimrod and guz. as much as it hurts me to not answer his phone calls, i guess that is what has to be done.

oh dont take guz's advice, he's just speaking from the experience of being cheated on so many times.

and the fact that you're too stupid to know how to break up with someone and still stay friends with them is very amusing.

spiralene · 01-15-2004, 01:10 AM

I think that a clean break is the best thing. Don't stay friends. It never, ever works. He will still think there's a chance if you are friends and then you'll come off looking like a user. Of course, you may not be using him at all, but that's how he'll see it. As long as that 'hope' is there for him (through you being friends), he'll never move on.

skippy · 01-15-2004, 01:35 AM

The ONLY solution is to maintain an appearance of normalcy. Just pretend as if everything is fine and keep going through the motions. Don't forget to smile! This is the only way to avoid being a heartless bitch. Remember, the average male lifespan is significantly shorter than that of the female. Eventually your mate will die and then you will be free to pursue other companionship. Good luck.

01-15-2004, 01:35 AM	#44
skippy Apocalyptic Poster Location: NJ Posts: 4,096	The ONLY solution is to maintain an appearance of normalcy. Just pretend as if everything is fine and keep going through the motions. Don't forget to smile! This is the only way to avoid being a heartless bitch. Remember, the average male lifespan is significantly shorter than that of the female. Eventually your mate will die and then you will be free to pursue other companionship. Good luck. __________________ Daddy, I want another pony.

01-14-2004, 01:24 AM	#33
sppunk Netphoria's George Will Location: Fenway Park Posts: 37,125	Honestly, if you still feel this passionate about him, perhaps you still are in love with him but are denying it yourself. I say this out of personal experience. If you convince yourself you want to push someone away, even if you know deep down inside you don't want it to happen.

01-14-2004, 01:47 AM	#34
barden Braindead Location: The Ghetto Posts: 19,611	Hey Nat. Um… From experience, after Kerri, also my first in many big things, the only thing that works is cold turkey. Seriously. After a long comfortable relationship, it’s too easy to get caught in the familiarity and security that you shared so long. If it’s not working, and you truly believe it can’t (which I can also understand, we were in the same position) then you have to cut him off. Holding on like this will tear you both apart, teasing yourselves and each other… Just work past it and try come back later as friends. And finding a distraction helps. Seriously, a ‘semi’ relationship, but nothing serious, will get you past this easier; open you up to options again. Although in this case I think he would benefit more. Maybe try hook him up with someone? Ha. But hope this helped?

01-14-2004, 02:23 AM	#35
barden Braindead Location: The Ghetto Posts: 19,611	I’ve been thinking about this more, and the best way I can describe it is probably along the lines of an emotional trap. Seriously. It happened with me, we dragged it out for so long when we both knew it wasn’t going to work, just kept dreaming and hoping and talking about an idealistic façade. And it hurts. You think it’s going good, you think ‘well maybe this isn’t so bad’ and then it’s the same feeling, the one that’s been trying to remind you to move away from this… destruction? And it keeps coming back, doesn’t it? Cause when something affects you on such a deep emotional level – when it goes bad it hurts deep. And I bet he has lots of promises and plans on making everything right. But nothing just changes; you can’t wake up one day and decide to be something else. It takes time, and a conscious effort, and by staying in the same situation that is breeding whatever this conflict is wont change a thing. It’ll just convince him that he doesn’t need to change. The only way to make a difference in his life, and yours, is to end this. To make him realise that he has to do something, or he will loose out. Make having his problems hard for him so that he does something about it. Obviously I don’t know the specifics of what’s going on with you, and I’m assuming, but I think things like this happen in reasonably the same way to everyone. When you’re close to giving in, or once you have and something comes up again… just use that familiar feeling as a reminder that you’re not making a difference; that you’re not changing a thing. And I think it’s times like that when you have to be selfish, and anyone who says you shouldn’t doesn’t know what they’re talking about cause they’ve never been in that situation or something. But you have to make a change happen. It can’t keep on going the same way, the same things, the same words and actions and problems. It has to change. Just remind yourself, you’ll know the feeling when it comes. That’s how I got out. I also figured if that feeling didn’t come back, then I didn’t need to end it. But it did. It always does. And if it’s the same for you, that’s why you have to get out. It’s better for both of you, if you really care about him. I got into this cause I could relate, and as you can tell, it’ll always be an emotional thing, even long after. But now, not for a second do I want to be with her anymore. It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t good for me or her, wasn’t happy enough of the time. Now I’m in a much, much, much better place. Yay. And that’s all, I guess.

01-14-2004, 02:29 AM	#36
melombar $Eleventy Billion Location: 21 Spooner St. Posts: 618	I couldn't do it. So I sabotaged it. Very slowly. Then we were both miserable and it had to happen. TERIIBLE idea. Don't do that. Just be true to yourself. Feel bad about it later.

01-14-2004, 09:35 PM	#37
june33 Ownz Location: Houston Posts: 655	Thanks Baden. I understand perfectly everything all you guys are saying to me. I know this has to end, I even know that I will be so much happier when it does. I'm even over it enough to start thinking about being with other people and I actually think I have a slight crush on a friend. Baden, you said, "After a long comfortable relationship, it’s too easy to get caught in the familiarity and security that you shared so long," and this is exactly what has happened for him. An Update: He called and begged to see me again yesterday and I refused. He then begged me to give him another chance because he gave me one in the past. He said he would change everything and that he had a feeling that things were going to be great between us in the future if I just let that happen. I told him that I had a different feeling; that things were over for good this time and I'm just so TIRED of everything...I want it to be over. I told him I had to go to sleep and he begged me not to hang up. I hung up. He wont let go. He refuses to LET G O.

01-14-2004, 09:38 PM	#38
crescentfresh Minion of Satan Location: Diego Posts: 6,657	Of course he will think you are a heartless bitch. They all do. Have you ever heard anything good about any of your ex's exes? Nope. We're all cum guzzling sluts. Sucking our pray dry of the cum until they are little sacks of nothingness. Fucking give me a break.

01-15-2004, 01:10 AM	#43
spiralene Pledge Location: Turn left at the next set of lights Posts: 168	I think that a clean break is the best thing. Don't stay friends. It never, ever works. He will still think there's a chance if you are friends and then you'll come off looking like a user. Of course, you may not be using him at all, but that's how he'll see it. As long as that 'hope' is there for him (through you being friends), he'll never move on.