Clemens signed with the Astros ... and - Page 3

2Marlon2Brando · 01-13-2004, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ******

Another Attell fan

Yeah, I love that bit.

"a couple mcnuggets and lies later we're back at my house"

I love that line.

01-13-2004, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 2Marlon2Brando

Yeah, I love that bit.

"a couple mcnuggets and lies later we're back at my house"

I love that line.

i love the unfuckables bit

jenniferkate · 01-13-2004, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nimrod
Who else will get on the bikes with Andy every morning and tell him how great his ass looks?

i would.

Nimrod · 01-13-2004, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nimrod
Who else will get on top of Mike Mussina every morning and tell him how great his ass looks?

Quote:

Originally posted by jenniferkate

i would.

Fixed it for you.

jenniferkate · 01-13-2004, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nimrod
Fixed it for you.

with the help of my special training program, he'll be a shoo-in for the cy next year!

DeviousJ · 01-13-2004, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jenniferkate

with the help of my special training program, he'll be a shoo-in for the cy next year!

I keep seeing this thread float to the top, and your name's always at the end.

Ok I'm not supposed to be in this thread...

jenniferkate · 01-13-2004, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeviousJ

I keep seeing this thread float to the top, and your name's always at the end.

Ok I'm not supposed to be in this thread...

here's reply number 10! sorry, lee, i'll stop. i just miss baseball, is all. :[

Nimrod · 01-13-2004, 03:38 PM

Courtesy ESPN's Page 2:

Roger Clemens was retired about as long as Britney Spears was married. Short as it might have been, though, the Rocket Man's retirement was absolutely exhausting. Our exclusive peek inside his diary reveals . . .

Oct. 26: I cleaned out my locker at Yankee Stadium today and said good-bye to all the boys. Writers keep asking whether there's any chance I'll come back next year, but they're hunting the wrong dog. I'm not like Michael Jordon and Magic Johnson -- some poor old athlete unable to leave the game or find satisfaction in another venture. Sure, I'll miss the camaraderie and the competition, but this is what I want and I'm not looking back. I've missed too much time with my family because of baseball and I'm looking forward to the rest of my life.

Oct. 27: What a great day. Nothing to do and not a care in the world. I slept in until noon and spent the whole afternoon watching TV. I never knew "Matlock'' was on during the day, too.

Oct. 28: Despite what everyone said, I'm not going to have any trouble keeping busy in retirement because I've just got too many exciting projects on my plate. Like today. I worked the entire day, but it was worth it because I've never seen the garage so clean.

Oct. 30: Another good thing about being retired is having the time to sit down and finally get all your papers in order. But damn, my 401K plan has taken a hit.

Nov. 2: Cleaned the garage again.

Nov. 4: Doesn't MTV ever show music videos anymore?

Nov. 6: Filed for free agency but just as a mere formality. I mean, I've turned the page on that chapter of my life. And I have far too much on my agenda to even consider pitching again.

Nov. 10: Went to the hardware store and looked at nails and doorknobs.

Nov. 14: A wasted day. I looked all day but could not remember where I put my car keys. And then when I finally gave up, Debbie found them right on the coffee table but I swear they weren't there when I looked.

Nov. 18: Doesn't Bravo ever show anything but re-runs of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?''

Nov. 20: Cleaned the garage again.

Nov. 25: Did all the Thanksgiving grocery shopping for Debbie. But I can't believe the prices. Seventy cents per pound for turkey? I remember when you could buy an entire 36-pound Tom turkey for 70 cents -- and they threw in a can of cranberry sauce for free. What is this country coming to?

Dec. 3: Went down to the basement and threw baseballs at the life-sized poster of Mike Piazza, just to maintain my touch. Hit him every time. I've still got it. Not that I need it, but it's nice to know. Just in case of, like, burglars. Or something.

Dec. 5: Lost my car keys again.

Dec. 7: I tell you, that Andy Rooney cracks me up every time.

Dec. 11: Andy Pettitte signed with the Astros today. Hmmmm. I wonder whether they would be interested in signing me. Not that I would want to because I love being retired. But I was just wondering.

Dec. 12: And it couldn't hurt to call the Astros and see what's up. Could it?

Dec. 18: Stopped by Wal-Mart while shopping for Christmas presents and just for the heck of it, filled out an application to be a greeter.

Dec. 20: Boy, it was cold today. But not, as I was telling the boys at the hardware store this morning, anywhere near as cold as it was that one day, oh, must have been six years ago. Now, that was cold.

Dec. 24: Went over to Don Zimmer's place to watch "White Christmas.'' I tell you, that Rosemary Clooney was some looker.

Dec. 25: Debbie, me and the boys enjoyed a very pleasant Christmas together. Although I just don't understand these violent video games the boys all wanted for Christmas. And some of the music they listen to, have you ever heard the lyrics? I don't understand why they wear their pants so low, either. And don't get me started on those hairstyles.

Dec. 31: Spent New Year's Eve at home watching the show from Times Square. Whatever happened to that nice Guy Lombardo? Or maybe he was on after I went to bed at 11:30.

Jan. 6: Does Debbie hide my car keys when I'm not looking?

Jan. 10: The Astros called and asked me whether I wanted to pitch for them next season. Naturally, I told them no, sorry, I was too busy and that I was enjoying retirement too much and that I couldn't disappoint my family.

Jan. 11: Debbie and the boys told me to call the Astros back and tell them yes.

DeviousJ · 01-13-2004, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jenniferkate

here's reply number 10! sorry, lee, i'll stop. i just miss baseball, is all. :[

Oh hey, keep at it. I've just never seen you post so much! I'm guessing the season hasn't started or something?

jenniferkate · 01-13-2004, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeviousJ

I'm guessing the season hasn't started or something?

http://forums.netphoria.org/wwwboard/icons/icon9.gif

DeviousJ · 01-13-2004, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jenniferkate

http://forums.netphoria.org/wwwboard/icons/icon9.gif

But it will, right? It just has to...

jenniferkate · 01-13-2004, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeviousJ

But it will, right? It just has to...

february 14th i will learn to smile again

DeviousJ · 01-13-2004, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jenniferkate

february 14th i will learn to smile again

It starts on Valentine's Day? How romantic!

jenniferkate · 01-13-2004, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeviousJ

It starts on Valentine's Day? How romantic!

the real start of the season isn't til april - the 14th is when pitchers and catchers report for spring training. but still.

sawdust restaurants · 01-13-2004, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by jenniferkate
the real start of the season isn't til april - the 14th is when pitchers and catchers report for spring training. but still.

jk8, it'd never work out, but we are still soul twins.

jenniferkate · 01-13-2004, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sawdust restaurants

jk8, it'd never work out, but we are still soul twins.

omg crosstown rivalry we're like maria and that italian guy

There's a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere
There's a time for us
Some day a time for us
Time together
With time to spare
Time to look
Time to care
Someday,
Somewhere
We'll find a new way of living We'll find a way of forgiving
Somewhere
There's a place for us
A time and place for us
Hold my hand
And we're halfway there
Hold my hand
And I'll take you there
Somehow
Someday
Somewhere

DeviousJ · 01-14-2004, 06:17 AM

There's a song running through my head whenever I see this thread too (unfortunately)

Well Mr Burns had done it
The powerplant had won it
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while...

Nimrod · 01-14-2004, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeviousJ
There's a song running through my head whenever I see this thread too (unfortunately)

Well Mr Burns had done it
The powerplant had won it
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while...

Nice.
Well, you know what happened to Roger. Let me update you on the rest (in song order):

Mike Scioscia (radiation sickness) - Manager of Anaheim Angels
Wade Boggs (punched out by Barney) - Special Advisor, Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Don Mattingly (sideburns) - Hitting Coach, New York Yankees
Jose Canseco (helping woman with fire) - Admitted to taking steroids, he and twin brother Ozzie convincted for assault and probation violations including missing court. Ozzie currently incarcerated, Jose free.
Ken Griffey, Jr. (Gigantism) - Only other member (other than Clemens) of team still active. Centerfielder for Cincinatti Reds. Often injured. Hasn't had a good, injury free season in many years.
Steve Sax (arrested) - retired. Part time commentator on Fox Sports.
Ozzie Smith (fell into parallel universe) - inducted into Baseball Hall of Fame, 2003. Part time broadcaster and color analyst.
Darryl Strawberry (crack - oops, I mean pinch hit for) - after numerous drug and prostitution arrests, was sentenced to prison after violating the terms of his rehabilitation sentence by posessing coke and attempting to pick up prostitutes, as well as driving under the influence of a controlled substance and hitting signs and breaking curfew at the facility. Served time. Now is motivational speaker and special minor league instructor for New York Yankees.

01-14-2004, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nimrod
Nice.
Well, you know what happened to Roger. Let me update you on the rest (in song order):

Mike Scioscia (radiation sickness) - Manager of Anaheim Angels
Wade Boggs (punched out by Barney) - Special Advisor, Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Don Mattingly (sideburns) - Hitting Coach, New York Yankees
Jose Canseco (helping woman with fire) - Admitted to taking steroids, he and twin brother Ozzie convincted for assault and probation violations including missing court. Ozzie currently incarcerated, Jose free.
Ken Griffey, Jr. (Gigantism) - Only other member (other than Clemens) of team still active. Centerfielder for Cincinatti Reds. Often injured. Hasn't had a good, injury free season in many years.
Steve Sax (arrested) - retired. Part time commentator on Fox Sports.
Ozzie Smith (fell into parallel universe) - inducted into Baseball Hall of Fame, 2003. Part time broadcaster and color analyst.
Darryl Strawberry (crack - oops, I mean pinch hit for) - after numerous drug and prostitution arrests, was sentenced to prison after violating the terms of his rehabilitation sentence by posessing coke and attempting to pick up prostitutes, as well as driving under the influence of a controlled substance and hitting signs and breaking curfew at the facility. Served time. Now is motivational speaker and special minor league instructor for New York Yankees.

my favorite simpsons EP

DeviousJ · 01-14-2004, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nimrod
Mike Scioscia (radiation sickness) - Manager of Anaheim Angels

I actually stopped where I did because I had no idea how to spell his name (and I couldn't be bothered looking it up)

jenniferkate · 01-14-2004, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 2Marlon2Brando

I now have a new yard to tear up with my truck when I am drunk. Or I could just knock over his mailbox.

or you could rearrange his lawn ornaments into compromising positions

http://www.kkrw.com/fotopages/signup/RC2.jpg

:erm

01-13-2004, 03:38 PM	#68
Nimrod Macho Business Donkey Wrestler Location: the cross i'm bearing home 'aint indicative of my place Posts: 5,410	Courtesy ESPN's Page 2: Roger Clemens was retired about as long as Britney Spears was married. Short as it might have been, though, the Rocket Man's retirement was absolutely exhausting. Our exclusive peek inside his diary reveals . . . Oct. 26: I cleaned out my locker at Yankee Stadium today and said good-bye to all the boys. Writers keep asking whether there's any chance I'll come back next year, but they're hunting the wrong dog. I'm not like Michael Jordon and Magic Johnson -- some poor old athlete unable to leave the game or find satisfaction in another venture. Sure, I'll miss the camaraderie and the competition, but this is what I want and I'm not looking back. I've missed too much time with my family because of baseball and I'm looking forward to the rest of my life. Oct. 27: What a great day. Nothing to do and not a care in the world. I slept in until noon and spent the whole afternoon watching TV. I never knew "Matlock'' was on during the day, too. Oct. 28: Despite what everyone said, I'm not going to have any trouble keeping busy in retirement because I've just got too many exciting projects on my plate. Like today. I worked the entire day, but it was worth it because I've never seen the garage so clean. Oct. 30: Another good thing about being retired is having the time to sit down and finally get all your papers in order. But damn, my 401K plan has taken a hit. Nov. 2: Cleaned the garage again. Nov. 4: Doesn't MTV ever show music videos anymore? Nov. 6: Filed for free agency but just as a mere formality. I mean, I've turned the page on that chapter of my life. And I have far too much on my agenda to even consider pitching again. Nov. 10: Went to the hardware store and looked at nails and doorknobs. Nov. 14: A wasted day. I looked all day but could not remember where I put my car keys. And then when I finally gave up, Debbie found them right on the coffee table but I swear they weren't there when I looked. Nov. 18: Doesn't Bravo ever show anything but re-runs of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?'' Nov. 20: Cleaned the garage again. Nov. 25: Did all the Thanksgiving grocery shopping for Debbie. But I can't believe the prices. Seventy cents per pound for turkey? I remember when you could buy an entire 36-pound Tom turkey for 70 cents -- and they threw in a can of cranberry sauce for free. What is this country coming to? Dec. 3: Went down to the basement and threw baseballs at the life-sized poster of Mike Piazza, just to maintain my touch. Hit him every time. I've still got it. Not that I need it, but it's nice to know. Just in case of, like, burglars. Or something. Dec. 5: Lost my car keys again. Dec. 7: I tell you, that Andy Rooney cracks me up every time. Dec. 11: Andy Pettitte signed with the Astros today. Hmmmm. I wonder whether they would be interested in signing me. Not that I would want to because I love being retired. But I was just wondering. Dec. 12: And it couldn't hurt to call the Astros and see what's up. Could it? Dec. 18: Stopped by Wal-Mart while shopping for Christmas presents and just for the heck of it, filled out an application to be a greeter. Dec. 20: Boy, it was cold today. But not, as I was telling the boys at the hardware store this morning, anywhere near as cold as it was that one day, oh, must have been six years ago. Now, that was cold. Dec. 24: Went over to Don Zimmer's place to watch "White Christmas.'' I tell you, that Rosemary Clooney was some looker. Dec. 25: Debbie, me and the boys enjoyed a very pleasant Christmas together. Although I just don't understand these violent video games the boys all wanted for Christmas. And some of the music they listen to, have you ever heard the lyrics? I don't understand why they wear their pants so low, either. And don't get me started on those hairstyles. Dec. 31: Spent New Year's Eve at home watching the show from Times Square. Whatever happened to that nice Guy Lombardo? Or maybe he was on after I went to bed at 11:30. Jan. 6: Does Debbie hide my car keys when I'm not looking? Jan. 10: The Astros called and asked me whether I wanted to pitch for them next season. Naturally, I told them no, sorry, I was too busy and that I was enjoying retirement too much and that I couldn't disappoint my family. Jan. 11: Debbie and the boys told me to call the Astros back and tell them yes.

01-14-2004, 06:17 AM	#77
DeviousJ CORNFROST Location: GUREITO DESU YO Posts: 24,891	There's a song running through my head whenever I see this thread too (unfortunately) Well Mr Burns had done it The powerplant had won it With Roger Clemens clucking all the while...