ST #439 - On Cheating

[mpp]

so how does netphoria feel about cheating on boyfriends and girlfriends?

i, for one, really love it b/c i'm a "bad person"

what does one consider cheating? kissing? holding hands? sexual thoughts about other guys/girls? fucking?

have you ever cheated? been cheated on?

if you have been cheated on, does it make it easier to cheat on others or harder? does it make you want to cheat more or less?

ever gotten caught in the act? what happened?

Netphoria it's time to tell all!!!

[FearFactory]

Originally posted by mpp
so how does netphoria feel about cheating on boyfriends and girlfriends?

i, for one, really love it b/c i'm a "bad person"

what does one consider cheating? kissing? holding hands? sexual thoughts about other guys/girls? fucking?

have you ever cheated? been cheated on?

if you have been cheated on, does it make it easier to cheat on others or harder? does it make you want to cheat more or less?

ever gotten caught in the act? what happened?

Netphoria it's time to tell all!!!

I think it's stupid. Don't be committed to a person if you can't stay committed. If you just want to have sex, then just be a slut. Any sexual contact or contact meant in an arousing fashion and kissing is cheating to me. Holding hands may be an indication of cheating, but really, you have to go case-by-case with it.

I have never cheated and have never been cheated on. I believe in being open and honest about things with someone I'm committed to, and if there are even any thoughts, I share them.

[bornentertainer]

Any sort of sexual/affectionate physical contact (kissing, sex, etc.) is cheating. Well except the harmless kiss on the cheek, but yeah.

Thinking about people is definitely not cheating, because if it was, I'd be the world's biggest cheater.

[Mason R Butler]

I'm not going to give you your vicarious thrills about cheating in this thread. Not today, son.

[FearFactory]

Oh, and if I found out someone I was committed to was cheating on me, I'd probably do the following:

If I was told within a few hours of it happening, I would be pissed, kick the bitch to the curb and go beat the shit out of the other guy.

If I was told about it a few days later, I'd slap the woman and send her packing. Then I'd kick the other guy's ass.

If I found out about it on my own, I'd kill both of them.

[AndItsAllGone]

Originally posted by mpp
i, for one, really love it b/c i'm a "bad person"

That's incredibly cool.

In response to your query, I'm in agreement with FearFactory about what constitutes cheating, but I honestly can't predict what I'd do if I ever found out my girlfriend had cheated on me.

[Boycott Graceland]

cheating sucks. i think about...three of my relationships have ended with it. i hate all of my ex-girlfriends, and they hate me.

[Random Female]

Originally posted by FearFactory
Oh, and if I found out someone I was committed to was cheating on me, I'd probably do the following:

If I was told within a few hours of it happening, I would be pissed, kick the bitch to the curb and go beat the shit out of the other guy.

If I was told about it a few days later, I'd slap the woman and send her packing. Then I'd kick the other guy's ass.

If I found out about it on my own, I'd kill both of them.

do you have such a strong reaction to cheating due to some moralistic code of honor or as a result of some innate sense of insecurity? Possibly both?

Anyway, why beat the shit out of the guy? He's not at fault. he might not have even known. Even if he did, it's the person who committed the act's fault. The guy isn't committed to NOT committing adultery.

[Eve]

i used to be a cheater... a chronic cheater. it never even occured to me that i was cheating. and then when i started dating derek, i had no urge to cheat. i never looked at or thought about any other guy. he, however, decided i had to be cheating on him after i got pregnant and decided i was a bitch. his ex-wife had cheated on him... i don't know, i think he just doesn't want to take responsibility for his child. b/c he knows there's no possible way i cheated on him.
anyway. i think pretty much any sexual contact is cheating. it's all about the intentions. i think kissing in particular is a big thing.

[Random Female]

on another note... has anyone ever dated anyone who has been cheated on more than once? The guy i've dated on and off for a while now got cheated on by two of his other 3 girlfriends, and the third girlfriend left him for her previous boyfriend. Even though I wouldn't cheat on anybody, I feel kind of like it's my responsibility to reassure him that not all women are skankhoes. it's not the easiest position to be in.

[aspecialkid]

yeah i was seeing this girl that had a boyfriend, we did all kinds of stuff.

kissing, touching, licking, sucking, but i never put my penis inside her. she liked to pretend she was not cheating on her boyfriend.

[shaniqua]

i've learned my lesson about cheating, it hurts either way.

depending on the scenario, if i was cheated on again i'd either forgive or forget about him. i'd cry a lot either way though.

[Random Female]

Originally posted by shaunna
i've learned my lesson about cheating, it hurts either way.

depending on the scenario, if i was cheated on again i'd either forgive or forget about him. i'd cry a lot either way though.

yeah, that's kind of how i'd be. if i CAUGHT the guy and that was what prompted him to stop, i wouldn't buy it because he didn't quit on his own accord. However, if we were together for like 10 years and i found out he had had an affair in the past, but ended it on his own, i would probably be able to get over it.

Psychologists and whatnot always advise cheaters that have stopped cheating never to do it again to never tell about it to "relieve their guilt" if they intend to continue the relationship. i think i would prefer it this way. just not know, because if they were going to be loyal from thereon out , what's the difference?

[FearFactory]

Originally posted by Random Female
do you have such a strong reaction to cheating due to some moralistic code of honor or as a result of some innate sense of insecurity? Possibly both?

Anyway, why beat the shit out of the guy? He's not at fault. he might not have even known. Even if he did, it's the person who committed the act's fault. The guy isn't committed to NOT committing adultery.

Hey, you fucking cunt, I believe that if someone stops loving you and is more interested in someone else, that they should just fucking say it and leave instead of pulling bullshit like cheating on you. So yes, I have a strong sense of morals when it comes to that.

The guy gets his ass beat even if he didn't previously know about the relationship because he should know better than having a one-night stand. If he DID know, that's even more reason to leave him with a cracked skull.

[mpp]

netphoria has spoken but i want to hear more! more i say!

you guys seem to be soundly against cheating
why is that?

i mean, i see where FearFactory is coming from, totally
but hey man, just cheat a little? cheat and you'll just feel that moral weight S L I D E off your shoulders

ahhhh...now doesn't that feel nice?

[crescentfresh]

Originally posted by mpp


i mean, i see where FearFactory is coming from, totally
but hey man, just cheat a little? cheat and you'll just feel that moral weight S L I D E off your shoulders

this is really a moronic statement coming from you.

For GOD'S SAKE. UUGHH. If you want to be with someone else, BREAK UP WITH THE OTHER ONE FIRST. It's a matter of respect, not only for your partner, but for yourself.

how fucking dumb can people get?

[mpp]

Originally posted by crescentfresh

wow

i was just trying to be funny, hence the big smiley face

sorry

[mpp]

Originally posted by crescentfresh

It's a matter of respect, not only for your partner, but for yourself.

in essence, that's what it really comes down to, i think

[guz]

cheaters are pathetic. maybe in high school, whatever. but if you're in a commited relationship and go astray, you're selfish and immature. there's nothing wrong with losing interest in a relationship, but to lie & deceive them....or go behind their back? pathetic. you're supposed to have cared about the person you're cheating on, no?

[Eve]

Originally posted by FearFactory




The guy gets his ass beat even if he didn't previously know about the relationship because he should know better than having a one-night stand. If he DID know, that's even more reason to leave him with a cracked skull.

i don't really feel the same way... i think the person who is at fault is the person who cheats. maybe the guy didn't know the girl had a boyfriend, maybe the guy had intentions of building a relationship with the girl. he has no commitment to you is what i'm saying. i mean, i'd be pissed as shit as the person (in my case, the girl) anyway, but i'd be ten times more pissed at the person who cheated, b/c that's the person who lied and stuff.

[Random Female]

Originally posted by Eve


i don't really feel the same way... i think the person who is at fault is the person who cheats. maybe the guy didn't know the girl had a boyfriend, maybe the guy had intentions of building a relationship with the girl. he has no commitment to you is what i'm saying. i mean, i'd be pissed as shit as the person (in my case, the girl) anyway, but i'd be ten times more pissed at the person who cheated, b/c that's the person who lied and stuff.

uhh, yeah. we don't all have the same "Morals" as you do, Brad, regarding one night stands and such, and therefore we can't all be subjected to them unless it's written into the law that's been passed by the house and congress. Once we start taking one person's idea of morality into account as a means of policing the population, everything always starts turning to shit. Heil Hitler and such.

[mpp]

i was hoping this thread would turn into a discussion on morality

seriously, what duty do you owe to another person you're in a relationship with? a moral duty? alright that's cool



it is an axiom of dating that whenever you have a boyfriend or girlfriend you become 10 times more attractive and all the girls suddenly want to fuck you; it's happened to me 30 times or more

[sawdust restaurants]

Originally posted by mpp
seriously, what duty do you owe to another person you're in a relationship with? a moral duty? alright that's cool

it is an axiom of dating that whenever you have a boyfriend or girlfriend you become 10 times more attractive and all the girls suddenly want to fuck you; it's happened to me 30 times or more

Why on earth would you be in a committed relationship if you didn't intend on being monogamous? That's the entire point, really, and it's the foundational assumption on which all monogamous relationships are based. It's a promise. By cheating, you break that promise. Period. Regardless of whether or not more women are flocking after you when you have a girlfriend (it's always been the opposite for me--I guess my female friends are decent and moral), you've still made that promise by entering into a relationship. If breaking that isn't immoral for you, by all means, fuck whoever you want, but when you can't keep a girl by your side for more than a couple of months and none of her friends want to date you, you'll know why.

[Krafty]

I think the definition of cheating depends on the relationship. I've been in a longterm relationship when I have had other (male) friends I'm very close to, so a peck on the lips or holding hands or sleeping in the same bed was not cheating in my relationship, but I know of other relationships where that would be. It's very important to me to feel absolutley free in all of my actions and I want whoever I'm with to feel the same way, so my definition of cheating isn't so much the action, but the motive.

And I've been cheated on in pretty much every relationship I've had.

[Mooney]

the last two times i started any kinda of relationship with a girl, they started seeing another guy secretly, and then ended up with that guy. it wasn't cheating because we weren't very far into the relationship, but it was far enough that they felt bad about what they were doing because they had to keep it a secret. i personally would never see more than one person at a time, even at like the first day point.

oh, and both times the girl has wanted me back.

[Human Replica Droid]

Does being with someone you know is in another relationship count as cheating? I mean, for this thread purposes? Because I've never cheated on anyone... but I've cheated with someone.

Also... does the INTENTION to cheat count as cheating (like, something stopped it from happening, or they just haven't gotten around to it)? What about stuff like phonesex or cybersex or... such?

[sawdust restaurants]

Originally posted by Human Replica Droid
Does being with someone you know is in another relationship count as cheating? I mean, for this thread purposes? Because I've never cheated on anyone... but I've cheated with someone.

Also... does the INTENTION to cheat count as cheating (like, something stopped it from happening, or they just haven't gotten around to it)? What about stuff like phonesex or cybersex or... such?

1. You're not "cheating," per se, because you don't have anybody to cheat on. You're actively aiding somebody else's cheating, however, which is lame no matter how you slice it. Some people say the responsibility belongs to the person in the relationship, but it takes two to tango, and I think being a willing accomplice in cheating is just as wrong, in a moral sense, than actually cheating on somebody--you're just as much a cause of the negative effects that are going to come afterward, and in a sense, you're breaching the trust of the third party, even if you don't know him/her. It's a societal thing as much as it's a personal thing; at least ideally, if you have a significant other, the widespread social assumption is that nobody should aid or abet a breach of trust in that relationship.

As a corollary to that, there's still no justification for cheating with somebody if the person is in a bad relationship or wants you instead of the person they're dating. If it's that bad, the relationship should just end anyway, and cheating instead of ending the relationship is a copout even more hurtful than saying, "We should end this." Some people disagree, but I'd rather have a girl be honest with me and break up than be dishonest, pretend everything's okay, and go out and fuck somebody else. Sure, I might feel better if she has sex with someone else because it shows her (lack of) moral character, but I'm still going to feel betrayed as hell, which for me is a lot worse.

2. It all depends on motives, really, as opposed to the action that takes place. Physical cheating and emotional cheating are two really different things, and any form of "cheating" can fall under either category.

If somebody I was dating got really drunk and subsequently horny at a party and jumped somebody's bones, I'd be really pissed off, but I'd probably be at least willing to consider taking her back, even if in the end I didn't, provided it was just a one-time thing, or even a short fling she ended because she realized it was wrong. See: Diane Lane Cheating on Her Husband Movie #1, A Walk on the Moon. Provided she didn't lie about it (a breach of trust arguably as bad as the initial cheating, if not worse), that would hold true if it was a casual fuck, a drunken kiss, or a masturbatory cybersex session. Ditto with intentions: if she intended to screw somebody else, didn't, and it was more or less harmless, I'd probably try to find a way to get over it.

If somebody I was dating got emotionally attached to some other person and wanted to be with them instead of me, though, I see no reason to continue the relationship--why bother if there's nothing there to salvage? There's a difference between random phone sex once or twice and a long-term phone sex relationship where you keep coming back because you find yourself attached to the person. See: Diane Lane Cheating on Her Husband Movie #2, Unfaithful.

Of course, if you're married and have kids like Richard Gere and Diane Lane in that movie, that adds a whole different element to the story, but I doubt most of us are going to be worrying about that anytime soon, and so what I said above still holds.

[sawdust restaurants]

Holy fuck. tl, dr.

[DeviousJ]

Originally posted by mpp
i was hoping this thread would turn into a discussion on morality

seriously, what duty do you owe to another person you're in a relationship with? a moral duty? alright that's cool

You know, people can get into relationships for different reasons, but generally if you want an 'open' relationship you need to make sure that's what the other person wants. Even if you don't care about the other person's feelings, you should at least have the decency to not use them.

[mpp]

Originally posted by DeviousJ


you should at least have the decency to not use them.

basically



oh and sawdust, maybe you're just an ugly ass motherfucker or some shit