The Official Fri/Sat/Sun/Mon/Tue drunk/drugs/sad sex thread

[yo soy el mejor]

i had a dream i couldn't find Tim. some short little guy was pretending to be him and i tried to go with it, but he was too short; i just couldn't buy it.

i was being followed by a group like the little people from the wizard of oz, but not in green and i asked Have any of you seen Tim?" and they said Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! So I asked Where did you see him? and they said Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees! and that's all they kept saying to everything I asked.

suddenly i am in a house and find tim in a bedroom just sitting up in bed and i walk away to get a sense of where i am and get a drink, i guess, but when i come back tim is gone and there are three mannequins around the room and i search their faces to see if any of them were tim, but they weren't. so i took my red solo cup and tossed it at the forehead of the mannequin closest to me and it starts convulsing and the juice from the cup is like blood on its face. then its mannequin forehead breaks open and tiny little solo cups come spilling out with even more juice.

i totally had to wake up after that.

[smashingjj]

sick story

[Cool As Ice Cream]

short shaming!

[bright_doom]

Originally Posted by bright_doom

[FlamingGlobes]

Originally Posted by yo soy el mejor

i had a dream i couldn't find Tim. some short little guy was pretending to be him and i tried to go with it, but he was too short; i just couldn't buy it.

i was being followed by a group like the little people from the wizard of oz, but not in green and i asked Have any of you seen Tim?" and they said Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! So I asked Where did you see him? and they said Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees! and that's all they kept saying to everything I asked.

suddenly i am in a house and find tim in a bedroom just sitting up in bed and i walk away to get a sense of where i am and get a drink, i guess, but when i come back tim is gone and there are three mannequins around the room and i search their faces to see if any of them were tim, but they weren't. so i took my red solo cup and tossed it at the forehead of the mannequin closest to me and it starts convulsing and the juice from the cup is like blood on its face. then its mannequin forehead breaks open and tiny little solo cups come spilling out with even more juice.

i totally had to wake up after that.

is prejudiced against short people

[FlamingGlobes]

i.e. Took

[ilikeplanets]

I'm over rosé, I'm into pink moscato now

[ilikeplanets]

My mom got me an electric wine opener for Valentine's Day, and every part of that sentence makes me sigh. I really like it, though.

[myosis]

you're gonna have to start drinking wine, i guess

[topleybird]

Was expecting something more elaborate, frankly, like a big clamp and an aggressive arm that lowers with an ominous high screech as the corkscrew spins at 400,000 rpm like a dentist's drill

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by Cool As Ice Cream

short shaming!

My short friend dated a guy who was barely taller than she is and she said getting a piggyback ride from him was so disappointing.

[FlamingGlobes]

You're Short Enough, Man

[buzzard]

At a certain height, the classic piggyback ride should conceivably qualify as an extreme sport.

[ilikeplanets]

Originally Posted by myosis

you're gonna have to start drinking wine, i guess

Are you dismissing pink moscato and rosè?

[FlamingGlobes]

Yes, Sulfites Even in Moscato

[FoolofaTook]

Yar! Ship's escutcheon, matey!

[FlamingGlobes]

You're So Effing Miniscule!

[FoolofaTook]

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by buzzard

At a certain height, the classic piggyback ride should conceivably qualify as an extreme sport.

[wHATcOLOR]

i got up in the middle of the night last night to go to the bathroom. i never turn on the light when i do this because i know the steps and the bright light would make it harder to go back to sleep.

i remember walking across my bedroom and into the bathroom in the dark. the next thing i remember is a loud crash and lots of things falling and the sound of water running, then my wife running into the room and turning on the light.

apparently i had felt faint or passed out on my feet and stumbled across the bathroom and fell over backwards into our bathtub, in the process flailing my hand out and knocking down several of her makeup items and hitting the faucet, slicing my thumb and finger and turning on the water in the process.

it was scary as fuck to be honest. i could have very easily have smashed my head into the sharp edges or corners, but luckily did not. i've got a bruise on my back and another on my calf and i'm limping around today and have bandaids on the cuts on my hand, but otherwise fine.

and i don't know what caused it really. i don't drink any alcohol, i had sufficient food yesterday, etc. the only things i can think of are i've been having trouble adjusting to the 3 hour time zone change on the east coast, i had a little bit of candy yesterday..

it fucking sucked and i'm really glad no real consequences, but i'm not exactly sure what to change aside from trying to get better sleep and avoid candy

[wHATcOLOR]

here is the scene of the accident and you can see all the hard surfaces i managed not to hit my head on

[yo soy el mejor]

dang, that must've been some sharp water! glad you didn't bust your head or face. bathroom accidents like that are my number one fear, forreal. at least her makeup seems to be okay, too.

when we were in mexico, i was in our shower stall and shook my head to remove water from my hair and banged my head so hard into the wall.

if i had it my way, there'd be a phone in the bathroom in case of emergencies.

[topleybird]

wHATcOLOR be so careful, you are a good person

I wonder if you just had that thing where you stand up too fast or low blood pressure in general for some reason (most likely fatal)

I'm not convinced you didn't just make all this up to show off your fancy-ass tub, oh, I'll just mildly knock some things around and slightly open a drawer as if some entirely unenthusiastic burglar had drifted past, that'll get 'em

[yo soy el mejor]

iz only fancy 'cause it's so clean

[cork_soaker]

plus the bold look of kohler

[FlamingGlobes]

Your Safety Eases Me

[yo soy el mejor]

Originally Posted by cork_soaker

plus the bold look of kohler

dang! one day i will be fancy enough to notice and appreciate such luxury.

[ovary]

i have a lot of sleep events. most recently i took my marijuana jar out of the drawer and put it in a pot of leftovers in the fridge. couldn't find it for two days.

[yo soy el mejor]

that's a lie

[FlamingGlobes]

I have a lot of sleep events.