George Michael doing gay things in hell forever

[reprise85]

no because nothing is real, the universe isn't real, alternate universes therefore are not real. my derealization is almost solipsism it's so intense. although it has been getting a little better with therapy, over time.

[reprise85]

like i really don't believe reality exists, to a large degree. not in some metaphysical way. like physically. i have the underlying notion that surely it must, because i'm having this thought - i think, therefore i am, so to speak. but it's not as if i perceive reality as flimsy but know it's real - i question its realness completely. i know it's paradoxical - why am i even having this conversation, then? and i know it's sort of narcissistic - do i really believe that this entire world is something i could conjure up in my brain, that is all for me? no, i don't really believe that. but at the same time, it doesn't feel real at all most of the time, and if i had to pick one or the other, i would surely say it feels less real than real, something like 90% not real and 10% real.

however i know that if i act as if nothing is real i'll have some kind of catatonic psychotic break and end up hospitalized forever so i'm able to function even though i feel this way. it's somewhat unusual for people to have 24/7 dissociation, and when they do it is generally depersonalization (the feeling that one themselves are not real) and not derealization. i do have some depersonalization, but i compare it to my derealization and it's not hard to see that i much more strongly think the world doesn't exist, than i don't exist. also, there's the underlying truth that i must exist in some form if i'm having these thoughts. there's no way to get around that.

[FoolofaTook]

I have extensive thoughts about... well you know....

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1

in a parallel universe out there somewhere far, far away, perhaps somebody loves me

Originally Posted by redbreegull

our universe is actually 2 dimensional and is stacked a fraction of a millimeter away from infinite layers of other universes. shit is cray

this fucks with my head. There could be a totally different, better reality that's NOT far away. it could literally be as far away as the thickness of a piece of paper or something. That universe could be pressed directly up next to me, to our world. But it's as inaccessible as the other side of the universe

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by reprise85

like i really don't believe reality exists, to a large degree. not in some metaphysical way. like physically. i have the underlying notion that surely it must, because i'm having this thought - i think, therefore i am, so to speak. but it's not as if i perceive reality as flimsy but know it's real - i question its realness completely. i know it's paradoxical - why am i even having this conversation, then? and i know it's sort of narcissistic - do i really believe that this entire world is something i could conjure up in my brain, that is all for me? no, i don't really believe that. but at the same time, it doesn't feel real at all most of the time, and if i had to pick one or the other, i would surely say it feels less real than real, something like 90% not real and 10% real.

however i know that if i act as if nothing is real i'll have some kind of catatonic psychotic break and end up hospitalized forever so i'm able to function even though i feel this way. it's somewhat unusual for people to have 24/7 dissociation, and when they do it is generally depersonalization (the feeling that one themselves are not real) and not derealization. i do have some depersonalization, but i compare it to my derealization and it's not hard to see that i much more strongly think the world doesn't exist, than i don't exist. also, there's the underlying truth that i must exist in some form if i'm having these thoughts. there's no way to get around that.

Wow I can't even imagine. I'm not sure if I understand dissociation enough to draw a clear line between derealization and depersonalization. I sometimes have feelings of not actually being in my body, floating around, watching as an outside observer, but sometimes this is at the same time that I feel like the universe around me is some kind of illusion or dream. Everything seems dreamlike a lot. I sometimes wonder if the entirety of the last few years is a dream and maybe I will wake up in 2014 in my ex girlfriend's bed with a job in the public school system and a hefty sum in my bank account

[reprise85]

I don't have the look at yourself from outside thing very often, but it is a common manifestation of dissociation. My memories in general are third person though, I don't see from my eyes but from an outside, overhead view. My dreams are like that too.

Dreamlike is a good way to put it... although I would say it feels less real than dreams for me a lot of the time. I also have this impression that this is all some kind of dying delusion. Like there was this one time in my messed up relationship where I was being threatened with death (with a weapon) and I basically broke down and was so upset and fucked up that I begged him to kill me and I sometimes wonder if this is like my dying hallucination and he actually did kill me.

I also get the sensation of my limbs getting larger sometimes, like I'm in some kind of perception as a child and my body feels foreign and too big as an adult body. It's hard to explain.

It is thought that dissociation in a pathological form (which I'd say you probably have, though I'm not a doctor and I'm not saying you have a dissociative disorder but just some symptoms) is based on trauma, so I do think your whole ex experience is something that would be good to discuss in therapy or trying to grieve at some point. That always felt strange to me to kind of purposefully grieve something but now that I experience it sometimes it's very cathartic. I don't mean like somehow going 'OK, it's time to grieve' and just doing it but when you talk about it and think about it and get mad about it and get sad about it eventually it just turns into a ball of grief and experiencing it is terrible but afterwards you feel so much better, IME.

Sorry for the unsolicited advice but I don't think you have to live like you are (unless you want to) and since I have a lot of experience I thought I'd tell you my experience. It would be good for some people to feel this detached form of reality to have some kind of reality check on the bounce back after a traumatic event, but when it's chronic that's not the same thing. People who report dissociating while a trauma is happening (I did this extensively, wondering if what was happening was real, and also stopping physical pain deliberately by dissociation, and I still do it as we're discussing although it's not as severe as when I was actually being assaulted) are much more likely to develop disorders later. Also I did dissociate while being assaulted but I lived in a situation where I was in danger all the time and also was being forced to watch child porn and stuff like that, but at the same time had to pretend to be normal when I was with other people (for years and years), I mean it's no wonder I have this problem.

[Tchocky]

George Michael is never gonna dance again, cos he's IN HELL.

[Mals Marola]

i was a genuine fan of at least a couple of his solo albums

he sorta disappeared for a while but it's especially sad that this happened right as he was planning a comeback
at least Bowie sorta made his peace with Blackstar & whatnot

R.I.P.

[teh b0lly!!1]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

Wow I can't even imagine. I'm not sure if I understand dissociation enough to draw a clear line between derealization and depersonalization. I sometimes have feelings of not actually being in my body, floating around, watching as an outside observer, but sometimes this is at the same time that I feel like the universe around me is some kind of illusion or dream. Everything seems dreamlike a lot. I sometimes wonder if the entirety of the last few years is a dream and maybe I will wake up in 2014 in my ex girlfriend's bed with a job in the public school system and a hefty sum in my bank account

some years ago i had gotten into lucid dreaming. i really enjoy the out-there randomness of dreams, even the bad ones. while you're dreaming, one of the ways to check if you are indeed in dreamstate, is raising your hand and looking at it. if you're dreaming, it will be shimmering and sparkling like it's submerged in very clear water. it may have branches coming out of it, have many more fingers than you're supposed to, etc.

i find myself doing those reality checks a lot in completely real scenarios, just to make sure that the "reality" i'm experiencing is real, and is not all a projection of my imagination. that feeling of never being able to truly know if you are dreaming or not until you do that check is, well, at least interesting. not to say kinda fucked up. and up until i raise my hand and look at it, i honestly do not know. and that's for something as flimsy and obvious as dreamstate vs. reality - what if there are many, many alternate states of consciousness that we can't tell the difference between, but are not all of the same reality (objective or subjective) and all make a huge impact on the way we live our lives?

[Catherine Wheel]

Apparently he was dealing with a heroin addiction when he passed. Sounds like Scott Weiland all over again.

https://www.google.com/amp/www.teleg...?client=safari

[fuzzyroes]

Man, this sucks. I guess this is growing up.

When I was 5 i had this old Casio keyboard and the demo was Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go and we'd always be pressing the demo button, letting out the glorious 80's keyboard sounds. So much nostalgia.

[MyOneAndOnly]

Originally Posted by Catherine Wheel

Apparently he was dealing with a heroin addiction when he passed. Sounds like Scott Weiland all over again.

https://www.google.com/amp/www.teleg...?client=safari

He had a Lust For Life

[MyOneAndOnly]

he's one of a handful of 80s celebs that i used to say I'd go gay for

[MyOneAndOnly]

He's no Martin L Gore but I would have been the bottom anyway

[LaBelle]

Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body
I know not everybody has gotta body like me
But I gotta think twice before I give my heart away
And I know all the games you play because I play them too

[teh b0lly!!1]

not very humble bragging


also: limp bizkit

[FoolofaTook]

The besst thing about George Michael is his name being used in Arrested Development.

[crabshack]

heroin