Father Daughter Dances

[duovamp]

It should be pointed out that some fathers are terrible at showing affection for their children, especially daughters, because it's more difficult for them to relate to their daughters and partially because of sick judgmental assholes in their 20s like this lot. There are no guarantees when it comes to raising children, but providing a secure and loving family foundation probably won't hurt.

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by Poots

lol, ok believe what you want. Or do some research of your own.

well I don't just believe what I want, that's kind of the point. you imprint a lot of things on the people you argue with. I'm not telling you I think you are wrong or that I don't believe you because I called the person studying for an advanced psych degree to the thread

[redbreegull]

give it a rest man. you're off lately.

[MyOneAndOnly]

whateverh ninsp is paying I will pay that plus $500 more to ban ninsp

[redbreegull]

poots has his degree in father daughter dances

[ninsp]

Originally Posted by scottytheoneand

whateverh ninsp is paying I will pay that plus $500 more to ban ninsp

Shit, you make $600 panhandling?

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

That is folk psychology though. I'm not saying it's necessarily not true, it seems true to me as well, but can it be quantified? The "daddy issues" thing is often a totally baseless assumption used to put down women

There is a lot of correlational research about quality of parental relationships and later psychological health in life. However, since we can't purposefully abuse children to do experimental studies, you are correct and this can never be proven. But yeah, women who were abused by their fathers have more marital problems, eating disorders, ptsd, depression, etc than those without abuse. But again, there's multiple factors to that. It does seem very obvious that abuses causes these problems but we can't quantify it and even if we could, there are inborn traits in the person themselves that alters how they react - e.g. resilience, intelligence, if they have a parental ally in at least one parent, birth order, etc etc

I do think your calling it folk psychology is accurate but if there's one thing in psychology that the most people will tell you is true it is that people abused early in life have a tendency to have poorer outcomes and more abusive relationships. And I certainly agree with that. It's a true statement. We just can't say A causes B because we cannot prove it without experiments to control for other variables.

I've seen articles about women choosing mates with similar facial features to their fathers (like, length between eyes and nose, size of ears, etc), but from what I remember it was women who rated their relationships as good who had a higher correlation to picking mates with similar facial dimensions to their fathers.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by duovamp

It should be pointed out that some fathers are terrible at showing affection for their children, especially daughters, because it's more difficult for them to relate to their daughters and partially because of sick judgmental assholes in their 20s like this lot. There are no guarantees when it comes to raising children, but providing a secure and loving family foundation probably won't hurt.

Great, so the girl learns that her father will only touch her and show her affection if she dresses up real nice, and all the other Dads and daughters are doing it.

Fathers often develop physical intimacy with their children differently to mothers, and a lot of literature I've read says that it is an important part of family life. It tends to be more playful - fathers tend to prank, tickle, wrestle, swing kids around, etc. and are less likely to hold a child in their arms and stroke their hair, etc. That's actually ok. Men don't have to force themselves to be intimate with their kids the same way that women often are.

But being physically intimate only at an event that mimics one that is exclusively for people who are sexually involved, or sexually attracted to one another, is more damaging than not being affectionate at all. It sends the daughter a message that she is only worthy of her father's affection if she does all the same things that she would do to attract the sexual attention of a boy.

So wrong and groce. Kinda like girls being dressed up like dolls at beauty pageants.

[teh b0lly!!1]

oh for fucks sake must you guys turn every goddamn thread into endless rambling walls of text

[ninsp]

Originally Posted by teh b0lly!!1

oh for fucks sake must you guys turn every goddamn thread into endless rambling walls of text

her face is so ugly

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by reprise85

There is a lot of correlational research about quality of parental relationships and later psychological health in life. However, since we can't purposefully abuse children to do experimental studies, you are correct and this can never be proven. But yeah, women who were abused by their fathers have more marital problems, eating disorders, ptsd, depression, etc than those without abuse. But again, there's multiple factors to that. It does seem very obvious that abuses causes these problems but we can't quantify it and even if we could, there are inborn traits in the person themselves that alters how they react - e.g. resilience, intelligence, if they have a parental ally in at least one parent, birth order, etc etc

I do think your calling it folk psychology is accurate but if there's one thing in psychology that the most people will tell you is true it is that people abused early in life have a tendency to have poorer outcomes and more abusive relationships. And I certainly agree with that. It's a true statement. We just can't say A causes B because we cannot prove it without experiments to control for other variables.

I've seen articles about women choosing mates with similar facial features to their fathers (like, length between eyes and nose, size of ears, etc), but from what I remember it was women who rated their relationships as good who had a higher correlation to picking mates with similar facial dimensions to their fathers.

that's really interesting. I have a positive but often emotionally complicated relationship with my mom, and I have often drawn parallels between her and other women I choose to spend time with, be they friends or romantic interests. Not that this sort of internal self-analysis necessarily means anything, but I definitely seem to gravitate towards certain traits in females that my mom strongly possesses. So from an anecdotal POV I totally buy that our parents shape our expectations for our relationships with people of correlating sex later in life.

[reprise85]

I don't really have relationships, except the one I had with the psychopathic pedophile. But my non-relationships are obviously related to all of the problems I had in childhood. It's a shame, really.

[fuzzyroes]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

give it a rest man. you're off lately.

He and Duo are the only ones talking sense about this topic. Passive aggressively assuming he's trolling because you can't wrap your mind around what he's saying is pretty bone-headed dude.

[duovamp]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Great, so the girl learns that her father will only touch her and show her affection if she dresses up real nice, and all the other Dads and daughters are doing it.

Fathers often develop physical intimacy with their children differently to mothers, and a lot of literature I've read says that it is an important part of family life. It tends to be more playful - fathers tend to prank, tickle, wrestle, swing kids around, etc. and are less likely to hold a child in their arms and stroke their hair, etc. That's actually ok. Men don't have to force themselves to be intimate with their kids the same way that women often are.

But being physically intimate only at an event that mimics one that is exclusively for people who are sexually involved, or sexually attracted to one another, is more damaging than not being affectionate at all. It sends the daughter a message that she is only worthy of her father's affection if she does all the same things that she would do to attract the sexual attention of a boy.

So wrong and groce. Kinda like girls being dressed up like dolls at beauty pageants.

Hey you're the one forcing your kids into brass instruments, teaching them to motorboat a piece of metal until you tell them to stop. That's groce af.

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by fuzzyroes

He and Duo are the only ones talking sense about this topic. Passive aggressively assuming he's trolling because you can't wrap your mind around what he's saying is pretty bone-headed dude.

he is either misunderstanding or mischaracterizing what I'm saying, so like him, I'll invite you to start at the beginning and read the whole thread

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by duovamp

Hey you're the one forcing your kids into brass instruments, teaching them to motorboat a piece of metal until you tell them to stop. That's groce af.

In our area a lot of the kids play brass instruments because the local school offers a band for each year, from year 3 - plus an elite, invite-only band. So there are a total of 5 big bands for kids aged 8-12.

This year my kid was invited into the elite band, and he is thrilled about it. My mother forced me to practise piano, and it's one of the things I most grateful for, now. Parents who let their kids quit everything just because the kid says they're not interested anymore are idiots. Kids change their minds all the time, and they change as people every few months. My kids will continue to engage in a wide range of activities until half way through high school, when if they feel compelled to, they can specialise like I did. It's part of offering your child an open future, to equip them with the foundation they need to take on advanced study/participation as teenagers. In a range of activities, so that they are able to choose the one that most interests them, then.

That's not groce. That's responsible. And privileged, apparently.

[ninsp]

Originally Posted by vixnix

In our area a lot of the kids play brass instruments because the local school offers a band for each year, from year 3 - plus an elite, invite-only band. So there are a total of 5 big bands for kids aged 8-12.

This year my kid was invited into the elite band, and he is thrilled about it. My mother forced me to practise piano, and it's one of the things I most grateful for, now. Parents who let their kids quit everything just because the kid says they're not interested anymore are idiots. Kids change their minds all the time, and they change as people every few months. My kids will continue to engage in a wide range of activities until half way through high school, when if they feel compelled to, they can specialise like I did. It's part of offering your child an open future, to equip them with the foundation they need to take on advanced study/participation as teenagers. In a range of activities, so that they are able to choose the one that most interests them, then.

That's not groce. That's responsible. And privileged, apparently.

Shut the fuck up. Nobody cares about your kids.

[vixnix]

But if you wanna think that you will be offering your daughter some kind of privilege by getting her dressed up and taking her to the local school to pretend she's your girlfriend once a year, be my guest. I'm sure those girls grow up and enjoy truly magnificent futures.

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by ninsp

Shut the fuck up. Nobody cares about your kids.

Dude, nobody cares about you. Which is sad really, because you actually post here, unlike my kids.

[duovamp]

Yeah I'm not even reading three words of that crap because nobody cares about her dorky little kids she's micromanaging. They'll grow up to be just fine surely.

[vixnix]

Have fun at your pedo dance, duo. I guess you've been looking forward to it for a while now.

[duovamp]

*knock knock knock knock*
What are you doing in there?!
*knock knock knock*
It better be playing your trombone loudly enough for the neighbors to hear so they will know how lucky you are to have a long metal tube smashed against your face! Blow harder!

[vixnix]

Honey are you ready to pretend we're dating? Good girl.

[duovamp]

Mommy has rules and if you don't appreciate all she does for you then you'll get a spanking. Go on, honey. Blow.

[ninsp]

Originally Posted by vixnix

Dude, nobody cares about you. Which is sad really, because you actually post here, unlike my kids.

At least my non existent kids don't have to be raised by a slightly Down syndrome afflicted mother

[duovamp]

Hey man she has fetal alcohol syndrome, not Down syndrome.

[ninsp]

Because I pity them that their 40 year old mother posts on a fucking smashing pumpkins forum. And routinely asks for parenting advice.

[ninsp]

Originally Posted by duovamp

Hey man she has fetal alcohol syndrome, not Down syndrome.

true true

[duovamp]

We should make a poll to discuss the content of the pornography her husband will be viewing tonight. Obviously he isn't doing anything with her if she has the time to post on Netphoria all day and night.

[vixnix]

I'm thirty six and they're at school; I post here in between checking the news and browsing Facebook. It's no different than trolling eBay for reed diffusers and deals on photo canvases, really. Both are a total waste of time and done mainly for entertainment.