Your Facebook Friends List's Idea of Humour

[hnibos]

I feel uncomfortable judging anyone's reaction to the passing of a loved one.

[pavementtune]

I wasn't agreeing with tebholly that writing about death on fb is fucked up in the first place. death is fucked up, whatever helps, you know.

what's fucked up to me is hitting the like button when you read a grieving paragraph of a friend writing about the passing of his mother.
I mean apparently people still appreciate that, so no harm done, but if you just click a button instead of even offering 5 words to that grieving friend - how exactly is that showing sympathy, or "bringing people together"? that's what I wonder.

or is it just that 50 likes show the writer that 50 people read it, and are aware of what they are going through, so someone heard it (even though they don't say anything to you) and that's better than nothing?

[hnibos]

Like, who the fuck is anyone for criticizing anyone's grieving method. Good god

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

so by my own preferences - impersonal like buttons are just that, impersonal, and the sympathy they apparently show to some, takes a fucking second inbetween hitting LIKE on the meme of the day.
so to me that is not sympathy, it's fake, and I absolutely understand how some people would not want to participate in the like-culture, or even despise it.
I prefer one-on-one interactions to talking into a void (status updates) about things that matter to me, including death - and getting likes back from the void. I live fine without it.

yes, it is impersonal, but that doesn't really make it different than anything else that happens on social media. If someone who is part of my non-internet life loses someone she or he loves, I would obviously do something beyond pressing the like button. But if someone I haven't seen since high school loses a family member or friend and posts about it, I'm probably not going to bother that person with a private message, "Hey I know we have nothing in common and only know each other because we had a class in tenth grade together but I hope you are doing well and sorry for your loss." But since that person posted it, liking it is a public show of solidarity that I think that person was looking for by posting the status.

I think what weirds a lot of people out about facebook is that w/o social media, we reach a limit on the number of people we can actively stay friends with and keep tabs on. Some research suggests a person's average maximum cognitive load for maintaining serious friendships is as low as 6 relationships. With social media, you can stay "friends" with hundreds or thousands of people from your past that in all other ages of humanity would have just disappeared from your life. So what are these people to you and how do you interact?

[redbreegull]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

or is it just that 50 likes show the writer that 50 people read it, and are aware of what they are going through, so someone heard it (even though they don't say anything to you) and that's better than nothing?

I think it's kind of this but IMO you are being overly cynical of the motives of others. We are programmed to come together in times of grief. I mean, that's debatable, but probably human tendency to cluster together and act lovey and sympathetic is more than just cultural, and has an evolutionary element. I think when someone posts a death status and it gets a ton of likes, that is a community showing of solidarity to some degree. It's not about the effort involved so much, it's about recognition that death is something everyone experiences, and everyone knows it is the hardest thing in the world to go through.

[pavementtune]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

I think it's kind of this but IMO you are being overly cynical of the motives of others. We are programmed to come together in times of grief. I mean, that's debatable, but probably human tendency to cluster together and act lovey and sympathetic .

not sure I get what you are saying - for you "coming together in times of grief and act sympathetic" is
this?

Originally Posted by redbreegull

if someone I haven't seen since high school loses a family member or friend and posts about it, I'm probably not going to bother that person with a private message, "Hey I know we have nothing in common and only know each other because we had a class in tenth grade together but I hope you are doing well and sorry for your loss."

instead you'd hit a like button.

now who is cynical...

[The exploding boy]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

debatable if "wrong or less healthy" - but hitting the like button after people write that a loved one passed is as impersonal as it gets, and oh so easy. no words needed, don't even hit up that "friend" to type - sorry for your loss. too much to ask.

people are ending their relationships with a text, too - or by changing their relationship status on fb.

so by my own preferences - impersonal like buttons are just that, impersonal, and the sympathy they apparently show to some, takes a fucking second inbetween hitting LIKE on the meme of the day.
so to me that is not sympathy, it's fake, and I absolutely understand how some people would not want to participate in the like-culture, or even despise it.
I prefer one-on-one interactions to talking into a void (status updates) about things that matter to me, including death - and getting likes back from the void. I live fine without it.

Ariel Likes this

[myosis]

i do get the impression that the Like button often serves simply as an Acknowledgment button

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by hnibos

I feel uncomfortable judging anyone's reaction to the passing of a loved one.

seriously. maybe you see and judge the like as being illigitimate but perhaps those same ppl are sending notes and cards and phonecalls and messages

you dont know

why must we judge?

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by hnibos

Like, who the fuck is anyone for criticizing anyone's grieving method. Good god

its so tiresome how judgemental people are about likes

its funny how theyre creating new ways to judge ppl based in FB when they complain how its not real interaction

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by pavementtune

instead you'd hit a like button.

now who is cynical...

still you

[reprise85]

i think RBG really hit it on the head. we dont have a script in society for people who usually fall out of our lives but are now with us for decades because of social media. we're in an adjustment period.

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by hnibos

Like, who the fuck is anyone for criticizing anyone's grieving method. Good god

and this x 1000000000000

[buzzard]

Originally Posted by redbreegull

We are programmed to come together in times of grief. I mean, that's debatable, but probably human tendency to cluster together and act lovey and sympathetic is more than just cultural, and has an evolutionary element.

I'm curious to know what you believe the evolutionary element to collective mourning might be.

[Trotskilicious]

all u have to do is look at it and take it in then keep scrolling no need for remarks of any kind just keep scrolling thanks guys

[noyen]

all there is, is likes. all there is, is to grieve to people who barely know you because all there is, is people who barely know you. its a great privilege to not have to get acceptance thay way. its of great circumstance to not have to be so sad or alone at losing someone so far away you arent even connected to anything physical to stand on and shout your pain at people who will tackle you with hugs. because everything is broken the only solution is to be broken and flail miserably in hopelessness. those 3 likes, they were 3 shallow things that validated my entire existence. that yelp review i wrote was the closest i may ever get to imagining people caring what i think. my double tap is the safest place to blast my useless love at you because if i comment with words and dont get something with words back acknowlding that, then i know with certainty that i am invisivle and do not matter. the safest way for me to love is through shallow gestures. and that isn't enough to matter.

*buys rope on amazon.
*reads articles and watches youtube on how to tie knots
*emulates robin wlliams suicide
*feels peace as i kneel into darkness, knowing thay when i die alone, people who didnt know me will say they did and people will feel so much feels that they double tap.
*dies knowing it all mattered

[teh b0lly!!1]

Originally Posted by myosis

i do get the impression that the Like button often serves simply as an Acknowledgment button

this is obviously true, but the term "Like" is part of what makes it so aggravating.

again, this binary division of all situations people might talk about in life to A=I LIKE THIS and B=I DON'T LIKE THIS is shallow, communication destroying (for exactly the reason RBG stated) and, many times, inappropriate.

i'm not trying to change anyone here, everyone can do whatever the fuck they want. but to me it seems fucked up that whether a person broadcasts a revealing photo of themselves in a bikini, or a tear drenched open letter to a deceased parent, they're going to get the same "WOO ALRIGHT THUMBS UP" response.

you can argue that it's not meant to be taken literally as "i like this", but that is how it reads on screen, pale blue on white.

[redbreegull]

I recognize the futility and silliness of this disagreement. I guess I'll just say that while what you point out is true, I think the only real difference between this strangeness and the strangeness of all other ways in which we communicate and miscommunicate is that facebook is new. I really do think I understand what you are saying teh bolly, but I feel it is more of a reaction to the jarring change in social relationships caused by the internet than because it is innately a negative thing.

a button that started its meaning as literally "I like this" and then transformed into all sorts of different meanings based on context and our need to communicate more than just "I like this..."

that just seems like the history of language and communication

[Trotskilicious]

teh bolly seems to take the like button very seriously. its not racism, climate change, capitalism or institutional economic sociopathy. nay, the greates threat to humanity is the fucking like button because everybody but him is stupid and shallow

i cannot stress this enough:

[redbreegull]

I mean that's a straw man trots, he isn't saying that. I really don't think it's a stretch to understand the feeling he is expressing, I can certainly relate. I just think it's a knee jerk reaction. 28if used to rail about facebook all the time and bring up the same stuff (destroying communication, alienating us from "real" relationships), but I always thought it was funny because he spends more time thinking about facebook than anyone i know.

[Trotskilicious]

from my experience the ppl who complain the loudest about FB are ppl who are butthurt that nobody gaf about their birthday or like their posts. so they invent this stuff about how it ruins relationships and communication and all this bullshit claptrap. they mad cuz nobody reaches out to them on fb, so they think everyones experience is the same as their own, when in fact for a vast majority it facilitates communication and helps you stay up to date with ppl even if youre not reaching out with a phone call or whatever not everyone you meet is gonna warrant that. for example i am friends with this wildly interesting fellow who i dont really know outside of parties and concerts but hes interesting and i like to see what hes up to in his life.

the internets echo chambers, comments sections, widespread misinformation and the way ut helps creeps network and validate tgeir own asinine bullshit, well i guess thats an echo chamber but i digress, is all much more of a real criticism than the luddite BS about the impersonal nature they experience.

[noyen]

*removes facebook profile.
*has deeper relationship with ceilings, walls and carpet.

[Trotskilicious]

at least you deleted it instead of bag on it while hitting refresh to see if anyone liked your picture of your feet at the beach

[noyen]

i just mean people complain about facebook but without it, i cant say life is more meaningful. it just seems easy to blame people for problems or alienation or whatever when there are people to complain about. when they aren't there it still turns to blaming the people on social networks. the sad thing is its a lonely place with or without it and all those meaningless likes to one person actually do mean a lot to someone like me. *twisted*

[Trotskilicious]

i like it when i post a joke ppl like, feels good man

[noyen]

it really does. validation of anything is great, for attention whores and reserved silent types alike. *reaches for the stars* touches them! success. 54 people liked a photo of a toenail. 3 liked one of an actual unicorn delivering baby elephant milk tona stranded baby elephant on mars that was a 92 billion dollar mission taken by an accomplished harvard graduate who invented oatmeal microwave packets and better yet 2.4 million liked miley cyrus's quick snap of a tin of tuna stolen from someone elses page, where the original poster got ZERO likes cuz they are nobody. i think its a beautiful system of love except for the lonely tuna tin girl who is a complete mystery and i cant follow her cuz that sets a precedent i cant maintain for EVERYONE.

[redbreegull]

I don't really feel comfortable trying to guess at anyone's motives for feeling a certain way about social media... like I have reiterated I understand it makes people uncomfortable and I respect that. For me personally, it hasn't done negative things to my life. IRL I maintain a small group of close friends and facebook hasn't done anything except make it a bit easier to keep in touch as they spread out across the Earth. Mainly I guess I see it as a form of social entertainment which is yes mostly a waste of time but also mostly harmless. I have been able to reconnect with a few people because of facebook also, and that is nice. I think it can definitely be unhealthy if people go into it with unhealthy intentions, but that's like life man

[Shallowed]

ITT: Facebook is srs shit

[MyOneAndOnly]

i have two FB friends who have lost their shit this week over the FB privacy post thing. They've gone on long repeated rants day after day. as if after decades on earth they can't comprehend that people are gullible.

everytime somebody i know posts a statement like, "if you post XYZ i will unfriend you!" it makes me to immediately post that even if it's something i hate or don't agree with.

[Trotskilicious]

yeah the unfriending threats are stupid