Josh Duggar molested some kids

[Elphenor]

I've actually seen some parents give their kids the money making them interact with the cashier.

I think this is good parenting but at the same time I like to imagine the parent is too scared to talk to strangers

[The exploding boy]

i should have had to do that sort of thing more.

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by slunken

children generally have no business being in public. just because you need groceries isn't an excuse to invite the entire brood on a family trip to the store.

uhhhh what if youre the only trustworthy caretaker?

[Lucky Day Spa]

there are grocery delivery services now

[Lucky Day Spa]

do you take your dog to the supermarket?

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by Elphenor

I've actually seen some parents give their kids the money making them interact with the cashier.

I think this is good parenting but at the same time I like to imagine the parent is too scared to talk to strangers

when i did CS this one of the top five most annoying goddamn things

[Mayfuck]

Originally Posted by Lucky Day Spa

do you take your dog to the supermarket?

Is this facetious?

Liberals are so virulently anti-children these days it's hard to tell

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by Lucky Day Spa

do you take your dog to the supermarket?

i do and i beat the fuck out of it if it does something i dont want

[Trotskilicious]

Originally Posted by Mayfuck

Is this facetious?

Liberals are so virulently anti-children these days it's hard to tell

so are you a fascist now?

[Lucky Day Spa]

Originally Posted by Mayfuck

Is this facetious?

Liberals are so virulently anti-children these days it's hard to tell

huh?

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Lucky Day Spa

do you take your dog to the supermarket?

people in south florida do all the time it's fucking annoying. therapy dogs are one thing but keeping your minipoodle in your purse all day while it shakes in fear is no bueno

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

uhhhh what if youre the only trustworthy caretaker?

seriously i'd avoid babysitters as much as possible, even family. i am too paranoid to have kids probably.

[D.]

Originally Posted by reprise85

seriously i'd avoid babysitters as much as possible, even family. i am too paranoid to have kids probably.

Naw. I'm the same way. I'm extremely wary of people, when it comes to the kid. Probably not entirely healthy. It comes from my obsessive need to read about abductions and missing children and any garden variety shocking abuse stories.

[D.]

I've driven out of my way/wasted gas/changed plans in order to not have the kid near any kind of possibly sleezy situations or stay over a cousin of B's. Nothing against him and his wife (other than they have both said or acted in ways that show they have not the first clue about how to deal with kids), I just am crazy.

We set rules early on that she is not to be alone with any male relatives period. (Yeah I know women can abuse and I know that I can't do everything to protect her and I know that I'm acting neurotically but idgaf when it boils down to it.)

[Lucky Day Spa]

Originally Posted by Trotskilicious

so are you a fascist now?

liberals have a lot to answer for

like dogs in supermarkets apparently

[reprise85]

Originally Posted by D.

I've driven out of my way/wasted gas/changed plans in order to not have the kid near any kind of possibly sleezy situations or stay over a cousin of B's. Nothing against him and his wife (other than they have both said or acted in ways that show they have not the first clue about how to deal with kids), I just am crazy.

We set rules early on that she is not to be alone with any male relatives period. (Yeah I know women can abuse and I know that I can't do everything to protect her and I know that I'm acting neurotically but idgaf when it boils down to it.)

i'm glad to hear this

[duovamp]

As an angry white man, I'll hit my kids, my dog, your kids, your wife, your mom, you name it I'll fucking hit it.

[vixnix]

It's easy to talk about how to parent when you have no children, and it's also easy to talk about how to parent, with one child. I didn't spank my children until I had two - a baby and a 3 year old. I tried smacking my 3 year old because he wouldn't stay in time out, and I was exhausted and sleep deprived, and the baby was screaming and needing to be fed. It wasn't a good time. For a couple of days I told him I would spank his hand if he left time out, and it worked - he stayed.

Then he started spanking his own hand, when he was in time out, or just whenever he was in a bad mood. And I hated seeing that. So I stopped.

Most of the time, in our family, communication works - my husband and I try to maintain trusting, safe, affirming relationships with our kids. There have been occasions when I have been at the end of my rope, because of my kids' defiance - but I've learned from my parents mistakes that boys can grow to be quite big. As it stands, my 9 year old son already has size 10 feet and is fast approaching the height of some of his friends' dads. So I'm done spanking him. Now, when we disagree, I am honest with him and say he is too big for me to make decisions for him any more, and he will have to decide for himself what he thinks is appropriate. But I give him my opinion on the matter, and then I have to walk away and hope he chooses well. He usually does. I'm pretty sure he's going to be the kind of teenager who will be out all night and leave me worrying at home, so I'm trying to ease myself into that by giving him more and more independence each year.

[ohnoitsbonnie]

Originally Posted by D.

Yes, it's completely black and white. Either you're a coddler or an abuser.

Yknow my kid ain't perfect but you know what we do before we take her in a store? We talk to her about how she is expected to behave. AND HOLY SHIT IT WORKS. CRAZY RIGHT?!

Thank you for treating her like a human

[Elphenor]

I got whipped as a child but I also got punched in the face and my brother got his arm broken

[Trotskilicious]

[duovamp]

[vixnix]

Originally Posted by Elphenor

I got whipped as a child but I also got punched in the face and my brother got his arm broken

I'm sorry nobody has said yet, that this is appalling, and I'm sorry this happened to you.

I don't think anyone else here has had a family member suffer a broken bone as the result of domestic violence. How is your brother now?

[vixnix]

This is the gold standard, for mothers of boys. The take home message is that during adolescence, mothers need to get out of the way, and fathers need to step up and be visible for their sons. It also says that mothers have to quit any kind of hen pecking at their husbands, because the number one reason that middle class boys go astray, is not wanting to be anything like their pussy-whipped fathers. They've got to be able to look at their own father and see someone they want to become, and they have a need to feel accepted and affirmed by their Dads, as well. It seems so straightforward but fucking hell, teenagers are the fucking pits, and when you've already been married and pissing each other off for 20 years, it can be really hard to speak positively to each other in front of the kids.

She tells a story at her workshops about picking her son up from the police station (she was a single mum by then), at 2am. When they were driving home in the car, her son asked her if she would give him a lift back to the party he'd been picked up at, by the police. She turned in shock to see if he was serious, and he winked at her. Oh my life. I would fucking die. What the hell do you do with teenage boys, as a mum, but just stay the hell away. I would have lost my shit right there in that car, and ranted and screamed at him all the way home.

[Starla]

Originally Posted by vixnix

and it's also easy to talk about how to parent, with one child.

What?

[Starla]

Try being a single mother, putting yourself through school, working and paying for every single thing on your own. No support... except from maybe a close friend..when they are available. Try dealing with being up all night long while your kid vomits everywhere, knowing you still have to go to work in two hours... and if you don't, you can't pay your electric bill. You get to stay home... you honestly have no idea... and I have a lot to say about raising one child... on your own. It's not easy... at all. I answer all the questions ... I have zero support cause her father walked away when she was a baby cause... he wanted his life back.

[vixnix]

It's much easier to use time-consuming discipline techniques with one child - I know because I used to do it myself, before I had my second. It's just the truth. It's much harder to discipline with more than one child. I have a friend with four boys, and spanking is in her parenting tool box. She doesn't have any idealogical defence of it as a parenting technique, she just has four boys, each 2 years apart, and sometimes she needs quick results and doesn't know what else to do. When one of your children is refusing to sit and stay in one place, and another is running away from you, and two others are unknown variables, sometimes you do you force, you discipline one with physical force, threaten the others with it if they move from that exact spot, then run after the runner, discipline them physically and let them know they'll be physically disciplined again if they run again. Then you drag him back, tell all the boys that they'd better behave until you get home, and frighten them into compliance, because there is nobody else there to help you, and you are genuinely frightened for their safety and don't know what else to do.

Of course there are a hundred ways to avoid that sort of situation, but I'm sure you know, with only one child, how unpredictable parenthood is - now multiply that by 4, and it's that much more unpredictable.

It's much easier to avoid physical discipline when you only have one child, is what I'm saying. But you shouldn't judge people with more children, who are really doing their best to cope in extremely stressful situations, because they have resorted to fear or physical force tactics to control the behaviour of their children.

[Starla]

You're making excuses for spanking ...

I just don't think it's fair for you to say that one child = easier parenting, and that people with one child don't get it... or understand, and shouldn't have a say on parenting.

[vixnix]

I have faced that sort of situation just with two children - one running out of the playground onto the street in a temper tantrum, and the other screaming and holding onto the play equipment because they don't want to leave. It's a fucking nightmare sometimes. And when you're sleep deprived because one didn't go to bed until 9:30 and the other one woke up screaming at 3:30 and didn't get back to sleep until 5:30, and the other one woke up at 6:30....and it's been like that on and off for 3 days straight - yea. Sometimes you just fucking lose it and scream at them and frighten them into doing what has to be done. There are lots of situations like that, that parents of a single child just never encounter. You know how hard parenting is, because it's so constant, it's 24/7...with more than one, you are balancing the needs and wants of more than one child 24/7, hearing them whine and complain about what the other one is getting, having them want completely different things at the same time and both crying because neither of them has the thing they want...it's fucking exhausting. And that's not even going into the reduced sleep.

My friend with four boys just lives her life in a fog because she is so tired. If she says something to her boys, she often has to know that they will obey her. She often just doesn't have the time or energy to deal with non-compliance. She doesn't have the chance to talk to them about her expectations while they're in the store, because she can only get one of them to listen at a time, or maybe two if she's lucky, and the other two will need to be reprimanded for something, hallway through her outlining her expectations to the first two.

It's a completely different kettle of fish.

[Starla]

Why are you assuming that because I have one child I've never encountered dealing with more than one child at a time, or ever in a situation that you describe?